11. Fall From Glory
Chapter 11
Fall From Glory
GLORY
“ Y ou’re making me hiiiiiiggghhhhhh!” I sing to Toni Braxton’s “You’re Makin’ Me High,” bobbing my head, pursing my lips. “Baby, baby, baby,” I sway my hips in the chair, writing on a postcard, feeling on top of the world.
How can one feel this good just from getting a man in their life? My mom must be some kind of super genius because her words surely rung true!
Have I ever felt so cared for? No, I don’t think so. Most men I dated were in the military like my father. They were all pretty decent guys, but the act was all a front. They were just putting on a show to get brownie points from my dad. It’s not that they didn’t like me. I think I’m a pretty good catch if I do say so myself…
I have it all between brains, money, and beauty. However, the one thing I do not have is the ability to give a man biological children, and for most men like Linus, that was a deal breaker and I respect that, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t hurt each time a man expressed their displeasure at my lack of fertility. It always showed how much I dodged a bullet because they didn’t give a damn about how I felt. They only spoke about how they would feel not having children.
I have always desired a man who would love me for me and make me feel like I’m enough to fill his entire world, even if we couldn’t have children. I was never opposed to adopting or caring for another man’s kids if he had some from a previous marriage or relationship… I just never wanted to feel less than for my inadequacies… I never thought I would find that, but I might have in Sir.
I haven’t told him about it yet… but he says he knows everything about, so could he possibly know that too? If so, is he only saying it’s okay because he has two kids from a previous marriage or does he really think I alone am enough for him?
I can’t answer those questions, but what I can say is I know that the man owns my heart and there’s no way I can take it back. Heck, I don’t want to take it back. I want him like Toni wanted whatever man she was singing about. If not more.
In addition, I noticed that Sir did exactly what he said he was going to do… break me and mold me to his liking.
I set the pen down, turning to look out the window of my studio, taking in the views. This feels like peace… this feels like home. I never want to leave and based on the way Sir is acting, I’m sure he feels the same. He’s so different from the other men I’ve dated and I want more of whatever this is.
Standing, I clip my Walkman onto my jeans and make sure my headphones are secure before making my way through the house to our room. I can’t help but blush at that. Our room . I’ve never lived with a man like this… my dad would never allow it, even with Linus. The most we could do was keep clothes and toiletries at each other’s places for the sake of convenience, so this feels so new. Especially since I’ve freely give in and we’ve started incorporating more of this BDSM thing.
It was rather fun telling him my do’s, don’t’s and things I’m slowly willing to explore with a bit more education on the subject matter. L…like at night… Sir and I have been sleeping together and sometimes at night, he’ll gently lift my leg up and slide into me when he thinks I’m asleep. It feels so good to know he wants me as desperately as I want him.
Actually, I’ve noticed that the smallest things I do get him going, whether people are around or not. I don’t know if Fabian and Lawrence count since they’re always around, but the few times they weren’t, it’s not like he paused or hesitated to show me just how much he desired me.
But I worry that I’m getting desensitized to what’s normal and what’s not… being with him is like discovering a new part of myself I didn’t know existed. I must admit as beautiful as it is, it’s also scary.
I place the postcard and gift for my mom on the table where the mail is so they can take it to the post office and head back to my studio and sew, but I pass by a room and backtrack when I see him pacing and holding… whoa… is that a cellular phone?
I’ve been planning on getting one for convenience, but the thought of my dad being able to reach me whenever and wherever he wants stomped that idea into the gutter. I’d just stick to my beeper, but even that I’ve barely used since I got here since my dad was sending pages every few hours. Still, I like the thought of a cellular phone so that when I do ultimately leave France in a few months, Sir and I can talk regularly.
I don’t like how they look and I believe them to be gaudy and ugly, but if I can talk to Sir, I’ll let it go. Even if I have to carry an ugly purse to hold that thing, I think it’ll be worth having one despite the cost of the plans and international calling rates. What’s a couple thousand dollars in the name of love? I go to open the door to greet him but pause when he sags against the wall.
“Idina… for fuck’s sake… I— Oh, Lilian! Hi darling, yes... daddy loves you too… yes and Robert, too,” he laughs, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yes my love, I’ll see you soon. I mis?—”
“Ms. Glory?” I hear and spin around, nearly dropping my Walkman when I see Lawrence behind me. Thankfully, Fabian catches it before it crashes on the floor.
“I… uhm… huh?” I place my hand on my chest, trying to slow my heart rate and clear my mind from what I just heard. Who did he say he missed? Was he speaking to Lilian or was he speaking Idina? I wince, feeling woozy at the thought, but Lawrence catches me.
“Are you okay? Should you go lie do?—”
“N-no… I’m fine. I j?—”
“What’s going on out—” Sir throws the door open, but the moment he sees me, his face goes white, and his jaw clenches.
“Sir… I was… I was j-just walking b?—”
“I’ll call back later,” he hangs up the phone and hands it to Lawrence, pulling me from his arms. “Are you okay, Glorious?” he coos into my ear, but I snake from his grasp and stand by myself, still trying to calm my heart.
“I… I’m fine.”
“Well, you don’t look fine. Maybe you should lie down,” he repeats Lawrence’s sentiment, but I shake my head.
“I’m okay.”
“Bu—”
“I SAID I’M OKAY!” I shout, cutting him off, and all three of them stand there watching me with curious and cautious expressions.
“I get it Princess… you’re okay, but will you at the very least eat something? You look pale.” He comes over and tries to take my hand, but I snatch it away.
“I’ll eat.” I spin on my heel, wanting to get away from that lying, cheating bastard! No wait… I pause in my tracks. I’m the one who made him a lying cheating bastard! I knew he was married and had a family. I knew this before fooling around with him yet… I clutch my stomach, squeezing my eyes shut, feeling dizzy as a strong realization hits me…
I’m the other woman… I really thought that Sir was going to get a divorce, but he’s talking to his wife like that… the mother of his children… of course they would work things out. I expected as much.
“L-let me help you down the stairs at least, Princess. You might fall and hurt yourself,” Sir rushes over, sounding desperate and scared as he takes my hand and leads me down to where the table is set for dinner.
I barely remember him pulling the chair out for me or what the food tastes like. I could have been chewing on well-done steak and I wouldn’t have known the difference. All I can do is replay what I’d heard in my head over and over as if I am listening on a cassette tape and keep flipping it. His words won’t disappear.
“Are you okay, Glorious?”
“Yep, I’m fine,” I mutter.
“Yep?” he raises a brow, setting down his utensils and glaring at me.
“Do you want to repeat that?” he growls and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Now that I know the basics of BDSM and the power exchange dynamic of he and I, I know that speaking so casually is a punishable offense, but I don’t care.
“Nope,” he sighs, pinching his nose.
“This is why I say you’re a fucking brat. You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you? You want me to spank that little arse o’ yers fer bein’ blatantly disrespectful,” he grits out and I pause swallowing, but I don’t want to give in.
“I…” He stands and abruptly picks me up, setting me into his lap and forcing me to look at him.
“Talk to me Princess, or I’ll really punish you. If something is wrong, you should tell me so I can fix it.”
“I just have a lot on my mind, is all.” I fiddle with the button on his shirt.
“Such as?” Well, he asked…
“Well, you and I discussed what our roles are and all, but we never discussed an end date…” I tell him and his entire body goes stiff.
“END?” he curls his lip, and his voice is dipped in venom. “You think this is going to end?”
“N-no… well, actually yes!” I stutter, but answer honestly. “I mean… you’re still married to the mother of your children and I?—”
“The mother of me…” he balks offended. “DU I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FECK ABOUT THAT BITCH?!” He slams his fist onto the table, startling me.
“S-Sir, I…”
“DO YOU T’INK I’VE BEEN JUS’ FECKIN’ AROUND HERE WIT’ YU?!” he seethes but his anger is misguided, and I don’t see why he’s so pissed at me when I’m only seeking the truth.
“Why are you getting angry with me when I just want to know? If you didn’t want this kind of misunderstanding, then why in the hell were you on the phone whispering sweet nothings to her and saying missed your wife?!” I shake my head and his eyes blaze in realization.
“Sweet feckin’ nothin’s, me arse was talkin’ tu me children,” he growls, voice laced with a warning.
“Sure you were.” I stand from his lap, not believing him. I know I should since he’s given me every reason to trust him, but… the thought of telling me he’ll be going back to his wife because he wants to work it out for the children is a very real possibility… and I’d be a fool to stay and wait for it.
“Princess…”
“No, don’t Princess me right now, Axil. I can’t take it…” My heart is in shambles.
“Jus’ tell me wat else I have tu do tu make yu believe me an’ I’ll du it. I’ll du wat ever it takes tu make you happy. Yer mine.”
The burning desire I have for him makes not one lick of sense. In truth, I feel insane… like I need to be committed. Honestly, if my dad found out about this, I would be committed, but he’s not here… it’s just me and Sir, and I need to set the record straight before I get hurt playing these foolish games.
“Sir,” I shake my head, holding back tears. “I can never be yours. Not when you belong to another.” Anger engulfs his entire being, scaring me as he looks like the devil reincarnate.
“GLORY, I—” But I don’t stand there and wait for him to blow up. Instead, I make my way out of the room even as he bellows my name at the top of his lungs.