13. John
13
JOHN
I drive down the beach side of the highway and take the Sleepy Slip exit. I park, then walk toward the main pier and past the bait-and-tackle shop. At the end of this row, I turn right, looking for where Micah has planted himself.
Memories flood me of Micah sitting on the dock or in a fishing boat with his grandfather. One of the only times Micah seemed truly at peace. Well, that and after an orgasm, which is why I enjoyed giving them so much.
But then there was sophomore year when Micah made a grave mistake during a fishing competition his grandfather had entered. The winning catch was determined by weight. For some reason, Micah thought it would be a good idea to insert a weighted ball inside one of the bass his grandfather caught that day, hoping it would help him win the money. It was a huge ordeal when the cheating was discovered, causing the competition to be suspended while they investigated. Because Micah fessed up immediately, he was banned from the docks instead of the authorities pressing charges.
His grandfather didn’t speak to him for days, only giving him a look that was a mix of disappointment and sadness. That was a hard time for Micah, his light dimmer than usual. I stood by him as a friend, though I couldn’t quite understand why he did it other than wanting to help his grandfather. He was lost that year, and I encouraged him to join the drama club after taking a random theater class. I don’t know what he would’ve turned to if he hadn’t found that spark again. That’s part of the reason I knew he had to leave.
I spot Micah at the end of this row, and it feels surreal that we’re even here. He’s lost in thought, staring at a once-familiar boat docked in slip number eighteen. After years of completely avoiding the area, he seems pretty comfortable leaning against a wooden post, and it takes my breath away. As I near, the expression on his face makes a lump form in my throat. Nothing is better than that look. Not even when he comes. That look means the storm inside him is momentarily settled. I never thought it was right for the fishers to banish him indefinitely. He was only a kid and made a mistake he regretted immediately.
“Well, this is a scenario I wasn’t expecting,” I say, motioning to the boat bobbing in the water.
He smirks over his shoulder. “Right?”
I sidle up to the edge of the dock, where Vitamin Sea is tied to a post, looking a bit worse for wear. She was never a pretty boat, but Grandpa Malone kept her well-loved. “What do you plan on doing with her?”
“Fixing her up so I can sell.”
I don’t know why that news disappoints me. Of course, he would sell the boat, same as he’s selling the house. “You hiring someone for that?”
“Nah, this is something I can do myself.”
“Think that’s why he did it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe your grandfather felt guilty that they kept you away from the docks.”
“I don’t know, maybe? It’s how we connected, and he knew I loved it here. Though I understand the decision. One of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.”
“Yeah, it was. But you also?—”
“Nah, no excuses. Getting in trouble with other people was one thing, but with him, it changed everything. I couldn’t stand disappointing him.”
“That’s my point. He knew that. I’m sure of it. So maybe this is his way of making sure you get out there one last time.”
I see his eyes briefly illuminate over the possibility of being out there again. “When the time comes to spread his ashes, will you come with me?”
I hesitate, but it’s only because of how my own views of being on the water have changed since my parents’ boating accident. Even now I can imagine the Coast Guard boat, the yellow tape near the towpath. Their bodies were never recovered.
He frowns as he meets my eyes. “Fuck, sorry. You haven’t been out there since…”
“No, but it’s not because I’ve been avoiding it. Just haven’t had the opportunity.”
“Not sure a funeral send-off is a good enough one for you.”
“Or maybe it is. Bite the bullet and all that. Remember them in my own way.”
He takes a step toward me. “You don’t have to, J.”
“You were there for me, and I want to be here for you.”
“All right, but it’s okay if you change your mind.” He stares off into the water. “This is painful but also exhilarating, like I’m finally allowed to do something that was taken away from me. Even though it was me who ruined it.”
“I swear it’s all part of your grandfather’s master plan.”
He chuckles. “You might be right. Maybe I’ll invite Rosie too.”
“Good idea.” I watch as he steps onto the boat and rummages around. “Thanks for coming out here.”
I smile. “So what now?”
“I dunno. Figured I’d do some cleaning.”
“Well, since you helped out at the bar, I suppose I owe you.”
Before he can object, I step onto the boat. It’s a chance to move forward. One I haven’t considered before now. Jack avoided the beach these past few years before Aaron came along and became a reassuring force. June couldn’t dodge it, given that Cain is an avid surfer. So maybe Micah being given this opportunity presents one for me too.
A couple of hours fly by as I help him wash the hull, giving it a bit of a shine despite its age.
Micah heads to the bait shop’s vending machine to get us sodas, and then we sit and sip our drinks as we catch our breath. “Thanks for the help. She’ll need another round and then some polish, but I think I’m done for now. Thought I might take her out for a test run.”
My stomach jolts. “You sure about that? Don’t go far without letting someone know where you are.”
His eyes meet mine. It’s a natural reaction after what happened to my family, but I can’t seem to help myself.
“I’ll be okay. I’ll only head to the break wall and back. You can even watch me.”
“All right.” I stand and steady myself on the handrail. As I’m about to step a foot up to safety on the dock, I change my mind. “I’ll go with you.”
His eyebrows knit together as he scrutinizes me. “Are you sure?”
“We’ll bite the bullet at the same time. It’ll be like old times.”
Not that I ever loved fishing, but I did it to be with him. Those quiet, still times had become some of my favorites with Micah.
Instead of second-guessing me, he retrieves the key from his pocket and starts the engine. It sputters on his first two tries before sparking to life.
I suck in a deep breath and brace myself.
He’s busy untying the rope at the bow, so I help with the starboard and stern. Before I know it, I’m pushing off the dock, Micah is at the wheel, and we’re pulling into the channel toward the break wall. The water is smooth in this area, which means the ride is too.
When he looks back at me with the most gorgeous smile, I’m glad I decided to stay. I force the image of the storm and my brother-in-law’s boat capsizing that day out of my mind, focusing instead on the wind in my hair and the sun on my face.
The ride is short, but it’s enough to calm my nerves about the next time. Besides, seeing Micah in his element is well worth it.