Chapter 9 #2
Because you're different. You don't want anything from me except honesty.
Yoga4Lyfe
That's all anyone should want.
StatMan12
You'd be surprised how rare that is.
We talk for another hour. He tells me about the pressure of performing when everyone's watching. I tell him about trying to prove I'm more than useful. We dance around specifics, keeping our real identities hidden, but the emotional honesty cuts deeper than any confession.
There’s something fun in texting this stranger about my life.
StatMan12
So, what? You have a list of dirty things you want to try?
My cheeks flush. The Naughty Girl Scout List sits folded in my nightstand drawer. I haven't looked at it in days but I know every word by heart.
Yoga4Lyfe
Yeah, but… the list is too embarrassing.
StatMan12
Nothing you want is embarrassing. Tell me one thing.
I close my eyes and type before I can talk myself out of it.
Yoga4Lyfe
1, let a man talk filthy to me without flinching and 2, sext until the phone dies.
The reply comes fast.
StatMan12
Please say that you want to use me to fulfill your wish list.
My breath catches.
Yoga4Lyfe
You don't even know what I look like.
StatMan12
I've seen your profile. I've talked to you enough to know you're hot. Plus, I know I'm hard just thinking about you.
Heat floods through me, settling low in my belly. My thighs press together.
Yoga4Lyfe
You can't say things like that.
StatMan12
Then stop reading.
I don't stop. I can't.
Yoga4Lyfe
What would you do to me if you were here?
StatMan12
I’d make you come at least twice with my tongue.
Yoga4Lyfe
Fuck.
StatMan12
That's next.
I gasp and cover my mouth even though I'm alone. My phone buzzes again before I can formulate a response.
StatMan12
Now tell me what you want most. Don't lie to me.
My pulse stutters. The lists flash through my mind. Let someone go down on me until I cry. Get fucked on the kitchen counter. Ride his face just because I want to.
My thumbs hover over the keyboard. Then I take a photo of the list, dropping it in the chat. I pause the moment before I hit send. What if StatMan crushes my feelings? After a half second more, I delete the photo.
Yoga4Lyfe
I want to be wanted. Not for what I can do or how I can help. I just want to be needed so badly that someone just takes me. You know?
The reply is instant.
StatMan12
I want to see that list, sweetheart. I want to know exactly what you're thinking about.
My whole body shakes. This is too much.
Yoga4Lyfe
Maybe tomorrow.
StatMan12
I'll hold you to that.
Yoga4Lyfe
You're dangerous.
StatMan12
You like dangerous.
He's not wrong. I do like it. I like feeling reckless, being wanted, acting brave enough to ask for things I've never asked for before.
StatMan12
I'll make every single thing on your list come true. I promise you that.
My breath catches in my throat. I clutch the phone tighter, pulse racing. I don't know if I believe him. Promises from a stranger behind a screen can't mean anything real.
Right now, in the dark of my room with the lists spread beside me on the bed, I let myself pretend they can.
Yoga4Lyfe
That's a big promise.
StatMan12
I don't make promises I can't keep.
Yoga4Lyfe
How would you even start?
StatMan12
By taking you apart piece by piece until you're begging me not to stop.
My thighs clench. Heat spreads through me like wildfire. I should put the phone down. Should stop this before it goes further.
Instead I type back.
Yoga4Lyfe
Keep going.
StatMan12
I'd start with my mouth. Everywhere. Your neck, your breasts, between your thighs until you're shaking. I'd make you come at least twice before I even thought about fucking you.
Yoga4Lyfe
God.
StatMan12
Then I'd take you against the nearest wall because I wouldn't be able to wait long enough to get you to a bed.
Yoga4Lyfe
This is insane.
StatMan12
You started it.
Yoga4Lyfe
I should go to bed.
StatMan12
Are you wet?
The bluntness of the question steals my breath. I should lie. Ending this conversation like a responsible adult is the only reasonable thing to do. I type my answer anyway.
Yoga4Lyfe
Yes.
StatMan12
Touch yourself. Tell me what it feels like.
My hand slides down my stomach before I can think about it. I'm already wet, have been since this conversation started. My fingers slip between my legs, exploring my slit, and I gasp.
Yoga4Lyfe
It feels good.
StatMan12
Tell me what you're thinking about.
Yoga4Lyfe
Your hands. Your mouth. You taking control and making me beg.
StatMan12
I'd make you beg so prettily. I'd make you say please until your voice broke.
My fingers move faster. I'm close already, wound too tight from a day of watching Silas move through the gym, from the tension crackling between us in this apartment, from weeks of wanting things I'm too scared to ask for.
Yoga4Lyfe
I'm close.
StatMan12
Come for me. Right now.
The command pushes me over the edge. Lightning strikes, shattering me into dust. I bite down on my fist to muffle the sound, body arching off the bed. It takes a full minute for my vision to clear, for my breathing to even out.
Yoga4Lyfe
That was...
StatMan12
That was just the beginning.
I lie there in the dark, phone still clutched in my hand, body still buzzing. I just had texting sex with a stranger. Someone I've never met. Someone who could be anyone.
Enzo's poison feels far away. The sting of Silas's rejection doesn't hurt quite as much.
Best of all, I feel alive in a way I haven't felt in years.