Chapter 43
43
N ate did me a huge favor in dragging me home for the holidays. Somehow, those last few days with all the guys there—and my bestie—made me almost forget all the horrible shit going on at school with the Devil’s Backbone Society. No creepy messages arrived from Abigail, no naked beheaded men turned up in my bed, it was just fun .
Royce claimed the other half of my bed as though our week-long ice out never happened and reasoned that it was saving me the uncomfortable decision of choosing between Heath and Carter. He wasn’t wrong, either. Both seemed totally at ease with the fact that I was attracted to both of them, and although they respected the fact we were in my mom’s home—and therefore fucking all over the house was out of the question—it didn’t stop them shamelessly flirting. Much to Nate’s disgust.
Once Royce had sobered up somewhat on Thanksgiving, he’d told us that his father—The Colonel—had simply not turned up. No call or text to let his only son know he wouldn’t be home…just never showed. While my first instinct was to check if something had happened, Max quickly assured me that this was not the first time. Nor would it be the last.
Carter refused to talk about whatever happened with his mother, but whatever had happened, it’d drastically changed things between us. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
The best part about our few days all staying at Max’s house? Heath seemed to be sleeping better. The dark circles under his eyes lightened and he just seemed to breathe easier, without the weight of his own mind smothering him constantly.
All that changed when we returned to school, though.
Thanks to my recently increased workload at the country club—which I’d volunteered for while avoiding the guys—I didn’t have any time for my study dates with Heath, or really to do anything that wasn’t work, sleep, or attend class. If not for Royce literally sharing my bed, I wouldn’t have seen any of my friends at all.
When I got back to the dorm after work a week after returning from break, I was surprised to find Nate waiting for me in my room. My locked room.
Again .
“Do you have your own key too?” I asked, folding my arms as I glared at him. We’d found some semblance of a truce during our stay at Max’s but the moment we returned, he shed his nice guy act like a seal skin. The mood swings gave me whiplash and I had zero patience for him.
Nate just gave me another of those long-suffering sighs. “Of course I do. You just worked that out? How the fuck did you earn a scholarship again?”
“Nate…fuck off. I just worked ten hours straight—” thanks to a colleague calling in sick at the last minute “—and I’m wrecked. Your petty bullying crap needs to take a break until I can sleep.”
His jaw tightened. “Yeah well, that’s sort of what this is about. Where’s Royce?”
“I told him to go home when my shift kept getting extended,” I replied with a shrug. “No sense in him waiting around for hours on end. I took an Uber home, so he could take a break from Ashley duty.” Which, technically, was not what I’d agreed to when I told him to go home. I was supposed to call him to pick me up when I finished, since he had my car.
Nate shrugged it off. “Whatever. I need you to talk to Heath.”
Worry sparked in my gut. “Why, what’s happened?”
“Nothing, yet, but…I’m concerned. We all are. He hasn’t slept more than an hour here and there all week, he’s like a zombie. Can you…just…I don’t know. Can you try talking with him or maybe convince him to sleep?”
Guilt damn near choked me. I hadn’t seen him in days, thanks to my workload, but I’d been texting. I guess it was easy for him to put on a happy face over text message. “Yeah, of course. Where is he now?”
Nate exhaled with so much relief it only increased my stress. It had to be bad if he was asking me to help. “Library, I think. He lost his shit at me earlier when I suggested he take sleeping pills and took off on his bike. He’s been crazy stressed about his Human Development assignment though, so I think he went to the library.”
I nodded, dropping my bag and crossing to my closet to grab some fresh clothes. I was still in my spa uniform, and I reeked of aromatherapy oils despite how many times I’d washed my hands. “I’ll find him,” I said, not bothering to turn away as I yanked my uniform shirt off. I was wearing a bra, and Nate had seen me in less at the pool so now wasn’t the time for false modesty.
“Jesus, Layne,” Nate muttered, scrubbing a hand over his face.
I arched a brow as I tugged a clean knit sweater on. “What?”
He shook his head and sighed, looking pained. “Nothing. Just let me know if you find him at the library? I’ll head home and see if he’s there.”
“Yeah, for sure.” I tugged my loose black trousers off and grabbed my jeans, ignoring the disgusted twist of Nate’s lips as I did so. “Has he seen Dr. Fox since we got back?” I sat on the edge of my bed to pull on some warm boots since it was frosty outside.
Nate nodded. “Twice. I don’t think it’s helping, though. If anything, he’s worse than ever this week. Like his mind is punishing him for being so happy last week. I don’t know, I’m just fucking worried. Keep me updated?”
I grabbed my coat and keys and gestured for him to leave the room ahead of me. “Of course. Tell Royce to take the night off, I’ll see if I can get Heath to sleep here.”
“If he has nightmares—” he started to warn, and I flapped my hand dismissively.
“I know, I know, wake him up and he should sleep better afterwards.”
“No,” he growled, grabbing my arm to get my attention as I stabbed the elevator call button. “He sometimes lashes out. If he thinks you’re some monster in his dream, he could hurt you.”
I blinked, confused. “I’ll skip past the obvious question of why the fuck you’d care and go straight to my answer of I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine .”
He huffed an irritated sound as we got onto the elevator. It was a quick ride to the ground floor and once outside I started in the direction of the library. Nate stopped me with that infuriating grab on my upper arm, though.
“What?” I snapped, spinning to glare at him.
His left eye twitched. “Just be careful , you reckless shithead. If you need us to help?—”
“I’ll be fine.”
I jerked my arm free of his grip and pulled my coat closed against the cold as I hauled ass across the lawn. It was just the quickest way to the library from my dorm, even if a shiver of fear ran down my spine on the way. Sunday evening was quiet on campus, but I hadn’t fully appreciated how quiet when Royce was always with me.
To my intense relief, I made it into the library without any zombies leaping out of the bushes, but when I passed through the main entry, it hit me that my hands were shaking. Not just from the cold, either, but from badly suppressed terror about being snatched by robed, masked weirdos again.
I said a polite hello to the students working on the desk, then took the stairs two at a time to get to my usual study spot where Heath and I always met.
At first, I thought the table was empty and disappointment chilled me. Then I heard ragged breathing and looked again.
“Heath!” I exclaimed, rushing over to where he sat in the corner, his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. “Hey, it’s me. What are you doing?”
His study notes and books were scattered on the floor all around him, but they looked more like he’d given up and tossed them, rather than any sort of strategic order.
“Ashley,” he exclaimed, jerking his head up from his knees. “Shit. Um. What…what are you doing here? Where’s Royce?” He looked past me, expecting to see my shadow lurking.
I stifled my gasp to see how he’d deteriorated in the past week. Those dark circles were back with a vengeance and his eyes were so bloodshot it hurt to look at him.
“Heath, why didn’t you call me sooner?” I asked with a heavy exhale of regret and guilt. Hands trembling, I started packing up his notes while he watched with confusion.
He shook his head, swiping a hand over his face. “Um, I’m okay. I was just really tired so thought maybe I’d sit on the floor. I’m okay, though, really. How was work?”
Absolutely nothing about him said he was okay other than his words and even those came out husky and weak. A wave of anger rolled through me that Nate hadn’t called me sooner. Or Carter, for that matter.
“Work was long,” I replied, stuffing all his books and notes into his bag and slinging it over my shoulder, “and I’m tired. You seem tired too. Will you stay in my room tonight?”
Heath blanched. “Where’s Royce?”
I smiled, offering him my hand and pulling him to his feet. “He got sick of me not laughing at his jokes and went home. In my defense, they just weren’t funny.”
He frowned, seeming a bit dazed. “He left you alone? That wasn’t the agreement.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, but I’d rather spend time with you, anyway. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” he said, draping his arm around me as I looped mine around his waist. “I won’t sleep, but I can keep you company until he gets over his tantrum.”
I bit my lip, holding back my worries. “That’d be great. So, tell me about what you were studying.”
That kept him talking—or mumbling—the whole walk back to my dorm, so he didn’t question the odd change of schedule with Royce any further. Once inside my room, I slipped out of my jeans and into some comfy pajama pants, quietly noting that Heath hadn’t even noticed that I’d taken my clothes off. It was concerning.
“Hey, I just got some new herbal massage oil in the mail,” I said, lying my ass off, “can I try it out on your shoulder?”
He nodded, half asleep, and took his shirt off before blinking at me with a frown. “Didn’t you just get off work? Your hands must be exhausted.”
“Nah, they’re fine. Lie down for me, honey.” I found a bottle of oil with chamomile, lavender, and neroli to promote restful sleep.
“Mmm, did you just call me honey?” he asked, stretching out on my bed face down.
I swatted his butt lightly. “Take your jeans off too.”
He arched an amused look my way. “Yes, ma’am. If you just wanted to get me naked you could have said so.”
I grinned back at him. “I won’t object. And yes, I called you honey . Because you’re as sweet as, and your name starts with H so…I dunno. I’m not great with nicknames.”
He wiggled out of his jeans, tossing them aside before getting comfortable once more. “I like it,” he mumbled with his cheek in my pillow. “If we’re using alliteration, what does that make Nate?”
I thought for only a moment. “Neanderthal, obviously.”
He chuckled. “Harsh.”
“He called me Reckless Shithead earlier so I’m being nice by comparison.” I squeezed out some oil into my hands and warmed it up before starting on Heath’s gorgeous back. “How’s that pressure?” I asked, slipping into work mode far too easily.
His answer was a long moan, and I smiled.
“That smells like lavender,” he murmured after a few minutes. “I don’t… It’s not a good idea for me to fall asleep here, Ash.”
I bit my lip, trying not to let him know how concerned I was for him. “How come? We’ve slept in the same bed before. It was nice.”
He sighed, his muscles relaxing under my hands. “The nightmares are worse. I’m…” He paused, swallowing. “I’m scared of my own mind right now.”
Fuck. That admission gutted me. I felt awful for not seeing it sooner.
“Have you spoken with Dr. Fox?” I asked gently, still massaging him without pause. If he could relax enough, he would sleep. I was sure of it.
“Mmm,” he mumbled. “He said it’s just stress.”
That made me frown. Just stress? No freaking way. Heath just confessed he was scared of his own mind but his therapist said it was just stress?
“You need a new therapist,” I said out loud.
He just hummed his response, his breathing already deepening. Good. He needed to sleep so badly it hurt me just looking at him. And if he woke with a nightmare, then I’d simply reassure him that he was safe and hopefully coax him into an actually restful sleep.
I continued to massage his tight muscles even after I was sure he’d passed out, because goddamn he was tense. His body needed it, even if he wasn’t awake to enjoy the sensation.
He’d needed me this week and I hadn’t been there. I was here now and I wasn’t going anywhere. One night’s sleep wouldn’t fix it nor would one massage, but it was a start.