Chapter 39 The Morning of the Ball
It was mid-October, and the day of the Netherfield ball had arrived at last. Elizabeth was taking breakfast in her room with Georgiana and Kitty, and the three of them spoke of the ball with anticipation.
“Lizzy, I can hardly wait to see you dressed in your new ball gown, with a golden ribbon threaded through your coiffure and wearing your new slippers,” Georgiana said. “I believe you will be the belle of the ball.”
“My dear, if I look half so well as I did for Jane’s wedding, I shall be very pleased. You have a decided eye for fashion, and I thank you for the pains you have taken in designing my gown.”
Kitty sighed. “I am glad to put aside the black weeds. It is sorrow enough to lose one’s mother, yet to be compelled to wear heavy black gowns for six months together only deepens one’s melancholy.”
Elizabeth turned to her sister. “I have been concerned for you, Kitty. How are you doing?”
“I cannot seem to overcome the sorrow, Lizzy. Our home is not the same. It is missing its heart.”
Elizabeth drew near and kissed her sister on the cheek. “You have taken our mother’s loss very hard. You were close to her.”
Kitty turned toward her sister and said, “Yes, very close. Were not we all?”
Elizabeth replied, “No, Kitty. Our mother never cared for Mary or for me. It surprises me that you did not notice.”
Kitty’s brows rose. “Are you referring to the times she would take Jane, Lydia, and me shopping in Harpenden and leave you and Mary behind?”
“She spent all the pin money on the three of you, Kitty, while Mary and I wore hand-me-downs. And mother never spoke to us, except to censure or to command. It was easy to see which way the wind blew.”
Elizabeth lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug.
“I had Papa. We spent many hours in his study discussing our favorite classical works and world events. I hardly missed our mother. When she was away shopping or paying visits, it brought me relief from her fractious temper. Yet I feel for Mary, for she had no one.”
Kitty said, “At least she is happy now. She and Mr. Collins love one another, and he is especially good to her, for he says that he owes his life to her.”
“I am glad that our sister has found happiness. Thank you for telling me, Kitty. That is a comfort to me. And to see Jane so happily settled is a state I never imagined.”
Kitty turned to Georgiana and said, “At one time, my mother attempted to arrange a match between Jane and Mr. Goulding.”
Georgiana raised a brow. “Mr. Goulding? I do not believe that I have met him.”
Elizabeth said, “And you will not. He does not attend church, so you are safe from his notice, my dear.” She turned to her sister. “Kitty, it was improper of you to introduce that subject, and I forbid you to speak of it again.”
Elizabeth’s tone was severe.
Both girls looked at her with surprise. Kitty lowered her head.
“Yes, Lizzy. I forgot myself.”
Elizabeth did not allow the matter to pass. “You are a grown woman, Kitty. You will soon be eighteen, and you must learn to govern your tongue, or you will resemble our mother. I would have you rise above such behavior.”
“Yes, Lizzy.”
Elizabeth rose from the bed. “Well, that is enough instruction from Mistress Manners for one morning. It is time to bathe and dress, for today is the day of the ball. We must discover in what manner we may assist Jane.”
When Elizabeth was dressed, she hurried downstairs and found Jane in the ballroom.
“Ah, Lizzy. Will you direct the placement of the potted trees and plants while I go to the kitchens to see how the preparations proceed?”
“Of course.”
Elizabeth had just finished instructing the gardener on the arrangement of the last group of potted trees when Mr. Darcy entered through the rear door. He wore riding clothes and paused a moment to look into the room. When he saw Elizabeth, he came forward.
“Miss Bennet, you are occupied this morning.”
His gaze took in the room. “The plants and trees are arranged tastefully, ma’am. I must commend your eye for such matters.”
“Thank you, sir. And how are you this morning?”
“Not well at all. I missed you at breakfast.”
“We took breakfast in my room, sir, at Georgiana’s request. She wished to breakfast in bed with her friends, that she might enjoy such an indulgence at least once in her life.”
“My little sister has attached herself to you, Miss Bennet, and seems quite willing to allow the neglect of her brother.”
“Oh, sir. I beg your pardon if I have deprived you of her company.”
“Not hers, ma’am. Yours. I was excluded from your circle. I waited for half an hour, and you did not appear. When I heard Miss Bingley’s voice in the hall, I made my escape.”
Elizabeth covered her mouth as she laughed. “Sir, it is most ungentlemanly of you to confess such a thing.”
“It is only the truth, Miss Bennet. I waited for you, and then I was obliged to flee. Now I find you engaged in work, and once again I am deprived of your company.”
“Sir, I had no notion that you desired my company, for most of the time you either ignore me entirely, regard me with disapproval if I say or do something you believe improper, or stand against the wall and glare in my direction.”
“That is not so, Miss Bennet. You have judged me unfairly.”
“Have I, sir? I have lived here with Jane since mid-August, and this has been the nature of your attentions. There has been very little to gratify, Mr. Darcy. I scarcely recognize you as the same gentleman I met in March. That gentleman was amiable and caring. What have I done to turn you against me, sir?”
He made no reply, but looked at her intently, the color rising along his cheekbones.
Then she added, with a wry smile, “The only person who has found your censure of me delightful is Miss Bingley. She has been much entertained.” But when she looked at him, there was a bright sparkle in her eyes.
“Indeed, sir, I would be far better advised to take all my meals upon a tray in my room, if only to spare myself your reproofs and Miss Bingley’s barbed remarks and evident satisfaction when she witnesses the manner in which you correct me.”
Again, his complexion deepened. “Miss Bennet, I offer my apology if that is how you have understood my conduct. I did not intend to demean you in any manner.”
She raised a brow. “Is that so? Then your remark at dinner yesterday concerning my fondness for walking was not meant as a rebuke, sir?”
He reflected upon her words. “My remark at dinner? I do not recall delivering any rebuke to you, ma’am.”
She laughed. “You do not recall it? That is even worse, sir.” She searched his eyes and saw the truth there. He did not remember.
“Mr. Darcy, you remarked that a young lady who chooses to walk alone displays a remarkable want of refinement and indulges in a form of eccentricity which cannot be overlooked by persons of good breeding.”
Mr. Darcy smiled, and Elizabeth thought the expression carried a measure of condescension.
“But that is not a rebuke, Miss Bennet,” he said. “It is merely the truth. I confess that I am surprised your father permits you to roam amok as you do. It displays an exertion that is unladylike and a want of refinement which I cannot overlook.”
Frustration at his rigid expectations flamed in her breast. During the weeks she had resided at Netherfield, she had often been the object of his censure and correction.
It was true that he had also shown her marked attention and had treated her with a certain possessiveness that had raised her hopes, for surely a gentleman would not claim a lady so openly if he did not intend to offer for her.
Yet he had not done so, and from his continued silence, she had finally understood that he would never lower himself to marry a woman like her, even if he found her pleasing.
Shame reddened her cheeks. Though she knew she would never be his choice, she had not returned to Longbourn, for she had come to love him, and knowing he would soon leave Hertfordshire and her life forever, she wished to remain near him as long as she might.
Thus, she suppressed her disappointment and chose instead to laugh and continue her teasing.
“Then, sir, I should refrain from telling you that when I am at home I run along the hills each morning at sunrise, and I am pleased to report that I find such unladylike exertion extremely beneficial to my health and spirits.”
His brows drew together, and he offered no indulgence. Her remark had provoked him; perceiving it, she gave a quick curtsy and quitted him before he could deliver further reproof. It was very evident to her that they did not suit.
That evening, the three young ladies descended the stairs together. Elizabeth and Kitty were dressed in fine white muslin gowns, designed to enhance the comeliness of their forms. Georgiana wore an ice blue silk gown and a diamond pendant, a gift from her brother.
Mr. Darcy stood at the foot of the stairs. He bowed over his sister’s hand.
“You look lovely, my dear. Remember that you will dance only with members of our party. That includes Mr. Gardiner, yet you must refuse every other gentleman, since you are not yet out. Mrs. Gardiner has agreed that you and Kitty may remain at her side.”
“Yes, Brother, I understand. Thank you for permitting me to attend.”
When Georgiana passed down the hall arm-in-arm with Kitty, Darcy turned toward Elizabeth.
“I confess, Miss Bennet, that I do not feel very charitable toward you this evening. You displayed a decided want of propriety when you walked away from me this morning.”
Elizabeth dropped a curtsy.
“Sir, I could see that you were not pleased with my company this morning, and it appears that you are no better disposed toward me this evening, so I shall excuse myself.”
“Miss Bennet, you will reserve the supper set for me.”
She did not meet his eyes. “Yes, sir.”
As she turned to walk away, he said, “Allow me to escort you in to dinner.”
He offered his arm, and she placed her hand upon it and accompanied him into the dining room.