Chapter 10 #2
“Kind of unfair for you to assume that,” I said, and I heard the edge in my voice, which wasn’t what she deserved, so I took a breath and gave her the plain version instead because it was easier to say it than to keep dodging.
“I grew up in an orphanage. Nobody ever picked me, nobody even gave me a chance, and by the time I understood how the whole thing worked, I’d already decided not to expect anything from anyone.
So when I turned eighteen, I got myself a simple job and a small apartment, and that was that.
I’m not telling you this for sympathy,” I added, keeping my voice steady.
“It explains why I am the man I am today.”
“That makes sense,” she said, and after a beat, she looked down at her hands and then back up at me.
“I don’t really have a family either. My dad left early and dipped in and out when it suited him, my mom was around but not really there, and we were fine on paper.
Still, it wasn’t a house where anyone asked how you were or noticed if you were quiet for a week, so I learned to do things alone and to keep the peace, and I guess I carried that quietness into my relationship with Joey where I didn’t have a say and just accepted things the way they were. ”
“Okay,” I said, not pushing it further, because the point wasn’t to trade tragedies like Pokémon cards. “So we can somewhat relate to each other’s pasts.”
“Yeah. Good to know,” she said, letting out a small breath. “I didn’t mean to assume. I just…felt like we have some things in common, and we clearly do.”
“Guess so.” A smile tugged at my lips, but I lost it when I realized that she was still unsure about me.
“Listen,” I said, wanting to reach for her hand again, but stopped myself just in time.
“I know what I did wasn’t okay. Wanting to kill those guys and having them accidentally kill themselves…
that wasn’t very humane of me. I know writing a kill list isn’t the right way to deal with trauma, but I have to say that I do feel better about everything now that it's done. Although knowing Joey is still walking this earth without consequences annoys the shit out of me. Especially because of all the things he’s done to you. ”
Her lips twitched. “You don’t know what he’s done to me.”
Fair enough.
I didn’t know shit, but I knew he hurt her.
“No, I don’t,” I said instead of pushing her to open up about it. If she wanted to tell me, she would. Though knowing the details would only make me angrier, and maybe then I would actually go through with killing him.
Maybe it was for the best not to know. All I needed to be sure of was that she was happy now.
We let the quiet sit for a while, and when it felt like we could move again, I gave her a half-smile. “For what it’s worth…we’ve found each other, and I’m really glad about that.”
I watched her study me, then she scrunched her nose. “Be honest with me, Sly.”
“Always.”
“You can’t seriously be this infatuated with me.”
I tilted my head. “Why not? You’re a beautiful woman.”
“Thanks, but that’s not what I mean. Don’t you think the way we met is messing with your head? Like you feel responsible, so you think you have to look after me or keep…being interested.”
It was a fair question. I had asked that myself a few times before.
But what I landed on was not what she thought.
“I don’t like you out of guilt. I like you because my heart almost exploded in my chest the moment I first saw you.
And I want to make sure you’re okay because you’re the first person I ever cared about.
And I know it sounds cliché or like a lie, but I’m an honest man. ”
I was rarely this serious, but I needed her to understand just how much I meant the words I said.
She held my gaze. She was being careful, which I didn’t judge her for. “I don’t want to be anyone’s project. I don’t want to be your redemption arc.”
“You won’t be,” I said. “And I told you before that I will give you all the time and space you need—”
“Yet, you kept stalking me.”
My jaw ticked. “I stalked you with respect.”
That got a real laugh out of her. My heart started to do flips as I watched her throw her head back, exposing her elegant neck. Her long hair fell over her shoulders, and her eyes met mine again. I knew I was done for.
That was it. If I hadn’t fallen in love with her back at the crime scene, I definitely fell now.
“Damn it,” I muttered. “You’d be perfect to tick that off my bucket list.”
“You have a bucket list?” She asked, brows lifting. “Was a kill list not enough?”
And she was mocking me. Yeah, I had to make her mine.
“No.” I grinned and kept my eyes on hers.
“And what thing would I be perfect for?”
The conversation had already moved on from the serious topic we'd just discussed, but I was fine with that. I liked this too. The honesty and openness. Her laugh. Fuck…her perfect laugh.
I pressed my lips together, ready to expose what #2 on my bucket list was. “A hot make-out session to Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon.”