Chapter 6
Chapter Six
T he past
He’s having one of his episodes again. My husband. Each morning, I wake up and pray that today will be different. Today will be the day that he comes back. The man I married. Because the one lying next to me right now… he is not the sweet, gentle man I knew.
Am I na?ve? To think that he’s still in there. That there is still hope he’ll come back?
When I first met Giovanni, he was everything I could ever dream of. Handsome, caring, attentive… and, like I said, gentle . He showed me love. I’d never had anyone show me the kind of love this man used to show me.
Then something happened. It wasn’t overnight. It wasn’t instant. But he changed. And eventually, my husband became someone I didn’t recognise. Someone I feared.
I lie still. If I don’t move, he won’t wake up, and I can have a few more minutes of silence. The boys are all sleeping. The baby kept me up late last night. Vin’s fussy and very attached. More so than my other four boys ever were.
“Mummy, are you awake?” my eldest son whispers as he pops up beside my bed.
I look over at him. I don’t know how he gets in here without me noticing. Kid is like a little ninja. I place a finger over my mouth, indicating for him to be quiet, and slowly slide out of bed. Because now that Gio’s in here, I really don’t want to wake my husband.
I know I’ll pay for this later, for leaving the bed before him . But better me than my son.
I take Gio’s hand and we both tiptoe out of the room. The door creaks as I open it. Which has me wondering how the hell he sneaked in here all over again?
I look back over a shoulder and see Giovanni stir. “I’ll come find you. Go hide,” I whisper to my son and shut the door as quietly as I can.
It’s too late, though. By the time I make it back to the bed, Giovanni is awake. He sits up and narrows his glare at me. And I know today is not the day I get my husband back. I sigh. I’m stupid for even thinking that I’m ever going to see the man I fell in love with again. Whoever he was, he’s gone. He’s not ever coming back.
“What are you doing?” he grunts at me.
“I needed the bathroom,” I lie. I will not tell him that Gio was in here. I won’t let anything touch my children.
“Liar. The bathroom isn’t through that door,” Giovanni says while pushing out of bed.
“No… I know… I just… I got confused,” I stutter. My heart picks up speed. I know there is no escaping his wrath. If he chooses to lash out at me, then I can’t stop him. That’s something I’ve come to accept.
It’s a small price to pay to be with my boys. I can’t leave them. They need me. I need them. All the beatings, the abuse… it’s a small price to pay to have my children.
“You got confused? You’re doing that a lot lately, Mary,” Giovanni says. His steps are slow, measured, until he reaches me.
My back presses up against the wall. “I… I was up late with Vin. He wouldn’t settle.”
Something runs through my husband’s head. Something unsettles him. I see the darkness wash over his eyes. Something I said really pissed him off. I try to recall my words, figure out what it was that set him off this time.
Before I can do that, his hand swipes out. Connecting with my cheek, then quickly wrapping around my throat. “It’s your fault, Mary. You spoil the kid. You reap what you sow.”
“He’s…” My voice cuts off as Giovanni squeezes harder.
“Your fault,” he sneers at me.
I try to nod my head. Because it’s always better to agree with him. I used to try to argue, to reason even. I quickly learnt that it was pointless. It doesn’t matter what I say. My husband is never wrong, and that is final.
“You have nannies. Have them take care of him from now on. You’re not to be up late,” Giovanni says, releasing some of the pressure he has on my throat.
“Okay,” I agree again, because what other choice do I have?
Giovanni lets go of me and I fall to the ground, gasping for air. The door slams closed behind him when he walks into the bathroom.
I’ve thought about leaving. What that would look like. He’d never let me, though. And even if I tried, I doubt I’d get far.
My husband has eyes and ears all over this city. He has me followed 24/7. And the guards, they’re loyal to him. I’ve never been brave enough to test if any of them would help me. I know it would be pointless.
Then there’s the fact that Giovanni would never let the boys go. He’s breeding an army. Blood loyalty. He told me once in a drunken rampage that he needed more sons because sons would be loyal to him and him alone.
I pray that my boys grow up to be decent men. Whatever they end up having to do for my husband, for this family, I pray that they will know love. That they won’t lose their minds and become like their father. And the only way I can guarantee that is by sticking around. I need to stay.
I need to endure all of this, so that my boys can grow up knowing love. I have enough of it inside me for all of them. If I’m the only person to ever show them love, it will be enough. Because I love them more than myself, more than I ever thought possible.
I push to my feet, walk over to the bed, and start the process of making it. We have maids, but they’re not allowed in this room. This room is my responsibility. I have to take care of it. It’s Giovanni sanctuary. Honestly, at this point, I’m surprised I’m still allowed in here. It’s not like he needs me for anything. I’m not stupid. I know my husband’s desires are met elsewhere. The only time he seeks me out is when he’s decided it’s time for another child.