Chapter 19
“Siying, what do you—”
“We should help the villagers clean up,” I interrupted Ren, unable to look him in the eye.
How would I explain to him that Master Zhang’s qi hadn’t been enough to restore his life force, as we’d hoped?
How could I tell him that I was out of ideas for where to find another spirit to purify?
I was supposed to handle everything, so he and my father could both be saved. And yet I was more behind than ever.
But Ren seemed to read my mind anyway, because he placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “You’re right. We should stay to help clean this mess.”
Several villagers had already begun spreading out in groups to assess and tackle the damage.
I nodded and walked away to throw myself into the mindless, monotonous work of cleaning up Xiatang’s marketplace to avoid the suffocating feeling of failure.
I gathered broken wood and swept aside shattered pottery.
I even helped a farmer locate his missing goats, wandering the nearby fields to find them.
Eventually, however, there was little left we could do and even less remaining time to waste.
“Mistress Kang,” Feilin said, approaching me as I finished locking the goats back in their pen. “You’ve stayed for over an hour. You and Prince Renshu should hurry and finish your journey.”
“But how can we leave your village like this?” I said, ashamed.
She smiled. “Don’t worry—we’ll be fine. You’re short on time, aren’t you? Trust us to take care of the rest, and go before it’s too late.”
I couldn’t argue with her words, so I nodded, still feeling guilty. After finding Ren, we exchanged brief goodbyes with the Li family, then returned to the road, heading northeast toward Baimu just as the sun began to set.
Ren stayed silent for the first few hours. But as the moon shone brighter against the deepening black of the sky, he broke the quiet.
“Could we rest for a moment?” he asked, footsteps slowing.
Instantly worried, I lifted the Fu talisman that I’d replaced on his head and examined his face in the dim lighting. “What’s the matter? Do you feel ill?”
“No,” he said. “I was just afraid you’d become mute.”
I dropped the talisman, huffing. “Don’t joke right now. Your qi…”
“Forgive me.” He smothered his grin. “The truth is I do feel tired. I only need to sit for a bit.”
I nodded, my concern returning, and guided us to a flat meadow beside the road. It was too cold for snakes and mice to be out, so I didn’t care about disturbing the grass. While Ren crossed his legs on the ground, I set down my lantern and dug through my bag for some bread.
I tore off a piece of mantou and held it out. “Here, eat this.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You need energy,” I said. “Or would you prefer to chew on a piece of ginseng?”
“How dare you exploit my weakness?” he said, but he accepted the bread without further complaint.
I took a seat beside him, studying his face. “Explain your tiredness. Is your body sore? Do you feel drowsy?”
He swallowed and said, “A bit of both? I think it’s caught up to me—all the exertion when my qi isn’t yet fully recovered. But I just need some rest, and then I’ll be ready to resume our journey.”
“I don’t believe rest will be enough, Ren.” I chewed the inside of my cheek, thinking. “I can see if there are any evil spirits around.”
“That would waste too much time,” he disagreed. “You and I both need to reach the capital as soon as possible. I have a seal to return and minds to change. You have your father, who needs medical help.”
His mention of the seal made me uncomfortable. I remembered what Master Zhang had said about the first prince’s involvement with the grave of traitors. But before I could decide whether to bring up the topic with Ren, my mind snagged on the grave itself.
“What about the grave of traitors?” I said. “They all died unjust deaths. If I can purify their trapped spirits—”
“No.” Ren gave me an uncharacteristically stern look.
“I’ll not take advantage of those souls.
They aren’t just bound to this earth, Siying.
They’re bound to a place far from home. Now I promised to ensure their peaceful return.
That includes both their bodies and their spirits.
What happens after is up to the families and priests. ”
I scowled. “Why are you so considerate at the worst possible time?”
He picked at the mantou in his hands, a kindness from Li Feilin. “It’s different once you know the truth behind the stories. Isn’t that why you sympathized with Yuyan, and even Master Zhang? You might not admit it, but I know you purified their spirits not just for my sake but for theirs.”
I drew my knees to my chest and propped my chin on folded arms. “I could do the same for these spirits from Xiatang.”
Ren shook his head. “Not until they’ve reunited with their loved ones.”
“By then it’ll be too late,” I argued. “Even if I were to go to the grave of traitors right now and illegally guide them home, you might be dead by the time I purify them.”
He stared at me. “Could you truly guide that many bodies at once?”
“Well, it’d take quite a bit of willpower. I reanimated a small group at Jing Mansion—” I halted, realizing he’d distracted me. “But that’s not the point! The point is how to fill your qi.”
He held up his hands. “Listen, Siying. Here’s what we’ll do.
We’ll continue with our original plan and head for Baimu.
Once I’ve brought the royal seal back to Hulin, we can figure out what to do about my qi.
Of course, if a solution isn’t possible, I’ll still pay you the amount we agreed upon.
Considering how you gave it everything you could, you’ve rightly earned it. ”
“The money isn’t important right now.” I glared at the grass by my feet. “I know you’re a prince, but why must you be so stubborn?”
“Why are you so upset?”
My arms dropped from my knees as I turned to face him. “Because I care about you, you fool!”
He paused. I immediately wished I could yank back my words.
It’d been a long time since I’d cared about anyone but my family, since I’d confessed such a thing out loud.
Besides them, Mistress Ming was perhaps the closest friend I had.
To care for another person was frightening, vulnerable.
It meant another thing for my heart to lose.
And now I’d gone and grown fond of someone challenging death itself.
Ren tilted his head to catch my eye, his smile returning. “And here I thought I was just a walking treasure chest to you.”
I turned away from him, annoyed. “I’m in no mood for your teasing.”
“All right, I’m sorry.” He reached over to tug lightly on my braid. “But you can’t control everything, Siying, much as you want to. Some things can’t be bent simply because you will it. Learning to let go and relax is important too.”
I clutched the fabric of my skirt. “You don’t understand.”
“Of course I understand—”
“No, you don’t!” I snapped, warmth flaring up in my chest as I glowered at him. “I can’t just let go and relax. I’m not like you.”
He frowned, his hand dropping from my hair. “So you’ll drive yourself mad trying to fix something that might be unfixable?”
“If that’s the price of me saving those I care about, yes.”
“That’s a terrible mindset.”
I laughed harshly. “You’ve no idea the burdens I carry, the sacrifices I’ve made. My life means nothing without my family, the people I love. I’ll do anything, risk anything, for them. Perhaps that may seem controlling to you, but at least I’m willing to try.”
The moment I spat those last words, I regretted them. Ren winced at my accusation, his gaze flitting away.
It was true that his disinterest in political affairs had irritated me at the start.
Besides wanting to investigate his mother’s death, he seemed to care little about the royal family’s business.
I’d thought him privileged and selfish. But after spending time with him, I’d realized he wasn’t selfish at all.
Lonely, insecure, and afraid, yes. But he did care.
I shouldn’t have lost my temper, especially when he hadn’t intended to offend. I was just so tired of being judged for doing the hard thing.
But perhaps he was tired too.
I grimaced, preparing to apologize. Before I could say a single word, however, Ren faced me again.
“You’re right,” he said, smiling wanly. “You’re much stronger and braver than I in so many ways. But that’s why I’m not worried about my qi. As I said before, I trust you, Siying. I trust that even if things appear bleak now, we’ll find a solution—the right one—together.”
“How can you trust me so much?”
“Because you’re the most responsible person I know.” He swept a loose strand of hair behind my ear, the gesture unexpectedly tender. “You’re driven, relentless, and shrewd. I wouldn’t feel safer in anyone else’s hands.”
Despite the autumn chill, my entire body was suddenly very warm.
I became hyperaware of the pulse in my chest, the intake of my every breath—and Ren’s.
Had he always been sitting so close? Why was I suddenly itching to touch the light-brown mole by his eye?
Heavens. How many seconds had passed since he finished speaking?
I cleared my throat and said, “I think you’re calling me bull-headed.”
He shrugged. “We’re both bullheaded, to be honest. I’m sorry if I made you feel as if I don’t appreciate your efforts, because I do.”
I plucked the grass by my thigh, the apology feeling foreign on my tongue. “I’m sorry for yelling.”
He smirked. “I found your yelling rather refreshing. You’re usually so cold and quiet, which makes you difficult to read.”
He held my eyes as if he were trying to read me now. I had a strange suspicion that he’d succeed if given the chance. A part of me almost wanted to let him—which was more startling than the idea of being exposed.
I broke my gaze from his and dusted invisible dirt from my sleeves. More authoritatively, I said, “Since you’ve put so much faith in me, we’d best resume our journey and make the most of our time. Are you rested enough to continue?”
He nodded, the lantern’s light flickering across his visible eye.
We walked for another hour or so, the breeze whistling through the reeds on either side of the road.
Tree-shaped black silhouettes stood flush against the distant skyline.
Mount Long’s hulking ridge gradually appeared to the west, signaling our progress.
I maintained a brisk pace but monitored Ren’s movements for signs of discomfort.
At first, he filled the nighttime silence with anecdotes from his childhood, just to pass the time. But too soon, his voice faded, and he began avoiding my eyes whenever I turned, as if afraid I’d see the exhaustion written across his face.
I said nothing, not wanting to alarm him further. Instead, I gripped my peach staff, prepared to give a command should his footsteps falter.
At one point, a sudden gust cut through the road, jarring the iron bells. They chimed loudly, making me wince. I turned and saw Ren standing with his hand on the back of his neck, his shoulders drooping with fatigue. Worry sliced my stomach.
“Ren,” I said, touching his elbow. “Do you need to stop—”
We both tensed at the distinct hiss of a blade being drawn from its sheath.
I raised my head to see my lantern reflecting off a silver sword pointed at my chest. My eyes flicked up to its owner, a figure dressed in brown and black, her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and the lower half of her face covered by a mask.
Despite the disguise, I recognized those piercing eyes.
“You again?” I growled. “When will you stop following us?”
“When you’ve given me the Sian prince.”
“I told you, I don’t have—”
“Stop lying,” the Wen soldier interrupted. “Everything about that boy is suspicious. Either he’s the missing prince or your magic is stronger than most, priestess.”
“You’re in Sian now,” I said. “You can’t hurt us without consequences.”
The woman took a step forward, sword raised. “Do you want to test me?”
“Stop!” Ren placed a hand on my shoulder and nudged me back. I noticed how heavy his hold was, as if he was struggling to remain standing. To the Wen soldier, he said, “Why do you want the prince? What do you intend to do?”
“That’s for my governor to decide,” she said. “Do you confess to who you are?”
“If I do, will you leave Siying alone?”
The soldier glanced between us, her gaze calculating. After a moment, she replied, “No. She committed a crime by entering Wen under false pretenses and smuggling you out. She must take responsibility as well.”
“What—”
The soldier looked past us and nodded. “Restrain them.”
I whirled around, catching a glimpse of two other soldiers behind us.
But it was too late. Quicker than a whip, someone bound my arms to my body with rope and blocked out the night sky with a sack over my head.
When I protested, I felt a hand grab the back of my neck, hard, and heard the soldier’s voice snap, “Make another sound and I’ll run this sword through that prince’s heart. ”
I clamped my lips shut, fearing that Ren would collapse from both stress and his weakening qi. Perhaps he’d already fainted, considering his sudden silence. I was half tempted to fight my way free and make sure he was all right. But I didn’t want to risk the soldier’s threat.
The peach staff was wrenched from my helpless hand, the lantern having fallen when we were attacked. Someone shoved me forward, then dragged my knees onto what felt like a farmer’s cart. A moment later, I gasped as the vehicle lurched forward. My shoulder bumped against something softer than wood.
“Ren?” I whispered hopefully.
He gave no response, though I thought I recognized his sigh. At least he was alive.
But where were the Wen soldiers taking us?