Chapter 22 #3
Because only one of us wants you alive, I thought.
But saying it aloud would just provoke him, maybe even turn him against me.
And, truthfully, it’d break his heart. So instead I said quickly, “At least test your brother before you decide to give him the seal. Ask him about the things I mentioned. Ask for his honesty, and then determine whether you find him trustworthy or not. Could you do that for me? Please?”
For a moment, I thought he’d continue to resist. He looked at me with such hurt. But we were equally stubborn, and I knew that he knew it. Should he refuse, I’d only continue to press. And this time, I wouldn’t back down.
After a prolonged silence, he sighed and begrudgingly said, “I’ll talk to him. But if you’re wrong, Siying, you must accept my decision.”
Ren insisted on meeting with Liqin alone, so I suggested they use the study. As a precaution, I asked Anshi to linger in the corridor should anything happen. The governor’s assistant was all too willing to comply.
I felt simultaneously comforted and unsettled by Anshi’s presence. Sometimes it really seemed as if we were allies; other times, I remembered I couldn’t trust her too much.
While the brothers talked, I was able, at last, to hurry to the kitchen, where my family waited.
A kettle sat on the stove, its contents heating. Lilan stood by the counter, pulling tea leaves from a jar. Baba sat at the table where we usually ate breakfast, reading a collection of poems. He looked up when I entered, the sight of his face causing my heart to squeeze.
“Daughter,” he greeted, his voice thinner than I remembered. “Your sister told me you returned. Why didn’t you come to greet me earlier?”
“I had some business to take care of,” I said apologetically, dropping into the chair beside him and clasping his hand. It was warmer and more solid than in my dreams. “How are you feeling, Baba?”
He looked much scrawnier than I would’ve liked, his gray robe hanging too loosely over his drooping shoulders. There was more white than black in his hair, and his smile was only as bright as a clouded sun.
“Strong enough,” he said, making a show of patting his bicep. He glanced down at my splinted wrist and frowned. “But what happened to you, daughter? Are you hurt?”
I pulled back my arm and slid it under the table, on my lap. “Just twisted it a bit, but it’s recovering. I’m more concerned about you.”
“Don’t be,” he said. “I’m recovering too.”
I studied the shadows beneath his eyes, not believing a single word. “The job is nearly done, Baba. Just some final strings to tie up. Once everything is over and I’m paid, I’ll take you to the capital and find you the best physician there is.”
“You needn’t do that. I’m fine.”
“That was the entire point of me taking this job,” I said. “And you’re not fine. You were lying in bed sick when I left, remember?”
He clucked his tongue. “Ah, you fret too much. I was just tired that day. I haven’t fainted since. Isn’t that right, Lilan?”
“Yes, Baba.” Lilan paused. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t need a doctor.”
He shook his head, exasperated. “Why are you two ganging up against me? I’m more worried about you, Siying. Two princes under our roof? Just what happened on your journey?”
“It’s a long story,” I said, stomach twinging at the thought of Ren. Thank the gods my body wasn’t betraying me with a blush. “But I do need your advice, Baba.”
He arched a brow. “Finally seeking my wisdom, eh? Well, then. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I looked at my father and sister, the two people I trusted most in the world, and decided to speak the truth. I told them everything that’d happened with Ren’s reanimation spell, the evil spirits we’d faced, and my failure to fully warm the mala beads.
“He won’t permit me to give him my qi,” I said, “because he’s afraid it’ll hurt me. But I don’t know what else to do. I fear he doesn’t have enough time for me to find another spirit to purify.”
“Hmm.” My father scratched his jaw, thinking out loud. “It’s true that your lack of experience could prove dangerous should you give him any more qi. Does the boy have to live?”
“Baba!”
He laughed. “I’m only joking, daughter. You need a sense of humor when working with death, else you’ll drive yourself mad.”
I wondered if he would still joke if he knew how Ren had confessed his feelings to me within the past hour—and I’d nearly done the same. I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about that yet. Perhaps not even Ren.
“That’s not the type of advice I had in mind,” I said, disliking the topic of death when it hovered so close. “Really, Baba. What do you think I should do?”
“The only thing you can do in the limited time you have is to give him qi from a living human,” he said. “But that’s clearly not plausible. And from the way you talk about this prince, he isn’t the kind of person who’d be willing to sacrifice another’s life for his own.”
“So it’s hopeless,” I said, rubbing my forehead.
“Not hopeless.” He squeezed my hand. “We’ll figure out a solution together. I believe I have several texts on qi manipulation stored away somewhere. I’ll search them tonight for a possible answer.”
“I’ll do it,” I said. “You need rest.”
“On the contrary, it’s you who needs rest.” He glanced at Lilan. “Wouldn’t you agree that your sister looks rather haggard?”
Lilan bit her lip, failing to hide her smile. “I didn’t want to say anything.”
“Now who’s ganging up on whom?” I protested. But beneath my offended act, I warmed at my family’s presence. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed their bantering.
Lilan removed the whistling kettle from the fire and poured the boiling water into a teapot containing oolong leaves.
“Who’s that for?” I asked.
“Prince Liqin asked me to bring tea to the study.”
I stood, wondering how Ren’s conversation with his brother was going. “I’ll bring it for you.”
“No,” Baba said, touching my shoulder. “No more distractions. You must sleep for a few hours at the very least.”
“But, Baba—”
“Sleep,” he insisted. “Then come and help me read through the texts. You’re of no use to the prince while exhausted.”
I thought about arguing, then realized he was right. The day’s events weighed down on me like gradually gathered stones, and I knew I’d be unable to comprehend anything I read. Perhaps some repose would help, as Baba said.
As for Ren and his brother, Anshi or Lilan would alert me should anything important happen. My room was just around the corner from the study.
“All right,” I murmured reluctantly. “But only for a moment.”
I fell asleep almost instantly and was soon plagued by nightmares of dying men and angry ghosts. I dreamed of walking across the bridge to the afterlife, then being shoved over the edge by invisible hands and plummeting into an eternal abyss.
Through the mist, I saw my mother’s face screaming desperately at me, but I couldn’t hear the words. I stretched out my arm, ears straining for the smallest sound.
The wind whistled past me, and in its cries, I thought I heard my own name.
Kang Siying.
I turned and recognized Liu Chunhua floating beside me. Tears streaked her dirt-stained face, bleeding into the bruises around her throat. It’s not your fault, her voice echoed. Remember that. It’s not your fault.
But can you truly forgive? hissed a new voice.
I flinched as Chunhua’s face flickered into Yuyan’s sneering one. Blood covered her lips and gaping neck, her fingernails like claws as they reached for me. I jerked away.
You made our choice, the shamaness said. What will yours be?
I don’t understand what you mean! I wanted to scream, but my lungs couldn’t find the air to breathe, let alone speak. I could only squeeze my eyes shut, wondering if I’d fall forever, trapped here with the souls of the wronged.
But then I heard my name again. No, not my name. My title as Lilan’s older sister.
“Jie!”
My eyes flew open, then immediately narrowed at the candlelight trembling above me. I peered past the flame to Lilan’s wide-eyed gaze, my mind still shaking off the remnants of my dream. Why did my sister look so terrified? Had she somehow seen my nightmare?
I pushed myself onto my elbows and found my voice. “What is it?”
“B-Baba,” Lilan said, on the verge of tears. “He’s c-collapsed again. But it’s different this time. H-He seems to be in pain, and I don’t know w-what to do—”
“What do you mean by pain?” I asked, swinging my legs over the bed, pulse jolting.
But Lilan only shook her head, biting her lip to keep from sobbing.
“Where is he?” I gripped her shoulders. “His room?”
She nodded.
“Go fetch Doctor Chen,” I ordered, already halfway out the door. The rain was still pouring steadily outside. “Now!”
As I raced to my father’s chamber, one thought ricocheted through my skull: I never should’ve fallen asleep.