Chapter 26 Sephtis
Sephtis
I could already see the defiance in his eyes before I’d even mentioned what we needed to do. When was he going to realize that there was no world where I’d let him suffer, even if it meant keeping other people alive?
When was Cole going to realize that I didn’t have a soul in the same way he did, and I was willing to completely compromise mine as long as it meant he was safe?
“There has to be something else we can do. There are so many books here, Sephtis. There has to be answers in one of them other than… than…” Cole’s face paled, and I wasn’t sure if it was because his body was catching up with the fact that it was suddenly running close to empty, or if it was the thought of what had happened the last time he’d felt this way.
“If it’s here, we haven’t found it yet, Cole.” I walked around the couch, and he was up and moving before I had a chance to get to him, like he was afraid I was going to spring out the door without warning, or disappear to commit murder without giving him a chance to speak.
It probably would have been easier—it would have been better than him watching, begging me not to. It seemed to be the one thing he kept asking for that I couldn’t give.
Instead, I took a breath and extended my hand to him.
“What are you doing?” He sounded cautious when he asked, but he stepped forward and laced his fingers through mine without hesitation.
Whether he actually wanted to hold my hand or make sure I stayed here and didn’t run off to kill someone was another matter altogether.
The feel of his palm, warm and sweet in mine, was nearly enough to make me forget the problem at hand.
Nearly.
If he hadn’t swayed when he moved, stumbling against me in proof that he was growing weaker by the second…
“We’re going to go talk to Gethin. I don’t want to leave this barrier, but maybe there’s a way to take the protection with us. Either way…” My fingers were careful when they lifted, soft when they smoothed his hair back from his forehead. “We need to take care of this.”
The haunted expression that chased through his gaze told me he hadn’t forgotten the last time we’d taken care of his problem.
And it told me he wasn’t going to let me do it for him this time any more than he had then.
At least Gethin was in his house when we knocked on the door, though the sound of rustling with no response made me wonder whether he was going to answer. After a minute—and Cole leaning forward to knock harder than I had—there was finally a shout.
“Fuck’s sake, give me a minute. I’m not burning my dinner for you.
” He was already retreating back to the stove by the time we came into his little cabin and closed the door, not even paying attention to us as we stepped into the room.
Beside me, Cole was still a little unsteady, though leaning against me seemed to help.
“Exactly how much did Wren tell you about our situation?” I’d heard the conversation they’d had, but there was every chance they’d talked more since then. Gethin had mentioned things like psychic vampire, so I had to imagine he knew more than he should have.
“Enough to know that your little boyfriend looking that pale means there’s probably no point in me offering to share this breakfast casserole. I’m guessing he needs something else to eat, right?”
Something else.
It wasn’t really that simple… and yet Gethin was talking about killing someone like it was the same as carefully stirring the food he was paying attention to instead of looking at us. Out of everyone we could have come to, at least he wouldn’t judge us.
“I don’t want your shitty bacon anyway,” Cole grumbled under his breath, and Gethin actually turned and threw him a dirty look over his shoulder.
“Look, I know you’re going through a lot… what with the whole getting thrown into a supernatural world and getting stalked by Death shit… but don’t insult my food. You’ve been eating it, haven’t you?”
It was ridiculous. We both stood in silence as he finished what he was doing and then turned to look at us.
“Look, the way I see it, you have a problem… and while I usually wouldn’t give a shit…” He sighed, wiping his hands on his jeans and looking Cole over. “I don’t know. You’re kind of pathetic and it makes me feel bad.”
Cole might have actually stepped forward—I could feel the tension running in a hard line through his body—but my arm around him kept him in place. On the other hand, I was starting to realize something.
Gethin was making enough food for more than just himself, and he was looking at Cole like he was actually taking stock of how pale he was, how unwell he looked.
“If Wren told you everything, then you know what we need to do. I’m afraid to leave him here. The last time I left him while he was like this… he nearly died.”
Technically, he had, but it was easier not to say it that way.
“Right. And it’s not like I need you calling some pizza delivery guy and killing the driver. I’ve gotten away with what I’ve been doing for years… I’m not going to have it all come crashing down now because you’re desperate.”
“We’re not desperate,” Cole bit out through clenched teeth, but I could see it. Through Gethin’s bullshit—through the facade he had up.
He actually seemed… invested in this.
“You know…” Gethin’s voice was careful when he spoke, his expression guarded and a little cautious. “I could make this easier and help you.”
It hung there in the air, and I was surprised it was Cole who figured out what he meant first.
“You mean you can find someone for us to kill?”
Us. He said it without hesitation, while his hand was still holding mine.
I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t let me do this for him, why he wouldn’t let me shoulder the burden…
but I couldn’t be angry when it meant he stepped closer to me, pressing his side against mine in a move so instinctual I wondered if he even realized he was doing it.
“I mean…” Gethin’s smile was a little wicked, though I could see the edges of vulnerability trying to make it something more.
“I’m a bit overdue anyway, so…” He trailed off with a shrug, as though talking about casually finding someone to murder was a conversation everyone had while cooking.
He actually took the time to finish what he was stirring, so he could slide it into the oven before he wiped his hands again and completely turned to face us.
“Listen, if it would make it easier on you… yeah. I’m pretty sure my…
” He paused, but only for a moment. Only long enough to swallow down the name of the man whose pictures hung in the library where we stayed. “I’m pretty sure it’s time.”
Time.
He spoke about it so easily… ending a life. Like it wasn’t something cupids were taught to fight against.
Like it was a casual thing.
Like he felt nothing at all, though I knew the reason he did it was because of feelings.
“If you did that, Sephtis could just take the Vitality after, couldn’t he?”
Gethin made a face. “I don’t know? I’m not really familiar with the business of Reapers. If that’s how it works, yeah. I usually don’t bring people home with me, but if you need them here, I could make an exception.”
Was he putting in this much effort because he wanted to garner another favor, or had Wren truly been right to trust him?
Was there a part of him somewhere underneath the facade of an uncaring killer that actually gave a damn about love?
Soulmates.
Even without his wings, Gethin was still a cupid.
“If someone died, Sephtis wouldn’t have to kill them. We wouldn’t have to hurt anyone again…” Cole’s voice trailed off.
“Again.” Gethin echoed, and the knowing look on his face told me he could read Cole soul deep—his guilt, his pain. The regret that he didn’t regret killing that man at all, because he’d done it for me. “Yeah, trust me, kiddo… I’m not going to feel bad about it.”
Gethin’s offer was tempting. I knew it would probably be easier on Cole too. After all, I knew he’d read the diaries. We’d read them together. He knew what kind of man Gethin was, and he’d accepted help from him.
But I knew him now. I knew him well enough to know that it wouldn’t make it any better.
Gethin didn’t kill people because they were bad, or because they needed to die.
He killed people because he was in pain, because he was jealous…
because there was a part of him missing that he couldn’t connect to.
Gethin killed people because it was the only way he knew how to keep himself from completely going insane.
And…
There was something on the edge of my senses.
Another way.
A different option.
And maybe it would finally give me a chance to show Cole what I’d been trying to tell him all along, what I’d wanted him to know… because I knew at least some small part of him still believed that I’d taken his brother, that it wasn’t the right thing to do.
“There might be another way.” My voice was soft when I spoke, and both men turned their eyes to me. Cole looked confused, and Gethin looked…
He almost looked disappointed, as if I’d dangled a treat in front of him and snatched it away at the last minute.
“What other way? I’m not letting you kill anyone for me, Sephtis.
” The finality in his tone told me what he really meant.
If something had to happen, he was going to do it himself.
Cole really was so caught up in grief and guilt, in shouldering the responsibility for everything, that he’d kill another person just to take the sin on as his own.
He didn’t understand…
Death didn’t always have to be a sin.
“Trust me?” My voice was soft when I spoke, and I held my hand out to him. There was every chance he’d say no. Every chance he’d tell me to go to hell, like it was really a place and not a state of mind.
“I…” He looked torn. Cole’s eyes lingered on my fingers, and it was actually Gethin snorting behind us and shoving him until he stumbled into me that made him take my hand.
“Don’t make a mess in my graveyard.” And before I had a chance to snap at him for touching Cole, he’d already turned back to the stove… and any thoughts of anger dissolved at the feel of my soulmate’s fingers digging into my shirt, at the lost look on his face when he glanced up at me.
Asking him to trust me was nearly impossible, even though we’d been through so much in such a short amount of time. I knew it. I understood it. But when he took a shuddery breath and linked his fingers through mine…
I realized he was going to try.
I just had to hope that what I meant to do would finally be enough to give at least some of the broken parts of him a sense of peace.