Chapter Seven
The realization that beneath the stubbornness, irritation, and impossible sense of duty... Deborah was beginning to like her husband. And that was a far more alarming problem than either of them seemed prepared to discuss.
She rose to her feet, and immediately, Nolan stood. Once again, he showed her that he was a gentleman.
“If you’ll excuse me,” she said softly. “I need to stretch my legs.”
Nolan nodded and moved aside. As she scooted past him, the train must have hit something bumpy, because the jerking motion made her fall against him. She placed her hands on his chest, and he gripped her arms to keep her steady.
Good grief! Why did that have to happen?
“Mrs. Avery,” he said in a low voice, “you must refrain from touching me so personally when we’re in public. It’s just not done...”
Was he serious? Then again, he would point out something that obvious, and gloat about it afterward, she was certain.
She pushed him aside and stomped past him. She was sure he was chuckling under his breath. He was nothing but a mule’s backend!
Deborah moved from one railcar to the next, barely aware of her surroundings or the people she passed.
Her mind was clouded by irritation, and it propelled her forward, guiding her steps in a determined, almost automatic manner.
She did not bother to look at anyone as she progressed, focused only on the sting of Mr. Avery’s words.
The insults echoed in her thoughts, blaming her as if she needed anyone else to assign fault.
In truth, she blamed herself enough already, and his harsh remarks only heightened her frustration and self-doubt.
Deborah was painfully aware that Nolan had left behind his daughter and brother back in Willowhaven.
The weight of that knowledge pressed on her, further intensifying the anxiety she felt.
It was not lost on her that Nolan was willingly accompanying her into uncertain and potentially hazardous circumstances, risking his own comfort and family for reasons she could not fully understand.
The realization made her wonder about the depth of his commitment and the implications of his choices, all while she grappled with her own conflicted emotions about their relationship and the journey ahead.
It wasn’t until the wind blew against her that she realized she’d reached the last railcar and was standing on the platform at the very end of the train.
She cautiously stepped to the railing and tightly clung to it.
The wind whipped her hair, tugging some strands from the coil she had fixed that morning.
It was interesting to see where the train had been.
Nothing but flat plains and tumbleweeds as far as the eye could see was in view... besides the tracks, of course.
She had no idea how far they’d traveled, or even what train stop would come next.
It was as if she was in a whole other world.
It fascinated her and made her want to see more.
She’d been born and raised in San Francisco as a child, but after the death of her mother, Pa had moved them to Illinois.
That was the only traveling she’d done... until coming to Montana.
Frowning, sadness came over her again. If only her parents were alive. Maybe she wouldn’t have been working in a place where she discovered illegal activities.
Deborah closed her eyes and leaned against the railing, letting the wind swirl around her.
She hated to be a burden to anyone, and currently, she was Nolan’s burden.
After the documents were turned over to the law in Illinois, perhaps she would have to convince her husband to get a divorce.
Although it wasn’t done often, at least she could eventually find someone to love her, and Nolan could do the same.
Her heart wrenched again, and tears filled her eyes.
When had she been led in the wrong direction?
And why hadn’t she noticed? She should have followed the path most girls followed—find a husband and have children.
Instead, she wanted to be a working girl, which landed her working for the wrong people.
At least she had the sense to know the documents were bad and someone needed to stop them.
The noise of a door closing snapped her out of her thoughts.
She quickly dried her eyes before turning around to see who had come outside.
When she looked into the worried brown eyes of her husband, she gritted her teeth.
Why did he have to come out here anyway? Didn’t he know she wanted to be alone?
“I wondered where you had wandered off to,” he said, raising his voice over the noise of the wheels on the steel tracks and the wind whistling around them.
She blinked back the tears stinging her eyes. Thankfully, with the wind’s help, the liquid trying to fill her eyes wouldn’t be noticed much. “I’m outside sulking if you must know. So, kindly turn around, go back inside, and leave me alone.”
“Why are you sulking?” His brows creased. “Don’t you want to get those documents turned over so that these criminals can be arrested?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then why are you upset?”
She fisted her hands. How dare he act as though he cared about her? He didn’t even know her. And she wasn’t going to start telling her troubles to a man who was still a stranger... a cocky, handsome stranger, no less.
“I’m upset because you’re out here bothering me.”
One corner of his mouth lifted in a sideways grin. “Don’t lie. You said I’d interrupted your sulking.”
Sighing, she folded her arms, but then the jerking of the train made her stumble, so she quickly held onto the railing again. Nolan had even jumped like he was going to catch her. Hopefully, he wouldn’t do that. The last two times he’d tried to catch her had ended poorly.
“True,” she said, “however, the longer you stay here, you’re slowly becoming the problem.” She shook her head. “Can’t you see I want to be alone?”
He shrugged. “Pardon me, again. I thought you would want someone to talk to on this trip. We still have another day, perhaps two, before reaching Illinois.”
She held in a grin. So, he noticed. Perhaps he wasn’t as ignorant as she first thought. “The trip is actually three days. That’s how long it took me.”
“So, you will definitely need company along the way.”
She shrugged. “I just have so much on my mind right now, and I’d rather sort through my thoughts in silence.”
“Fine.” He carefully moved beside her, holding onto the railing.
He peered across the desert land, just as she’d done, but he didn’t speak. She scowled. What was he doing? Why hadn’t he honored her wish to be alone? Maybe he was ignorant after all.
She gave him an impatient glare, but he didn’t look at her.
Instead, his attention moved over the land.
After a few moments, she had returned her focus to the flat land around them.
Not too far from the tracks was a creek, reminding her of the little bed of water that had been by her grandmother’s house when Deborah was a young girl.
She and her cousins had loved to splash around in the water.
Life had been so simple back then. Why was being an adult so difficult?
“You know, Deborah,” Nolan leaned on the railing, keeping his eyes on the landscape, “where I’ve been living these past ten months, there weren’t many people I could confide in. I had to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.” He shook his head.
She snorted a laugh. “Now that I’ve met Hetty Parsons, I can see why.”
His chest shook with a silent laugh. “Yes, but the point I’m making here is that being alone isn’t a good way to live. The pressure builds up inside you until you feel like screaming. And then when you finally let out your frustrations, you can be hurtful to others.”
Although she knew he was correct, anger built in her chest. Or was it guilt? Either way, her nerves were raw, and she lost her patience at least an hour ago. She tightened her fingers around the steel bars and leaned closer to him. “What part of being silent don’t you understand?”
He cocked his head lazily and peered at her. “Just as I said, if you bottled up your feelings for so long and they finally come out, you might be rude to some people. For instance... like now.”
She huffed. “What makes you think I’ve been holding in my feelings?”
“So, you are naturally hot-tempered and stubborn?”
“With strangers, I am.”
“I take it you don’t have many friends then.”
She scowled. “You have no right to judge my actions. You don’t even know me.”
“Then why don’t we get to know each other? After all, we are married, not to mention we need to work together to find the U.S. Marshal and turn in the documents, and during that time, I think we will need to talk. I don’t suggest staying silent.”
Breathing slower, she tried to keep the anger from erupting again. He was only trying to soothe her, so why couldn’t she let him?
Deborah stared at the train tracks, which were now blurred in her vision. All she wanted was some peace... peace to figure out her own mind and feelings. And she didn’t want the guilt weighing heavily in her chest.
“Mr. Avery,” she asked tightly, “have you ever been pushed off a train?”
He laughed. “Why? Are you going to push me off?”
“I’m sorely tempted.”
“Well, to answer your question, no, I haven’t.
However, I have jumped off a runaway stagecoach.
” He turned toward her, still leaning on the rail.
“The key to not getting badly hurt when your body hits the ground is to cover your head and roll. Don’t try to stop the motion, because that might break one of your bones.
” He shrugged. “That’s what I’ve been told anyway, and when I had to jump from the stagecoach, I was able to stand right up and walk away. ”
This man was unbelievable. She looked at him, noticing a dimple winking at her on his right cheek. “Mr. Avery... I swear, you jabber worse than a woman sometimes.”
He chuckled. “Aren’t you humorous, Deborah. Usually, that’s a question I would ask a woman.”
“Quite shocking, is it not?”
“But you must admit that you’re enjoying the light banter between us, aren’t you?”
She gasped. “I’ll admit no such thing.”
“Ah, that’s right, because you can never confess the truth.”
“Pardon me?” She lifted her voice as her irritation grew in leaps now. “You think I’m lying?”
He nodded. “It’s quite obvious, Deborah. I can read people pretty well, and you are easy to read.”
“Oh, really?” She folded her arms as she leaned against the railing to help hold her up. “Enlighten me to what you think is on my mind, Mr. Avery, because I’m certain they aren’t even close.”
Narrowing his eyes on her, he tapped his finger on his chin. “From what I’ve perceived, you are an only child. One of your parents died when you were young, and the other one has raised you poorly because they’ve given you things just to shut you up.”
She gasped again, bringing her hand to her throat. He couldn’t possibly have known... No. His guess was just luck, that’s all.
“Not only were you spoiled as a child, but you have been a troublemaker most of your life.” His gaze narrowed on her.
“In fact, I believe that you are a very opinionated person, which is because you have always wanted to be independent. Admitting you are wrong would probably make you insecure, and that’s one emotion you don’t ever want to feel again, because having a parent die when one is young makes one insecure. ”
Her heart hammered faster than the train’s wheels were turning. Part of her wanted to argue with him, and yet the other part of her wondered how he’d guessed that about her insecurities.
“You’re afraid to love anyone,” he continued, “because you fear they won’t return your love and that will only leave you broken and unsure. And of course, you can’t have that sensitive feeling. You need to be strong in order to keep all forms of weakness out of your life.”
Her jaw hurt from gritting her teeth. Yet, at the same time, she felt like crumbling in front of him and crying. Well, she would not do that. She was stronger than that, she was... Inwardly, she growled. Why had he read her so well?
She straightened her shoulders. “Just as I thought. You don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about because I’m nothing like that.” She took in a couple of deep breaths. “Now, if you don’t mind, Mr. Avery, I’d like to be alone.” She pointed toward the door. “Please leave.”
Nolan shook his head. “I’d rather stay. It’s quite pleasant out here. If you want to be alone, then you leave.” He turned back to look at the landscape.
Growling in frustration, Deborah spun around abruptly.
As she did, the bottom of her dress snagged on the lower railing, halting her movement.
She grabbed the fabric and pulled forcefully, determined to free herself.
The material tore as it came loose, leaving a piece of her gown caught on the hook.
Unfortunately, the sudden jerking motion combined with the swaying of the train caused her to lose her balance, sending her falling backward toward the open space beyond the railing.
A surge of panic crashed over her as she realized what was happening.
She reached out desperately, trying to grasp the railing in a frantic attempt to steady herself.
But her grip was weak, and her hands slipped almost immediately.
Before she could regain her balance, her feet slid off the edge of the platform, leaving her momentarily suspended and helpless.
In a sudden, decisive action, Nolan reached out and seized Deborah’s wrists as she teetered perilously close to the edge. Her legs swung out behind her, catching the wind like a kite and threatening to pull her further away from safety.
Deborah’s terrified scream pierced the air as she desperately clung to Nolan’s arms, fighting to keep her grip. Meanwhile, Nolan struggled to maintain his footing, his boots slipping on the platform as both of them edged closer to the brink.
“Deborah,” he said loudly, “try not to move, and I’ll pull you back on.”
“I’m going to fall,” she cried out.
“Remember what I told you about falling.”
“I... don’t want to fall.”
“If you do, I’ll follow.”
“No!” She struggled again, but that only made her slide out of his grip faster. “Nolan, help me!”
Suddenly, Deborah slipped from Nolan’s grasp. Helpless, she screamed and instinctively shielded her head with her arms. Her body hit the ground with a force that sent waves of agony through her, each roll intensifying the pain as she tumbled across the unforgiving earth.
If she lived through this, she was definitely going to have some broken bones, no matter what he tried to tell her.