Chapter 48
Kate
I push through the gate of the zone. The closer I get, the more anxiety burns my insides, which catches me off guard. I should be sprinting to get back, ready to tell everyone what I’ve discovered—but all I feel is a void in my stomach.
As we traveled, I became convinced to return to Jordan, to leave here with her. It doesn’t feel like she’s set me free at all—it feels like she pushed me off the side of a cliff and I’m plummeting to my death.
I shake my head, trying to shake the dramatics. This was always what needed to happen. I know I need to go back and finish what I started here. For her, for Harry. For everyone. Besides, we’ll be reunited as soon as possible.
As I get closer, I raise my hands as a sign of surrender. “Anyone on duty?” I shout, my voice steady.
A few moments of silence greet me before I hear, “Who’s there?”
“It’s Kate,” I respond. “I’m…I’m back.”
“Holy shit,” I hear a man’s voice say before his face pops into one of the windows.
Jack, one of the usual patrollers, leaves the window for a few moments before the heavy entrance is pulled open. He steps outside, gawking at me as if he’s seen a ghost.
“Hey,” I answer weakly.
“We thought you were dead,” he gasps. “Have you been bitten?”
“No.”
I hear murmurs from someone else out of sight before I hear,
“You’ll need to be quarantined. Keep your hands where I can see them and move slowly forward.”
I obey, my arms held high as I inch toward him, officially back in the safe zone.
I should feel relieved, maybe even excited. But all that sits in me is never-ending dread.
Jack escorted me to the quarantine zone attached to the underground labs.
The room is a small rectangle with only a cot, a toilet, and a showerhead hanging from the ceiling.
It doesn’t even have four walls—one is plexiglass, allowing the medical team to evaluate someone without having to risk themselves.
I sit on the cot, my back leaning against the wall as I stare at nothing in particular. My mind wanders to whatever Jordan might be doing now. Has she found a place close by, like she promised?
My thoughts keep me distracted as I feel people’s eyes on me, studying me like I’m a lab rat.
The door hisses open and I whip my head to see Parker entering the room.
“Brave of you,” I mutter.
He doesn’t get too close, but his stance is relaxed. He places his hands in his white lab coat pockets. “You haven’t been bit.”
“No, I haven’t.”
He scrutinizes me. “I feel responsible for this.”
My brows furrow. “What do you mean? Quarantine is protocol.”
Parker shakes his head, his salt-and-pepper hair flowing with the movement. “I didn’t try to dissuade you from taking that patrol shift. I encouraged it, even.”
“It isn’t your fault,” I sigh.
“I’m sure it will be a relief to be back home.”
I don’t have one of those. This place was never my home. I keep quiet, not bothering to say anything.
“How did you survive out there?” he probes, his curiosity shining through his voice. He coughs into his elbow, catching me off guard. Inspecting him, I look for signs of illness—ever since I’ve known him, he’s never gotten sick.
What is my problem? I should be telling him everything, giving him every piece of information I gathered that could help us. Instead, I’m getting more frustrated the longer he stands here.
I shake my head. “I don’t really feel like talking right now.”
The air feels tense, making my stomach churn, but I stay staring ahead. After a few moments, he sighs and mutters, “Of course. I’m sure it has all been quite exhausting for you. You have two more days in here before you can be released.”
I nod my understanding. He pauses, as if waiting for me to speak. When I don’t, I hear his shoes squeak against the tiles and the door shut behind him.
I spend the two days curled up on my side, sleeping. Being asleep is easier than being stuck here with my thoughts. Everything I’ve shoved down, every single piece of heartbreak I’ve felt for the past five years, threatens to come back up, as if they’ve been waiting for a quiet moment to resurface.
I can’t—and won’t—deal with them, so I keep my head on the pillow. If I let these feelings out, it may break me one final time.
I’m awoken by the door scraping across the ground and someone telling me that I’m free to go. I scramble up, rubbing my eyes as I shove my feet into my boots and hurry out the door. I follow the long hallways to the stairs, moving on autopilot as I head up a few flights.
Until I’m bombarded by a sea of people.
“Kate!”
“I can’t believe you’re back!”
“How did you survive so long? Where’s Sal?”
Faces blur together as they swarm me, making me feel claustrophobic. My hands go up instinctively to push them back, to force some breathing room.
“Kate!”
Michelle’s voice carries over the noise of the crowd, and I crane my neck to find her. She pushes her way through and throws her arms around me.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” She pulls back, inspecting my face. She must see something in my expression because she turns and shouts to everyone, “Give her space.”
Michelle is respected around here, so everyone listens and backs up a few paces, quieting down almost immediately. Her arm goes around my shoulders as she tucks me into her side, leading me away.
Neither of us say anything until we’re in the safety of her room—our room. But when I look around, I realize this isn’t mine anymore. It hasn’t been mine since Jordan came into my life.
Emotions claw their way out of me, and I don’t realize I’m hyperventilating until little black spots obscure my vision. Michelle is suddenly in front of me, gripping my arms.
“Kate, it’s okay, it’s all right. You’re home now. You’re back home.”
No, I want to say. No, I’m not. I left my home outside, just on the other side of the fence.
My chest breaks open and loud, uncontrolled sobs claw out of me. My eyes squeeze shut as hot tears spill, one after the other, with no end in sight.
Michelle’s arms wrap around me, but I stand there, arms limp as I cry into her shoulder. Everything that’s happened–not just the past month, but ever since the outbreak–comes forth.
I cry for Sal. For Harry. For Jordan. But I also cry for myself—for everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve shoved down to survive to the next day. I didn’t realize how gray and lifeless I’d become until Jordan tackled her way into my life.
Why didn’t I tell Jordan how I feel? Why couldn’t I push past my obsession with fixing everything to tell her that I love her?
Michelle eases me onto the mattress, and I cry until there are no tears left in me. She sits beside me, stroking my back, finger-combing my hair as I try and fail to pull myself together.
I look over at her through blurry eyes and croak, “Sal’s dead.” Fresh, hot tears pool in my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Michelle’s face goes slack. “I liked Sal,” she rasps.
Guilt overwhelms my system, keeping me from doing anything but let the overwhelming sensations take me out to sea.
I take a deep breath before entering the lab.
Taylor is the only one here, bent over a notebook when I walk in.
They look up and, upon spotting me, rush from their seat to pull me into a hug.
I awkwardly wrap my arms around them—since I’ve been back, everyone seems interested in hugging me.
The physical touch has become something I’m forced to tolerate.
They pull back and put a bit of space between us, inspecting me for a moment before saying, “It’s good to have you back, Kate.”
My smile doesn’t meet my eyes. “It’s good to be back.” I look around the small lab. “Where’s Parker?”
Their face clouds a bit and says, “I’m not sure.”
Their tone has me furrowing my brows. “Is everything okay?”
“Well,” Taylor hedges, nervousness radiating from them as they murmur, “things have…changed since you’ve been gone.”
“Like what?”
Their eyes dart to the door and back to me before they say in a hushed tone, “I believe I’ve found a potential treatment for the virus.”
My heart pounds in my chest. “Really?” The relief that floods through my system threatens to bring me to my knees.
“Listen to me.” They grip my shoulders, a sense of urgency now coming over them.
“It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. Parker and I managed to see eye-to-eye, and we found something.
We tweaked the antigen treatment and gave it to two infected mice.
When I came to do my rounds the next morning, those two mice had a decrease in symptoms.”
I can’t believe it. They’ve actually figured it out. “This is amazing,” I start, but they shake their head.
“But after twelve hours, their symptoms were back.”
Their words pop me like a balloon.
Taylor releases me and steps back. “This treatment would be lifelong, and it may not even work for some. It isn’t a cure.”
“But a cure is still possible, right?”
Taylor’s eyes cloud. “I don’t think so.”
I shake my head. “But—but you’ve always believed it was—”
“I did.” Their voice is heavy, worn. “I don’t anymore.”
“Okay, but listen, I saw variants of the virus while I was out there—”
“It doesn’t matter,” they sigh, defeated. I’ve never seen them like this before. “Just…maybe you should talk to Parker about it. He’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
I want to push back, to demand more answers, but their shoulders slump before they drag themselves from the room, leaving me more lost than ever.