Chapter Twelve
Of course, wanting to seduce and actually knowing how to seduce were two very different things.
Natalie crawled onto her side of the bed and pulled the covers over herself, staring up at the ceiling without touching him. How come her sleeping body never seemed to have any problem plastering itself all over him, but awake she couldn’t even force herself to touch him at all?
Then Ren moved in his sleep, rolled toward her, the shift in the mattress causing her to slide toward him.
Then she just let herself fall the rest of the way into him.
She trailed her fingers across his naked chest, since he just slept in a pair of sweatpants they’d found.
She loved touching him, his muscles so defined, yet had never once been used in any sort of violent way against her.
The opposite, in fact. Only used to help make her feel secure, safe.
Her fingers trailed slightly lower, over his abs.
They tensed just the slightest bit under her touch.
“You’re awake,” she whispered.
“From the second those fingers touched me.”
She snatched her hand back. “I’m sorry. You were trying to sleep. I don’t know what I’m doing. I—”
She stopped abruptly as he reached out with his own hand and brought hers back down to his chest. “I wasn’t complaining about your hand being there.”
He slipped his other arm under his head, giving her room to move in a little closer to him. In the soft light of the dying fire he looked so relaxed, half smiling at her with drowsy eyes.
She was never going to get another opportunity like this.
She didn’t let herself think about it too much, she just reached in and kissed him. She was tentative, unsure how to show him how she wanted more.
She needn’t have worried.
At just the slightest bit of persuasion from her, Ren’s mouth was hot and open against hers, his tongue sliding inside, coaxing her for more. It was different than the kiss outside in the snow. Slower, less frantic, more exploratory. But no less passionate.
His tongue skimmed across her bottom lip slowly before nibbling on it, like he had all the time in the world to taste her and no plans to ever move from this bed.
Natalie couldn’t help it—she sighed into his mouth, wanting him closer.
Then the kiss changed. Every part of her hummed with excitement as he pulled her hard against him, his hand curving around her nape to hold her there. He moaned against her skin as his lips worked their way from her ear down her jaw to her neck.
He grabbed the hem of her shirt like he was going to pull it over her head—something she desperately wanted—but then paused.
They were both breathing hard as he leaned his forehead against hers.
“Natalie...we should stop.”
“Oh. This isn’t what you want?” She’d been such an idiot. Just because she’d been attracted to him and wanted to take advantage of this time for intimacy didn’t mean he did. Maybe he’d just kissed her so she wouldn’t feel bad. She shot back from him. “I’m so sorry. I—”
“Peaches.” His voice was guttural as he grabbed her and pulled her back against him so her fingers were once again touching his chest. “Believe me, I want this. But there’s stuff about me you don’t know. Important stuff.”
He had things he hadn’t told her. Logically she already knew that. But they couldn’t possibly be as big as the ones she hadn’t told him. Her fingers curled into his muscles.
“Is there someone waiting for you at home who will be upset if we do this?”
He gave a shake of his head against the pillow. “No. Nothing like that.”
Really, that was all Natalie needed to know. She leaned back in to kiss him, but he stopped her again, holding her by the upper arms while his thumbs drew gentle circles on her shoulders.
“Natalie, you still need to know—”
She cut him off with a finger to his lips. “You know what? There’s stuff about me—also important stuff—you don’t know. We’ve both got secrets. But just for tonight, let’s leave them out in the snow, okay? For tonight, it’s just you and me inside this place. Nothing else. No one else.”
His eyes were burning, tortured. “Peaches—”
She brought her lips up to his, replacing her finger, knowing he didn’t know how much it was costing her to put herself out there like this, how much his rejection would completely crush her.
“Ren, the only question I need answered right now is whether or not you want me.”
He didn’t answer her in words. He didn’t have to. Instead, his hand gripped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, throwing it to the side. He fisted a handful of her hair as his lips ravished hers, his tongue licking deep into her mouth as if he couldn’t get enough of the taste of her.
A hot wave crashed in her chest. She had never felt like this. Desired like this. She was drowning in it.
Ren’s other hand slid down to her hips, pulling her up against him. Leaving her zero doubt that he did, in very definite fact, want her.
It was amazing and overwhelming. She’d only ever been with Damien and that had never, ever—even at the best of times—felt like this. Like she could gladly stay in this bed for the rest of her life and that would be just fine.
Ren was big and strong and domineering, holding her tight against him as they nestled side by side on the bed, keeping her where he wanted her.
But when he rolled over on top of her, covering her with his big body, despite how much she wanted him, wanted this, all her mind could remember was Damien holding her under him.
Forcing himself on her even when she didn’t want anything to do with him.
She tried to keep kissing Ren, to just push past the ugly memories that tried to creep in, but he noticed.
He sat up, holding his weight on his elbows on either side of her head, using his thumbs to brush her hair off her cheeks. “Hey,” he whispered. “What’s going on? Did you change your mind?”
She tried to force words out, but they wouldn’t come. As tears slid down her temples, he caught them with his fingers.
“Peaches. If you’ve changed your mind, that’s fine.”
“I—I got a little overwhelmed.” She finally got the words out. “It’s been a long time for me. And even before that it...wasn’t good.”
Anger burned in Ren’s eyes but Natalie knew it wasn’t directed toward her. Somehow he understood about Damien, had read between the lines, or maybe she hadn’t been as secretive as she’d thought when she talked about her past.
Ren rolled his weight off her, and all she could feel was a crushing defeat. All her talk about it just being the two of them inside the cabin and she’d gone and ruined it all. When Ren sat up she knew he was pulling away and the moment was over.
But instead, he pulled off his sweatpants and lay back down. He put both arms back behind his head, which caused the muscles in his arms and shoulders and chest to ripple.
By the time her eyes made it back to his face he was smiling, his eyes just as smoldering as they’d been a few minutes before.
“Oh,” she whispered. “We’re not done?”
“Peaches, I’ve been thinking about you and your soft skin and crystal eyes and haunted smile from the moment I laid eyes on you. Longer, it feels like.”
Something dark crossed over his face so fast she couldn’t quite decipher it. But whatever it was, he pushed it away and his smile was back.
“Right or wrong, good or bad, smart or stupid, I want you right now more than I’ve ever wanted any woman. I want to kiss you all over and see if your skin is just as sweet as the peaches and cream my mom used to give me.”
She couldn’t stop the hitch in her breath. “I want that, too. More than anything. I’m sorry I freaked out.”
“No need for apologies. We just need to slow things down. Get it to a speed you’re comfortable with.
” He reached over and grabbed her wrist, giving her a tug so she was once again sprawled on top of his chest. His lips found hers, and all the passion was still there, but with a slow, lush burn this time.
“I’ve woken up with you like this every morning since I met you. Under you is very quickly becoming my favorite place to be in the world.” His thumb brushed along her jawline, sending a rush of sensation skimming across her flesh.
“I thought men wanted to be on top.” Damien would’ve never dreamed of doing anything but dominating her with his body.
Ren’s smile was wicked, his hands trailing down her throat, over her chest and breasts, before coming to rest on her waist. “A real man wants to be wherever is going to help his woman get what she wants.”
“I don’t know that I know what I want.”
He pulled her more fully on top of him. “Peaches, we’ve got all night to figure that out.”
And they did.