37. Fiona
Chapter Thirty-Seven
FIONA
I don’t know how the hell I’m going to find this laptop when Cormac hasn’t left my side in twenty-four hours. Even if the future of our relationship didn’t rest on my ability to track it down and delete the file for Lorcan, he would still be driving me nuts with his constant hovering.
I pace the living room, my hands twisting the hem of my shirt as I constantly look over at the door every time footsteps sound on the other side.
Cormac is somewhere close by, I can feel it, which means I can’t make any progress on tracking this laptop down. Every time I attempt to go and look for it, he’s there, silently watching.
It’s a miracle I’ve even been allowed to go to the bathroom alone.
So, instead of making progress, I pace in the hopes of easing my anxiety.
But every second I spend trapped in this room, pretending everything is fine, I feel like I’m suffocating.
Scout tucks his toy into the playpen where the twins are. “Here you go, Nico. You can borrow my dinosaur.”
“Shh, not so loud, Scout.” I glance anxiously at Riley, who is trying her best to rock Aubrey to sleep.
“Sorry,” Scout mumbles. “All babies do is sleep. When are they old enough to play Mario Kart?”
Ciara swallows a laugh as she tries to wrestle a bow into Addison’s dark hair. “Not for a while yet, I’m afraid. Ugh, I don’t know why I even bother trying to style Little Miss’s hair when she’s going to pull out this bow in two seconds.”
Riley smiles. “I can’t wait for Aubrey’s hair to grow. I hope it’s got that slight curl like Kieran’s.”
“Believe me, it will. These Sullivan genes are strong,” Ciara grumbles as she tries to tie back Addison’s unruly hair.
Scout tugs my hand. “Fiona, when will Daddy be done with work?”
I stop my pacing and force a smile, though my chest feels so tight I can barely take a deep breath. “I’m not sure.”
“Oh…” Scout pouts.
Ciara smiles, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Do you not want to hang out with us, is that it?”
Scout’s eyes almost bug out of his head in panic. “No, I do! I just miss Daddy.”
“We are so much cooler than your dad,” Riley adds. “Plus, I know where all the secret snacks are hidden.”
Ciara laughs. “I think you severely underestimate Brennan’s ability to sniff out a packet of Goldfish. I swear every time he looks after the twins, the entire pantry has been emptied out.”
Riley scoffs. “And yet, he still has abs.”
“Give yourself some grace, Riles. You just birthed a human.”
“Pretty sure I just shapeshifted into a cow…”
I try to focus on Ciara and Riley’s conversation, but it’s hard when my attention keeps shifting to the door.
Cormac and his brothers disappeared into Kieran’s office an hour ago, and I’m losing my window of opportunity.
“Fiona?”
“Huh?” I blink to find Ciara and Riley both looking at me with concern.
“You okay?” Ciara asks.
I glance at them, noticing the exhaustion etched into their faces after a night of no sleep and juggling three babies and a hyper five-year-old, and I feel a pang of guilt.
They’re trying to hold it together not just for the kids but for each other, and all I’ve done is become more and more trapped in my own panic.
“I—I just need some water,” I blurt before quickly darting from the room.
The moment I’m alone, I hold a hand to my chest and try to take a breath, but it comes out as more of a sob.
This situation has become so much bigger than simply deceiving Cormac. I’m deceiving his entire family. And the more I get to know them, the more I desperately wish I could become a part of it.
I quickly wipe at my cheeks before heading across the foyer toward the bathroom.
I need to splash some cold water on my face to try and clear my head, but I stop short when the sound of Cormac’s muffled voice comes from the kitchen.
They must have finally decided to come up for air and take a break after locking themselves away for the past few hours.
Without thinking, I press myself against the wall and creep along the hallway until Cormac’s voice becomes louder. Right now, I’m going in blind when it comes to this laptop, but maybe I might hear something that could at least point me in the right direction…
“Any luck?” Cormac asks someone.
It’s Brennan who replies. “It’s taking some time. I might have to call Connell to help.”
“Do it because we don’t have fucking time. Smirnov could decide to show his face at any point, and I would like to be prepared.”
“Cormac,” Ronan warns. “Take a break.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Not even a little.”
Brennan’s voice comes again. “Ronan’s right, you’re cranky when you’re tired.”
“I don’t have time to sleep, not when I’ve just painted a fucking great target on the back of everyone in this family.”
My breath catches.
I don’t recognize the name Smirnov, but from Cormac’s tone, it’s clear that whoever this guy is, he’s dangerous.
It’s Kieran who replies. “You did what you had to do.”
“Yeah, well, it’s about to come back and bite me on the ass.”
Brennan says, “If we can get Connell to take a look at the tech you brought in, it could give us a clue as to where Smirnov is. I’ll give him a call and get him here within the hour to clear the security and give me a clean path into the metadata.”
Kieran adds, “Take my office on the second floor. Ronan, Cormac, and I will be down in the basement with Jace and Leo, putting together a protection plan if shit hits the fan and we need to get everyone out of here.”
The second floor?
This is the opening I’ve been looking for. If that’s where the laptop is going to be, all that’s left is to get in and out without anyone noticing. The only problem is, I have a horrible feeling that’s going to be near enough impossible.
“Do you need something?”
I blink to find Cormac standing in front of me. I have been so lost in my head that I haven’t even noticed the kitchen door opening.
“Uh…just…water,” I manage to choke out.
I shove my hands behind my back to hide how much they’re shaking as Cormac goes to get me a bottle of water from the fridge.
He hands me the water. “Are you okay?”
I don’t meet his eyes. “Yeah, fine.”
“This will be over soon, I promise.” He reaches up to gently brush his knuckles over my cheek.
It’s enough to make my eyes sting with tears.
I don’t know how I’m going to survive this. Even if I manage to clear my debt with Lorcan, there will be nothing left for me on the other side of it.
I leave Cormac to his meeting and practically sprint down the hall to the bathroom.
There’s no way I can be around Ciara and Riley when I’m in this much of a state. All it will take is one of them asking if I’m all right, and I’ll be blurting out everything.
I brace my hands on the edge of the sink as I try not to throw up.
How did this all go wrong so fast?
As if in answer, my phone starts buzzing in my pocket, and I jump out of my skin. I don’t even need to look to know it’s Lorcan.
I glance anxiously toward the door.
If I silence the call, nothing will stop him from showing up at Kieran’s house.
So, despite my racing heart, I answer the call.
“Fiona, you better have good news for me.”
“I haven’t been able to find the laptop,” I whisper as I keep my eyes trained on the bathroom door.
“You’ve had twenty-four hours.”
“I—I need more time.”
“You’re out of time.”
I’ve been out of time since the moment I realized I was falling for Cormac Sullivan.
“I should’ve fucking known,” Lorcan spits when I don’t answer, and I flinch at the iciness in his tone. “You’re trying to play both sides.”
“I’m not, I swear?—”
“Don’t lie to me! Do you really think you can double-cross me?”
I grind my teeth as I think of Cormac and Scout.
I might owe Lorcan a debt, but I don’t owe him my loyalty.
“No, because I’m not double-crossing you.”
“You thought you could whore yourself out to my nephew, is that it? Were you hoping he would protect you? Because believe me, princess, the moment he realizes who you’ve been working for, he won’t waste any time slitting your throat.
Cormac might seem like a knight in shining armor, but he’s just as sick and twisted as the rest of the Sullivans. ”
“You can threaten me with Cormac all you like, but it’s not going to help. Because I’m going to tell him the truth,” I state, though my entire body shakes with a mixture of fear and rage.
There’s a pause, and then Lorcan chuckles, though the sound is dark and cruel.
“Oh? Do you think that’s clever? Do you really think you can play the hero and walk away unscathed?”
“I don’t care about being clever. I’m tired of lying to him. I’m tired of this constant—” The word gets stuck in my throat.
I’m tired of the guilt.
Maybe Lorcan’s threats are the push I need to finally tell Cormac the truth.
“Enough, Lorcan. I’m done letting you hold this debt over me.”
“That’s your choice, Fiona. If you just did as I asked, you could be a free woman by now.”
“You and I both know you never would’ve let me walk away.”
“Your lack of faith in me is, quite frankly, insulting.”
“Your track record isn’t exactly gleaming. So, I suggest you find someone else to be your little puppet. Because we’re done here.”
“You do realize what’s at stake here, don’t you?” Lorcan warns, his words laced with venom. “You walk away now, and your niece pays the price. Or have you forgotten the little favor you asked of me?”
I freeze, and Lorcan laughs again.
“She’s a child,” I choke.
“That means nothing to me. So, I suggest you do as you're told, or Amber will no longer be receiving treatment for her little condition.”
I swallow hard. “You…you don’t have that power.”
“Don’t I? You seem to have forgotten your conversation with Dr. Langford.”
Amber will continue to receive the best care, granted you do everything you’re supposed to.
“You’ve grossly underestimated how much power I have over people. One wrong move, Fiona, and everything you care about evaporates.”
He’s backed me into a corner because he knows that I would never do anything to risk Amber’s life. Even if he is bluffing, I’m not willing to take that chance.
My chest tightens as the panic builds.
“I—I can’t…”
“I suggest you figure it out. You have twenty-four hours.”
Later that night, I stand in the shower until my skin feels red raw, trying to think of a way out of this. But by the time the water runs cold and the mirror has unfogged, I’m back at square one.
I can’t refuse Lorcan, not when his threat hangs over Amber like a black cloud. I just have to hope that whatever this file is that Lorcan wants me to delete is enough leverage for Cormac and his brothers to finally take him down.
When I exit the bathroom wrapped in a towel and my hair dripping down my back, Cormac is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking seconds away from passing out with exhaustion.
His eyes find mine. “Is everything okay? You were in there for a while.”
“Yeah. Just…needed to clear my head.”
Cormac narrows his eyes as he shifts on the bed to face me. “Talk to me.”
I wish I could.
I want to talk to him more than anything, but I’m terrified that the moment I open my mouth, everything I’ve been bottling up will come out, and he won’t give me a chance to explain myself. I’m not ready to lose him, or Scout, for that matter.
“You’ve got something on your mind, Fi.”
I know I can’t lie to him, at least not completely, but I also know Cormac won’t drop the subject until I give him something to fix because that’s who he is. He wants to take away everyone else’s pain, even if it’s to the detriment of himself.
“I…I’m worried,” I blurt out as I grip the towel around myself.
“About what?”
Everything.
“About my niece, Amber, and…” I hesitate as I drop onto the bed beside him.
“And?”
“How I’m ever going to be able to have a proper relationship with them again. Being around Riley and Ciara and seeing how close your family is… I miss that. Why does everything have to be so damn hard?”
My voice cracks as I lift my eyes to Cormac.
He studies me silently, his dark eyes soft but steady.
“The most important thing is that Amber is in the care of one of the best clinicians in the county. You’re doing everything you can for her. That’s what matters.”
A short, bitter laugh escapes my lips before I can stop it.
I know Cormac is hoping his words will make me feel better, but all they’re doing is reminding me that I’m still locked into helping Lorcan, whether I want to or not. Every choice I make, every small decision, is tethered to him.
Cormac shifts closer, placing a hand on my knee.
It’s the first contact we’ve had since we arrived at Kieran’s place, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it.
My vision blurs from the tears as I lean into him, wanting to soak up every minute with him that I have left.
“You’re doing right by her. No one else matters right now.”
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. I want to believe him, but my thoughts keep snapping back to Lorcan, to the laptop, to Amber, and to the impossible position I’m in.
I know Cormac is hoping his words will bring me comfort, but they only remind me of the chains that tie me to Lorcan.
I’m trapped helping him whether I want to or not, and for Amber’s sake, I can’t refuse.