Forty-Two - Isabel
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I laid thetwo letters side by side on the table, absently smoothing out the creases. At first glance, the contents were similar. Both offered me a chance at a job after a meeting. But one was an invitation, the job an unknown. The other was a summons, the job one I had fought for and lost.
An uncertain future.
An unsatisfactory past.
I folded the letters back up. I’d meet with Chief Nassan because I was curious about what he would say. But even if he offered me my post with the constables again—with or without probationary in front of my title—I wouldn’t accept. What I didn’t know was whether I’d take Princess Charmina up on her offer.
She had questioned me the entire ride back to Leort. I had shared stories—and frustrations—from my time with the constables earlier as I guided her around town, but she had started asking about what I had done for Felix. She wanted to know how comfortable I was with contracts and how intimately I knew the laws of the kingdom. Then she had offered me a letter that would grant me an audience with her in Haiwella if I sought a career in the capital.
She had implied that she wouldn’t be surprised if I never made it to the city, though. She had hinted that I’d get an offer closer to home that would appeal more. Was the letter from Chief Nassan what she meant? Had I spent the last four days hoping for something that would never happen?
If only I was a mind-reader instead of a truth-reader. Then I’d know what Felix had been thinking. Had our kiss meant anything to him, or had the giddiness of relief swept him away? I simply didn’t know, and I found it easier to interpret his expressions and body language as a cat than as a man.
He’d tried to catch my eye during the princess’s visit, but speaking with him then wasn’t a possibility. Felix might have allayed the worst of her misgivings about how he had used the node against me, but Frederic had returned from questioning Marc and Cecily more suspicious than ever. He didn’t believe that my time at Rose Castle had been pleasant.
After Felix had admitted to being a cat for months, I didn’t understand my mentor’s worries, but I couldn’t ignore them either. Marc’s rumors had spread through town so quickly. If Frederic spoke out against the duke, public opinion would turn against him even faster. The only thing stopping Frederic from speaking out was the fact that saying anything would drag my name through the wringer, too.
If I ran off to Truthhold, Frederic might take the risk, deciding that inciting the citizens of Leort against the duke would protect me.
But Felix could come here.
I had hoped he would. I had thought he would. He knew about the rumors, knew how damaging it would be for me to disappear again, even if I didn’t have to leave without a word this time. But maybe the looks he had sent my way a few days ago hadn’t meant what I thought. Maybe the kiss had been just a kiss and his request for me to stay the night had meant nothing.
Tsy take it, even if it had all meant nothing, I still expected him to come. I thought I knew him well enough to anticipate his need for an answer on how I had broken the curse.
But four days later, he still hadn’t come.
A sharp double tap on the door had me stuffing the letters in my pocket. If Frederic was back to question me some more, I would scream. I appreciated his concern, but not his certainty that the duke had bewitched me. If he wouldn’t believe my answers, then he needed to stop asking questions.
I opened the door, but the man on the other side wasn’t Frederic.
I had waited for Felix—expected to see him for days—but now that he had come, the only thing I could say was, “What are you doing here?”
“Really? You don’t feel like we still have some unresolved business?”
The setting sun glinted behind him, adding gold highlights to his black hair. I stared, drinking in the sight of him. When he’d first transformed, I had marveled too much at the change—and worried too much about his weakness—to truly take in his appearance. And with Frederic and Her Highness watching, I hadn’t dared to look too closely the last time I had seen him. But now, I could let my gaze linger on the strong line of his jaw, the way his doublet emphasized the planes of his chest, the long fingers that had brushed over my cheeks as his lips found mine.
The sounds of everyday life, boots on cobbles, doors squeaking open and slamming shut, reminded me that staring for long moments still wasn’t my brightest idea. A few people walking down the street glanced our direction—I was still an object of gossip around town.
I grabbed Felix’s arm and pulled him inside, slamming the door shut.
His eyebrows went up. “You could have simply invited me in.”
“There wasn’t time to argue with you. Do you realize that Marc told Frederic that you can lie despite the truth-telling enchantment on Rose Castle? He is questioning everything you said now. Even your admission of being a cat.”
“I might be able to lie, but even at Truthhold, you can read me.”
“Frederic isn’t accepting my reassurances. He’s convinced you took advantage of me. Fooled me. Probably seduced me.”
Felix’s gaze fell to my lips. “I certainly wanted to.” He looked up again, shaking his head ever so slightly. “But you are a confusing woman, Isa.”
My heart beat faster. “What does that mean?”
“I couldn’t figure you out, so I hunted through the archives to learn how you broke the curse first.”
I swallowed.
“It took a bit. I knew from my earlier efforts that your scroll would be in the center of the maze, with all the most truthful contracts. Even with a rough idea of where to look, though, it still took time. But I found it. I read what you wrote, Isa. I saw the flames. Your words were the absolute truth. You love me. So why did you run?”
Indignation replaced nervousness. “I didn’t run!”
“No?” He gestured at the room. “Then why are you here instead of at Rose Castle with me?”
“Because I love you, damn it! I explained this. If Princess Charmina had discovered that I rode ahead to Truthhold, she’d have thought the worst. I couldn’t take the risk.”
“When did you explain? You wouldn’t even look at me.”
“That night. After I helped you upstairs. I told you why I had to leave.”
Felix winced. “I can’t remember most of what happened after I transformed. I knew I asked you to stay, but then you were gone when I woke. And then you would barely even look at me the next day.”
“Because I didn’t want to add fuel to the rumors.” I swallowed. “And you had sent me away. You spent days working to convince the node to make me leave.”
He staggered back a step. “You think I wanted you gone? Isa, I love you. Of course I want you with me. But only if it is by your choice. I wanted to free you.” His hand rose toward me, then fell back to his side. “Surely you realized that?”
I shook my head, unable to form words, barely able to think anything beyond the echo of hearing him say he loved me.
He stepped closer and this time his hand made it all the way to my face, tracing over my cheekbone. “How did you think you gained a tie to the node?”
“You said...” I stopped. Tried again. “I had carried you around and petted you.”
He closed his eyes, pained amusement washing over him. Then he opened them again, and I couldn’t look away from that brilliant green. “What about the curse, Isa? What was the wording Cecily included that allowed me to transform back into a human?”
“If someone admitted their love for you,” I said, not understanding where he was going with this.
“No.” His hand moved around to my nape. “The curse required me to fall in love, too.”
“You really love me?”
His thumb brushed the edge of my jaw. “Can’t you hear the truth of my words? I love you, Isabel Cardh. Thorns and all.”
I could hear it, the beautiful melody of truth, but I was too shocked to accept it. Not that I didn’t believe... but hearing the words felt like a dream. I needed to reassure myself that I was awake. Felix’s head dipped lower, and my hands landed on his shoulders without thought. Yes. This was what I needed.
“Since I only remember bits and pieces after the transformation, I’d like to refresh one memory in particular.” He moved slowly, hesitantly, stopping with an inch still between our lips. “Isa, may I kiss you?”
I went up on tiptoe, closing that last bit of distance between us, and kissed him. His lips moved against mine, and he pulled me flush against his body. It was everything I remembered, and this time when his tongue met mine, I thought I was the one who might fall. My legs went weak, and I curled my fingers into his doublet, letting him hold me upright.
He pulled back, a familiar, mischievous glint in his eyes. “If I recall correctly, something about this kiss doesn’t match the one I’m trying to remember.”
“You knocking your head on the floor and getting a concussion?”
He startled. “What?”
“Well, it almost happened.”
“That was not what I was talking about.” He shook his head, then leaned so he could whisper in my ear. “I seem to recall fewer clothes being involved.”
I shivered, and I knew he didn’t miss the reaction. He smirked, but waited for a response.
I licked my lips, tried to speak. Nothing came out. I tried again, not quite daring to look above his shoulders. “I’ve never done this before.”
He stilled. “Do you not want to? I’m sorry, Isa. I shouldn’t have pushed.”
My hands still rested on his shoulders, and I didn’t let him step back. “I never understood the appeal before, but it’s different with you. Kissing you is . . . I can’t even describe it, but I know I like it. I want more. I want it all. But I don’t know what to do—not really.”
He wrapped his arms back around me, pressing me against the heat of his body, and rested his chin on the top of my head. “There isn’t a script to follow. We do what feels right. What feels good. And only when the time is right.”
I remained in his arms for a moment, absorbing their strength. Then I stepped back, tugging Felix along with me to the stairs. I didn’t want him to hesitate or worry that I wasn’t as eager as him. “I mean it. I want this. You just need to take the lead.”
He grinned, letting me tow him along. “You seem to be doing pretty well taking charge.”