Chapter 21 Flutter and Guard
"So... what do you think, Dec?"
Margot's question was simple enough. Was I okay with Ryder working for Billy? The answer was anything but simple.
"Okay" wasn't the right word. Having him here felt... bittersweet. He's an adult. He can work wherever he wants. I can't stop him and I wouldn't, even if I could.
But seeing him every day? That hardly feels like moving on.
I couldn't get over him in a year when he was miles away, what chance do I have now, with him just down the road, close enough that his presence lingers in the air I breathe?
So I tell myself the only safe way forward is friendship. Just friends. Nothing more.
In the end, I told Billy to let him. Ryder came that night to learn the basics of the jewellery workshop, his voice carrying faintly down the hall. I stayed in my room, book open but unread, staring at the same paragraph until the words blurred together.
The next morning, the sound of a blender woke me.
A blender.
At seven-thirty.
I stumbled downstairs, muttering under my breath and froze on the last step. Ryder was at the counter, sleeves rolled to his elbows, hair a beautiful, messy chaos. The morning light caught on the curve of his jaw, and for a moment it felt like my chest forgot how to work.
Margot was perched on the counter, giggling like they'd been at this for hours already. She pointed at the glass in front of him, laughing so hard she nearly toppled off the counter.
"You cannot be serious. That looks like roadkill."
Ryder's mouth quirked into a grin. "That's because you lack imagination."
"That's because it's blue and lumpy," Margot shot back. "What even is it?"
He sipped whatever it was with an exaggerated flourish. "A culinary innovation."
Their banter felt so easy. He spotted me then. His whole face lit up like sunrise. "Morning, Dec."
The way he said my name made something small and traitorous flutter low in my stomach.
"Good morning..." My voice came out slower than I meant.
Margot grinned wickedly. "He's making a smoothie. Look at this thing, it's like sea foam mixed with kryptonite. He won't tell me what's in it."
"It's a secret," Ryder said solemnly, like we were discussing state matters.
Margot grabbed her coffee and hopped down, tossing me a knowing look on her way out. "Good luck surviving whatever this is."
When she left, the kitchen felt suddenly smaller.
Ryder poured the smoothie into a tall glass and pushed it toward me.
His fingers brushed mine. I froze, just for a heartbeat, my skin buzzing where he'd touched me.
His mouth curved into that slow, infuriating smile.
I pulled the glass toward me, feigning indifference and asked looking at the strange blue-green color catching the light like sea glass, "Why does it look like something that belongs in an aquarium? "
"You once said you don't have a favorite color, right?" he said, leaning casually against the counter. "So I thought, why not make a different color smoothie every morning?"
I narrowed my eyes at it. "Okayy."
He grinned, sliding the glass closer, "Today's special is blue-green. You know, the color of healing. Renewal. They say it's the color of the sea — the Aegean specifically in Greek mythology — the place where heroes are tested and come back changed."
He leaned against the counter, his voice gentler now, "Heroes never come back the same, Dec. That's the point. The Aegean isn't just about danger, it's about transformation. They go through storms, monsters, entire wars sometimes... and somehow they make it back. Different. Stronger."
Something in my chest tightened, so I looked down at the smoothie instead of at him.
"Drink up, Ven," he said.
I frowned. "Ven? What do you call me that for?"
His mouth curved, a secretive little grin. "One day I'll tell you."
I raised an eyebrow. "So this is some kind of game now?"
"Only if you lose," he said, eyes glinting.
I narrowed my eyes, refusing to let my face give anything away. My heart might have been cartwheeling, but my expression stayed neutral.
"Stop looking like a cute rabbit," I muttered.
That made him laugh — loud, bright, unguarded. "You think rabbits are cute?"
I blinked. "You don't think rabbits are cute?"
"Not as cute as you when you're suspicious of a smoothie," he said casually, and before I could even summon a comeback, he winked and headed toward the door. Then he looked back over his shoulder, grin still in place. "You're drinking that smoothie, right?"
"I haven't decided yet!"
"Yes, you have." His laughter followed him out the door. I stared at the glass for a long moment, heart thumping, before finally taking a sip.
Of course it was delicious.
I went to get ready for work, pulling my hair into a quick knot and grabbing my bag, but my feet had other plans. Instead of heading straight out the door, I found myself wandering toward Billy's workshop — quiet, hesitant, like I could pass it off as coincidence if anyone caught me.
Just a peek, I told myself. Just one little glimpse. The door was slightly ajar, warm light spilling out. I could hear the soft clink of tools, the faint hum of music and Ryder looking gorgeous. I leaned closer, heart thudding, and—
"What exactly are we peeking at, hmm?"
I nearly launched into orbit, "Holy— Margot!" I gasped, clutching my chest.
She was leaning casually against the doorway like she'd been standing there forever, clearly enjoying every second of my mortification.
"God, you scared me!" I hissed, glancing back toward the workshop as if Ryder might have heard me. And of course, because the universe hates me, he was there — head bent over the workbench, a small, secretive smile tugging at his mouth. He didn't look up, but I knew he'd heard.
I slapped my hands over my face. "Oh no," I whispered into my palms. Margot just grinned like a cat who'd found cream. "Sure, sure. You just happened to be walking by."
"I thought I lost something." I said.
"Yeah," Margot said, "Your last brain cell the second you saw him bend over that workbench."
I rolled my eyes dramatically and stalked off toward the door before I could humiliate myself further. My pulse was still racing, I reached for my keys, I noticed my lunch bag sitting on the counter, packed and ready.
Tucked neatly at the top of the bag was a small note:
Please don't forget to eat. I know you'd try to push through without it. —R
I left my pulse still erratic. He knows—he knows how easily I forget to take care of myself when I'm buried in work. The romantic in me was twirling like some lovesick Disney heroine. The cynical part of me was crossing its arms, glaring, reminding me of all the reasons I needed to be careful.
By the time I got to work, I was emotionally wrung out, and then I saw Finn.
Perfect.
Going on a date with a coworker had not been my brightest idea. But Finn had been persistent, and a part of me had thought maybe, just maybe, he could make me forget Ryder.
Spoiler alert: he could not.
Finn caught sight of me and grinned, leaning against the counter like he had been waiting for me. "Well, if it isn't my favorite almost-girlfriend."
I sighed. "We went on one date."
"And it was a good date," he said, grin widening. "Which is why I was hoping for a second one."
I hesitated, my stomach twisting. "Finn, it's... not fair to you. I can't go on dates with someone when my heart..."
"Belongs to someone else?" he finished gently.
I nodded. "Yeah, and my trust is kind of... broken right now. In men. In relationships."
For a second, I expected him to get offended. Or awkward. Or at least back off. Instead, Finn chuckled softly. "That's okay."
I blinked. "What?"
"If you let me, I can be patient," he said. His tone was warm, not pushy. "You don't have to figure it all out today. I can just be here. No pressure."
I stared at him, feeling both guilty and oddly relieved.
"Thank you, Finn. But I'm not interested."
"For now," he said lightly, and left.
The moment I stepped through the doors after my shift, the evening air embraced me, and so did the sight of him. Ryder stood there, unhurried and steady, as though he'd been waiting his whole life for this one moment.
''Hey Dec, you usually walk home, right?'' he asked.
"Yes..." I said slowly. "Why?"
"I thought I'd walk with you. But if you'd rather be alone..."
"That's ridiculous," I said before I could stop myself. "You're already here."
That made him smile — soft, almost shy, but pleased. "Good. Let's go then."
We fell into step together. The streets were quiet, lined with old trees, the air smelling faintly of salt from the harbor. I loved walking this way, it was my time to clear my head but tonight my thoughts were anything but clear.
Halfway down the street, Ryder stopped suddenly.
"What?"
He crouched, plucked something from the ground, and stood, holding out a small wildflower. "For you."
I blinked at it. "You just picked that out of a crack in the sidewalk."
"Yeah," he said simply, as though that was the whole point.
I took it, despite myself.
"Remember that time you swore you could keep succulents alive?" he asked as we started walking again.
I groaned. "They were defective plants. That wasn't my fault."
"They were not defective."
"They were already half-dead when I got them!"
"They were thriving until you drowned them," He laughed, the sound warm and unguarded, then slowed his steps.
When he glanced at me, something in his eyes made my breath falter.
"You know," he said quietly, almost reverently, "even when you're killing plants, you're... captivating.
The way your hands sink into the soil, your hair slipping forward, that little crease between your brows when you're concentrating—"
I blinked, startled, unsure what to do with the rush of heat to my cheeks.
He pressed on, voice tender. "It's not just your face. It's the way you move through the world. The way you get frustrated over small things, the way you defend your hopeless succulents as if they matter more than anything. I see all of it. I've always seen you. Always admired you."
He paused, his smile flickering, then softened into something almost aching.
"I only wish I'd found you when I was ready, when I wasn't broken.
If I could go back in time, I'd hold myself back until I'd fixed the mess I was.
I'd have stayed at a distance, just coaching you, protecting you from me.
But the truth is... even in the dark, even in the chaos, my heart was already yours. It still is, always."
My heart stumbled against my ribs, a fragile, restless storm I knew he couldn't hear. I didn't answer, just let his words hover, soft and radiant in the air between us. And though every part of me longed to let them in, I kept my defenses locked tight, hiding what he must never see.