Chapter 29 Ferris-Wheel Heartbeat （Ryder）
(Ryder)
I was still high from it. From her.
From the taste of her lips on mine, from the way the world felt wide open and almost kind for the first time in years.
My heart was still thudding with hope as I crossed the fairground, two paper cups in my hands.
I'd just been thinking about the Ferris wheel, about her laugh, about maybe telling her again, louder and bigger, how much I loved her.
Then I saw her. Mira's mother with a gun glinting under the cheap string lights.
For a heartbeat I couldn't breathe. The cups slipped from my hands and fell to the ground.
Time warped. The noise of the fair stretched into something strange and slow.
All I could see was Dec's face and the black steel pointed in her direction.
I didn't think, I just ran. If there's one thing I'd promised myself, it was that she'd never bleed because of my past. Never.
Not if I had a choice. I screamed her name as I lunged forward.
The world went silent except for my pulse hammering in my skull.
People were screaming, scattering, but it all blurred.
Then—
The shot.
A crack like lightning split the world. A weight like being punched from the inside out stole my breath. The air left my lungs in a rush, the sounds of the fair collapsing into a single, echoing heartbeat. Everything inside me went white—soundless, weightless, as if the universe had been muted.
For a split second, I thought it had missed. That it was just noise. That we were both okay. I even opened my mouth to tell Dec to run then I looked down.
Blood. So much blood blooming across my shirt like a terrible flower, petal after petal of red spreading wider, warmer.
Relief hit me harder than the pain. It's me. Not her. Thank God. Thank God it's me. I would rather be carved apart a thousand times than see her hurt. I would rather disappear from this world than watch her fall.
Then she was there, before I hit the ground, her arms wrapping around me with a ferocity that felt like life itself, her fingers clawing at my jacket like she could pull me back from whatever edge I was slipping toward. At first it was a whisper, then it rose into a howl that cut through the noise.
"Ryder, love! Don't you dare leave me! Someone—please— Call 911!"
I wanted to tell her not to cry, that I was fine, that it was just a scratch, but my throat was full of fire and iron.
I tasted metal. Words stuck behind my teeth.
My body felt heavy, like someone had tied stones to my bones.
I forced my eyes open, searching for hers.
My Dec. Her face streaked with tears, hair falling loose, eyes locked on mine like she could anchor me to the world by sheer force of will.
She held me like she could stop the bleeding by love alone.
All I could think was: She'll be okay. She has Jan. She has Margot. She has Billy. She's tougher than she knows. She'll survive this, even if I don't.
I managed a whisper, barely sound, my lips brushing hers as I tried to form the words.
"Thank... you... Dec... I love—"
I don't know if she heard the rest. The world tilted, the edges dimming, but in my mind I saw her as she'd been tonight—her fingers tangled with mine on the Ferris wheel, her head thrown back in laughter, our first kiss tasting of sugar and sky.
She has been the brightest part of my life.
Not just light in the dark, she was the light.
My wildest miracle in a world that had only ever handed me wreckage.
She'll never really know how many nights she held me back from the edge just by existing.
Just by breathing in the same room as me.
Her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes softened when they found mine.
.. the way she looked at me like I wasn't ruined, like I was still worth loving, those were my saving grace.
My tether to a life I didn't think I deserved.
I wanted to tell her all of it. That every cup of coffee she left on the counter, every joke she told, every small kindness had stitched me back together piece by piece. That she'd been my safest place, my home.
I wished for more time—God, even a minute would have been enough. One more hour to hear her voice. One more breath to press my forehead to hers and whisper everything I'd held back. One more heartbeat to tell her without fear.
But even in that moment, as my chest ached and my hands trembled in hers, I knew: the few stolen months with her had been worth every second. Worth every risk. Worth every scar, every secret, every sleepless night that led me here.
If I had to go, there was no better way than this, no better ending than in her arms. Her heartbeat was thunder against my ribs, fierce and terrified, trying to keep me tethered. Her tears slid down my face like rain. Her voice was a prayer and a command all at once: don't you dare leave me.
If this was the last thing I would ever know, let it be her. Let it be this. Her arms around me, her tears falling onto my face, her heartbeat a frantic drum against my own.
"Please... be happy." The words tore out of me in a rasp, more breath than sound.
My vision tunneled, but I held onto her face, trembling, fierce, beautiful , and thought, If I can't stay, then let her life still be wide and bright. Please God, Let her laugh again. Let her love again. Let her live.
Her fingers pressed against my cheek, shaking. Her tears fell like saltwater onto my lips, and as everything inside me dimmed, I whispered again, softer but sure, I love you, Dec.
Let that be the last thing she hears from me.
Chapter 30: Forged in Fire