Chapter 20
20
LUCY
I ’m cold just looking out of the window. The white blanket stretches as far as the eye can see. Tall conifers break up the view with a lake iced over in the middle. We’ve been holed up here long enough that the bruises are fading and the aches are subsiding.
Every night, I sit in the large polished concrete bath and watch the snow fall, wondering when Tomasz will retaliate. His anger is palpable in every look we share. It’s as if he’s waiting for me to heal so that he can break me again.
The sound of the dogs barking outside has me sitting up. Crossing my arms on the edge of the tub, I rest my chin on my arms and watch them roll around in the snow. Their coats become heavily coated before they shake off a flurry everywhere.
The shuffle behind me mutes my light chuckle. I know it’s him. Tomasz has a way of using up all the oxygen in the room. His presence is so powerful that it’s impossible to mistake him for anyone else.
“They love the snow,” I murmur, trying to ignore the punchy thrum of my heart that his narrowed gaze causes.
“Hardly surprising given they’re snow dogs.” The clipped tone of his words has me drawing myself closed.
With my knees tucked to my chest, I follow Tomasz’s every move as he pulls off his thick wool sweater and drops it on the heated, cobbled floor by his bare feet. Even they are something to behold. I don’t think there’s a single part of him that isn’t beautiful. From the olive tone of his skin to the tattoos that scroll over it, rippling with every pull and twist of hard muscle.
Thick forearms bulge as he unbuckles his belt and pulls it loose with a whip of the air that makes my pulse stutter. Tightening my arms around my legs, I try to calm the apprehension knotting tighter in my gut.
“Just get it over and done with,” I tell him while he stands over me with the belt coiled in his grasp. “Punish me already…”
A dark, part chuckle and part scoff vibrates from him while he licks over his teeth.
“You’re angry with me…I can feel it, and I can’t breathe past it.”
All he can reply with is “Good.”
Always so cold, even when we both know it’s a front. Maybe he thinks it makes him stronger, but even stone crumbles eventually. Steel dings and bends with enough force.
“You’re suffocating me with it.” Cocking his head to the side, Tomasz appraises me. “Fucking hurt me already, please… It’s what you want, isn’t it? You need to punish me?”
A restrained breath quivers through his entire body as his jaw clenches, teeth biting tightly together as his hands blanch with the force of his grip on the belt.
“Hurt,” he growls, deep and quiet enough that it’s coated in warning. “Punish…”
“Yes.” I release my legs and hold on to the edge of the tub, trying to open myself to him and at least appear ready for whatever it is he needs to do so that we can move past this purgatory we’ve found ourselves in.
It’s neither heaven nor hell. There’s no passion, just a vapid void that numbs all the things I used to feel. I’m completely untethered from myself, and I need him to help me fix that. I can’t do it on my own, and Tomasz is the only person I have left. He stuck to his word and came back for me.
When every person I’ve trusted has betrayed me, this monster kept his word. He found me like he said he would. And every time he looks at me with his anger blazing in his eyes, I don’t know whether I want to thank him or scream at him for saving me. I don’t know whether to hate him or love him anymore. All I know is that I’m crashing and burning and drowning without him and his touch and the ferocity he used to taunt me with.
Releasing a sharp breath through gaping lips, Tomasz throws the belt at the corner of the room where the log burner is crackling. Grasping the side of my face roughly, he grimaces down at me with more disdain and fury than I have ever seen in anyone.
“You think it’s enough?” he asks between gritted teeth. “To hurt and punish you?”
Pressing my mouth firmly shut, I don’t reply.
“I showed you the truth. I gave you the answers you needed…” His hand slips down to my neck, faltering for the shortest tick of a second before he grips my throat. His blue eyes glint, ice-cold and unhinged. “I want to smother you when you sleep next to me,” he states with a monotone and harsh hiss. Lowering to a crouch, he levels with me. “I want to pull you under and watch you drown.”
A shiver runs through me at the undeniable honesty of his words. I should be and I am afraid. But it’s not of him. The only fear I have right now is that the hate he feels is stronger than the need and want screaming for him inside me. I’ve been here before…loving someone that will never love me back. I let it dictate my present and future, and it almost got me killed. If it wasn’t for this man, it would have gotten me killed, and from the way Tomasz is looking at me…it still might.
“I want to fucking kill you,” he groans with his thumb raking down the side of my throat. Large, powerful fingers dig into my flesh while his breaths deepen with the flare of his nostrils. “If I could fucking destroy you…”
“You can.”
“After everything I showed you…you ran from me…” Sucking his plump lip into his mouth, he shakes his head as though he is still trying to understand my actions. “And still…still, I can’t kill you because I want to keep you more. Even if the anger I feel when I look at you suffocates me, I can’t let you go.”
The truth hurts. Like. A. Motherfucker. And as it leaves my lips, I know that my life will never be the same. “I don’t want you to let me go.”
There’s only one thing I want right now, and as I hold his stare, my hand moulds to his around my neck, guiding it slowly down my wracking chest as goosebumps break out over my entire body. Rough fingertips set my pores alight while he stares back at me.
Still furious. Still crazed. Still dangerous. And by far the most alluring he’s ever been.
He’s a criminal. A sinner. I’d go as far as a monster. But he is all I want. And right now, it doesn’t matter whether he kills me or keeps me, so long as he devours me with all that fire blazing in his eyes.
Releasing Tomasz’s hand, I grasp the sides of the tub, trying to hold myself still while he continues roving down my belly.
“You want me to make you feel good, Red, but I don’t know how to go easy.”
“Then don’t,” I exhale as his fingertips curl around my pussy, cupping me harshly before removing his hand altogether. “I can beg. I can fight. Tell me what to do…please.”
The conflict in his head storms in his eyes, and like so many times before, they darken with lust while they peruse down my body as I lean back into the water.
“What do you want from me?”
Pensive, Tomasz stands and grabs a towel from the cupboard. It’s as if he’s looking for any excuse to put space between us while he pulls the towel horse closer to the log burner and lays the towel over it. Once he’s done, Tomasz returns to my side, and after a moment, he tempers the handheld showerhead and goes about wetting my hair.
There’s nothing but silence as he shampoos it, working the suds through the lengths in a far-too-gentle manner that goes against every touch he’s ever graced me with. Fingers combing through my hair in quiet strokes, Tomasz works out the knots until he’s done and I’m thoroughly cleaned and bundled in the large bath sheet he warmed for me.
Standing in front of the large four-poster bed that overlooks the back of the house, he sets me down on my feet. Not as gently as before, but as surprising as it was for him to take care of me like that, I like it when he’s a little less tempered. Unhinged and rough look and feel so much better from him. It’s who he is at heart. His soul is dark and stormy, something that indelibly enraptures mine. Even as he turns from me to stand in front of the glass wall looking out to the hot-spring pool and the endless forest that shrinks into the snowy mountain backdrop.
“You know what I want,” he finally speaks. In the setting sun, his reflection is clearer as he finds my stare in the glass. “You know what to do, Lucy.”
My name in his rough, deep baritone rakes through me. And yes, I do. I know what he wants and what I need to do. With the golden light outlining his tall, broad silhouette, it’s impossible to think that he would want or need anything but my surrender. With his hands pushing into the pockets of his dark jeans, the muscles on his back bulge, making him appear bigger. Mightier, even. Every bit the king he is. And I can’t deny him.
Who am I? His question from forever ago echoes in my thoughts, muting the rasp of my unsteady breaths while my heart cries to his. Own me. Keep me… Love me.
The longer I stand watching him peruse the majestic surroundings, the more obvious it becomes with my hammering pulse and the heat licking at my insides that as much as he needs my surrender, I crave his control. Tomasz wants to be my master, and I can’t pretend that I’m not his pet.
Like this. Alone. My entire being aches to bend to his. To be overpowered and possessed by him. It doesn’t matter that it shatters everything I’ve ever been. Because even if it hurts—tearing me apart as I slip the towel from my shoulders and watch it pool on the wood floor while my knees shake and my insides twist when they lower to the ground—it is the most natural action I’ve taken in so long. It’s the essence of every rule I’ve been taught my entire life.
You always bow to a king.
With my stare focusing on the knots of the wood beneath me, I flatten my hands to the floor and allow my hair to curtain the tears that swell on my lashes, scalding my skin as they fall heavily on my thighs.
Large feet come into view, and while I’m still tracing their length to the rolled hem of his jeans, Tomasz grasps my jaw, cupping the underside with his palm before tipping my face up to his.
There’s no softness or mercy. The dark shadow of the stubble on his jaw does nothing to buffer the sharp lines of his regal features. This king is a cruel monster. Vicious in his affections. Brutal in his punishments. From his ruthless heart to his savage soul.
“Do you know what you are doing?” he asks.
I’m on my knees, searching for the right thing to say when it’s really simple. “I have nothing left to lose.”
The life I had is gone. The girl I used to be is dead. My heart is twisted and choked by the weeds of his lust, and my soul is desperately searching for a home to belong to.
“There’s nothing left.”
With a twitch of his jaw, he audibly swallows down whatever remark is on the tip of his tongue and lifts me to my feet with nothing but his grip on my throat. We’re body to body, my cool flesh pressed to his warm skin while he tunnels his fingers into my hair and fists it in his large hands.
“You never run from me again. You don’t make a single move without my say-so.” Twisting his grasp until every follicle is on fire, he grimaces. “Because if you do…malyshka…I will bury you in the ground while your heart is still beating in your chest, and I’ll let the earth beneath our feet drown your screams.”
There’s no warning when he pulls me up onto my toes and descends on me at the same time. The scratch of his stubble on my face makes me shudder as his lips crush to mine, hard and unyielding in their assault until he rips away from me, throwing me on the bed. Tomasz peruses the length of my splayed body while he strips out of his jeans.
With his cock freed, he yanks me to the edge of the mattress by my ankles, a harsh prelude to the soft rake of his fingers down my legs and my thighs. Pulling the bolster cushion down to my arse to lift me higher, he aligns himself at my entrance.
“Please,” I beg as he shallows inside me, and in reply, he slaps the side of my arse.
It’s too hard to be playful and easy enough to be punishing. It’s a warning, reminding me of who is in control as his girth stretches me mercilessly.
With his thumb stroking lightly over my wet flesh, Tomasz teases the pleasure from deep inside me. The way he’s looking at me, tracing over every inch of my body while easing himself inside me, is different to every other time he’s touched me. Even when he grips my breasts, squeezing the flesh in his hands harder with every measured thrust…there’s more. A yearning that burns in his eyes, making my heart beat faster while he holds my stare and breathes in my moans.
“That’s it,” he groans, forcing himself deeper until the burning ache of his possession becomes a bone-deep crackle of pain.
Even in his gentleness, Tomasz is brutal. Holding still, he anchors me to him as I writhe and buck, trying to ease some of the fullness.
I’ve asked for this. Over and over and again. I’ve silently begged for him to tear me apart. At no point did I imagine it to feel like this. To love the pain or yearn for the pleasure that only he can give me.
“Make yourself come on my cock.” Trailing down from my breasts, Tomasz wraps his forearms around my thighs, holding me still, prisoning himself inside me—so deep, so thick, and so hard that my insides fray with the torturous agony of his intrusion.
My hand inches closer to the bottom of my belly. I’m so desperate for my release, and yet, when my fingertips graze my throbbing clit, I’m disappointed. My body is grieved. It craves his touch. Nothing else will do. Only him.
“I…I can’t.”
The sweat beading on his brow glistens in the faint glow of the outdoor lights, the golden tinge igniting the air around us as a long, desperate sob wracks from me.
“Who’s your master?” he asks, forearms tightening around my thighs as his hands close around the back of my knees and his nails cut into my flesh, the bite making my pussy clench around him.
This is what it comes down to. Who do I belong to?
The answer bursts from my lips without pause. “Y-you…you.” The sound of my voice is unrecognisable to me. Wet, desperate, and beseeching.
“I am, and I’m ordering you to make yourself come.” Inhaling a sharp breath, he shoves impossibly deeper without warning.
A scream pushes out of me. Shrill and tormented. Unhinged by his control.
“You’re going to come, pet.” Pitiless eyes light up with a ferocity I’ve never been held with as he utters the word. Pet. A hint of glee tugs at the corner of his mouth before he continues. “You’re going to come, and your cunt is going to pull me all the way inside you. Until I’m completely gloved by your hot pussy.”
“Oh God…” I bluster, inching my hands between my groaning thighs and tracing down to my entrance.
I thought he was all in. It feels like he’s fully inside me. Yet, as I scissor my fingers around the hilt of his shaft, my body bows to take him fully even though I have no more room.
“When I’m completely inside you…” he says through gritted teeth, “that’s when I’ll fuck you. When you take all of me, I’ll take all of you, Red.”
Nodding, I bring my fingers to my clit, rubbing as my orgasm fizzes inside me, slowly building with every stroke until my body is begging for the friction of his cock. The louder it screams for it, the harder I massage myself, faster until I’m almost there. So close. So needy.
“I can’t. I… I can’t… please …please…” I need him to move. I need him to make me come. Nothing else will do.
“I move and I’ll come inside you,” he bites out around his bottom lip, rolling it between his teeth as he looks down at me. “Is that what you want, malyshka? You want me to fill you with my cum?”
“Y-yes.” The reply blurts from me even though I’m aware it’s stupid and reckless. I don’t know whether it’s the heat of the moment or the height of my desperation. Inside—in my heart and soul—I know it’s simply the truth.
I want Tomasz. I want all there is of him…to him. Physically and otherwise. I want him to own me like no one before.
“Yes, master.” The words hiss from my lips, eliciting the whisper of a smile from his as they tip up into a lopsided grin.
Slowly, he releases my thighs, lowering before he braces himself on either side of my belly, sucking and nipping down to my pussy. With one long swipe of his tongue through my folds, he continues back up my body, taking me into the middle of the mattress as he crawls over me.
His strength is intoxicating. There’s a part of me that knows he could break me beyond repair with it, and somehow, I know he won’t. He’ll protect me from everything and everyone, including himself.
Kneeling between my legs, he hooks them over his hips as he holds my stare. The pounding of my heart blurs my vision, and the loud drum drowns out everything except the heat of our closeness as he lowers himself onto me. The gruff on his jaw makes me shiver as he licks up my neck to my ear.
With his dick pressed to my entrance, he tells me, “After this, you will always be mine. Always, malyshka.”
“Yes,” I rasp back.
“I will be your world and your only existence.”
“Mmm-hmm…” The sob tears through me when he inches inside me and then comes to a stop one more time as the pain grips me again. It’s maddening, and with his words, I want more of it.
“You’re mine to fuck.” He thrusts all the way inside me, bottoming out to my garbled scream. “Mine to punish.” Pulling out, he nips my lobewhile he shoves inside me again, and my agonised moan pushes all the way from my gut. “Mine to protect.” He repeats his brutal possession of me. Bracing on one hand, he grips my chin so that our eyes catch.
This isn’t about my body anymore. We’ve gone beyond that. Silvered eyes glint in the muted light as his thumb runs over my lips and he tells me, “You’re mine until your last breath in this world.”
Without removing his gaze, he threads his hands with mine. When my feet clasp at the top of his arse, he strokes inside me again. Each thrust is firm…brutal as he pushes in and holds until the pain fizzles. He does it again and again until we’re both coated in our sweat and our breaths are mangled together, his groans bleeding through my moans.
“ Fuck … Fuck…” he curses as I cry and my orgasm comes to life. Hot. Relentless. It coils in my muscles and burns in my bones.
I can’t breathe as he takes me without mercy. He fucks me as though this is it. This is all we have. Me and him and all the twisted history, savagery, lies, and betrayals. We’re debris, everything that’s left of it all.
“You’re going to come, malyshka, and I’m going to fill you completely. There’ll be nothing left of you without me.”
“Tomasz… Tomasz…” I chant as he fucks me in earnest, harder with every stroke until I’m shaking in his hold. My body writhes and bucks in time to his ruts.
Without warning, heat erupts throughout my entire being. Marrow-deep pleasure rips through me as I cry and cry, “Master. Master…” and he continues fucking himself with my body.
“Red,” he grunts, stiffening over me. His hands grasp my face, tightening with every thrust until he curses his release.
The heat of his seed scalds my insides as I tremble, and he bites down on my lip.
“Malyshka,” he murmurs before licking into my mouth and swallowing down my ragged breaths. “Red…”
Slowly, he twirls his tongue with mine, humming gutturally as though he’s savouring me. This is it. Nothing I’ve ever felt. He sees me,and he wants me.
Somehow, the man that swore to destroy me is the one bringing me to life, giving me everything I’ve ever wanted. And I know I will be his beyond my last breath.
My soul will belong to him for eternity.