Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Laney Lake was driving me fucking insane.
The alpha of my pack, the only man stronger than me, my father, had ordered me to stay away from her.
The problem was that no matter where I went, she was there.
If not physically, then in my mind. The other day, when I saw her sitting with Clayton, I almost lost my fucking control and snapped.
Since I’d been with Danny, I couldn’t do anything.
The first chance I had, I left him and circled back, watching Laney from afar.
Once Clayton left her, I’d fought against the order, the chains, and went to talk to her.
At first, it had been difficult, like trying to push a semi-truck out of my way, but once I’d chosen to speak to her, it felt like something severed.
The chains disintegrated, and the truck moved out of my way.
I still hadn’t considered what it meant that I’d been able to defy my alpha.
But the need to know if Laney was interested in Clayton had been so intense, so overwhelming, that it had given me the opening to disobey my own father.
Maybe if Laney was with someone else, if the bond between us dissolved, I’d be able to ignore her.
It was easier to pretend she didn’t exist when my packmates were around and I had to ignore her.
If they saw me with Laney, they’d report back to my dad.
But when I was alone and no one was around to see, I’d try to talk to her. I had no choice. I simply had to.
The more time that passed, the more convinced I was that Laney was my true mate.
I think my packmates were thinking the same thing, but no one was dumb enough to verbalize it.
Something about her, no matter how small that might be, called to me on a level no one else ever had.
Which was why my dad didn’t want me anywhere near her.
If we formed a full mating bond, I’d never be able to take over for my dad.
I’d never be able to lead the pack with a half-breed for a partner.
The problem was that I didn’t know if I cared any longer. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to stay away from her. I sure as hell didn’t want to.
So as I lay stretched out on the bed, one girl straddling my torso as she took off her top and another girl unzipping my pants, all I could think about was Laney Lake.
Fuck. I’d hoped one of these girls could get my mind off her.
Could make me forget her. Could sever the connection.
This was a last-ditch effort before I threw it all away for Laney.
The girl on top of me removed her bra, then she leaned down, kissing my lips.
I wanted to hurl. I grabbed her upper arms, shoving her off me.
“Just tell me what you like,” she purred. “I’ll do whatever you want.”
I didn’t even know her name.
I sat up and stopped the other chick from pulling my boxers down.
She looked up at me under hooded eyes. “You want to stand?” She grinned.
“I gotta go,” I mumbled, zipping my pants back up and scooting to the edge of the bed.
Both protested, but I didn’t bother to hang around to listen to them. I tore out of the room, running down the steps two at a time. The thought of having someone touch me or being with another woman intimately was making me physically ill.
“What’s the matter?” Danny asked, immediately at my side, just like a second should be.
“Where’s Laney?” I’d seen him and Em with her earlier.
Danny’s eyes darkened. “Why do you want to know?”
I ran my hand through my hair, considering my options.
The need to find Laney consumed me, making it hard to think rationally.
Even though our alpha had given us orders, Danny and I had been best friends as long as I could remember.
I hoped he’d understand and side with me on this one.
If he didn’t tell me where she was, I feared my control would snap, and I’d do something stupid.
“I need to talk to her.” My hands were shaking, my muscles vibrating.
“Why?”
“Just tell me where she is.”
“Laney saw you with those two chicks. Em told her it was your normal behavior now that you’re single. After that, she left with Clayton.”
I couldn’t imagine what she must think of me.
When I saw her arrive with Clayton, I’d wanted to rip the guy’s arms off.
I’d never felt such strong jealousy before.
If, as I suspected, we were mates, she had to feel the same.
And seeing me with those girls had to gut her.
Shame inundated me that I’d caused Laney any sort of distress.
“You don’t look good,” Danny said. “You’re all white, and you’ve got sweat along your forehead.”
“I don’t feel good,” I muttered. “I’m gonna go.” I had to find Laney.
Without waiting for him to respond, I shoved past people in a hurry to get out of the house.
I sprinted for Laney’s dorm, knowing she might not be there.
She could be with Clayton at his place. Yet…
if our bond was as strong as I suspected, she’d have ditched him by now.
I held onto that small amount of hope as I ran across campus.
Running helped relax me, and I tried to feel where Laney was. A pull came from up ahead. I was going in the right direction. I just hoped Clayton wasn’t in her room when I got there. If I found him with her, I’d probably kill him.
When I got to her dorm, I stood outside the door, debating how to get inside. I doubted Laney would answer my text right now. She had to be furious with me.
A couple of girls approached, swiping their IDs and heading inside. I smiled and waved at them, pretending like I was waiting for someone to come out.
Just before the door shut, I stuck my foot out, blocking it from closing all the way. I stayed like that, waiting for the girls to be far enough away so I could sneak inside without them seeing me.
When enough time had passed, I slipped into the dorm and took the elevator up to Laney’s floor.
The last time I was here had been to drop off the flowers for her.
When I’d heard she was sick, I’d gone out to the nearby field and picked them myself.
I was acting like a fucking pansy with this girl.
Em suggested that I talk to some of the elders to see if this was normal behavior for someone forming a mating bond.
My dad said if I spent more time with Laney, the bond would begin to solidify.
He’d made it seem like I could form a bond with someone else so long as I didn’t with Laney.
My instincts told me it was her or nothing.
Standing in front of Laney’s door, I tried to get myself under control. I grabbed hold of the doorframe, forcing myself to breathe steadily, while thinking about what to say to her.
A bolt of warmth radiated from the other side of the door. Excitement and terror shot through me when I realized Laney had to be standing there. Placing my palm on the door, I could feel her doing the same on the other side. This connection between us was insane.
“What are you doing here?” Laney asked through the door.
“We need to talk,” I said.
“We have nothing to talk about.” Her voice sounded strained.
“Please, Laney. Let me in.” I had to see her face. My heart beat faster, and my pulse accelerated.
“Why are you here?” she asked, the unspoken part of that question and not with those two girls I saw you with.
“I want to talk to you. Please.” I hoped adding that part would get her to open the door.
A couple of girls walked by.
“I have things to say to you,” I said to Laney. “If I have to scream them out here in the hallway where everyone can hear, so be it.”
I heard the lock flip, then the door opened a couple of inches.
“I don’t want to talk to—”
I pushed the door open, stepping inside and not giving her a chance to finish that sentence. I closed the door and faced Laney.
My heart did this weird flipping thing. Her face was red, eyes swollen. She’d been crying. I did that to her.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She turned away from me. “For what? We’re not even friends.” She sat on her bed, a tissue in her hands, her head down, not looking at me.
Being in the small room intensified her smell, making it more intoxicating. As I observed her, sitting on that bed, her eyes red, I realized something. While it made no sense, I wanted a relationship with her so we could explore whatever this was between us.
“Nothing happened,” I said, as if that explained everything.
Laney peered up at me, her brows pulling together, questioning.
I ran a hand through my hair, trying to get my thoughts in order, thankful she was willing to hear me out and I hadn’t completely blown it. “I was using them to try to get you out of my mind.”
She made a funny noise and stood. “It’s not nice to use people.” She folded her arms, as if to protect herself from me.
I took a tentative step closer to her. “As soon as I kissed one of them, I knew I couldn’t do anything more.
I just want…” I was going to say that I just wanted her.
But I didn’t want to come on that strong.
The fact that she was in here crying had to mean she felt something for me.
She had to feel the same. This bond couldn’t be one-sided.
“You can do whatever you want,” she said, not looking me in the eyes. “You owe me nothing. I don’t even know why you’re here.”
I had no idea what to say, since I didn’t understand my own feelings for her. “I like you. I want the chance to get to know you.” I wanted to know if we had more than just a physical connection.
“Then you should try talking to me and being my friend.” She fumbled with the tissue in her hand. “Are you embarrassed to be around me? Is that why you’ve been ignoring me lately?”