Chapter 9
WEDNESDAY
“There’s a spooky clown in the hallway,” Dallas said, peeking out the door the next morning.
“A spooky clown?” Pike asked, feeling genuinely confused.
“Yas. Is eating friends.”
“The clown is eating friends?”
“Yas.”
Pike studied her for a minute trying to decide what game they were playing.
“Do you want to be friends with the spooky clown?” he asked his horror-loving Little girl. “Do you want to play with the spooky clown?”
“Nu.”
“Is the spooky clown part of the Halloween festivities? Daddy can sign you up if you want to go. We can do anything you want to, Bitty.” He hadn’t seen anything about a clown in all of the colorful announcements for Halloween festivities, but he would find out for her.
“Nu. I dun want to. Is a mean clown. We can’t get past it.
Is blocking the elevator. So sad,” she said in a sing-song tone.
Toeing off her shoes she sat back down on the hardwood floor and started to tug on the frilly socks he’d put her in that morning.
“No breakfast today. No Caterpillars today. Maybe damorrow.”
Pike laughed, deep and genuine when he realized her plan.
Kneeling, he pulled her socks back up her legs and put the sweetest little leather patent shoes back on her feet.
“There is no spooky clown blocking the elevators, naughty girl. I know you’re nervous, but you’re going to have so much fun in the Caterpillar Room.
You’ll play with your Little friends, make lots of crafts, get snuggles, and I heard there was a special guest coming to read you a Halloween book this week.
” He stood and then helped her to her feet.
“Daddy would never send you somewhere he thought you wouldn’t like, and you only have to stay for a tiny while each day, just long enough for Daddy to attend classes. ”
“I go wif you, Daddy, please?” she asked. Her tears pulled at his heartstrings, but being a Daddy meant he needed to do what was best for her. Even when that was hard.
“Bitty, has Daddy ever lied to you?”
She shook her head, making the bright green bow clipped in her curls flop.
“Do you think Daddy would ever lie to you?”
“No, Daddy.”
“I promise you’re going to have so much fun today, okay? I know you have some big feelings, but I want you to try it for Daddy. Can you be brave?”
Dallas' eyes were still full of tears, but she nodded anyway. “I can be brave.”
“You can, you’re such a brave girl,” he reminded.
He straightened her Frankenstein dress before kissing her cheek.
“You and I will have a yummy breakfast together and then you will go to the nursery for just a tiny while. Then Daddy will come get you and we can go swim again,” he promised.
Dallas had loved swimming in the big pool yesterday.
She’d begged to stay longer, and Pike knew it would be a wonderful reward for her when she tried new things.
“Swim?” she asked.
“If you’re a big brave girl, after your nap, Daddy will take you swimming again.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” Pike said, holding out his pinkie. “I’ll even give you a pinky promise.”
She wrapped her much smaller pinkie around his and nodded. “Okay, Daddy.”
“Good girl,” he praised.
Standing, he grabbed her backpack and tossed it over his shoulder. “Let’s go get some breakfast and then we’ll go see all your Little friends.”
She obediently held his hand as they walked to the elevator and took it down to the main lobby.
“We’re going to eat in the cafeteria again, Bitty.” Once she’d settled into the nursery, they would try a new place, but Pike didn’t want to overwhelm her with too many new things at once.
Dallas toddled behind Daddy as he fixed their plates, not even paying attention to what he was putting on it. Pike was pleased to see she seemed to be looking for her friend Sadie and that made him smile.
She obediently grabbed his pocket before he even asked. “Good girl, Bitty. You’re making Daddy really proud.” She brightened a bit under his words. They parked in their normal spots, and he gave his usual command to sit right there and not to move.
Pike set their cups on the table, pulled a bottle from her bag, and filled it with orange juice and powdered laxative. Dallas frowned. “Nu, Daddy,” she whined.
“Yes,” he answered firmly. “Daddy will never play around with your health.” She knew that.
She often had trouble with her bowel movements due to her asthma medication, so the laxative wasn’t new to her but having it while wearing a diaper definitely was.
He understood it was hard on her to be in a younger headspace in public, but he really felt like she was thriving, and he wasn’t going to let her nerves or tummy issues hinder that for her.
“It will take a few hours to kick in and you will be back with me by then,” he reminded her.
They’d already talked about letting the nursery staff change her and Dallas had been uncomfortable with the idea, so he had sent Miss Phoebe an email letting her know he would be popping in to change her diaper. He would tell her at drop off as well.
He set the bottle on the table in front of her before cutting up her pancakes and strawberries. He added a bit of syrup.
After putting a jack-o’-lantern bib on her, he forked up a bite of pancakes and held it to her mouth.
Dallas took the bite and he praised her before scooping up a second bite.
“Teefs wants a bite bite,” Dallas said, holding the lovie up. Pike offered Teefs a bite, making Dallas giggle.
“Now, Baby Dallas’ turn.” He held another bite to her mouth. By the time Pike had fed Dallas, Teefs, and himself, Dallas was much more relaxed and sitting in his lap, drinking her bottle while he finished his coffee.
Pike’s heart beat rapidly in his chest and more than half of him wanted to take Baby Dallas back to their room and not share her with the world.
New headspaces were hard on Daddies and Mommies too and he didn’t feel like it was talked about near enough.
He was sending the most important piece of his heart into the world and he could only pray they were kind to her.
Dallas squeezed his hand, causing him to look down at her. “It’s going to be okay, Daddy. I’m gonna have lots of fun.”
He stopped, knelt down beside her, and pulled her into his arms. “You’re right, baby. Daddy’s just going to miss you.”
“Is only for a little while, Daddy. We can do it,” she said, nodding confidently. “It will be a super magical day for both of us.”
He chuckled. “You’re such a smart girl, you’re right. We can do it.” He stood and took her hand again, leading her to the Caterpillar Room.
“Good morning, Dallas!”
“Good morning, Nanny J,” she said, shyly.
“Good morning, Teefs,” Nanny J said.
Dallas giggled. “Teefs said good morning too!”
Pike handed the diaper bag over to Nanny J.
“I will be back in about an hour and a half. She shouldn’t need anything before then, but she has a bottle with water inside her bag.
We aren’t ready to let new friends change her diapers yet, so I’ll be popping in to change her during her time here…
probably not today because it’s such a short time frame, but you have my number if I need to come pick her up sooner.
It’s in her cell phone in her diaper bag too,” Pike said. He felt like he was going to throw up.
“I promise we will take the best care of your Little one. We’re going to have so much fun, right, Dallas?”
“Yas, Ma’am.” Dallas said, smiling up at him.
Fuck, he didn’t deserve her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and then gave Teefs a kiss too when she held the baby out to him.
“Have fun, Daddy. Learn lots of new things, okay?”
Pike and Nanny J chuckled, and Pike left her to play, but he felt like he was leaving his entire heart in the nursery.
He made himself walk through the halls with brilliant boards of fun information, gaggles of Little ones, and into the elevator.
Pressing the button for the second floor was much harder than it should have been and he swallowed the lump in his throat.
She was fine. Logically he knew she would be having the time of her life and meeting new friends, hopefully realizing there was a whole classroom full of friends who had the same needs she did.
“Are you okay?” a man asked, standing outside the open elevator doors. Shaking his head, Pike apologized, “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”
“Sam Denton,” the man said, sticking out his hand.
Pike noticed his leather briefcase and business clothes. He wondered if the man judged his ripped jeans and black polo. He doubted it, everyone at Rawhide Ranch seemed very kind. “Pike Miller,” he said, shaking Sam’s hand.
“Are you visiting the Ranch?” he asked when Pike stepped off of the elevator.
“Yes, with my Little girl. I just dropped her off in the Caterpillar Room.”
Sam chuckled. “Ah, that explains the long face. I was worried since I’m one of the therapists employed by Rawhide.”
This time Pike chuckled. “I am okay. I was just contemplating going and getting my baby. I thought she would have a hard time today, not me.”
Sam clapped Pike on the back as they fell in step together. “It always seems they do much better than we do on their first day. It’s hard on a Caregiver's heart for sure.”
Pike nodded. “For sure.” Checking his phone, he wondered if fifteen minutes was enough time for Dallas to “experience” the nursery. He was not having a super magical day at all.