Chapter Twenty Two
Matt
I lie in bed, sleep, a distant thought. Something I probably don’t even deserve.
I can’t get Oliver’s face out of my head, terrified on the bathroom floor. How he sighed in relief when he saw me. How his body relaxed.
Until he really saw me, partially shifted. How his eyes immediately widened. How his body jerked away from me, recognizing a predator.
He doesn't just hate me. He fears me.
The worst thing that could have happened has happened. Now Oliver will live an isolated life with this big secret, his family permanently in danger. He’d never shake off WRB. They’ll be there, always.
He’ll never want to see me again. I don't deserve to see him again. I was given one task, one fucking task, and I failed. I didn't just fail my organization and my friends. I failed Oliver.
After I dealt with Dalton, I had to get out of there. I couldn’t be the cause of Oliver’s fear again. Besides, he didn't need me anymore. I’d done enough damage.
My apartment was empty when I returned. I don’t know how my friends convinced Elliot to leave, but I didn’t care. All I could focus on was how I destroyed Oliver’s life.
Bree and Camilla sat with me for hours while I tried to stop the tears. No words were exchanged. Just the silent grieving of a relationship that never existed. The secret we didn't want to keep. The consequences no one deserved.
After they left, Nick tried to get me to eat. I forced him to leave. I assured him I was alright, but he didn’t look convinced. Eventually, he left.
Meena came to see me later and told me Oliver took it all well. She’s sure he won't tell anyone.
I already knew. That wasn't why I didn't want Oliver to know. But I didn’t tell this to Meena because she also knew. If anyone understands how bad this was, it’s her.
She left after hugging the stuffing out of me. My face must have looked really bad if I made a strict, stone-cold WRB agent like Meena want to hug me.
I fully give up on sleep and reach for my phone. I have to find a solution, some way I can make things normal for Oliver again. Maybe I can move? Of course, I need to move. Oliver will if I don’t, and I can’t let him do that.
I scroll through profiles of realtors, making a list of people to call tomorrow, when I receive a call myself. I’m surprised to see it’s six in the morning already.
“Dude, you’ll never believe it!” Nick crows. ”We found Aurelia and her husband hiding in their cousin’s house in the city.”
I sigh in relief. Now Oliver really doesn’t need me. “Dalton spilled?”
“Dalton spilled,” Nick replies gleefully. “Turns out, they realized pretty quickly their little science experiment was failing, but since they took all this money from people, they continued it anyway.”
“Those humans actually paid to be shoved into closet-sized rooms and pumped full of mystery drugs?”
“They chose their targets well, insecure men who preached toxic masculinity too hard to even care about sanity,” Nick says.
“Shit, man,” I breathe out. The world we live in still manages to surprise me.
“Anyway, you wanna get breakfast?” he asks. “Or are you busy with your little human?”
“He has a name!” I remind him. Again.
Nick laughs like he expected my reaction.
I roll my eyes. “No, I have to look for a new place.”
“Fuck’s sake, Matt,” he complains. “You’re so…how are you so dense sometimes?”
“I don’t have the time—”
“Please go talk to him. For my sanity. Will you?” he pleads.
“He’s scared of me, Nick.”
“You know what? If you don’t go to him right this second, I’m going to drive to your foster parents’ house right now and give them a piece of my mind.”
“It’s not about them!” I insist.
“Are you going, or am I turning my car around? I’ve been wanting to give them a visit for years now,” he says, his voice dangerous.
“Why do you have their address, Nick?” I ask. Most people don’t get to see Nick’s other side, the completely unhinged one. I’ve only seen it twice in all the years I’ve known him. I don’t wish it on anyone.
“Finding their names and addresses was my second misuse of the LAPD database. You don’t want to know the first,” he responds ominously.
“Dude, you’re insane.”
“I’m hearing a whole lot of words, but I’m not hearing you walking towards Oliver’s.”
I groan. “Alright, I’ll go. But just to tell him I’m moving, so he doesn’t have to.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” he dismisses. “And tell him he has nothing to worry about anymore.”
“I will.”
I’m not taking Nick’s threat seriously. I mean, the guy was totally unhinged enough to do what he said, but he won’t. Not without a warning.
But his insistence makes me realize that I at least owe Oliver a conversation. I need to be a grown-up and apologize. And if that means standing there while he yells, chips away at my heart, or worse, gets scared of me and pulls away, I’ll take it.
Once that decision is made, I don’t wait even a single second.
I rush to Oliver's apartment door and check if he’s up.
Not that I’d stop if he isn’t. My wolf is too amped up, completely ignoring the reason why I’m here.
It’s not to see my human but to check if he's alright. And to tell him he’ll have his normal life again, or some semblance of it.
I knock.
My throat goes dry at the sight of Oliver. My heart stops beating, or maybe it really wants to. Even with tussled hair, bloodshot eyes, crumpled clothes, and an exhausted face, Oliver still looks like an angel descended from heaven.
He blinks up at me. Doesn’t say anything. His face is a mask. I feel so out of my depth without his feelings pouring out through his expressions. At least he doesn’t look scared.
“Can I come in?” I ask hesitantly, breaking the silence.
He walks back to the couch, leaving the door open behind him. I guess that’s all I’m gonna get in the form of an invitation.
I slowly close it behind me, trying not to make any sudden movements.
He’s sitting on the couch, his legs folded under him.
I stand behind the armchair closest to the door. My hands are at my sides, completely visible.
He drags his hands over his face, avoiding my eyes. I want to look at those eyes so bad, their absence is a physical ache in my heart.
“I'm sorry,” he says into his hands.
I hear him clearly, but I don’t understand him.
When I don't respond, still processing, he looks up at me. Finally! But he looks guilty?
“Why are you sorry?” My voice cracks. I clear my throat.
His hand moves in gestures I have no hope of deciphering. He looks frustrated.
“For basically throwing myself at you and making you uncomfortable. For touching you.” He turns away from me.
Good, because the way my jaw drops to the floor can’t be an attractive sight.
“I forced you to kiss me, to sleep with me. Fuck, I fantasized about you for so long, running my hands through your hair and over your fucking forearms. I convinced myself you were interested in me, but you were just trying to do your job! God, I pushed you into all of it.” He looks disgusted.
I hurry over to the couch, overwhelmed by how distressed he looks. He doesn't flinch when I sit beside him.
“This is so embarrassing, and I’m so so—”
“Oliver,” I interrupt. “You did not— What are you even talking about?”
“That's why you're here, aren't you? I know everything.”
“Fuck, you know nothing if you think any of what we did was forced on me. What happened to you, the fact that you know everything, is all my fault. That's what I came here to tell you. That…that I’m going to disappear.” Why does my chest feel so heavy? There’s a sting behind my eyes. I swallow.
Oliver looks all confused and innocent, and all I want is to close the gap between us.
No, I’m not here for that! I stare at the coffee table and continue, “You won't ever have to see my face again.
I can't promise you that you won't have to deal with the Bureau.
If I did my job properly, you wouldn't have this massive secret putting you in danger. I came to apologize for destroying your life.” My cheeks feel wet.
Oliver grabs my face. “Knowing about the other part of your life doesn't destroy mine. What are you even talking about?” he demands, genuinely worried.
“I mean, you can't talk about this with anyone.”
“I can talk about this with you and Laura, and your friends. And Emily’s a werewolf, right?” I nod, his palms moving with me. “Well, then…that's people.”
“But your family—”
“Meena promised me nothing would happen to them unless I reveal the secret in some big way. Like going on a news channel and announcing it. And since I have no desire to look like a fool or do anything that would put your life in danger, I think we’re safe there.”
“But I put you in danger. Dalton could have killed you. And you went to that shop…They probably stored bodies there,” I stammer.
He looks guilty. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have done that. But how is that your fault exactly?”
“I was responsible for keeping you safe!” I yell.
He tilts his head, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks. “I thought you had to misdirect me.”
“That too.”
“Shut up, dude!”
“Don’t call me dude,” I respond automatically.
He smiles, small, but then he frowns. “It wasn’t your responsibility to follow me around. And Meena told me you were only supposed to have a couple of conversations with me, then leave me be.”
“I wanted to, though,” I confess.
“What? Follow me around?” he laughs. “Don’t say things like that and confuse me, Matt! And you might be the big bad wolf, but you still can’t predict another human’s actions. Also, you have a life and two jobs!”
I pull back, his hands falling. No, this is not the direction this conversation was supposed to take. I stand and start pacing.
I'm not explaining things properly. My brain doesn’t work when he's touching me.
“You don't get it. Your life will never be the same. Maybe you’re excited about the newness of everything right now, but you will come to hate it in the future. I've seen it happen. I know how it goes. The next time you see a big guy, you’ll be scared he might shift and kill you.
Oliver stands.
“You’ll find yourself looking over your shoulder every day, trying to see if someone is a werewolf.
Every corner will be a threat to you. Everyone around you will think you're a freak for worrying, but you need to worry because predators walk amongst you.
It's not a good life, and I let that happen to you.”
“But you didn’t make the world like this.” He walks towards me.
I take a step back.
“Matt, I understand. I understand all of it, and I'm not scared. I've met at least ten werewolves in the last week, and only three of them were dangerous. Even they didn’t attack me until they felt provoked. You are not inherently dangerous.”
He takes another step forward. I don’t move.
“Will you ever hurt me?” he asks.
“What? Fuck no, never!” I say, moving towards him. I force myself to stop.
“Then I'm not scared. I'm not going to look for werewolves anymore. Consider that lesson learned.”
It can’t be that simple.
“You know what? Just answer this. Is this the only reason we're not together?”
I'm stumped. “No, we just…We can't be together.”
“Oh…right.” His face crumples. “Of course.”
“No, wait, it's not you! You’re so nice. Perfect. Innocent. You don't deserve the life you'll have if you—if we’re together.”
“Well, I get to make that decision, don't I?”
“No. You don't know the facts.”
He suddenly looks angry. “I just read a one-hundred-and-fifty-page document, Matt. I know what I’m volunteering for.”
My heart beats so fast I feel dizzy.
“You know what?” His voice rises. “I’m going inside that room, and I'll be naked there, waiting for you. Whenever you’re done thinking whatever you're thinking, that I am stupid or can't make decisions for myself, you can either join me or leave. Your call.”
He sharply turns and stomps to his bedroom.
I just stand there, my breath heavy, my mind reeling, and my dick half hard.