Chapter 17
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
ADDISON
The awards ceremony is going ahead as planned tonight. We got the confirmation late last night, and now I’m standing here in the same outfit I arrived in days ago, somehow both ready and completely unprepared to say goodbye to these men, even if it’s only for a few hours.
The past few days have been almost perfect. I say almost because Roman still won’t touch me. Not intimately. Not the way Zeke and Jasper do. He’s right there with us, but there’s a line he won’t cross.
But I know I love him. Whether he touches me or not, I love Roman.
I love Zeke and Jasper too. I think I always have, even if I didn’t have the words for it back then.
Only now, it’s more than that. It’s so much bigger and deeper than anything I’ve ever felt.
Even when I stood at that altar, dressed in white and promised forever to another man, my heart was already spoken for.
“So, we’ll see you tonight?” Jasper steps closer, fingers threading through my hair before his lips land on mine.
“Yeah, I’ll be arriving with my parents and Willow.”
“Ah, man, I remember your sister. She was hot…” he teases, and I laugh as I smack him in the arm. He stumbles back dramatically, clutching himself like I just hit him with a brick.
“Jesus, woman! You see that? She assaulted me.”
“You deserved it.” Roman chuckles, and I grab Jasper’s shirt, yanking him back to my mouth for a quick kiss.
“No flirting with my sister. She’s a mom now. Show some respect.”
“So when you’re a mom, does that mean we can’t disrespect you anymore? Because last night, you were pretty okay with being disrespected.”
It’s been years since a couple of doctors sat me down and rattled off a bunch of medical crap that barely made sense, trying to explain why my body won’t do what it’s supposed to.
But standing here now, it suddenly feels huge.
Because these three men might actually want a future with me, and they deserve to know exactly what that future can and can’t look like before they start making promises they can’t keep.
I need to tell them.
“You were right by my side getting your throat fucked by Roman,” I answer.
“And my hand between your thighs, don’t forget,” Jasper adds, biting down on that full lower lip. “You were shaking, angel.”
“Okay, you two.” Zeke groans, dragging a hand over his face. “It’s difficult enough letting you go, Addie, without the three of us being left here with our dicks hard.”
“What a shame that would be,” I purr, leaning in just enough to be a menace. “Because if I imagine the three of you together while I’m gone—fucking, touching, all sweaty and desperate—” Jasper slaps his hand over my mouth before I can finish, but I’m already laughing against his palm.
“No more out of you,” he growls, grinning. “Now get your ass out of here, and we’ll see you in a few hours.”
I nod and turn to leave, but I can’t stop my eyes from drifting back to Roman. He hasn’t moved. His chin is dipped slightly, arms crossed tight over his chest, doing that whole silent, protective thing he does when he’s trying too hard not to feel.
But then his eyes finally lift to meet mine.
I don’t want you to leave again.
Please stay.
I still want you.
I wish I knew how to be what you need.
A thousand unsaid things, packed into a single look.
He doesn’t speak or reach for me, and even though I pretend it doesn’t, it hurts.
The snow crunches beneath my boots as I make my way to the car, my breath fogging in the icy air.
I slide into the driver’s seat, my fingers stiff and numb from the cold, fumbling with the keys before finally getting the engine started.
I crank the heater up as high as it’ll go, and Bing Crosby’s voice drifts through the speakers.
Christmas lights blink from distant cabins tucked between the pines, turning the whole drive down the mountain into something that belongs on the front of a holiday card.
I reach my house and step through the front door, and the cold hits me hard. I haven’t been home in days, so yes, it’s physically freezing. But it’s more than that. The warmth I’d felt wrapped up in them—the comfort and the closeness I’d just started to get used to—are gone now.
This house, the place that once felt like my safe haven, suddenly feels lonelier than ever.
As I stand in the kitchen, taking it all in, I realize I’ve never felt more detached from this space or the life I thought I wanted.
The only things that truly keep me here are my bookstore and my family, and even then, if I ever had to leave, I know I could.
There’s always a plane ticket, and I can always visit.
But my store… that’s different.
My bookstore is my baby.
I took it from a dusty, forgotten space and turned it into a place where stories breathe, ache, and burn. It’s a home for every kind of romance, especially the ones with men who make you want to crawl inside the pages and never come back out.
But is it more important than them?
No. Not even close.
I think they want me to commit to them, but none of us have actually talked about what that would look like. We’ve been living in this perfect little bubble, and now that I’m out of it and back in my own space, my mind won’t stop racing.
I have a thousand thoughts and even more what-ifs.
Tomorrow, they’ll be gone.
All I’ve got left is tonight to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.
“I am one proud father,” my dad says as he takes in my sister and me for the first time tonight. “You’re both so beautiful.”
“Aren’t they just?” my mom adds, beaming as she slips her arm through his.
“Are you ready for tonight?”
“Of course,” he says with a grin. “You know I love a bit of fuss, Addie.”
Trailing behind them toward the waiting car, I feel my purse buzz with a message. Assuming it’s Zeke finally texting me back, I pull out my phone, a smile already forming on my lips, but the second I glance at the screen, the smile vanishes.
MIKEY: I figured I’d try one last time since you keep ignoring my calls and texts. We’re going to run into each other tonight, so maybe grow up and talk to me like an adult. I just want five minutes, Adds.
God, I hate when he calls me that.
“Everything okay?” Willow asks, eyeing me as I stare at my phone.
I hand it over without saying a word, and she takes one glance before pulling a face.
“You know he won’t stop until you talk to him, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” I sigh, shoving the phone back in my bag.
“Forget that dickbag for a minute—I know you’ve been with Roman this week, and don’t even try to lie to me. Something had to have happened.”
I shrug, biting back a smile. “Nothing happened… with him, anyway.”
She stops dead and spins around, pointing a finger at me. “Okay, I’m driving.”
“What?”
“I mean it,” she says, already fishing her keys out of her bag. “I have zero desire to parent tomorrow with a hangover, and I need the full story, start to finish.” I can’t help but laugh as she herds me toward her car, calling out, “Mom, Dad, I’m driving Addie!”
Dad frowns, already halfway to the car. “Why? I’d really like us to arrive together.”
“We’ll be right behind you, Dad,” Willow says sweetly. “But I need to talk to Addison about my cycle, unless you want all the details?” Dad immediately backs off, muttering something under his breath. For a guy who’s been a girl dad for years, periods still send him running every time.
“See you in a bit, girls,” Mom calls, and the second I’m buckled into the passenger seat next to Willow, she turns to me with that look.
“Start talking. I want every single detail.”