Chapter 21
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
ROMAN
My feelings for Addie are complicated. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
But tonight, she didn’t hide from what we are when we’re all together, and something shifted in me. The part of me that’s been keeping her at a distance has cracked wide open, and with morning closing in and us leaving tomorrow, it suddenly hits me just how little time we have left with her.
Jasper finally shakes himself free from whatever dark place he’d slipped into, and once I’m sure he’s steady, we head back to where we left Zeke and Addison.
Zeke is towering over her, gentle in a way that only he can be—his hands cupping her face like she’s something precious. He’s speaking softly, close enough that I can’t make out the words, but I know he’s reassuring her.
He leans in and softly brushes his lips against hers before turning his head toward us. His eyes find mine first, then shift to Jasper, and I watch the way his gaze sharpens, assessing us both, needing to be sure we’re okay.
I give a slight tilt of my head toward Jasper, just enough to guide Zeke’s attention to where it needs to be. His eyes drop immediately to Jasper’s hand, the one he’s still rubbing without realizing it—the hand that landed the punch.
“Show me,” Zeke says, his focus narrowing completely on Jasper now.
Jasper lifts his hand and flexes his fingers, already trying to wave it off before Zeke can say more.
“It’s fine. It’s just gonna bruise. Busted that fucker’s lip good though, didn’t I, Rome?”
The corner of my mouth twitches, and even Zeke lets out a breath that’s almost a laugh. But Addie doesn’t smile. She hasn’t since we returned. Her eyes are red, her cheeks blotchy, and she looks like she’s holding herself together by a thread.
I should’ve done more. I should’ve broken Mikey in half and left him face down in the snow with a hockey stick for a headstone.
“Where is he?” she asks, her voice so small it barely carries.
“Gone,” I say. “Hopefully, he freezes out there, and you won’t have to waste another fucking minute waiting on that divorce.”
Addie exhales, her shoulders trembling as she shakes her head. “I feel like such an idiot.”
“Why?” Zeke asks.
“Because he’s a piece of shit, and I actually married him. Jesus, what the hell was I thinking?”
“It’s okay, angel,” Jasper whispers beside her, trying to offer her comfort.
“No, it’s not,” she snaps, her bottom lip trembling. “I’m not okay. Nothing feels okay.”
“Then help me understand that, baby, because right up until that asshole came in here trying to piss all over you, you were glowing. You were fucking radiant, and you were more than okay,” Zeke says as he lifts a hand to gently tuck her hair behind her ear.
“How am I supposed to be okay after what he told you?” she says, and the laugh that slips out is so broken it makes my chest ache.
“I should’ve told you myself. I know that, and I’m sorry for blindsiding you, but it’s not something I can talk about easily.
If it’s a dealbreaker, then I’ll understand.
But please… please don’t stand there and pretend. ”
“It’s not even close to a dealbreaker. It’s something we’ll talk about when you’re ready. But it doesn’t change a damn thing for us.”
“Zeke’s right. Nothing’s changed, beautiful girl,” Jasper adds, stepping up behind him. He slides an arm around his waist and presses his lips to the side of his neck. “Do you wanna come to the women’s bathroom with me? It’s way nicer in there, and I’ll get you off like I just did Addie.”
I know Jasper too well not to see that he’s trying to give Addison and me space and the push we both probably need.
He asked me to talk to her, and for Jasper, I’d do just about anything.
He’s one of the reasons I even know what love feels like, so if he needs me to lay my soul bare for our girl, I’ll bleed out right here and call it devotion.
“As tempting as that offer is,” Zeke says, turning to graze his nose along Jasper’s jaw, “I think we should make sure no one’s in there wondering where that walking sack of shit disappeared to.”
Zeke leaves Addie’s side and steps in close, his scent wrapping around me before his hands even reach my face.
“You okay, big guy?” I nod, and he leans in, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “I love you, and if you need us, you call.”
He hands me the key to the cabin, and he and Jasper walk away, leaving me alone with Addison, who suddenly looks so vulnerable, it punches the air from my lungs. It makes me feel like a bastard for just watching her, but I wait her out. If she needs me to hold her, I’ll know.
“Are you okay, princess?” She nods, but her eyes are distant. “I’m sorry.”
Her brow furrows. “For what?”
“For what you’ve lost and the future I know you wanted.”
Because I remember every piece of that dream and the way her eyes would light up when she talked about a boy and a girl with her golden hair and my smile. She used to say it was her favorite part of me because it meant I was happy, and she wanted a life built on that.
She swallows hard. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t change it.”
“It matters, Addison,” I tell her, stepping closer.
Her eyes—those navy eyes I used to get lost in—finally meet mine, and they’re empty in the worst way.
She looks like she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to feel, only that she’s feeling too much all at once.
“You don’t have to pretend this doesn’t hurt.
You’ve lost something, and you’re allowed to be fucking angry at the world for it. ”
“Other people have suffered worse.”
“That doesn’t make your pain any less real.
” I rake a hand through my hair, chest burning, fighting to reach her.
“You know I’ve seen some shit. I’ve lived through hell and convinced myself I didn’t have the right to fall apart because someone else always had it harder.
But Jasper and Zeke… they tore that bullshit right out of me.
They made me feel it, every fucking bit of it.
And they taught me it’s okay to let it hurt sometimes. ”
She nods, but her hands won’t stop fidgeting, twisting together like she’s trying to wring the nerves out of her skin.
“Addie,” I whisper, trying to pull her back to me. “Talk to me.”
She just shakes her head, chewing her lip raw, and when I step toward her, she flinches back.
Actually fucking flinches.
“Addie?”
My eyes narrow because now she won’t let me near her, and for the first time, I have no fucking clue why.
“Can I please have the key? I need… I just need space… I can’t breathe in here.”
I brush past her, jerking my chin toward the door. “Then let’s go.”
“You don’t need to come with me.”
“Like hell I don’t. You really think I’m letting you walk out there alone with Mikey still slinking around with his dick in his hand? Not fucking happening.”
“Roman!” she snaps, but I don’t budge.
I step up to her, my jaw clenched so hard it aches. “Addie. Move.”
She glares at me but doesn’t argue this time. She shoves past, heels stabbing into the snow as she steps outside.
The walk is quiet, but not the kind of quiet that soothes. It’s the kind that vibrates with everything unsaid. Every step is thick with tension, with questions that haven’t been asked and answers we’re too scared to say out loud.
We’re ticking.
We’re on the edge of something explosive, and when it hits, we’ll either burn each other to the ground or burn together, holding on like we don’t know how to let go.
Maybe I’m too late.
I unlock the door and step aside to let her pass. She doesn’t even glance at me. She storms straight for the guest room—a hell of a statement, considering she’s been in our bed for the past few nights.
“You should go back to Jasper and Zeke,” she says, kicking off her heels. They go flying across the room, slamming against the wall with a crack that mirrors the one splitting down the middle of us.
She plants her hands on her hips and starts pacing like she’s about to tear a hole in the floor. I shrug off my jacket, letting it drop over the back of a chair. I unbutton my cuffs and start rolling up my sleeves, watching her the whole time.
“I’m serious,” she snaps, whipping around to face me, but I don’t move.
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Why?” she demands.
“Because you need someone, and right now, that’s me, whether you like it or not.”
“Well, if that’s all it is, Roman, just obligation, then go get Jasper or Zeke. Or fuck it, get both. Then you don’t have to be here.”
“Is that what you want?” I bite back. “Just them?”
“No, Roman, that’s what you want. Because it sure as hell isn’t me anymore, and you’ve been really fucking clear on that.”
Say it. Tell her.
“Addie, please.” I exhale, and whatever anger she had left just drains right out of her as she puts as much distance between us as the room allows.
All that’s left now is heartbreak—raw, brutal, and fucking devastating heartbreak.
“You know, I thought I could do this. I thought I could have them and still have you, even if it was from a distance. But every time you don’t touch me, every time I see you loving them—and god, Roman, you love so hard—I remember what that felt like.
I’ve missed it since the day I lost it, and now I have to watch it up close, right in front of me, but never for me. ”
She’s sobbing, her whole body shaking, and her head is buried in her hands. I move around the bed, every instinct screaming at me to hold her, fix it, do something, but the second I get close, she recoils, like having me near is just another kind of pain.
“Don’t—don’t do that. Don’t be my friend right now. I don’t want that from you. It’s not enough.”
“Addie—”
My chest splits down the middle, her pain echoing all the shit I went through years ago. There’s no satisfaction in seeing her like this. If anything, it fucking kills me.
“Don’t say my name like that. Don’t look at me like I still matter, because if I did, you wouldn’t keep shutting me out the way you are.”
“That’s not fair.”