Chapter 20
Declan
I sit nursing a beer, waiting. We’ve got a fight scheduled tonight that’ll bring in a decent crowd, but I showed up early, needing time to think.
I was hoping the silence would help me figure out what the hell to do next.
Instead, I’ve just been sitting here, staring at the condensation sliding down my bottle, realizing I’ve figured out nothing.
Lena and I, this isn’t just sex. It hasn’t been for a long time. This is something. Something raw and real and terrifying. I fucking love her. God help me, I love her more than I thought I was capable of loving anyone.
It didn’t happen like it does in the movies. There wasn’t some slow realization or a single, shining moment that changed everything. I think I loved her before I even understood what it was. Before I had the guts to name it. Maybe I’ve loved her since we were kids. Maybe I was always meant to.
But nothing in my life has changed. Not really.
I still haven’t told anyone. I’m still avoiding Wesley like he’s the goddamn plague. I still haven’t said the words out loud to Lena when the world is listening, only when it’s just the two of us, tangled in bedsheets and secrecy.
And I hate myself for it.
It’s not shame. I’m not ashamed of her, not for a second.
I love everything about her, from her fire to the way she sees straight through my bullshit.
But Wesley, he’s my brother. Not by blood, but in every other way that matters.
We’ve been through hell together. We built this life side by side.
He’s trusted me with everything. Everything.
Including the one thing he’s always protected above all else, Lena.
If he finds out, no, when he finds out, it’s going to wreck everything. There’s no reality where this ends clean.
I take another sip of my beer, trying to drown the guilt that’s been clawing at me for weeks.
“You look like shit.”
I glance up, and Lex Hayes drops down onto the stool next to me. Of course, it’s him. The guy has radar for emotional clusterfucks.
“Thanks, brother,” I mutter, keeping my eyes on the empty dance floor.
“What are you doing here so early?” he asks, scanning the club. Only a few staff are milling about, prepping for the night ahead.
I shrug. “Just waiting for the fight.”
Lex follows my gaze to the floor, and I know he sees what I see.
Lena. Spinning, laughing, dancing like the world doesn’t weigh on her shoulders.
I used to watch from the sidelines, aching for something I thought I couldn’t have.
Now? Now I get to take her home. I get to touch her, taste her, lose myself in her, but only in the shadows.
“The one happening downstairs,” Lex says, “or the one that’ll go nuclear when Wesley finds out you’re fucking his little sister?”
My head snaps toward him, heart jerking in my chest. “Fuck. Do you think he knows?”
“Nah,” Lex replies evenly, sipping his beer. “That’s only because he trusts you not to go there.”
The words hit harder than a punch to the ribs. Wesley trusts me. That’s the worst part.
I scrub a hand down my face and let out a groan. “What the hell am I supposed to do? If I tell him, I lose my best friend. If I don’t, I lose the woman I love.”
Lex doesn’t flinch. “Come on. You know what you need to do. You’re scared, but don’t pretend you don’t know.”
“How’d you do it?” I ask quietly. “You were in love with Hux’s sister. How the hell did you tell him?”
His eyes darken, and for a second, he doesn’t answer.
Then, quietly, he says, “It wasn’t the same.
Hux wanted me to be with Sarah. He pushed us together.
And when we lost her…” He swallows, and his jaw tightens.
“Now it’s a pain we carry together. It’s what binds us.
But it’s also the thing that shreds me a little more every day. ”
My chest tightens with guilt and empathy. Lex is one of the strongest men I know, and still, that kind of loss has changed him.
He rests a hand on my shoulder, his grip firm. “If you love Lena, and I know you do, don’t make the same mistake I did. I lost Sarah to something I couldn’t fight. You’ve got a chance to fight for yours. Don’t waste it hiding in the shadows.”
“I’m not punishing her?—”
“No?” he cuts in. “Then why is she still your secret? Why are you acting like loving her is some goddamn crime?”
I flinch. Because maybe it is. At least to Wesley.
“She deserves better than being a secret,” Lex says, standing. “You both do. I’m not saying confess everything tonight, but you need to figure out how much longer you’re willing to lie to your best friend to keep your truth buried.”
His footsteps echo as he walks away, leaving me with his words rattling in my head.
He’s right. But that doesn’t make it easier.
Because no matter how much I love Lena, I’m still scared. Scared of losing Wesley. Scared of breaking this brotherhood. Scared that when it all comes out, I won’t be strong enough to defend the one thing that’s ever really mattered to me.
Her.
And when Lena finally says, “It’s time,” I honestly don’t know what I’ll do.
The crowd roars as the first punch lands, a sharp crack echoing through the underground fight room like a gunshot.
The sound of skin splitting, the grunts of pain, the wet slap of knuckles meeting flesh.
It’s all happening right in front of me.
A brutal ballet. Blood hits the mat in the second round, and the crowd surges forward, rabid for more.
I don’t move.
I’m here, physically. Standing near the edge of the cage with Lex on one side and Wesley on the other, but my head is somewhere else. Somewhere softer. Somewhere warmer. Somewhere, wrapped in tangled sheets and the scent of her skin.
She’s all I can fucking think about.
Even now, as fists fly and sweat pours, my mind drifts back to how she looked this morning. Curled up next to me, her fingers tracing the ink on my chest like she was memorizing it.
“You good?” Wesley leans in and says it loud enough for me to hear over the noise.
I nod. “Yeah.”
Lie. A big fucking one.
He turns his attention back to the cage, shouting encouragement as our guy lands a solid uppercut and sends his opponent reeling. The place explodes. Men are shouting, banging on the cage walls, throwing back whiskey like it’s air.
Lex, usually just as loud, is quiet tonight.
He hasn't said much since our talk earlier. His jaw's tight, arms crossed, eyes locked on the fight, but I know he’s not really watching. He’s a million miles away, probably with Sarah, or wherever his grief takes him these days.
There’s a distance there, more than usual.
A wall I don’t know if he’ll ever let down again.
“Lex,” I say, low so no one else hears, “You okay?”
His eyes flick to mine for a second, then back to the cage. “Doesn’t matter.”
I want to press, but I don’t. He’s earned the right to carry his pain however he needs to. Still, something about the cold in his voice sets my nerves on edge. Like maybe the cracks in all of us are starting to show.
The bell rings, and the fight ends in a bloody mess. Our guy’s hand is raised, and the crowd chants his name. But it’s all muffled noise to me.
I check my phone. No messages from Lena. She’s probably asleep by now, curled up in my shirt. Fuck. I should be home. Should be with her. Every second I’m not with her feels like a second wasted.
“I’m having dinner at my place tomorrow,” Wesley says, cutting into my thoughts.
I glance at him. “Yeah?”
He nods, smiling like it’s no big deal. “Lex, me, a couple of the guys. Family dinner. We haven’t done one in a while. I even invited Lena.”
I freeze. Just for a second. Just long enough for my blood to ice over. “Lena’s gonna be there?”
“Yeah. Figured she could use a night with all of us. She’s been happy lately. Don’t know what’s changed, but I like seeing her like that.”
I swallow hard, my throat suddenly dry. Fuck. He doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know.
But he will.
Soon.
Because the second we’re all sitting at that table, the second his eyes catch mine across the room and he sees how I look at her, like I’d burn down the world just to keep her breathing, he’ll know.
Lex must feel the tension rolling off me because he finally speaks again. “Sounds like a nice night.”
Wesley grins. “Yeah. You better come, Declan. She asked if you’d be there.”
That hits me like a body shot I didn’t see coming. She asked if I’d be there?
God, she’s not hiding this anymore. Not really. Not the way I am.
I nod slowly. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”
But inside, I’m screaming. Because everything I’ve been trying to keep separate is about to collide. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to fake it. I don’t know if I want to.
As the crowd starts to clear and the blood gets wiped off the mat, Wesley claps me on the back and walks away. Lex lingers for a second, watching me with that unreadable look of his.
“You can’t keep playing both sides, brother,” he says. “The truth’s coming whether you’re ready or not.”
Then he walks off, too, leaving me alone.
I look back toward the cage, empty now, and I wonder how long I’ve got before the fight I’ve been dreading finally begins.