Chapter 39
Chapter thirty-nine
Anna
“C
hocolate, strawberry, mint chocolate chip, regular chocolate chip, chocolate chip cookie dough, brownie fudge, and cotton candy. Pick your poison.”
I stare at the mountain of ice cream my best friend picked up on her way to Cheatham.
She’s so extra and I absolutely love that about her.
I grab a spoon and the pint of cookie dough before settling back in my bed.
“Thanks, Sky. Though, I’m not sure ice cream is going to be the answer to all my problems.”
She shrugs, “Maybe not, but it will make the regret taste better going down. Now, tell me everything.”
I go over everything with Skyla, feeling guilty that I withheld some of the pieces, but when I look at her there’s no judgement or disappointment to be found. “And now he’s not speaking to me and says he doesn’t want to be in love with me anymore.”
Skyla sits her pint of strawberry ice cream on the nightstand with her spoon on top. She turns her body to face me, takes a big gulp, and then blows the biggest raspberry I think I’ve ever seen come from someone’s mouth.
“Eww, Sky, you got strawberry spit all over me,” I complain, but can’t help but laugh at her crazy antics.
“Sorry, not sorry, Anna Banana. That’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard. He sent you a drunk text when he was hurting, but that man is so far gone for you he may as well be on Jupiter. Have you tried reaching out to him?”
I shake my head.
“Sounds like you’re both being idiots if you ask me.”
“Gee thanks, Sky. I’m so glad you flew from who knows where just so you can tell me how dumb you think I am.”
“Maine.”
“What? Why Maine?” I’m frustrated with her, but genuinely curious. Skyla’s travel stories are always the best.
“Well, I went to Connecticut and tried their lobster rolls and it was delicious. Then someone asked me if I had ever had one from Maine. Said they were completely different. So I figured I needed to try it out for myself.”
“And?”
“Very different. Very delicious. Though, you can’t really go wrong with lobster.
” She grabs her pint of ice cream again.
“And I don’t think you’re dumb, Anna. But I do think you and Keaton are both avoiding a conversation with one another and that right there is dumb.
The two of you need to talk about this. You need to tell him that you never wanted Daniel to touch you. He assaulted you, Anna.”
I’m listening to her words, and they make sense, but I’m not ready to hear Keaton say it’s over.
“What if he doesn’t want me anymore, Sky?
I was in way over my head with him from the very beginning.
Now he knows I’m damaged goods. Why would he still want this?
” I motion to my body and involuntary sobs begin pouring from my mouth.
I grab a napkin and sit the ice cream down, so I don’t make an even bigger mess.
“What in the world are you talking about? How were you in way over your head?”
“You haven’t seen him, Skyla. He’s so handsome and successful and funny and smart and everything that every woman could ever dream of.
The man's abs have abs for crying out loud. Let’s face it, the only reason we are even together is because we both got way too drunk, and I talked him into committing to me in a sham of a marriage. ”
She scrunches up her nose. “So he was drunk on the plane?”
“What?”
“On the plane on the way to Las Vegas. He was drinking those little mini bottles of liquor?”
“No. He wasn’t drunk on the flight at all. Though, in hindsight it probably could have helped with his nerves.”
“So, he was drunk in the car then? When he drove you to the hotel?”
“What? No! He would never be reckless like that,” I defend him.
Skyla just nods, but she still looks frustrated.
“So you’re telling me that he was completely sober on the plane when he kissed you.
And still sober when he offered to have you stay with him for the night.
He hadn’t had a drop to drink when he told you he wanted to have his way with you.
And yet you still think you had to get him drunk to want you? ”
I consider what she’s saying. “Well, when you put it that way…”
“Anna, I know that you have insecurities when it comes to your body. I know what people have said and done to belittle you just because you’re bigger. I know because I hear the same things. But the fact is that regardless of your size, regardless of your doubts, that man wants you.
"You are such a fucking catch, Anna Banana, and I wish you could see what Jasmine, Penny and I see. I wish you could see what Keaton sees in you. You are funny. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are talented. You are worthy, Anna. You are worthy of the love of a man who wants you so much that he’s in pain every second he’s without you. ”
“Then why doesn’t he want to love me anymore?” I ask meekly.
“I don’t know the answer to that. That’s a question you will have to ask him.
Hell, he probably has his own self doubts, too.
But the fact is that whether he comes to his senses or not, you’re coming out of this with your head held high knowing that anybody out there on this planet, and even the planets beyond, would be complete fools to not see how much you have to offer.
And you’re no fool, Anna. So see it inside yourself. ”
I nod slowly as I process my friends’ words. Keaton did nothing but praise my body and worship my curves. He never once looked at me like he didn’t desire all that I am. Even if he never looks at me like that again, it’s time I start seeing myself in that way.
“I hear you, Sky. I will try to do better. I’ll try to love myself.”