Chapter 41
Chapter forty-one
Keaton
I
roll over to press myself into Anna’s soft body, but the cold side of the bed is just a reminder of what I’ve lost. Everything from the past few days comes rushing back into my brain. I really am such a fucking idiot. I should have talked to her, but instead I chose to believe that she betrayed me.
Groaning, I move my sluggish-from-too-much-bourbon body to the bathroom and get ready for another rough day at work, knowing the woman I love won’t be there.
I’ve been working in Lincoln’s office this week to avoid seeing her empty desk.
I don’t want her to quit. I don’t want her to leave.
But I don’t know if I want to see her right now, either.
“I can’t be the assistant for both of you. And I refuse to be his,” Amanda complains to Lincoln, jerking her thumb in my direction.
“What did I do?” I ask, but I know what I did. I fucked up. I didn’t talk to Anna when I had the chance. I pushed her away with drunken lies I only typed to try and protect myself.
Amanda glares at me. “You sit here playing the victim, when you have no idea what that poor girl has been through.”
“I do know. She told me about the messages he sent. But she didn’t tell me about the fact she slept with the man.”
“Because she didn’t, you idiot!” Amanda shouts at me, making Lincoln smile so big I want to slap it off his face.
“I asked her if it was true and she said yes. You were standing right there, Amanda.”
“You asked her if he touched her. You asked her if he tasted her. Did you ask her if she wanted it?”
Her question leaves me frozen and sick to my stomach. I knew the man was a lot of talk and she even told me that he would occasionally touch her back or run his hand across hers. But is the man so evil that he would force himself on her?
“What do you mean?”
Amanda shakes her head, “It’s not my story to tell. You need to ask her.”
I grit my teeth. “Well, she won’t fucking talk to me, so if you know something about Anna, then you better fucking tell me or you’re out of a job.”
“The fuck you will. She’s my assistant, asshole,” Lincoln interjects.
“And I own the majority share of the company. I’m the CEO. I can fire her if I damn well want to.”
“Now you’re playing that card? And people think I’m a dick,” he grumbles,
I take a deep breath and try to calm my tone, “Amanda, please tell me.”
She looks at me with heavy eyes and sighs.
“I can’t Keaton.” I go to say something, but she holds her hand up to stop me.
“Not because you’re being a massive dick right now, and the fact you threatened my job when we both know your brother wouldn’t be able to function without me,” I look over at Lincoln and we both shrug, “But because I promised Anna. If you want to try and hear it from her before she leaves, she texted me earlier today asking if you were at the office. She’s going to your place to get the rest of her things before she leaves. ”
“Before she leaves?”
“She’s moving back in with her parents for now.”
“But that’s where he is,” I say, stating the obvious.
Amanda's next words slice right through my heart, “But it’s where you’re not.”
November air nips at the back of my neck, and I can smell that rain is coming.
It doesn’t matter. It can pour sheets down on me for all I care.
Nothing will stop me from having the opportunity to talk to Anna.
I need to convince her to stay. Convince her she still loves me.
Convince her that I still love her. That I never stopped. That I never will.
I think back to all the signs she gave me that Daniel had taken things too far. The box. That time in the kitchen when I called her “sweet girl.” The way she tensed up in my office when I tried to have my way with her. Why wasn’t I able to decode these things sooner?
Heavy drops begin to fall, but I don’t mind.
The only thing I care about is that Anna is here and I desperately need her to hear me out before it’s too late.
I storm into my house and call out her name but am only answered by silence.
“Anna!” I shout again, darting between the rooms, but finding the house completely empty.
Defeated, I walk outside and take a longful look down the road, but that’s when I see it. Her small, white sedan sitting in my driveway. She’s here. I turn and find myself racing down the stone path to the guesthouse where I pray she’s double checking to make sure she has the rest of her things.
Please be there. Don’t be too late. You can’t let her leave believing you don’t want her.
When I reach the guesthouse, I knock on the door.
“Anna,” I call out. She steps into the living space, and I see her for the first time in days.
Fuck, she’s gorgeous. Her blonde hair is in a ponytail, putting her full cheeks on display.
She’s wearing a pair of black loungers with a light blue scoop neck shirt that lets me steal a peek at her incredible cleavage.
I give her a smile and raise my hand up in a greeting.
But she turns to her bedroom. And she shuts the door.
It’s been ten minutes since I knocked. Ten minutes since I shouted her name. Ten minutes since I laid eyes on my girl. Ten minutes of standing in the pouring rain. Ten minutes to regret everything I’ve said and done since Daniel Fucking Brenner showed up at my company and wrecked our world.
Then the door opens.
She stands there in the doorway, arms crossed like she’s holding herself together. Her eyes are tired. Guarded. Not angry. Empty. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t ask me in.
I deserve that.
“Hey, Baby.” She goes to shut the door on me, but I reach out and catch it.
“Anna, I’m sorry. I’m not here to ask you to forgive me,” I say, the words catching like gravel in my throat. “I just couldn’t let the last thing I said to you be a lie.”
She doesn’t move. Doesn’t blink. Just stares at me like I’m some stranger who used to wear the face of someone she loved.
“When I sent those messages to you, I was in a dark place. All I could picture was you with him and it broke me.”
“You broke me,” she barely whispers.
“And I’m so sorry for that, Baby.” She crosses her arms at me, and I correct myself, knowing I deserve the right to lose the endearment.
“Sorry, Anna. If you never want to see me again, I’ll walk away.
But I need you to hear the truth, even if it’s too late to matter.
The truth is that I didn’t mean it when I said that I didn’t want to love you anymore.
I lied. I lied because I was hurting. I lied because I wanted you to hurt, too. ”
Her eyes flash at me, furious and wounded. “And I did. Congratulations.”
I flinch but continue, “I lied when I said that because the truth, Anna, the truth is that there’s not a moment since you crashed into my life that I haven’t been in love with you. The moment I saw you at the airport, I knew you were perfect for me. When you helped me overcome my fear of flying.”
She lifts her eyebrows at me.
“Okay, maybe overcome is too strong a word.
But when you were there offering me comfort, I was in love.
I was in love with you when I saw you glowing in the lights of the fountains at the hotel.
And when you had us racing down to the sidewalk so you could experience Paris.
I was in love with you when I said ‘I Do’ in that chapel.
I was in love with you when I woke up the next morning and had to leave.
And I was in love with you even when I knew that you were very much not in love with me.
“And if that’s still the case, I still want you to know.
I want you to know that I love you so much that I reach out for you when I wake up in the morning.
I love you so much that I’ve had to work out of Lincoln’s office this week because your empty desk and your absence is all that consumes me when I’m in mine.
I love you so much that I’m standing here in the pouring rain begging for you to listen to me.
Even though I don’t deserve it. Even though I didn’t offer you the same respect.
I’m standing here because I’m so fucking in love with you, Anna Keith. ”
She stares at me as the rain continues to pour down. “I don’t know if I can forgive you.”
“That’s okay, Baby. I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t. But if there’s even the smallest part of you that still feels something, still wants to believe in what we were, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of that.”
She stands there, contemplating me and my words as the rain continues to bead down my face. Then she turns and walks away.
But she leaves the door open.