Chapter 50
Chapter Fifty
CYRUS
The wind whips over the top of the cliffs, the open land doing nothing to quell the shivers raking over me. Tally was right about the view being beautiful.
The sun is still high in the sky, with plenty of hours left until sunset, its rays glinting off the open ocean. A few birds swoop through the blue sky, carrying their chirps and calls on the wind. The grass is soft and vibrant beneath our butts.
From here you can’t see the village or the dock. Or the large pirate ship, that’s due to leave here in a week.
My heart sinks at the reminder of us leaving, of us being separated so soon. Now I know why Tally chose this spot. A good hour's hike away, and no reminders sit within the horizon.
Why would I ever want to leave here?
It’s stunning, unique, and it has her.
I don’t want to leave. But I know my role, my duty to the ship– to the Burnt Bones– especially with this upcoming mission. I may not be going on it, but if they’re caught or followed, it’ll be a full crew requirement. I may not want to leave, but I know I have to.
And it hurts.
Blowing out a breath, I tug Tally closer into my side. Absorbing her heat and using her to ground myself.
The silence I used to thrive on, starts to become oppressive. Knowing we have things to talk about and instead choosing silence ties an unpleasant knot in my stomach.
I just don’t know where to start.
My old friend anxiety crawls around my insides, looking for an out.
I almost miss her words, whilst I stew over my own bullshit.
“My father used to bring me here, tell me about the land and our people. I’d always be starving by the time we made it here and want to go back.
I grew to appreciate it once I was older and could see it for its beauty.
It’s where I watched your ship from the last time you left. ”
I wince at that, it hurt when she didn’t come to the dock to say goodbye but it’s almost worse to know she was up here alone instead.
“You were right, the view is beautiful here. I can imagine how stunning the sunset will be.” Matching Tally's tone, I keep my voice low.
Afraid I may fracture something too fragile to be repaired.
Her head twists into my chest, muffling her words. “I thought you should see one sunset from here before you leave.”
And with one sentence my heart falls to my stomach, heavy as a lead weight.
“I’ll be back. I’m not leaving for good.”
“You’ll be gone for months, Cyrus. It’s something I knew would happen, that you’d be leaving again. I didn’t expect it to be happening so soon though.”
Tears prick at the edges of my vision. “Would it make it any better if I told you I don’t want to leave?”
“No.” The word is meek, with barely any sound, yet somehow it hits its mark, with a painful thud between my ribs.
“If we don’t take them out, they’ll come for you again. I can’t allow that, love.” The first traitorous tear slides down my cheek.
She says nothing, and I can’t stand the silence, so I fill it. “Besides I’ve got to come back soon, I’ve got a tavern to fix. I’ve got plans to make it as pretty as the woman who owns it.”
Tally raises her head at that, when I see the tears tracking down her face, the rest of mine fall to join hers. She places a hand on my cheek, and I have to hold back the sob that wants to break free. Her whisper is fragile, “We’re doomed, aren’t we?”
Then she turns back to the view, ending the conversation with the most devastating blow.
Looking at the view myself, I let my heart fall to pieces. I don’t want us to be doomed. She’s everything I want, I don’t know how I’m meant to go months and months at a time without seeing her. Then to only have her for a short period of time, just to leave again for months.
I couldn't live like that without her.
The three and a half months without her before was emotional torture. And I hadn’t even figured out my feelings then. How am I meant to do that again with the knowledge that I love her? That I’ve told her I love her and she still loves me?
I don’t think I can leave.
Not without destroying us both.
Whilst we sit here in silence for hours, slowly watching the sun lower, I internally battle with a decision.
And when the sun sets and it’s just as beautiful as Tally painted it to be, I make my decision.
After the sun set, we went back to the ship still solemn and heartbroken, but it didn’t stop Tally from putting me on my knees and making her cum until the moon was high.
This morning, I’m on a mission.
Before Tally wakes, I’m dressed and up on top deck. Pacing the length of the ship over and over, mentally rehearsing the conversation I need to have with Amara.
I’m riddled with anxiety over this, I could barely sleep last night. Instead, favouring to watch the dust mites float on air. There’s a heavy weight at the bottom of my stomach, one that grows with every footstep I take.
I can’t stop the pacing, every time I do, I feel as if the ship is going to open up and swallow me whole. Keep me here for all eternity.
“Is there a reason why you're wearing a hole in my ship this early? Or is this a new thing you’ve developed?”
My feet instantly stop, body swivelling towards Amara.
The person I wanted– no, needed– to have a conversation with is here and now my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Concern settles over her features, warping the new scar she has over her eyebrow. “Everything okay?”
With a few controlled deep breaths, I finally open my mouth. “No, well maybe. I don’t know.”
Her frown dips lower. “Talk to me.”
Here goes nothing. “We’re leaving in a week, although I’m not sure if I’m ready.
I know this mission is important, but you don’t really need me there for it.
” This is all coming out wrong. “What I’m trying to say is…
I don’t want to leave. I’ve only just figured out what Tally and I are.
The thought of going back out to sea and leaving her is filling me with dread.
I know I have a duty to you and the ship.
This time at least… I don’t think I can come with you. ”
The constriction of my lungs, forces me to stop and breathe. Although, I’m fully prepared to continue my spiral– even opening my mouth to start explaining more. I will meet every argument Amara throws at me with one of my own.
“I know, Cyrus.”
My mouth clamps shut. Wait, what?
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t look so shocked. I expected you weren't going to want to leave. I’ve spoken to Mabel about it, we both expected you to pack in your pirate days for Tally. It’s no big deal.”
I’m still shocked, blinking rapidly as I try to take in everything she just said.
“Seriously? Just like that? No arguments?” Every nerve inside me has been replaced by shock.
“Cyrus, if Mabel told me tomorrow she wanted to live on land and never set foot on a boat again, what do you think I’d do?”
I don't even need a second to think of an answer. “You’d leave and live on land.”
She grins. “Exactly. Tally owns all this.” Her hand gestures out to the expanse in front of us. “She’s not going to be able to get up and move, but you can. I also think you need it.”
I can feel the crease forming between my brows. “Why do I need it?”
“Don’t act like I don’t know the only reason you're here, is for me. I appreciate it, I truly do. But now your priorities belong to someone else and that's okay. If you ever decide to come back– which I doubt you will– there will always be a space for you.”
Suddenly, the lead weight in my stomach lessens, no longer making me feel nauseous. It feels like I can finally breathe. “You’re really okay with me leaving the boat?”
She places her hand on my shoulder, giving a thorough squeeze. “I won’t lie and say I won’t miss you, but I understand. Besides, we'll be back plenty enough to see this place. It’s not like you’ll be allowed to forget us. You being here will give us an excuse to come back more often.”
Every last bit of weighted pressure slips from my being, every fibre inside of me settling in what feels like the first time in years.
The smile that blooms on my face is one to rival the night I first told Tally I love her. “Thank you, Amara.”
“You’re welcome, but get that big arse smile off your face. It’s weird.”
I laugh as I pull her into a hug, squeezing her with that smile still on my face.
Walking my arse back to my room. Well, very shortly it will no longer be my room. For some reason, that makes a joyous feeling spread through me.
Maybe Amara was right, I do need to leave this ship.
And walk straight into the arms of the woman I love.