Chapter 19
For a second, I’m positive I’ve misheard him.
The words don’t register, rather they pass right through me like my brain just pushes them away. I blink. Once. Twice. Three times. Waiting for him to laugh and tell me he’s just kidding. Waiting for him to do or say anything to fix the words that just came out of his mouth.
Marry me.
My brows pull together and I look around the cab of his truck, like I’ll find someone to ask if they just heard what he said. When I look back at him, he’s watching me.
“You’re joking.” A short, disbelieving laugh slips out before I can stop it. Except, he’s still not laughing. Connor’s gaze is steady but serious. My smile falters as I study his face, hoping I’ll find a crack or anything that says this is a joke that I might not be in on yet. There’s nothing.
My breath stutters and my chest tightens as the words catch up with me. They settle heavy on my chest.
“Wait,” I say quietly. “You’re—”
I don’t finish the statement. I don’t need to. Because I can see it written all over his face. He means it.
“Yes. I am serious. If you won’t take my money because you don’t want to owe me anything, then marry me and use my insurance.
With all the injuries hockey players are prone to, we have some of the best health insurance in the country.
Marry me and use my insurance, and you won’t owe me a dime.
Everything will be covered—and I’m already paying for the insurance anyway. ”
Another disbelieving laugh escapes but this time it doesn’t stop after just one. I keel over in hysterical laughter at his suggestion. After a few minutes goes by, I sit up and wipe the tears that fell from laughing so hard. Hey, at least this time the tears were from hysteria, not sadness.
“Wow.” I attempt to catch my breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just…me and you? Married? That is a recipe for disaster, and you know it.”
Connor’s face is like stone, not a hint of a smile or hitch of a brow.
He peers at me, and I swallow, making a loud gulping noise because I’m not sure I like how he’s staring at me.
He looks away and I see the muscle in his cheek tic, like he’s gritting his teeth as hard as he can.
He’s looking out the window when he squeezes his jaw with his hand, as if he’s trying to control his anger.
When he finally looks at me, his face is a bit more relaxed.
“I guess I shouldn’t take it so personally that you think it’s the worst idea ever.”
“Connor—”
He holds his hand up to stop me. “Avery, just wait.”
I snap my mouth shut, and Connor takes a calming breath.
“I know I fucked up when we were kids. There’s not enough time in the world to tell you how sorry I am for ending things the way I did back then.
And I know when I cut everyone off a couple years ago it probably brought back a lot of those memories for you.
I’m sorry, Aves. You’ll never know how much.
But let me make it up to you. We don’t have to tell anyone.
We can go to the courthouse and have a judge sign the paperwork.
No one will have to know. Once your tests are done and you’ve gotten everything you need, we can annul the marriage. It’ll be like it never happened.”
I must be out of my damn mind because what he just said doesn’t sound like the worst idea after all. Except it can’t be that easy. It’s never that easy.
“But what if someone finds out. This is low-key illegal, Connor. You know that right?”
Connor shrugs and his lips twitch, revealing that devilish smile I used to love so much.
“It wouldn’t be the first time we did something low-key illegal, would it? I’m pretty sure we could’ve gotten kicked out of school a few times for sneaking into the clock tower or breaking curfew.”
He’s not wrong. Memories of us together looking at the stars flash through my mind, and I’m reminded of a time when every good memory included Connor.
“Okay, but this is a little more serious than that. You’re one of Green Bay’s most popular athletes.
What if someone at the courthouse snaps a photo of us or tells someone?
” I hesitate for a beat before asking a question I’m not sure I want the answer to.
“And what would that mean for your dating life?”
Connor taps his fingers on the center console that separates us. I’m secretly hoping he doesn’t care if that happens because the more time that passes, the more I think this might actually be a decent idea.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about my health and safety.
The flare ups, or whatever is happening with me, are happening more and more often.
The toll everything is taking on my mental health is really starting to weigh on me.
I hate my body. I hate that I can’t trust it and I don’t know it anymore.
I hate that insurance and healthcare in this country is so hard to come by for the people who need it most. I just want answers.
Not only is it a struggle to get out of bed because of my physical health, but there are days when I just can’t find the reason to either.
If finally getting answers means secretly getting married to use insurance that’s just sitting there waiting to be used, then maybe I’m just desperate enough to do it.
I’m chewing on my bottom lip, wishing I could take back the last question I asked Connor when he shrugs again.
“To answer the second question, I don’t date.” My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. “I’ve never really been interested in anyone, so I wouldn’t even think about stepping into anything with anyone else whether we’re married on paper or not.”
I’m trying to digest his words, wondering why this handsome man isn’t living his life and dating, when he shocks me again with his own question.
“What about you? Will I need to worry about you dating while we’re married on paper but not in practice?”
I release a loud laugh, immediately shooting that crazy idea down. “Ha. Very funny. I’m still recovering from my last toxic marriage, being fake married is enough for me to handle.”
Connor’s eyes soften at the mention of my last marriage. I can tell he wants to say something, and I’m not sure I could handle having that type of serious conversation, so I reiterate the first question he left unanswered.
“What if people find out?” I fidget with my fingers in my lap, concerned he didn’t really think this through. But to my surprise, he’s unfazed yet again and shrugs.
“Honestly, who cares if people find out? We have a history. We can say we reconnected when you got the new job, which isn’t a total lie, and didn’t want to waste any more time. Things like this happen all the time, especially in the romance books Hunter and Sadie read.”
I snort out a laugh. “How do you know what they read?”
Connor looks sheepish, the pink on his cheeks a dead giveaway.
“Oh my god! Do you read romance books, Connor Smith?”
He reaches for his phone that’s still connected to his truck, and I think he’s just ignoring me when a male voice echoes around the cab of his truck.
He’s talking about introducing someone to the seven gods but he’s who she worships on her knees.
My hand flies to my mouth just as Connor hits pause on the audiobook.
“You dirty little dog! You listen to smut in your truck!”
Connor’s laugh booms loud and unrestrained through the cab of his truck.
For a moment I can’t move. I forgot how big his laugh is.
How it can fill every corner of every room and how it used to wrap around me like a warm embrace.
My heart stutters, and before I can stop myself, I’m smiling like I’m sixteen again.
Like I didn’t spend however many years trying to forget how he made me feel this way.
I press my lips together, trying to contain and hide the effect he’s having on me.
I shouldn’t still react to him like this.
Not after everything. But I can’t help it.
My smile breaks through again and we really laugh together, I’m talking an intentional, fully belly laugh, for the first time in years.
Our laughter slowly subsides, and in its wake we’re left with something a little more tense. Maybe even a little bit awkward.
Connor just proposed marriage to me and I’m actually considering it. He leans the side of his head against the seat, and it’s like we’re back in my beat-up sedan again.