17. Riley
Chapter 17
Riley
I t felt good to get back to kickball. Mostly for the social aspect. Working alone and being a mom to a four-year-old doesn’t bode well for the adult conversations I crave sometimes. With this group of girls, I was truly expecting some cliques to form or some catty gossiping to occur, but I’ve seen none of that. Instead, we’re all lifting each other up and encouraging one another. It's refreshing and I'm wondering why the rest of the world can’t be like this.
“It was great seeing you again, Riley,” Brooke says as we walk to the parking lot. “When did you get a truck?”
“Oh, that thing.” I point out the monstrosity in the parking lot. “I’m just borrowing it from a friend.”
“It’s huge.”
I laugh, “I know, right? But I will say, it’s nice when people get out of my way.”
“Oh, I bet! I’ve got to get going. I have a teacher parent conference early in the morning that I need to get ready for. These parents are the type that think their child is perfect and so it must be my fault he’s failing first grade.” She shakes her head. “See you tomorrow?” She asks me.
“I hope so, but not too sure. Good luck tomorrow. Tell those parents off!” I laugh.
“Oh, god, I wish I could.” She giggles. “Okay, then. Be safe and don’t run over any old ladies in that thing.” She laughs as she climbs into her sedan.
“I make no promises,” I call out to her.
Making my way back to Declan’s house, which is how I’ve decided I’m going to call it from now on, I realize how much I’ve missed living in a small town. This small town in particular. Everyone is nice to you and waves as you drive by. The traffic is nothing compared to Atlanta’s traffic. I was so excited to leave here after graduation, but I had no idea how good I had it until I was gone. Now I know, though, and I have no intention of ever moving again.
I pass by the cemetery where my twin brother is buried and I think about stopping by, but I can see the gates are closed. It’s fine. I don’t think I’m ready to visit yet. I haven’t been by since I’ve moved back, but I want to bring Nicholas to meet his uncle. How do you explain death to an optimistic four-year-old? I want him to keep his innocence as long as possible and I’ve been afraid that if I explain death to him, I may do more damage than good.
Being a mom is hard.
It’s dark when I pull into the driveway of Declan’s house, but there are still some lights on, so I know that at least Declan is still up. I think that’s a good thing because we should talk about today. But now I’m nervous.
As I walk into the house, Declan’s walking down the hall from Nicholas’ room. “He’s fed, exercised, bathed, and is lying down trying really hard to stay awake to say good night to you.” He says as he gets a beer out of the refrigerator and holds one up asking me if I want one and I nod.
As I approach Nicholas’ room, I hear him talking to Bella all about his day and I just stand in the hallway listening as my heart warms. I love this kid with everything I have, and I have no idea how the hell I got so lucky with him. Obviously, I’m going to have to get a dog for my little boy. It’s time.
“Hey, Nickels. Did you have fun today?” I ask him as I tuck the covers up to his chin and sit on the side of the bed that Bella’s not on.
“Yes. We had beer.”
I’m going to need more information here. “You did? What kind of beer?”
“The kind you drink, Mommy.”
“Oh, of course. Silly me.” I’ll have to get more information from someone a bit older than four, I suppose. “I want to ask you a question, Nicholas. Is that okay?”
He nods but I can see his eyes are heavy with sleep.
“Do you like it here in Hibiscus Harbor or would you rather go back to Atlanta?”
“I like it here, Mommy, and I never want to leave.”
“You like your school and your teachers? Being close to Nana and Papa?”
He nods again.
“Okay, then Nickels. Mommy will find us a house to live in and maybe we’ll even get a dog, too. How does that sound?”
His face scrunches up in confusion. “But why can’t we just stay here with Declan and Bella? I like it here.”
“Well, honey, it’s not our house.”
I watch as my little boy fights to keep his eyes open and starts to lose the battle. “That’s not what Uncle River told me.” He whispers as sleep takes him and all the breath in my lungs escapes me.
God, I miss my brother.
After taking a shower to get all the sweat and orange clay off me, I go in search of Declan and find him on the back patio nursing his beer. There’s one sitting on the table with a bright pink koozie keeping it cold.
I open the slider but only close it slightly behind me so that I can hear Nicholas if he needs me. “Hi,” I say shyly as I sit in the patio chair across the table from him.
“Hi. How was your day?” He’s barely even looked at me and I can tell that he’s more hurt than I realized. Even though I had no intention of house hunting today whatsoever, the thought of having my very own home is intriguing and I’d never be so disrespectful as to not mention it to the man that I love. The man that basically pulled me and my son away from uncertain danger and has protected us ever since. Doesn’t he know that?
But then I think that of course he doesn’t know that – I’ve not told him. This thing between us is so very new; hell, we may have known each other forever, but we barely know each other.
“Riley?”
I look over at him in the ambient light filtering through the sliding glass door from the kitchen. His dark brown hair and square jaw remind me of the little boy I fell in love with all those years ago and never thought that I would be sitting here garnering all his attention.
“Oh, sorry. My day was good. How about yours? How was guys night?”
He smirks, “I had no idea little kids could ask so many questions.”
I smile and nod, “Yep. Nonstop. It’s exhausting.”
“Plus, I had no idea how much I didn’t know about the world.”
I look over at him quizzically, “What do you mean?”
He turns to face me, “Do elephants know that they can crush a building if they want to? I don’t know. Can giraffes climb? I don’t know. Are aliens green because they eat broccoli? Again, I don’t know. I thought I was an educated man, but I’ve been stumped by a four-year-old multiple times in one afternoon, and I’m not too sure how I feel about that.”
We’re both laughing and it feels good and light between us. “Wait until he wants to talk about all the different kinds of poop there is. That one’s fun. Or my favorite has been talking endlessly about where babies come from.”
“Oh shit. What did you tell him?” He looks horrified.
“Diversion is my friend. Fortunately, we were driving by a construction zone and there were big earth movers there and so I diverted his attention to the trucks. I’m not sure if that will work again, but I was thankful that day.”
I watch Declan sit back in his chair and finish off his beer. “I don’t know how you’ve done it all alone, Riley.”
“He can be a lot; I warned you,” I snicker at him.
We sit in silence listening to the cicadas screeching off in the distance and I can feel the air between us start to become thick again and I hate it. I want the light, airy feeling back but I don’t know how to get it again, so instead I just sit there waiting for him to make the next move. Stupid girl.
After about a half hour of this, I’m just about to say something when Declan stands up and grabs both empty beer bottles. “It’s getting late, and I have an early shift in the morning. I’m going to head off to bed. Good night, Riley.” I turn and watch him retreat to the house and I want to say something, but what do I say?
“Wait,” I blurt out.
He stops and turns towards me with a raised eyebrow. “What is it, Riley?”
God, this is hard, and I suck at it. “I didn’t go see the house with the real estate agent. Actually, she had only just mentioned it when you drove up.”
He nods as he stands across the patio, but I can tell he’s thinking about what I just said. “What are your plans, Riley? What do you want?”
I want to go back twelve hours and start the day over again. I want to tell Roxanne that I’m not interested in seeing a house and to keep her talons off my man. I want to stay here, with him. I want to be in Declan’s arms again. But instead, I say none of that. “Nicholas and I want to stay in Hibiscus Harbor. This is home to us now. It always has been.”
“That’s not what I meant, Riley. You know what I’m asking you. What do you want?” He stands there waiting for an answer, but I wait too long to answer so he nods and turns away. “Good night, Riley.”
I watch him go into the house and suddenly I can’t breathe at all, and I feel like my entire world just came crashing down around me. What the fuck is my problem? God, I suck at this.
Jumping up out of my seat, I run over to the patio door and into the house to find Declan. He’s standing over the kitchen sink. “I want you, Declan. I want you. I want Nicholas to tell Bella all about his day every night before bed. I want my life to not involve some crazed stalker who wants to take my child. I want a thriving business in my hometown. I want my parents to be happy. I want my brother to not be dead. But mostly, I want you, Declan Hayes. I want you.”
The tears are flowing down my face, but I don’t care what I look like; I’m just waiting for Declan to react. I stare at him standing over the kitchen sink as he contemplates all that I just told him.
He pushes off the counter and stalks over to me. “You, Riley Ashford. All I’ve ever wanted was you. From when we were five years old all the way until right now and into the future. You are what I want. I want you and Nicholas in this house every night, and I want you in my bed. Every night for the rest of our lives.” He stands in front of me but not touching me. “Are you okay with that? Do I have to worry about you leaving again? Leaving me?”
I shake my head because words elude me right now. I’m looking up into his piercing blue eyes and getting lost in the future he’s showing me.
“I want you, Riley. I want us.” He swings a finger between us. “I want a future with you and Nicholas, Bella too, and more babies and I want to give you all your dreams. But when that lady mentioned she was showing you a house…” He pauses, closes his eyes, and shakes the memory from his head. “I just couldn’t think straight.”
“I never meant to hurt you. I swear, Declan.”
He nods, “I know that now.” He finally touches me as he pushes my hair behind my left ear. “God, I’ve loved you for so long, it hurts. And to have you standing right here… I have no words.”
“Show me,” I whisper.
He leans down as his hand wraps around the back of my head – his lips so close to mine. “Come to bed with me… in our room.”
I nod as his lips crash into mine and my entire body relaxes into his embrace as my world – the world I’ve always wanted – opens up and lets me in.