24. Declan
Chapter 24
Declan
T he pullout couch is surprisingly more comfortable than you’d think for a hospital. The soft hum of the hospital’s machinery and the muted beeps create an odd symphony that feels almost calming in this moment. Riley slept in the bed, cradling Nicholas against her chest, and I don’t blame her. If she hadn’t, I would have. Neither one of us can stop touching him, making sure he’s still here with us, breathing softly, heart beating steadily. After the hellish day we’ve had, just the simple sound of his breathing feels like a miracle.
Riley fell asleep not long after the nurse’s last check on Nicholas. Her exhaustion took over the moment she knew he was okay, that he was safe. I watch her now, her body curled protectively around him, and I can’t help but marvel at her strength. She’s been through so much—too much—and the fact that she’s still standing, still fighting, is nothing short of incredible. I think back to all those moments of hopelessness, the frustration and pure terror that gripped me yesterday. How did she do this all by herself for so long? But I’ll be damned if she’ll ever have to feel alone again. Not if I have anything to say about it.
The room is dim, the only light coming from the soft glow of the hallway filtering through the door, and the pale green light of the heart monitor. I turn off the television, the background noise now unnecessary, and just sit here, staring at the two of them in the darkness. Riley’s hand rests on Nicholas’s back, her fingers twitching occasionally as if she’s checking to make sure he’s still there, still warm, still alive. I wonder how many nights she’s spent like this, alone, worried, scared, just praying for morning to come. I’ve never felt more helpless or more determined in my life.
My mind drifts back to the other night at dinner, when Nicholas looked up at me with those big, innocent eyes and asked if I was going to marry his mom. The question had caught me off guard then, but now…now it feels like the most natural thing in the world. If he asked me that question right now, I’d tell him I’d marry her the moment she lets me. And will she let me? I’m pretty sure she will; I hope she will because I plan to ask her the moment everything settles down and gets back to normal.
That domestication I thought I was feeling yesterday morning—it’s not just a passing feeling. I want that with Riley, with Nicholas. I want the family, the routine, the chaos, the love. I want it all, and I hope to god they do, too.
I settle into the sofa, pulling the blanket up to my chin as I rest my head on the pillow the nurse brought me. The adrenaline that’s kept me going finally ebbs, leaving only exhaustion in its wake. My eyes flutter shut, and I drift off to sleep with visions of a future I never imagined wanting so badly. Babies, pool parties, Bella watching kids, and Riley and I holding hands, basking in the joy of it all.
“Mommy?” A little voice pulls me from the depths of sleep, and it takes a second for it to register. My eyes snap open, and I sit up quickly, my heart racing.
“Nickels. There you are.” Relief floods through me as I jump off the couch and take his small hand in mine. His skin is warm, but not feverish, and his eyes are bright, if a little confused.
“How are you feeling, buddy?” I ask, brushing a hand through his messy hair.
“I’m hungry…and Mommy is squishing me.” He glances over at Riley, who is still asleep, her body wrapped protectively around him like a cocoon.
I chuckle softly and gently shake her shoulder. “Riley, wake up.”
Her eyelids flutter, and she slowly comes to, blinking at me, then at Nicholas. “Oh my god, baby, are you okay? Do you hurt?” Her voice is thick with sleep and worry as she quickly sits up, scanning him for any signs of discomfort.
He starts pushing against her, squirming a little. “You’re squishing me, Mommy.”
She lets out a breathy laugh, tears of relief glistening in her eyes as she releases him from her embrace. “I’m sorry, baby. Is that better?”
He nods, rubbing his eyes. “I’m hungry.”
The tears spill over, but this time, they’re tears of relief, of gratitude. “Well then, let’s get you some breakfast.”
I catch her gaze as she looks up at me, a tear slipping down my own cheek. I wipe it away quickly, giving her a reassuring smile. “I’ll go get the nurse.”
The next few hours are a blur of activity. Doctors and nurses file in and out of the room, checking on Nicholas, adjusting monitors, and making notes in their charts. Friends pop by to visit, bringing gifts and well-wishes. Nicholas eats up the attention, his small face lighting up with each new visitor and each new toy or stuffed animal.
His fever must have broken sometime during the night because his temperature is back to normal, and all his vital signs are strong. It’s like a weight has been lifted off all our shoulders, and the room is filled with a cautious optimism.
When Lois and Daniel Ashford arrive, fresh from the airport, the floodgates open for Riley again. She bursts into tears the moment she sees her parents, tears of relief and joy this time, as they wrap her and Nicholas in their arms. It’s clear how much Nicholas has missed his grandparents, and he clings to them, soaking up their affection like a sponge.
I watch from the sidelines, feeling like an outsider in this intimate family moment, but not in a bad way. It’s more like I’m seeing a glimpse of what could be—what I hope will be—my future.
Nicholas doesn’t seem to remember much of yesterday, which is a blessing. He recalls going to school in the morning with Riley, but beyond that, his memories are fuzzy at best. He doesn’t remember the kidnapping, the shooting, or even being in the hospital until he woke up this morning. Riley, ever the protective mother, vows to keep a close eye on him, watching for any signs of trauma that might manifest later. She’s already talking about therapy, about making sure he has all the support he needs, and I’m struck once again by her strength, her determination to protect her son at all costs.
As I stand in the doorway, watching Riley and her parents fuss over Nicholas, I realize something. I’m not just in love with Riley; I’m in love with this life, with this family. And I’m going to do everything in my power to be a part of it.