Chapter 9 #2
Ally could be in a worse place than she already was, and she wouldn't have him to act as a buffer. It was too great a risk to take. The safest option was for her to be sold, then he’d get the buyer’s name and address to Prey and let them go in and do their thing.
While he never asked how many of the women they were able to get out alive.
He knew it was a balance between not letting Azure catch on that the women they sold were promptly found and rescued, because then they’d know for sure there was a traitor, and getting as many of those innocent victims out as they possibly could.
With Ally, though, he’d ask, he’d explain who she was to him, make sure it was a priority to get her out.
“I’m sorry, little mouse, I've failed you over and over again,” he said as he reluctantly released his hold on her and allowed her to scramble off his lap.
When she said nothing, just stared at him with open betrayal in her wide blue eyes, he sighed and shoved to his feet.
She was right. He’d been selfish all over again.
Telling her the truth had been for his benefit, because he couldn’t stand knowing she despised him.
But now that she knew, she hated him anyway.
“I swear, baby, I will make sure that my boss gets you out. They will, I promise you they will. As soon as you're out of here, I will get to him, give him the address, and someone will come for you. Less than twenty-four hours, that’s all it will be, then you’ll be on a plane back home, safe and sound.
” Only she wouldn't be able to go back home because Azure would notice if she suddenly popped back up in her life. She’d have to go into some sort of witness protection kind of program until Azure was destroyed, but he knew Prey would handle that, and Ally didn't need to worry about it this second.
She still said nothing, and since he knew there was nothing he could say to make any of this better for her, he reached for the toy he thought was the best of a bad lot of choices.
As he picked up the stimulator, he wondered if maybe he should explain to her about Nathan falling for Emma, about how everyone was on edge after the man disappeared.
Go into more detail about why he was being tested, and how it would make it that much harder to get her out than if Nathan hadn't left.
If he suddenly faked her death, especially since they knew about his history with her, it was going to be obvious that he was up to something.
He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't.
Out of choices, even if to Ally it sounded so simple.
“Are you going to go with this?” he asked wearily as he held up the toy. The weight of his work was crushing him in a way it never had before Ally had been dragged into his world. Maybe after this case was over, he’d need to take a little time off to try to recenter himself.
“Sure,” Ally agreed, sounding just as weary as he felt.
“I really think this is the best option,” he assured her.
Of course, there was no way for her to understand the nuances of being undercover, of adopting a persona that wasn't yours, of fitting into a place like this, and the rules he had to be aware of and follow.
He didn't have the time to explain it all to her, but he wished she could understand he was doing everything he felt he could to protect her without giving himself away.
Ally just nodded, and so he grabbed the chastity belt straps that would hold the toy in place. This was killing him, and she thought he was a monster who said he loved her but didn't show it.
“Spread your legs, little mouse,” he said as he dropped to his knees before her.
“Don’t call me that,” she whispered as she did as he asked.
“You’ll always be my little mouse, baby, nothing can change that.
You think I'm a monster, and … I can't argue with you.
But I'm your monster. Always will be. I'm doing the best I can to protect you without putting you in more danger, and I will make sure you get rescued.
I wish things could be different, but … this is the hand I've been dealt, and I have to play these cards.”
Again, she said nothing. Just looked at him like he was a stranger to her.
Damn, he hated that look. But since there was no way he could prove to her that he loved her when, from her point of view, everything he did proved the opposite, he took one of the straps of leather and circled it around her waist. It locked into place with a small screw that meant there was no way she’d be able to remove it on her own.
As he went to put the toy in place and then use the strap to secure it, Mateo paused, leaned in, and touched a single kiss to her bud. When he glanced up, he saw tears trickling down Ally’s cheeks, and each one was like a little drop of fire, searing wounds on his soul that would never heal.
While Ally was suffering more in this situation than he was, he’d never pretend otherwise, she was definitely paying the price for his choices, and he wouldn't walk away from this unscarred either. Even though he fully believed in Prey’s ability to get his girl out of hell and someplace safe, and find her the resources she’d needed to heal, he hated that he couldn’t just snatch her up, carry her out of here, killing anyone who tried to stop him.
Since he couldn’t, he took her bud between his fingers, rolled it a few times, then placed the toy’s suction cup right over it, holding it in place while he attached the second leather strap to the one around her waist, keeping the toy tucked firmly against her.
Then he stood, took the remote that controlled the toy, and activated it to the lowest setting.
It would remain on that, keeping her lightly aroused, until one of the guys decided to play with her.
The thought of anyone but him bringing her pleasure had rage screaming inside him, but at least no one was going to physically touch her.
Taking her hand, he wanted to force her to curl her fingers around his like she always used to, but of course, he couldn’t.
Her feelings weren't just valid they were correct. He had become the monster in her story, and while he’d make sure he killed as many of the men here as he could when they finally had what they needed to bring the ring down, that was going to be cold comfort to Ally.
At the door, he paused, took her shoulders in his hands, bent his legs so they were eye to eye, and tried to show her everything he was feeling.
“I love you, little mouse. I know you don’t believe me, I know you hate me, but I will make sure you get out.
I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of your life, I will make sure you’re free to live that life. ”
“This would be so much easier if I hated you,” Ally said softly.
And he wondered if she knew how deeply those words stabbed into his heart. His girl didn't hate him, but she wished that she did, and somehow, that was worse.