Chapter 15
Nathan
I was scared shitless. There was just no way around it. Because I knew what I was asking for. And there would be no coming back from it.
I hoped that Vincent couldn’t feel the nerves that were threatening to consume me. It was humiliating enough to be the singular person in this encounter who had no clue what to expect. And if it turned out to be anything like the first time I’d had sex with a girl, I wasn’t sure what I’d do.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Vincent murmured against my mouth.
“Noth…nothing,” I stammered.
“You’re shaking like a leaf. And while I’m good, I’m not that good,” he said with a small smile as he placed soft kisses along my jaw.
I doubted that, because I knew part of the reason I was shaking so bad was because of what he was doing to me.
Even the mere act of his heavy weight pressing me into the cool, soft grass had all my cylinders firing.
Add in the drugging kisses and I was pretty much a goner.
If I hadn’t been clueless as to what to do next, I would have jumped him for sure.
His lightness caught me off guard, so I didn’t have time to shore up my defenses.
“I was thinking about my first time.” At his questioning look, I quickly said, “With a girl.”
A light rumble of laughter went through him. “I’m definitely losing my touch.”
It took me a moment to realize what he was saying, and I let out a bark of laughter as I realized what my statement must have sounded like. The humor helped ease some of the tension, and I flopped my head back on the grass and closed my eyes.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “I’m messing this up.”
Vincent suddenly ground his hips against mine, causing our cocks to slide over one another. I let out a sharp moan.
“Unless you tell me to fuck off, I’m not going anywhere.” His fingers skirted through my hair and then he kissed me again. “Talk to me, Nate.”
I sighed. This definitely wasn’t the way I’d thought this would go.
With me about to spill the details about one of the most humiliating nights of my life.
“When Brody came out to me, he told me what losing his virginity to his girlfriend had been like. He was so upset about it.” Since I didn’t want to get into the details of that night, I bypassed the rest of the conversation I’d had with Brody and said, “What he said stuck with me for a long time. I kept putting off having sex with my high school girlfriend – I always had some excuse– I was too busy with football or some academic event or church obligations. I didn’t actually go through with it until I was in college.
Sophomore year. I thought once I got into it more, it would be okay…
that my body would start acting…normal.”
I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. “Nothing she did got me…hard. So, she suggested we watch some porn.”
As I spoke, Vincent lifted off me enough so he could put some of his weight on his bent arm. His finger kept stroking up and down my cheek, occasionally straying to my lips. It helped relax me, though I couldn’t look him in the eye as I talked.
“The porn worked, but not for the right reasons.”
“You were watching the guy, and not the girl.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and nodded.
“I made her leave the video running so I could watch…him. It was the only thing that made it bearable.” Tears pricked the backs of my eyes as I said, “Afterwards I finally understood what Brody had been trying to tell me. It felt like I’d been…
” I choked back a sob and then Vincent was leaning over me, pressing his forehead against mine.
“It’s okay, baby,” he said softly.
The endearment had me turning into him and burying my face against his chest. I felt his hand come up to cradle the back of my head.
I managed to stifle the gut-wrenching sobs that were threatening to consume me, but when Vincent kissed my temple and said, “Let it out, Nate,” I was helpless to stop any of it.
I clutched his shirt between my fingers as I sobbed into the fabric, soaking it within a matter of seconds.
Vincent kept murmuring things in my ear, but I couldn’t really make out the words.
But it didn’t matter. I had what I needed.
Permission.
To feel.
To rage.
To accept.
At some point after the worst had passed, Vincent eased me onto my back and used his fingers to skim my face. “What am I going to do with you?” he whispered, and then his mouth closed over mine. The kiss was sweet and tender and didn’t last long. “Let’s go inside. We don’t have to do this tonight.”
He was giving me an out that part of me wanted to take, but it was the part of me that was scared to take this final step.
This step where I’d finally be admitting who I really was.
It was something I couldn’t come back from, and it would change my life forever.
I’d hidden for so long because I hadn’t been as strong and as brave as my brother.
I wasn’t sure that had changed. But looking up at Vincent, seeing the patience and tenderness in his normally hard eyes, feeling his weight pressing me into the hard earth…
how could I not want this? How could I not want this feeling of rightness in my life?
Yes, it would change everything, but the reality was, I’d already started to change.
It had begun the night I’d cast the person I loved more than anything in this world out of my life.
“No,” I whispered as I lifted my fingers to toy with his hair. “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life. I’m not going back.”
He was breathing hard against me, despite the fact that our passion had cooled. It gave me hope that it meant he was feeling things that weren’t just about sex. I knew it would just complicate the hell out of things, but I still wanted it.
Him.
I didn’t give him a chance to answer. Instead, I reached up and clasped the back of his head and pulled him down for another kiss.
As soon as his mouth touched mine, I let my tongue slide over his lips, asking for permission.
He granted it, and then our tongues were stroking over each other in greeting.
I groaned as he shifted his weight onto me completely, and when his knee pushed between my legs, I opened for him.
I moaned into his mouth as he settled between my legs and his cock ground against mine.
The position should have made me feel awkward and vulnerable, but it didn’t.
It made me feel…wanted.
Like he couldn’t get close enough.
I’d had this image in my head that as soon as I told him I wanted him, I’d end up on all fours with him shoving into me from behind. But this…this was…perfect.
Perfect, but not enough.
“More,” I moaned as he began rolling his hips against mine and his mouth latched onto my ear.
“Gonna give you everything, baby,” Vincent growled. “Just like you wanted.”
He shifted up and moved his legs so he was straddling my hips, effectively pinning my lower half to the ground.
He reached over his shoulder and tugged his T-shirt off.
I’d already seen his chest in the motel room, but up close, it just took my breath away.
Tanned skin, rigid muscles, chest hair…and it was all mine.
I surged up so I was in a sitting position, and Vincent shifted backwards enough to give me room.
I wrapped my arms around him and then slid my hands up and down his back, losing myself in the feel of his hot skin.
I didn’t know what possessed me to do it, but I pressed my nose against the middle of his sternum and drew in a deep breath.
He smelled of musk and sweat and man. I let my tongue flick out to taste his skin.
Vincent’s hand came up to capture my head and hold me to him.
I pressed my fingers into the hard muscles of his back and then flicked my tongue over his nipple.
His reaction was immediate and unmistakable.
He moaned and his fingers tightened in my hair.
I sucked on him gently and then played with the other nipple.
He let me have my way, but then I felt his hand smoothing down my back.
As his hand moved back up, he pulled my shirt with it and then suddenly he was pulling it over my head, forcing me to release my hold on him.
Since it was a button-down shirt, the whole thing was awkward, but Vincent didn’t seem to care, because he jerked it off and tossed it aside.
Then he was grabbing my face and his tongue surged between my lips.
His hand slid down my back again, hot and heavy on my skin. He kept right on kissing me, even as his fingers slid beneath the waistband of my pants. It should have freaked me out to feel his hand so intimately pressed to me, but all it did was make me want more.
“Want you so bad,” he breathed against my mouth.
I nodded, because I was panting too hard to actually speak. God, we’d barely done anything and I felt like I was going to come in my pants.
Vincent’s weight pressed me back down into the grass and then he was sliding his lips down my body.
I kept my hands on his shoulders, more to ground myself than anything else, as he worked his way down my chest, then my abdomen.
His mouth was setting me on fire where he touched me.
When he finally reached the button of my jeans, I held my breath.
But instead of opening my pants, he began palming my cock through the fabric.
“Jesus,” I whispered, and then I was covering my eyes with my hands because it just felt so damn good. I tried to think of anything else besides how badly I needed to come, but when Vincent called my name, all other thoughts disappeared and I dropped my hands so I could look at him.
“Keep your eyes on me,” he ordered.
I would obey the order even if it killed me. It wasn’t like I could have looked away, anyway. His dark eyes were so heavy with hunger that they were pulling me in, drowning me in their depths.
I did as Vincent said as he worked my pants open.
I barely managed to keep my eyes on his when his big hand closed around my aching cock.
I wanted to look down to see him holding me, but I was trapped in his gaze.
So it was his eyes I followed down as he lowered his head.
He didn’t even break the connection when his mouth reached my dick, which he was still stroking with one hand.
I knew what he was going to do. I knew it and I wanted it and I was fucking terrified.
I knew it wouldn’t be like that night when Jennifer had taken me into her mouth in a last-ditch effort to get me in the mood.
No, this time I was terrified because if he touched me with that sinful mouth, I’d blow.
“I won’t last,” I croaked when I felt his warm breath skitter over my crown.
“You don’t need to,” Vincent whispered. “Just feel, Nate.”
I cried out when he ran the flat of his tongue over my crown and I fisted my fingers in the grass. Sensation rocketed throughout my entire body. “Please!” I shouted.
I wasn’t sure what I was asking for. His tongue on more of me, his mouth…
I just knew it wasn’t enough. Pleasure crawled up my spine as he licked up the length of my shaft and then across the head again, but when his mouth closed over my dick, I was a goner.
I shouted as my orgasm ripped into me, violent and unforgiving.
Vincent sucked hard on me as I fed him my release.
The added pressure had me bucking up into his mouth as I grabbed hold of his head to hold him in place as I ruthlessly fucked the hot, wet cavern of his mouth.
The climax seemed to go on forever before I felt my muscles unlock and I sank back into the grass.
I was dimly aware of Vincent’s mouth releasing me with a pop, but I couldn’t find the energy to look down.
He climbed up my body, but I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t even raise my arms so that I could touch him.
I opened my mouth to tell him I was sorry for my lack of control, but then his tongue was there and something else…something warm and salty and bitter. It was just a few drops, but I knew what it was.
It should have revolted me. I’d had blow jobs from exactly two women in my life and neither had kissed me afterwards.
So the taste of myself was foreign and strange and very unexpected.
But I didn’t pull away, and I didn’t feel disgusted.
What I felt was unbelievable, considering what I’d just been through.
Desire.
Fast and hot.
And no, my body hadn’t completely caught up yet, but I could already feel my dick stirring as Vincent kissed me, his sweetness mixed with the tang of my release.
I somehow found the energy to return the kiss.
He took his time kissing me and then he was exploring my neck again.
Then every other part of my body. And all the while I could feel his hardness pressing against me.
But not once did I feel like he just wanted to turn me over and shove into me.
I didn’t know what to make of that. I’d expected fucking.
..or at the very least, sex. They were the only terms I could think of to describe the act of getting off with another person.
I’d thought that was all Vincent had wanted, even if I’d secretly hoped it would be more.
But how could I call what he was doing to me sex? It was so much more.
“Vincent,” I murmured as I shook my head. His name sounded like a question more than anything else, and he returned to my mouth.
“Do you want to stop?” he asked. The question wasn’t asked with anger or worry…it was asked with such gentleness that I felt something in my chest spark to life. But I was afraid to try and identify it, even if deep down, I knew what it was.
I shook my head.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Good,” he said as he placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Because I need inside of you so badly right now…”
His words dropped off and I felt him stroking my hair. I nodded. “Yes.”
I couldn’t manage anything else, mostly because of what I might end up saying. And as gentle and as sweet as he was being, I needed to remember this really was still just sex.
Even if that little piece of my heart that I’d just lost to him wanted it to be so very much more than that.