Chapter 22 #2
“Uh-huh,” I managed to get out as I reached for my coffee and took a healthy swallow.
When it felt like I could breathe again, I said, “I’m going to have you send some emails today confirming your appearance at the rally.
I’ll make it look like the emails are coming from an internet café in Charleston.
We want it to look like you’re still being careful, but that you’re starting to feel more comfortable with coming out of hiding. ”
“And we’ll stay in a motel the night of the rally?”
I shook my head. “No, I’ve decided we’re going to go back to your house.”
“Won’t that be harder to secure? I mean, there are so many ways for him to get into the house.”
“Ronan’s got some men in the Metro D.C. area. I’ll have them help me secure both the rally and the house.”
Nathan nodded and turned his attention back to his food.
A wave of uncertainty went through me. It was an unfamiliar and hated sensation, and I could feel the edges of another episode of panic creeping in.
“Nathan,” I said, and waited until he was looking at me.
“When we’re there, you do everything I say. Without question.”
He must have sensed something in my expression, because he quickly nodded and then he reached his hand out to cover mine where it was resting next to my plate.
“I will, Vincent. I promise.”
It wasn’t until he began stroking his thumb over my skin that I felt any measure of relief.
Fuck, I’d always been so confident about my decisions, but knowing what was at stake - that it wasn’t just my own life on the line – had me on edge. And on edge people made stupid mistakes.
I forced myself to finish the omelet, even though it tasted like sandpaper going down.
When I was finished, I reached for my plate, but Nathan waved me away.
“Go do your thing. I’ll take care of this,” he said as Mickey appeared and then jumped on his lap.
I automatically searched out Minnie and was surprised to see she was sitting on the floor next to Nathan’s leg, rubbing up against it.
The strangest sensation of rightness came over me as I watched him sitting there at my kitchen table, eating my food, playing with my cats.
God, what I wouldn’t give to go back in time and tell Dominic Barretti I would take him up on his job offer.
I had to believe that even if things had been different all those years ago, my life still would have led me to this moment…
to this man. I knew it was unfaithful to David to not be thinking about him as part of that life after I’d chosen what Dom had been offering, but in my gut, I knew I would have lost David to his demons no matter what.
I’d lost him the moment the military had rejected us.
“You okay?” Nathan asked.
I nodded and pushed my chair back. “Just have a lot to do,” I said.
“Let me know what you need me to do, okay?”
“I will,” I agreed and then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, I leaned down and kissed him. Because even if it was only temporary and we were just playing house, I was damn well going to pretend it was real for as long as I could.
I’d deal with the consequences later…once Nathan was gone and I had to go back to the way things were.
The way they’d always be.
“No, tell me you’re not…a channel flipper,” I groused as I watched the image on the TV screen switch a mere second after the channel was changed. Not even long enough to figure out what show was on the screen.
“Shut up,” Nathan murmured as he elbowed me.
Somehow, we’d ended up sitting side by side on the couch, despite there being several different pieces of furniture for us to spread out on, and we’d migrated toward one another until Nathan was leaning against my side.
Just before dinner, Nathan and I had sent out the agreed-upon emails to his assistant, campaign manager, and the rally organizers, telling them Nathan was feeling well enough to attend the rally on Saturday.
I’d embedded code into each email that would allow me to tell anytime it was opened and by whom, so we’d know if Nathan’s assailant was watching them or not.
So far only his campaign manager and the rally organizer had viewed the email, so I’d settled in with Nathan to watch something on TV while we waited for the final email to be viewed before heading to bed.
Our plan was to leave for Charleston in the morning.
We’d spend the day at Nathan’s house getting Ronan’s men installed so that some were watching the house from the outside while one secured the inside.
I’d have a couple more men backing me up at the rally.
As soon as I’d told Ronan what I’d needed, he’d gotten it for me within a matter of minutes.
Even with five men at my disposal, he’d told me he could get more to me within a matter of hours if I thought it was necessary.
I didn’t.
But it sure as hell felt good to know Nathan’s safety now lay in the hands of several capable men instead of just mine.
“How about this?” Nathan asked.
I glanced at the TV and barely refrained from rolling my eyes. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
“What? It’s cool to see how much they’re able to sell the house for after they fix it up.”
“Pass,” I said.
Nathan made a rude sound, but changed the channel anyway. He began flipping again, but stopped suddenly on a news channel. He stiffened against me and then sat up.
“And I think the fact that Mr. Wilder hasn’t been seen or heard from in nearly a week should have the good people of this state wondering if he’s fit for the demanding challenges of this office.”
I knew who the man was – Lawrence Braxton, the incumbent Republican Senator for the state of South Carolina. The same man whose seat Nathan was running for. The arrogant-looking asshole had a smug look on his face as he spoke with the reporter interviewing him.
The reporter, an older woman, said, “Mr. Wilder’s campaign has said he’s been battling the flu this week. Do you believe it’s something more, Senator Braxton? Do you believe he’s starting to crack under the pressure?”
The man let out a raucous laugh. “Now don’t you go putting words in my mouth, young lady,” he said with his best Southern drawl.
“But I do have to wonder if someone with no political experience and who seems to volley on every position you all ask him about…well now, should he really be given the responsibility of speaking for our great state in the mire of Washington?”
The interview ended and the anchor in the news studio began talking about another story, so Nathan changed the channel, but stopped flipping through them. I sat up and used my fingers to brush some hair behind his ear, even though it didn’t need it. It was just an excuse to touch him.
“You okay?” I asked.
Nathan nodded. “I think that’s part of the problem. I am okay.”
“What do you mean?”
He was silent for a moment as he stared at the TV. Then he turned to me and said, “In the past, I would have been on the phone to Preston strategizing a response. But…I just don’t care. What does that say, Vincent?” he asked. “About me? About my campaign? About why I’m really doing this?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what you mean, Nathan,” I admitted.
He sighed. “Yeah, me neither, I guess. I just…”
“Just what?” I prodded.
“Everything’s changed so much and so fast.”
“Things will be clearer when life gets back to normal,” I offered. But my words seemed to agitate him more. He didn’t respond. Just nodded and settled back against my side and began flipping channels again.
“Did you always know you wanted to go into politics?” I heard myself asking. It was a topic we’d both worked hard to avoid, but I found myself avidly interested in the subject now. Of course, I was interested in everything there was to know about this man.
“No,” he said. “It was more like I accepted it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Brody was the one with big dreams. When people would ask him what he wanted to be, he’d have those stock answers like being a fireman or an astronaut.”
“And you?”
“I was too afraid to answer.”
“Afraid? How so?”
“Growing up in the Wilder household was about one thing and one thing only. Having the right answer. And by right, I mean the answer my father wanted you to have. I got that early on. Brody struggled with it. It was harder for him to accept that our lives had already been decided for us. I tried to help him by taking the attention off him…by doing things so well, he’d maybe have a chance to be the things he wanted.
It didn’t really work, though. I think he resented me, and my father just saw him as a failure and a disappointment.
I guess in the end, I just made things worse. ”
“You were trying to protect him,” I said softly.
“Trying and doing aren’t the same thing,” he responded.
“Brody was always the brave one. He was the one who had the guts to ask why things were the way they were. I just did what was expected. Straight A’s in school, captain of the football team, dated the most popular girl in school…
I never broke the rules. Brody, he was always finding ways to stretch them. ”
“So why stay in politics after you decided not to run as a Republican?”
“I thought I could undo some of what I’d done.”
“To Brody?” I asked carefully.
He nodded. He was still staring at the TV, but I knew he wasn’t watching what was on the screen anymore.
“Knowing people would never leave Brody alone to live his life…that he’d carry this label around that somehow made him less than human…
I couldn’t just stand by and let that happen.
This whole time I had myself convinced it was just about Brody and people like him.
I don’t know why it was so hard to admit the truth to myself. ”
“Not many people seek out being different, Nathan. I sure as shit didn’t want to be gay,” I admitted.
“I knew I wanted to be with David, but I think if I’d had a choice in the whole thing, I would have chosen the path that ensured I could have everything I wanted.
Military career, family. I mean, who wants to have to fight for things that should just be a given?
It shouldn’t have been about me fighting to be allowed to love whoever I wanted.
But that’s what it became - that’s who I became.
Not a soldier, not a man, not a brother.
Gay. I’m gay first and everything else second. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.”
“You don’t think things can change?” Nathan asked as he straightened and turned to look at me again.
“Over time, maybe. But do I think in my lifetime, or even yours, that that label will go away? No, I don’t.”
“But that doesn’t mean we should stop fighting. Maybe the battle we win today is one less battle that needs to be fought tomorrow.”
I sighed and nodded. “Maybe. But I’m damn tired of fighting,” I murmured.
Nathan nodded and settled back against me. “Here, you old geezer,” he said as he handed me the remote.
I took it and let my free hand slide down his abdomen until it lingered just above the button of his jeans.
“Geezer, huh?” I said softly as I gently bit down on his earlobe.
Nathan shuddered, and then his hand was covering mine and trying to urge it south.
“Maybe you need a repeat of what I did to you on that kitchen table?”
The sounds coming out of his mouth had no meaning, but it was clear what his bobbing head was saying.
Then he was turning to seek out my lips.
Unfortunately, an alert on my phone beeped, and I was forced to pull my mouth from his.
“I gotta check this, baby,” I said as he tried to follow me with his mouth.
He let out a growl and dropped his head to my chest. I grabbed my laptop off the side table and opened it up.
“Someone besides your assistant opened the email,” I said.
“Can you trace it?” Nathan asked.
I spent several minutes tracking the guy’s trail, but just like the others, it began hopping from one IP address to another. I shook my head and closed the laptop.
“At least we know he’s still watching,” Nathan murmured.
“Yeah. Just be nice to know who it was we’re looking for,” I said in frustration. I had a general idea of the guy’s build from the night he’d attacked Nathan, but that was it.
“How do you know how to do all this stuff?” Nathan asked as he motioned to my laptop. “Did the army teach you?”
“Some of it. I was always into gadgets and stuff when I was a kid. My dad liked to fix old radios, so that was how it started. As I got older, I just liked figuring out how things worked. I suppose if I hadn’t gone into the military, I would have been an engineer or something.”
“So you taught yourself?” Nathan probed.
I knew what he was really asking me. I sighed, and Nathan immediately shifted back. “I’m…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-”
I grabbed his hand when he tried to stand.
“Sit,” I said gently. He settled back on the couch and I turned so I was facing him.
I studied him for a moment and shook my head.
“I keep telling myself I’m not telling you because I’m worried it’ll get out, but that’s bullshit,” I admitted.
“I know you’d take my secrets to your grave. ”
He nodded, but remained silent, his whiskey-colored eyes holding mine.
“Truth is, I’m afraid it will change how you look at me.”
“It wouldn’t-”
I pressed my thumb against his lips to silence him. “I can’t tell you everything…”
Nathan nodded and when I dropped my hand, he remained silent.
“After the military discharged me and the contracting work started to dry up, the Department of Defense came calling with a job offer. One of my commanding officers worked for this unit that worked with other groups…FBI, CIA, NSA. The department ran top secret missions all over the world, usually as part of small teams of men, all former military. The work seemed legit at first…saving high-value hostages, doing recon on targets, that sort of thing. But then everything changed.”