Chapter 18
R en
It was nice to see Blake sitting with the guys again, but I saw his smiles and charm in a whole different light.
He called out and said hi to those passing by and blew kisses to girls who were flirting.
I didn’t believe any of it. Under it all was a guy who just wanted to eat with his friends and not put on a show.
If he’d talked to Myles and things were better, then why was he still doing this?
“Earth to Ren.”
I jumped at the sound of my name and looked at Ivy. “Sorry, what?”
“Why are you staring at the table? If you wanted to go over, you could just go sit down,” she said. “You don’t have to sit with us. We both know we are still squarely stuck at the loser table.”
“You’re not losers. Just because you’re popular doesn’t exempt you from loser status.
I mean look at Vicky. Besides, I would rather chew on glass than sit over there with Nash when Myles isn’t there,” I said and ate a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
They’d oddly become a favorite of mine on Fridays.
Taking one more bite, I pushed the rest of my lunch away.
Even though I knew Myles wasn’t here today, I couldn’t help looking for him like he might pop up at any moment.
He said he needed to take a day off after last night, but I still didn’t know what that entailed.
Even though I trusted him and didn’t think it had anything to do with another girl, I couldn’t help worrying about what had been so bad that he took the day off.
What they did for their families worried me more than anything else.
I didn’t have a clue how I fit into this world or if I ever really would.
“If I had an in at the table with the Kings, I’d be sitting there every day,” Ivy said and sighed. “Not that I’d want any of them, no offense, but even for one day, I would.”
“I wouldn’t want to,” Chantry said as she slowly looked up from the sandwich she was picking at like a bird. “Why put yourself through that? You know that all it would take was one wrong word, and you’d be right back here at this table.”
“Chantry, we would be set for the rest of our school lives. No one touches them. I mean, have you looked around?”
Chantry and I looked around the room, but all I saw were people mingling and eating. There was always a table with someone asleep and others studying with earphones on, but I didn’t see the massive divide that Ivy spoke of.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What do you see,” Ivy asked.
“Nothing special. Everyone is doing their own thing,” I said.
“Girl, you’re blind. All the girls stare at that table longingly. All the guys glare but are still longing to be them. The Kings are the golden ones. It would just be nice to get out of the basement for a while, you know?”
“You can dip a piece of shit in gold. It doesn’t make it taste like chocolate,” Chantry said, and I snickered, but I think she had them all wrong.
Well, maybe not all wrong. Nash was certainly a piece of work, but the time I’d spent with them at Thanksgiving had shown me a different side to Theo and Liam, never mind my confusing feelings for Myles and Blake.
Blake stood and headed for the door, and I grabbed my bag to follow him. “I’ll see you after class.” Ivy’s mouth was hanging open as I dashed out.
“Hey, Blake,” I called after him, but he didn’t stop.
His strides were much longer, but he was blocked by the elevator doors that moved slower than a snail traveling uphill in a Canadian winter.
“Blake,” I said, louder this time, and he looked over his shoulder at me as I skidded to a stop. I really needed to start jogging again.
Blake pulled small buds out of his ears. “Is the building burning down?”
“No, I…we just….” I cleared my throat. “We just haven’t really spoken since the day I came over, and I guess I want to know how you are.”
The doors slid open, and I stepped inside even though I had no reason to go up.
“What do you mean? I’ve seen you in class all week.”
“We’ve seen one another, but you hardly speak. It kind of feels….” I crossed my arms as he stared at me and didn’t say anything. “I guess it feels like you don’t want to be near me.” The doors opened on the fifth floor, and Blake stepped out but blocked the way.
“You’re right. I don’t want to sit and make small talk with you.” My hands tightened on the straps of my bag, his words hurting even though they should’ve been a relief. “You know what I want, and I can’t have it, and honestly, being around you is tough with all the other shit.”
“You’ve just decided to hide who you are?”
His eyes narrowed. “You don’t get to question what I do,” he bit back, his voice tense.
“So, because I won’t leave Myles, and despite everything you told me, you don’t want to be friends. Is that what you mean?” I lifted my brow at him, but he didn’t say anything. Stepping back, I hit the button to go down. “Have a good day, Blake.”
His eyes darkened, reminding me of a cloud drifting in front of the sun. Just as the door started to close, he reached in and grabbed my arm. I yelped as he pulled me out.
“What the hell?”
“Don’t do that,” he said and marched away to the communal sitting area. He flopped down on the couch and stretched out with an arm draped over his eyes like he was lying in a psychiatrist’s office. Walking over, I stared down at him, but he refused to look at me.
“Do what? You’re the one being distant, not me.” I pulled out my phone and made sure I still had time to get to shop class. Theo would poke at me if I was late.
“You know why.”
“Okay, let’s play this out for a second. Let’s pretend that leaving Myles is what I do, and it’s what you want me to do. Then what?”
“I don’t know,” he mumbled.
“This is your best friend we are talking about. No matter what, it would end in disaster. So, give me an answer because I want us to be friends.”
“Just being your friend feels weird now.”
“ A nd you ignoring me when I ask you questions and staring through me like I don’t exist, isn’t weird?
The only thing off the table is kissing and all the other stuff along that line,” I said, not wanting to mention that I was a virgin.
It shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of, but when everyone around you had so much more experience, it felt like a class I was flunking.
Blake reached out and grabbed my hand. My heart leaped at the sudden touch that seemed so much more intimate than hand-holding.
His thumb ran over my pulse as it pumped fast under my skin.
He held my wrist up to his nose and sighed, and the same confusion that filled me at his house came racing back.
“That’s the problem. I want to pull you down on this couch with me,” Blake said, and I gently tugged on my hand until he let go.
“That will definitely get us in trouble with everyone. With my luck, I’ll be dumped by Myles, and Dean Henry will kick me out for good. Then I’d be boyfriend-less, parent-less, homeless, and school-less. That’s quite the superfecta of shit.”
“I’m sorry about your parents, that’s…messed up. You could always stay at my house, and I think you’d have to order Myles to dump you. Even then, he wouldn’t leave. He is so into you. The dean wouldn’t kick you out. You’re a star student,” Blake said.
I shook my head and sucked in a deep breath. “Not the point, and trust me, I don’t think I’m in Dean Henry’s good books right now.” I covered my eyes. “Shit, I have community service with Nash after school. Son of a….” Blake chuckled. “Don’t laugh. It isn’t funny. He is such a dick.”
“Tell me about it, but he doesn’t want to use his on me. That would add an extra layer of messed up.”
My cheeks burned hot. “Shut up.”
Blake laughed hard and moved like an old man as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. “It’s not like I’m telling you anything you don’t already know. He wants all your holes.”
“Ugh.” I tossed my hands up and closed my eyes to ward off the image, but that didn’t help. Thoughts of a glistening wet Nash stepping out of the pool danced like a fucking ballet behind my eyes. “On that note, I have to go, or I’ll never hear the end of it from your brother.”
Blake reached out and grabbed my arm, tugging me to stand between his knees.
“What are you doing?”
“Picturing you straddling my lap while I kiss you.” Glaring, I tried to step away, but he didn’t let go and stood.
His hands slipped around my waist, and my stomach muscles tightened with the rising tension throughout my body.
It was like a kaleidoscope of butterflies under my skin, beating their wings.
“You don’t know what you want any more than I do.
Your body is leaning away from me, but your eyes are begging me to kiss you. ”
I blinked and looked away. “Maybe you’re right. Being your friend is hard and far too complicated. I’ll see if I can change seats in class to make this less awkward for both of us.” I slipped out of his hold and backed up toward the elevator.
“Ren, I’m sorry.”
The rumble announced it was close, and the doors opened as Blake took a step in my direction. I stared at him, and the shrouded sadness lurking in his green eyes made me feel worse about shutting him out than I already did.
Two girls stepped out, chatting. I passed them and pressed the button. “Have a good day, Blake,” I said as the doors closed with a thud. I squashed down all the feelings trying to rise. Letting any part of me go there was going to hurt everyone, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone, including myself.
I looked at the clock as I raced into shop class, and it ticked one minute past the start time. Theo smirked from his bay as I calmly walked to the empty spot beside him.
“Almost late, Ms. Davies. Don’t think I didn’t see that. I won’t mark you late, but don’t do it again.”