Chapter 30
B lake
What in the ever-loving fuck was going on?
All day yesterday, Ren avoided me like I’d developed the plague.
I walked into the cafeteria with Myles, and she made up an excuse to leave.
We met her at the library, and she packed up and left for class.
I would’ve thought that Myles had something to do with it if it hadn’t been for the fact that he seemed just as baffled.
I figured I’d ask her what was going on in class since we had World History together, but when I arrived, she was sitting as far away as she could get from her usual seat beside me. She never glanced my way once, and as soon as class was over, she all but sprinted the hell out of there.
I hadn’t seen her since the day after my overdose.
She’d fallen asleep holding my hand, and I’d never felt more peaceful.
She was all I could think about while I was at home, other than the fact that I was thankful my parents weren’t shipping me off to rehab.
I did, however, need to speak to a therapist daily and do a laundry list of other things like keep my appointment with my doctor about proper anxiety medication.
I needed to call and talk to my dad twice a day and I was grounded from parties for the rest of the year. Not that I wanted to go to anymore.
One day was a weird coincidence with the teacher maybe moving people around, but two days in a row, there was no way.
I shuffled slowly into class and, just like yesterday, felt the eyes of everyone on me.
They either knew what happened or didn’t and were wondering why I was moving like I’d turned a hundred overnight.
Either way, their glances and soft whispers were all I needed to know that I was the current gossip.
The only head that didn’t turn in my direction was Ren’s.
She was at the front of the class, sitting with Rory.
She had her head down and her hair covering her face.
Directly in front of me, in Ren’s place, was Vicky’s cheerleader friend, Vanessa.
Vanessa turned around as soon as my ass touched the seat.
“Hi, Blake.” She gave me a sad smile. “I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you. It was a good thing your brother was there,” she whispered.
“And Ren,” I said flatly.
She waved her hand, dismissing what I’d said, and then leaned on my desk. “Yes, of course, her too. So when you’re feeling better, I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime?”
This was one of those moments when I would usually say yes, then smile, flirt, and maybe touch her hand, but I was sick of the act.
I was in way too much pain to plaster a smile on my face, and my give a fuck cup was already full.
Being real with the boys and Ren had given me a bit of clarity.
The sky wasn’t going to cave in on my head.
“No, but thanks for the offer,” I said, unzipping my backpack. Vanessa’s face contorted in shock and anger.
“Fine, whatever. It’s not like you’re that great anyway,” she said and spun around.
“I was good enough for you to ask out, but you’re just not good enough for me to say yes.” Fuck that felt good to say.
Ivy smacked a hand over her mouth but still couldn’t hold back the laugh.
Ren glanced back—and for a brief moment, our eyes connected—but then she quickly looked away. What the fuck was going on? Had I pissed her off? Had I upset her? Did she regret saving my sorry ass? Did my feelings for her make her uncomfortable?
“Jerk,” Vanessa hissed and grabbed her stuff. She stomped to the front of the class. “Get out of my seat. I want it back,” she growled at Ren.
“But I thought….”
“I don’t care what you thought. Get out of my seat, now.”
“What is going on in here?” Mr. Martelli looked at the two girls as he stepped into the class.
“She stole my spot and won’t get out of my seat,” Vanessa said.
“I did not. You said you wanted to be near Blake,” Ren argued. That was news to me.
Mr. Martelli shook his head. “I don’t care what you two have or don’t have going on. Ren, please go back to your normal seat,” he said.
“Thank you, Mr. Martelli,” Vanessa said sweetly, making me roll my eyes. Ren packed her bag and marched back but didn’t look at me once. If there was any doubt that her avoiding me was a coincidence, it was swept away by the time class ended.
I tried to get her to talk to me twice during our free time, but she acted like she didn’t hear me. As soon as the bell rang, she shot out of her chair. I knew she was going to take off, but I managed to snag the sleeve of her sweater before the crowd let her pass.
“Please let go of me,” Ren whispered, eyes facing the door.
“What is going on?”
“Nothing. I’m just doing what I should’ve done in the first place instead of making things worse. So, please just let go, Blake,” she said, refusing to turn and look at me.
“Don’t make me re-injure myself. Look at me.
” I could see her clenching her jaw, but she slowly turned around as the class emptied, leaving us alone.
Her silvery eyes looked up to mine, and the cold stare hurt my heart.
“What is happening here? I don’t understand what you mean by making things worse. Are you mad at me or something?”
“No, I’m not mad at you. I’m really happy you’re doing better and getting around, but we can’t be friends,” she said. I searched her face, but her eyes were as serious as I’d ever seen them.
“What the fuck? Did Myles put you up to this? Because if so, I can talk to him,” I said, but she shook her head.
“No, it’s not that. I’m going to be late for my next class. Can you please let go of my arm?”
Her voice was glacial and impassionate, exactly like when she first arrived, and was so guarded. Fuck letting her go. I wanted to grab her, demand answers, kiss her, or do whatever it took to get rid of that cool stare.
“Why are you saying this? What the hell happened between now and Saturday? You texted me every day for an update on how I was. Then I get back to school, and you ghost me? I don’t get it.”
She gave her arm a little tug. “You don’t need to understand. All you need to know is that we are better off this way. Okay?” My hand fell away from her arm as confusion twisted into anger inside of me.
“Was this all a fucking joke to you?”
Her face paled. “No, of course not….” She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “Look, just leave it alone. It’s better this way.”
“Ren, are you coming,” Ivy asked as she poked her head into the classroom.
“I gotta go, but I’m happy you’re on the mend, Blake. See you around.”
I watched her walk out, and she seemed like a totally different person.
Nothing like the Ren who’d held my hand or snuck out of school to talk just because she cared.
And definitely nothing like the girl who had curled up in my lap and fallen asleep.
Fuck this, something was up, and I was going to find out what happened.
FEbrUARY 1 – TUESDAY 3:35 PM
By the time the last bell rang, I was fucking furious with Myles.
No matter what Ren said, I was positive her sudden change in attitude toward me was his fault.
He flat-out told me that we’d work something out.
If Ren wanted us both, we would talk. Then he goes behind my back and tells her to ice me out.
No fucking way was I falling for that shit.
If he wanted to play dirty, then the gloves were coming off.
I found the guys in the foyer when I walked in, and Myles smiled at me. He was fucking lucky that I couldn’t take a swing at him, or I would’ve laid him on his ass.
“You fucking prick,” I snarled. The guys looked at me and then stared at one another. I glared at Myles as I stomped the best I could toward him. “What the fuck did you say to her?”
“Who?”
“Don’t give me that shit, you know who.”
Myles glanced at Nash. “Naw man, I don’t have a clue who yer talkin’ about.”
I winced as I pulled myself up straight and looked Myles in the eyes. “Ren,” I growled low, but Myles only looked more confused.
“You two are making a scene,” Nash said.
“I don’t care,” I answered, my eyes never leaving Myles.
“Well, I do. We don’t need any more run-ins with the dean.
Follow me.” Nash marched away, and we all followed, but my chest hurt with every stride.
I was breathing heavily, and I hated that I still felt like a bag of shit after a week.
The doctor said I could feel like this for up to six, good times.
Nash pushed open the front door, and we all filed outside.
“If I wasn’t in so much fucking pain…I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” I said, and Myles held open his arms.
“What the fuck are ya goin’ on about? What the hell do ya think I said to Snowflake? What did she say to ya?”
“You told her to stay away from me, didn’t you? She’s been ignoring me for the last two days. Even moved seats across the classroom and won’t speak to me.”
“Why would I do that? We talked, and we’re good,” Myles said.
“Are we, though?”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Enough,” Theo said and took off his glasses. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It wasn’t Myles.” That got my attention.
“You? You told Ren to ignore me?”
Theo shrugged. “Not in those words, but yes, I asked her to keep her distance.”
“Fuck, I’m not sure if I should be pissed off or thrilled that Princess keeps handing me drama and popcorn,” Nash said, sarcasm dripping from every word. We all glared at him. “Oh, keep going. I have to see how this plays out.”
I turned my glare on Theo as I walked up to him. “What the fuck for?”
“Blake, you almost died,” he said, and I looked around to make sure no one was in earshot.
“You don’t think I know that? It feels like a fucking anvil crushed my chest in,” I said, trying to control every breath. “It hurts to move, breathe, lay down, sit, or walk. Trust me, I know.”
“Well, she was part of the reason, and I don’t want you pushed to do something again. I told her to keep her distance and let you heal. Obviously, Ren thought it was a good idea, too, or she wouldn’t have listened to me. It’s not like she doesn’t have a mind of her own.”
“You have no right to interfere in my business like that.” My voice was rising, and as hard as I tried, I was struggling not to take deeper and more painful breaths.
“Not my right?” It was rare to see Theo pissed, but his eyes narrowed into a glare at me, and there was something really fucking eerie about staring at your reflection when it was pissed off with you. “Not, my fucking right?” He repeated as he stepped in close enough that our noses almost touched.
“You’re my fucking twin, Blake. You’re like a limb to me, part of my heart, my fucking soul.
Do you have any idea what it was like to see you collapse?
To be so scared out of my mind that I couldn’t put a single thought together?
All I do is think and my mind was completely blank with terror.
” Theo stomped away in a circle, and Liam gave him a wide berth.
“I was helpless to save you. All I could do was stare at you and will your eyes open. I wake up at night in a cold sweat thinking about you laying there and me having to tell Mom and Dad that you’re gone.
” He shook his head and pointed at me, and my chest constricted like he’d touched me.
“You may hate me, but I fucking love you, and I don’t care if you think it's my goddamn place. I’m going to protect my brother at any cost from anyone. Do you fucking get that?”
Theo’s hands were balled, his face the picture of rage as he vented at me. I didn’t know what to say. On one hand, he didn’t have a say in what I wanted or who I wanted to spend my time with, but I’d never heard Theo say that he loved me before.
“I don’t hate you,” I said.
He crossed his arms, and I hated that all I could think about was hugging him when I should still be furious.
“You may be right, and it may not have been my place, but it needed to be said. How do you know what you feel is even real? And is Myles okay with all this?”
“Naw, don’t be draggin’ me into yer family fight. I have enough of me own drama without being pulled into the middle of yours,” Myles said and crossed his arms.
“Fine, exclude him. Just take a couple of weeks to heal and think. If you still care for Ren after some distance, then I guess it’s up to you three what you want to do.
But I refuse to lose my brother. If telling Ren to stay away means I’m an asshole, well then I guess I’m an asshole because I’ll do it a million times over if I think it will keep you safe. ”
“I don’t need you to protect me,” I said.
“Are you sure about that?”
I sucked in a deep breath to keep from snapping at him. I could see the fear in his eyes, and Theo never showed this side of himself. If I hid who I was, then Theo locked himself up tighter than Fort Knox.
“Theo…I…I don’t know what to say,” I said, the last of the wind disappearing from my sails.
“Just agree to stay away from her and anything else triggering for a few weeks. That’s all I’m asking. Get your shit straight, feel stronger, talk to your therapist…please, Blake. I never ask anything of you, but I’m asking for this for your well-being and my sanity.”
Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I glanced around at the rest of the guys, but my eyes were fixated on the doors of the library.
This didn’t feel right, but I owed Theo for his part in saving my life, and I could tell he was as close to an edge as I’d ever seen him.
I could take two weeks and do what he said if it gave him some peace, but I knew my feelings weren’t going to change.
“Fine. Two weeks, that’s all I’m promising.” I didn’t know if this was a good idea or not, but I’d do it for Theo. After that…I didn’t know. I guess this also gave Ren time to see if she wanted me and Myles in her life or just Myles. I was really hoping it was the first option.