Chapter 35
R en
I would be really happy when this semester was over, and I could request not to be in any classes with Axel.
The guy was really getting on my nerves.
Not only was it obvious he couldn’t take a hint, but Theo wasn’t in class today, so Axel thought he could amp up the shitty comments.
What the hell was it about guys like him?
They just couldn’t take a hint and fuck off.
Then, as luck would have it, Vicky decided that the truce between us was over.
When I arrived back to my room there were a bunch of cheerleaders camped out in pajamas.
The room was crowded enough with four people.
Dozens of girls were scattered around, giggling and acting like I didn’t exist. It was like sitting inside a beehive, just waiting to be noticed by the Queen.
I had this creepy image in my head of all the girls looking at me like a hive mind before they attacked.
Packing a bag, including my journal, I slunk out of the room with only one snotty comment, which was a win in my books.
Why I was so nervous to see Myles tonight was beyond me.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was doing something wrong.
There was zero doubt that I was traveling down a narrow trail with sheer rock on one side and a steep drop on the other.
I had no idea how to navigate all of my feelings for Myles and Blake, and I didn’t have a parachute if I made a wrong move.
Taking a deep breath, I knocked on Myles’s door and then shoved my hands in my jeans so I didn’t fidget. Myles opened the door partway, and even though he was healing and looking a hundred times better than five days ago, it was the lack of glimmer in his eyes that terrified me.
“Hey,” he said, but didn’t invite me in. The nervousness worsened.
“Hey. Um…are you busy?”
He pushed open the door, and Fiona was sitting on his bed. A sharp pain hit my chest before my heart dropped to the floor. I looked at her and then at him as my brain raced to think of something to say as I fought off the tears that wanted to fall.
“Oh…okay, I’ll go.”
Stepping back, I turned, but Myles stepped into the hall and grabbed my arm before I could leave.
“Please don’t go,” he said. I looked at his hand and wiped away the single traitorous tear that escaped my eyes. “Fiona was just leaving.”
I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn’t. Fiona stepped out of his room and looked me up and down. When she patted Myles’s shoulder, I wanted to rip her hand off.
“So, yer da girl that has stolen me Myles’s heart,” she said, her accent so much thicker than Myles’.
“I cannie say that I’m not disappointed, but I wanna be with someone that wants ta be with me.
Take care of em.” She looked up at Myles.
“I’ll tell Ma and Da that I changed me mind and I dinnie want ta marry yer sorry arse. ”
Myles smiled. “Thanks, Fiona. I’m sorry that ya came all this way and that my da lied to ya.”
Her hand dropped, and she sighed. “Aye, he’s a real cunt, that’s fir sure. I still cannie believe he did this to ya, it makes me blood boil.”
My lips twitched. We could agree on that.
“Sorry, we had te meet under these strange circumstances, Ren. Ya dinnie seem at all like the girl Vicky says ya are.” She held out her hand, and I blinked, not sure this was real. She was leaving? From one beat to the next, my heart put itself back together, and I gripped Fiona’s hand.
“I’m sorry, too. This must have been weird and hard for you as well.” She nodded.
“Aye, but I’ve known Myles since we were wee, and he’ll always be me mate. I’m just happy that he’s happy. The situation with his Da is just plain bollox. Ya need to stay away from him, Myles.”
“Aye, I know,” he said and slid his arm around my shoulders. It was the first real touch we’d shared since Monday, and it was strange how much I’d come to expect it. I’d felt lost all week, like part of me was missing, and it terrified me that I cared so much.
Fiona nodded, said goodbye, and started to walk away, but stopped and looked over her shoulder.
“Ren, if yer ever needin’ some embarrassin’ stories or pictures, hit me up.” She smiled wide. “Myles has me number.”
“I just might take you up on that offer,” I said.
“Hey, no embarrassin’ photos, I have a rep to keep,” Myles said, but Fiona laughed as she walked away.
Myles guided me into his room. He still seemed distant as I placed my bag down and watched him get a drink from the fridge.
Myles was moving better, although slow, and all the swelling in his face was gone.
But he still had terrible bruising, and he would have a similar scar to Nash but slicing through his eyebrow.
I hated his father. I hated him so much.
Myles sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the can between his hands.
Walking over, I stepped in front of him, close enough that his head touched my stomach, and I ran my fingers through his hair.
I had no idea what to say or do when he started to cry.
The sound was soft and muffled, but he was definitely crying as his shoulders shook.
Taking the can from his hands, I set it aside before stepping between his legs and hugging his head to me once more. Myles wrapped his arms around my waist and clung to me, the sobs getting worse. The guilt that ravaged my body had tears stinging as I held him tight.
“I’m so sorry, Myles.”
“You have nothin’ to be sorry for.”
“But I do. I wish I’d just talked to you and didn’t storm off Monday. Maybe you wouldn’t have spoken to your father, and this never would’ve happened. I would take it all back to keep this from happening. I would take the hits for you if I could. It’s tearing me apart to see you like this.”
He tilted his head up and his stunning amber eyes looked tired, like he hadn’t slept all week.
“Naw, he’s never getting’ close to you. I’d rather face whatever wrath and punishment is handed down for killing him before he touched one hair on yer head, Snowflake.
I will never allow him to touch ya with the darkness that lives in his soul. ”
“What did he do to you?” Myles turned his head, but he didn’t push me away. “Please talk to me, Myles.”
His body was trembling, but I couldn’t tell if it was from anger, fear, or just trying to contain his emotions.
Gently running my thumb over the scar running through his eyebrow, I couldn’t imagine a parent wanting to do this to their child.
My mother was the kindest person you’d ever want to meet and never raised her voice at me, let alone hit me.
My father was absent most of the time, but I’d never been scared of him.
I’d never been terrified to walk around in my home.
The fact that Lip was so young made me realize that whatever was being done to Myles would eventually transfer to that sweet little boy.
My blood boiled. There had to be a way to stop Owen from ever hurting either of them again.
“Please, Myles, don’t shut me out. I’m right here and…God, I wish I knew what to say or do, but I don’t, and your silence is scaring me.”
He slowly looked up at me again, his bottom lip trembling. “I’m scared to tell ya.”
“Scared, why?”
“I’m scared yer going to see me as ruined, and I…I don’t want to lose ya, Snowflake.”
I cupped his face and lowered my lips to his, tasting the saltiness of his tears. “There is nothing in this world you could say to me that would ever make me see you as anything but amazing. I mean that. Please talk to me. I promise I won’t run away.”
I didn’t know what he was doing as he slowly stood up, forcing me to step back. Wordlessly, he pulled up his shirt, and I sure as hell wasn’t prepared to see the ragged lines of the word WORTHLESS carved into his stomach.
My hands flew to my mouth, horror filling me, but I couldn’t look away from the slashes that might fade but would be permanent nonetheless.
“There’s more,” Myles said, and I couldn’t imagine anything worse.
He didn’t know it, but Owen had released a rage in me.
I saw his murder in my mind. I wasn’t a naturally violent person, but if I could, I’d kill him right now.
No one would ever hurt Myles like this again.
I didn’t care what I had to do to make that happen, but a monster had been unleashed inside of me, and it wanted Owen’s blood.
M yles
I didn’t know if I could do this. All week, it had been a struggle. I knew that I needed to tell Ren and let her decide if she still wanted to be with me, but I was terrified she would bolt.
Hands shaking, I pulled the T-shirt off over my head and tried hard not to wince as every muscle and bone still screamed at me for the movement.
Ren gasped, her hands going to her mouth as she stared at the lines carved into my once-perfect abs.
I would never be able to look in a mirror without remembering what was done and what Da thought of me.
WORTHLESS. I’d always known that was how he felt.
He had a dark kinship with Devin and if he wasn’t in the Mikhailovs’ grip right now, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be six feet under.
I didn’t remember leaving the house, nor the drive to the school.
I had no idea how I made it through the gates or up to Snowflake’s room, but she was the only thing I thought about the entire time.
Her beautiful smile and her warm soul—that lit up the darkest corners of this horrible life—were what I clung to with each blow and cut he inflicted.
“There’s more,” I said, and Ren’s eyes lifted to mine, tears shimmering in her silvery depths. I bit my lip, not caring if it split open again. Fuck.