Chapter 4 Amelia
amelia
“Now you know good and goddamn well who that was!” spilled from my lips before I could help it – not that I was trying to help it.
I was holding on to sanity by the frayed, tattered edges right now, and didn’t have the bandwidth for much of anything else.
Calvin grinned harder.
Okay… I had the bandwidth for nothing else, because – “okay, thanks for your help, but I need you to immediately get outta my face, cause what’s funny, huh?”
“I didn’t say anything was funny!” he claimed, tossing up his hands.
Still grinning.
“I’m just a jovial kinda guy, what’s wrong with that?”
“Right now? Everything. Good. Damn. Bye.”
I stomped back to my front door, swinging it open to find Hunter at my door, looking stupid, hand poised to knock.
“What do you want?” I asked, not bothering to tuck away any of my annoyance.
Ever-so-slightly, his head reared back, surprised by my energy. “Uh… I just wanted to ask if we could talk for a second?”
I shot a glare into the apartment at Calvin, whose attention was on the food I’d put out for the movers, then looked back to Hunter. On a deep sigh, I stepped out and closed the door, crossing my arms.
“What?”
Again, he did that little pull-back thing, like he was just so appalled by my attitude – which, for the record, was really only making my attitude worse.
“Damn, Amelia – it’s gotta be hostile?”
I shrugged. “Gotta? No. Is? Kinda. It hasn’t exactly been a great week for me.”
“I get that,” he nodded. “But… you’re the one who didn’t even want to talk. You weren’t even trying to give me a chance to explain myself.”
I sucked my teeth. “What was there to explain? I’m not sure about this anymore is a very clear statement.”
“It’s a normal thing to feel!” he argued. “Checking in with yourself or some shit, I don’t know!”
My eyes narrowed. “Normal? Yes. A sign to fucking break up? Also yes.”
“Not necessarily!” Hunter scoffed. “You’re gonna stand here and tell me you never wondered if we were right for each other or not?”
“Of course I did, because I’m not some desperate weirdo wanting a relationship at all cost. But the answer was always yes.
Do I love him? Do I trust him? Can I see myself as his wife?
Forever? Kids? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!” I shot at him, stepping a little closer every time.
“But for you, damn near three years in, you’re not sure about this anymore! ”
“Which is why I asked you to move in!” he argued. “I thought maybe we were just too busy, not seeing each other enough anymore. You were so busy getting Proxy off the ground, so I thought it would bring us closer, remind us what it was… you know?”
“Are you… are you kidding me?!” I hissed. “You weren’t sure… before you asked me to uproot my life to move into your…. Hunter…”
He took a step back, hands up. “Whoa… why did you just say my name like that?”
“Who… the fuck… asks somebody… they aren’t sure about… to move in with them?!”
“I explained!”
“And now I’m waiting for you to say some shit that actually makes sense!” I shot back, quickly swiping away the sudden stream of tears that decided to show up.
The last thing I wanted was for his ass to see me crying over him.
“Amelia… just… come up to the apartment, let’s sit down and talk through—”
“There is not a single thing for us to talk through!” I told him, batting away the “comforting” hand he’d tried to place on my shoulder. “You will not waste another moment of my time.”
He scoffed, stepping away as his face wrinkled in disdain. “Yeah – you’re real strict about that, huh?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“I see you haven’t wasted any time finding somebody else to be up under,” he snapped, and my eyes narrowed in absolute confusion until his gaze shifted to my door.
Goddamn Calvin.
“You don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I said, and he shrugged.
“I know what I saw – you on some athlete’s arm, which is exactly the shit… you know what… nevermind,” he shook his head. “If this is what it is… fuck it I guess. I’ll tell momma not to ask about you anymore.”
I gasped. “You’d better not, Mrs. Linda can ask about me anytime she wants!”
He just stared at me for a few seconds before the tension in his shoulders slumped. “Yeah. I would never tell her not to ask about you. She loves you.”
“And I love her,” I replied.
And you.
Loved you.
“How is Maggie?” he asked, almost bringing the slightest smile to my face.
“She’s good. She’s going to bring you cucumbers from her vines next time she comes up.”
His eyebrows went up. “Does she know we…”
“She knows.”
“And she’s still bringing them for me?”
“She’s gotta give that shit to somebody – her words,” I said.
There was quiet for a moment, and then, “Are you going to give them to me when she brings them?”
“I’ll leave them at your door.”
Eyebrows back up. “Intact, or…?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” I shrugged. “And… I don’t want to talk to you right now, so can this be… done?”
“This conversation, or… us?”
I laughed.
To not burst into tears, even though it was a really fine line.
“Both,” I replied. “I’m telling you – we’re done.”
Hunter’s jaw went tense, and he blinked a few times before he nodded. “I guess that’s it then.”
“I guess so.”
He opened his mouth like he had one more thing to say… then changed his mind, or thought better of it, something. Whatever it was… he didn’t say anything else, just headed to the elevator.
Head down, shoulders slumped, looking pitiful.
As if this wasn’t his fault.
Instead of watching his sad performance, I went aside, closing and locking the door behind me.
I… kinda wanted to scream again.
Instead… I cried.
The tears I’d been doing my damndest to hold back in front of Hunter all broke free, and before I knew it I was full-blown sobbing. I dropped to a seat on the floor, hugging my legs, head resting on my knees as I cried myself into a headache.
And then… the feeling in the room shifted.
My head popped up, looking around for the culprit… landing on Calvin.
Looking stupid.
“Oh God,” I groaned, and then… fuck it, cried harder, because quite literally, what the fuck was my life.
A joke, Ames.
“Shit,” I heard him mutter, and my neck snapped up, glaring at him through my tears.
“Yeah, no kidding,” I sobbed, scrubbing hands over my wet face. “Not exactly my proudest moment here.”
He nodded. “This is a lot,” he said, coming to crouch beside me, so close his clean, woody scent filled my nose. “What that nigga say to you? You want me to fuck him up? I don’t mind, seriously. I been needing to get some aggression out.”
I shook my head, taking a deep breath to try to calm myself. “No. I don’t want that.”
“Yeah, he probably ain’t pissed you off enough yet. Anything else I can do?”
“No.” I wiped my eyes. “I’m good,” I declared, pulling myself to a stand.
“Aiight. Well, I found your pink tool set and put the bed frame together for you while you were talking to ol’ boy.”
“Really? Wow,” I muttered. “Thank you – that thing has driven me nuts every time I’ve had to deal with it.”
“It was nothing. I’m good at beds.”
My face went hot, and I frowned. “Wait… what did you just say?”
He smirked. “I said I’m good at beds – like, building them. But what you thought I said…” he smirked, giving me slow once-over that made my face hot. “That is also true. Can I take this?” he asked, pointing to the last of the food for the movers.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Knock yourself out.”
“Thanks,” he said, closing the container, preparing to scoop it up before he stopped and looked at me. “Aye… Do you want to…?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to… what?” I asked, confused.
He shrugged. “You know… try out that bed frame?”
“Nigga… are you trying to fuck me?!” I asked, scandalized by the question and the fact that my thighs clenched at the prospect.
Very whorish, Amelia.
Equal Oppurtunity.
“I’m offering!” he defended. “You look good, I look good. You’re sad – I’m willing to be used as a distraction from that. I’m just trying to be a good neighbor! I’m very, very good at it.”
“You have done enough – more than,” I snapped. “Thank you. You can go.”
He chuckled. “Fair enough. I can still take this, right?”
“Take them sandwiches and get the fuck on!” I hissed.
“You don’t have to yell, damn,” he said, tucking the tray under his arm, and grabbing a few water bottles too. “Can you get the door for me?”
I blew out a sigh. “Yes. Come on,” I said, and started for it immediately.
Cause… what the actual fuck.
I flung my door open for him, directing him out. He didn’t linger inside, but in the hall, he did hit me with another grin. “If you change your mind… that second offer stands too.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll keep it under consideration.”
“You think you could help with my do—”
I closed my damn door.
Before I said something stupid.
Did something stupid.
Like fucking that man.
It was tempting.
Quite.
For myriad reasons.
Distraction, as he’d mentioned.
Loneliness.
Sadness.
Spite.
And if I was even the tiniest bit more inclined toward the Equal Opportunity Whoredom we’d bandied about, I just might be opening my door to catch him before he got inside.
As it stood… there was too much happening in my head now, all on top of the fact that I was supposed to be getting back into work for the afternoon.
Which, the chances of now were pretty low.
Like, zero low.
Instead, I went to my bedroom to inspect Calvin’s job putting together the bedframe – it was more sturdy than I’d ever been able to get it, even with Hunter’s help, actually.
Despite the mattress not being fully inflated yet, I dragged it to the bed, put fresh sheets on it, and curled up in the covers.
Maybe my luck at life would be better tomorrow.