Chapter 9
amelia
Not even ten minutes later, we were seated next to each other on my living room floor, sipping drink pouches by candlelight while that little air conditioner blew on us.
“Ay – I love your mom,” Calvin said, eyes closed as he stretched his long legs out in front of him.
I giggled. “You don’t even know her!”
“I know she’s out here saving lives,” he quipped.
“Fair enough. Thank you for setting it up – and for this second drink. These have a little kick to them. Or maybe I’m just a lightweight.”
“Nah, these are definitely a two maximum situation,” Calvin chuckled. “That third one would sneak up on you, so we’re gonna leave it where it is.”
“Probably wise.”
For a moment – a long one – neither of us said anything, just enjoying our drinks and the frigid air.
“You said you were crying over that nigga?”
My eyebrows went up at Calvin’s words, seemingly out of nowhere.
“Huh?”
“Earlier, out on the balcony,” he said, pulling my attention to his face in the flickering light from the candles. “When I asked if you had a roster.”
“Yeah?”
“You said something like… you wouldn’t be crying over the one if you had a roster.”
“Something like that.”
“So I’m asking… you still crying over him?”
I frowned. “I mean—”
“Hey – no judgement,” he explained, holding up a hand. “I’m literally just asking.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I get it. And… I guess typically… not really over him. More about just… the failure of it all, I guess.”
“That’s kinda what you were talking about this morning, right? Processing it.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “And ironically… he actually hurt my feelings today.”
“Today?”
“Mmmhmmm.”
Calvin listened while I explained how I’d –kinda—run into Hunter at the coffeehouse earlier.
“So I guess it’s not really that he hurt my feelings.
More like… the situation did. Like… logically speaking, I didn’t need or even want any acknowledgement from him necessarily, you know?
But emotionally… I don’t know. It’s weird to spend three years of your life loving somebody, growing with them, thinking you’re building a future, just to wind up… strangers in the same room.”
He nodded. “Yeah… it’s fucked up. This is why you didn’t want to talk about him earlier?”
“Yes – and I see you couldn’t help bringing him up again,” I teased.
“My bad – I’m just working through my process of figuring you out. We don’t have to talk about this.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. The margarita has kicked in now.”
“So I can ask why y’all broke up then?”
“Damn,” I laughed. “Uh… Yeah, I guess. Basically, he made it known that he was unsure about the relationship – unsure about us. And it just… it gave me this immediate, unshakeable… ick. Like, if we’re three years into this, I’ve moved in with you – at your request – and you’re talking about you’re not sure…
we can hang this up right now before you waste any more of my time. ”
Calvin nodded. “So you wanted to get married, have kids, all that?”
“You know… it’s not even so much that I wanted to, more that… I thought that’s what we were doing. I mean, I’m not somebody that like dreams of that stuff, you know? Like if it happens, I would welcome that with open arms, but if it doesn’t, I’ll still have a great life.”
“Then why was it such a big deal that he wasn’t sure?”
“Because he’d been acting sure,” I explained.
“If you don’t know how to get somewhere, we can still head in that direction, switch things up if we need to.
But don’t have me trusting you to get us somewhere, then we get halfway before you tell me you don’t actually know – and you don’t even wanna go anymore. ”
Calvin sighed. “I mean… I get that, but… I kinda get him too, I think. I don’t believe you have to stay on a path you don’t want to travel anymore just because you started walking that way.”
I nodded. “I agree, actually. And I understand that people change their minds, really. But maybe don’t let someone else uproot their life, change their plans, make room for you… and then drop the, actually, I don’t know about this bomb. That shit was selfish.”
“I can’t argue with that,” he admitted. “What did you say when he told you?”
“Oh. And then I packed my shit.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that,” I confirmed. “My mother always taught me to only let a man make me feel like he didn’t want me once. You make him tell you twice, you gone understand why them folks on Snapped did what they did,” I laughed, mimicking her voice. “And I do not want to go to prison behind a man.”
“Solid decision-making,” he said. “She taught you well.”
“I like to think so too.” I took the last sip from my margarita pouch and then stared at it, disappointed. “You said you had more of these?”
“Absolutely not,” Calvin chuckled. “I already told you – no good decisions would come after a third one of these.”
“I’d like to be the judge of that myself,” I said, then immediately shivered.
“You good?” Calvin asked, eyes narrowing in concern.
I nodded. “Yeah, just starting to get a little cold, actually.”
“Oh – let me help with that,” he offered, moving to adjust the air con—no, actually. I assumed he was moving to shift the output of the air conditioner. He actually just moved closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
Damn he smells good.
Which was a crazy thought to have, considering I was basically tucked into his armpit, and we’d both been sweating. His skin was warm and dry now though, and comfortable – so much so that I reflexively relaxed into him, even as I said, “We know there were several options other than this, right?”
“Yeah, and I don’t see you exploring them.”
“Because you rushed at the chance to be all up on me,” I countered.
“That’s crazy framing when I was just trying to be a gentleman.”
I sucked my teeth. “Boy please – you just wanted to touch me,” I teased, tipping my head back to look into his handsome face. “Admit it.”
Instead of answering, he smirked. “I don’t see you rushing to get away.”
“Because I was cold, duh,” I said. “And you’re… not.”
“Well yeah, cause it’s hot – and we’ve been drinking. I’ve never met anybody that gets drunk and gets cold.”
I fake-gasped. “I’m not drunk,” I denied, even though… I was feeling ever-so-slightly… relaxed. “This is nice.”
“You sure you’re not still cold?”
“Yeah… why?”
His gaze dropped, quite pointedly, to my chest. The tank top I was wearing wasn’t what I would’ve called skimpy, especially since it had a built in bra.
That was currently not doing a damn thing about my hard nipples poking through.
Oh.
I moved my hand, intending to plant it on the floor to use as leverage to push away from him.
Instead, it landed on his thigh, and the slick fabric of his basketball shorts moved immediately, taking my hand with it.
To his lap.
To… Is that his dick, I questioned myself, as my fingers – reflexively!!—curved around the bulge I felt.
“Damn – that’s what the drinks got you on?” Calvin quipped as I snatched my hand back, and did then move away.
“No,” I denied, crossing my arms over my chest to cover my nipples.
“Could’ve fooled me – is this why you got me over here? To take advantage of me?”
I gasped – forreal this time. “It was an accident!”
“You accidentally groped my dick?!”
“I… I mean… Well—”
“Relax, Sweetheart,” he chuckled, shaking his head as he leaned back on his elbows. “You can touch me all you want.”
I wanted to react to that, but quickly got distracted by that bulge again – something about the prominence of it…
“You’re not wearing boxers, are you?”
He looked at his dick.
Looked at me.
Grinned.
And then somebody knocked on my door.
Saved by the proverbial bell.
I was quick to jump up, grateful for the distraction from an exchange that was quickly shifting into awkward territory for me. I didn’t even bother checking the peephole, I just swung it open.
To find Hunter on my threshold.
“Oh!” I exclaimed. “Uh… hey?”
“Hey yourself,” he said, hands tucked deep in the pockets of his sweats.
He was dressed like he’d been lounging too, rounding out with slides and a tank.
“I had texted, but I didn’t get a response, which I mean…
is cool and all, but then I thought you had maybe blocked me, so it wouldn’t have gone through on your end anyway, so…
here I am,” he said, with a forced chuckle.
I gave him a slow nod. “Yes… here you are…”
“If you did block me, that’s cool too… I mean… what I mean is that I get it. Of course you know it’s cool, it’s your phone—”
“Hunter… I haven’t blocked you, I just wasn’t on my phone. What are you doing here?”
“Right,” he groaned. “My bad. I just wanted to check on you, you know… with the power being out, it’s hot as fuck. Were you able to get your windows open?”
“A couple of them needed a little help – I’ll make my way to the hardware store so I’m ready for next time. But, yes. I got my windows open.”
“Good,” he nodded. “I remember you working with the ones at our—at my place.”
“Right. Is your new girlfriend in the affected area?”
Why the fuck did you ask him that, girl?!
Hunter’s eyebrows went up. “Uh… nah. I’m actually about to head over to kick it at her place. Was just… making sure you were okay.”
“Yeah. Well… thanks for checking on me, I guess.”
“I’ve always tried to make sure you were good. But… I do get to move on, right?”
“Nigga – I didn’t come to your door, you came to mine, the fuck?!” I snapped, and he immediately put up his hands.
“I’m talking about earlier, at UG – that look you gave me!”
I sucked my teeth. “I didn’t give you a look – I dropped a dish and I was embarrassed – it was on my face when you looked at me.”
He gave me that fake, close-mouthed smile people give you when they think you’re a liar, and nodded.
“If you say that’s what it was… okay. That’s what it was.”
I will put this door through your head.
“Everything good out here?”
Suddenly, Calvin’s hand was at the small of my back, grazing my ass. I watched Hunter’s gaze climb up, and could imagine what this looked like through his eyes.