Chapter 8
Noah
“You know, it’s pretty fucking adorable that you and Aspen have therapy on the same day every week,” Charlie said as he lobbed a tennis ball across the small dog park at the back of the shelter.
“It’s like exactly what you wanted from this trial, right?
You two are figuring your shit out, separate, but together? ”
Noah shivered as a cold November wind whistled through the trees.
He stared with an unreasonable amount of jealousy at Alfie, the English Sheepdog puppy, and his shaggy fur.
It flopped in and out of his eyes, much like Aspen’s hair, as he bounded after the ball.
Noah wished he had a shaggy coat. Instead, he was wearing the thin peacoat his mom had given him for Christmas the previous year.
It went well with the business clothes he had to wear, to the job he didn’t like, that his mom had strong-armed him into accepting.
He wished he was wearing a cozy sweater or even a ratty Carhartt jacket like Charlie.
Noah had rushed here after work so he could see Charlie and the dogs before Thanksgiving, but he clearly should have stopped at home first.
“Yeah, it was really lucky that Rachel’s psychiatrist was able to fit Aspen in the same week they called, and even luckier that he knew of a therapist with openings,” Noah said.
It had been almost a month since Rachel had inadvertently diagnosed Aspen with ADHD.
Aspen was now seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist, and they’d had their first therapy session that Monday afternoon, around the same time as Noah's weekly session.
As of that morning, Aspen was on their third day of taking low-dose Adderall, and based on the few texts Noah had gotten throughout the day, it sounded like it was going well.
Noah wasn’t having quite as good a time with his therapist–not that she had done anything wrong, it just wasn’t exactly fun dredging up years' worth of familial bullshit. He knew it would be worth it in the long run, but thus far, he’d made almost zero progress on anything to do with love and relationships.
Instead, he’d spent the past four sessions in tears doing a year-by-year recounting of his childhood.
They would be hitting high school soon, which meant he’d probably be covering his transition around the holidays.
Joy.
“Speaking of Rachel,” Charlie said, accepting the slobber-covered tennis ball from Alfie before throwing it back across the grass. “How’s that going?”
Noah squatted down and rubbed his chilly fingers through Gordon’s fur. He didn’t play fetch anymore, but he liked to lie out in the grass with them while they played with some of the more energetic dogs.
“It’s going great. After Aspen introduced her to Blair, the three of them have been hanging out a lot. I wouldn’t be surprised if Blair eventually tried to convince her to move into the townhouse.”
“Ah, the never-ending joys of commune recruitment,” Charlie said with an all too knowing laugh.
Maybe it should be embarrassing that the main stories and updates Noah provided Charlie with every week were about Aspen and their friends, but that’s just the way it was.
“And Aspen?” Charlie asked, bracing himself with a foot behind him as Alfie launched himself at Charlie’s chest. He managed to gather up the large puppy, ruffling his wild fur, before setting him back down.
“Things with Aspen are also great,” Noah said. Gordon peered up at him with skepticism, and Noah sighed. “That’s sort of part of the confusing problem.”
“Confusing?” Charlie asked, and when Noah continued to stare down at Gordon, Charlie sighed too. “Alright, peanut. Gordy Simple, what’s going on?”
Noah stood up only to immediately slouch back against the cinderblock exterior wall of the shelter.
He stared up at the cloudless sky and tried to organize his thoughts into something that even resembled Gordy Simple.
“It’s amazing, because Rachel is amazing, and Aspen is amazing, but I guess that’s also why it’s confusing.
I like them both, and they’re both so great.
But I also like you, and you’re also great. ”
Gordon yawned at his feet, and Alfie panted loudly around the ball in his mouth, but Charlie was silent for several seconds. “I’m great…in bed?”
Noah choked on his own saliva and glanced sharply at Charlie. “I…I mean, you…probably are?”
Charlie very slowly raised a thick, brunette eyebrow at him.
God, Noah, why can’t you just speak your mind? It’s like you’re so afraid of what other people are going to think, you never tell me how you feel or what you want.
Well, that was new. Since when were his exes chiming in? Usually, his mother took up all the available real estate in his head.
“I mean, I bet you’re a very attentive lover, and you’re very attractive.”
Charlie’s other eyebrow shot upwards to meet the first.
“Jesus…” Noah said, raising both of his hands to drag down his face, only to realize they were covered in dog fur and dander. Instead, he knocked his head back against the wall and glared up at the sky. “What I’m trying to say is–”
“That you like fucking Aspen, like fucking Rachel, and want to fuck me?”
“No!” Noah exclaimed, turning sideways against the wall so he was fully facing Charlie.
Except… Now that Noah had admitted it out loud, it was hard to deny that Charlie was very attractive.
He had the kind of hair girls used to swoon over in school, and his dimples were cute in a boy-next-door sort of way.
He was more masculine than anyone Noah had ever been with, but Noah didn’t really have a type.
He didn’t usually start to think about someone as sexually attractive until they made it clear they were interested in him. Was…Charlie interested in him?
No, there was no way. Charlie was just trying to understand Noah’s scattered thoughts.
“That’s not what I’m trying to say,” Noah said, struggling to regain his focus.
“The way I feel about Aspen hasn’t changed at all.
It’s only gotten better by adding sex. Rachel is still a new friend, but I can tell she’s going to become a close friend, and having sex with her almost makes it…
better? Then there’s you, and you’re one of my two best friends in the world, and we’re not having sex, but if we were, I know I’d probably feel the exact same way about you that I do about both of them. ”
Charlie was squinting at him, the hand holding the tennis ball hanging limply at his side. Alfie nudged his leg with his big snout, and Charlie threw the ball without looking away from Noah.
“One more time,” Charlie said, rolling his finger in front of him. “I think you’re getting there.”
Noah wracked his brain. “I’m…confused because I feel the same about all three of you, but I’m only in a trial relationship with Aspen.”
There. Was that straightforward enough?
Charlie crossed his arms over his chest and pursed his lips. “So, basically, you’ve discovered you’re polyamorous? And have the same level of feelings for Aspen, Rachel, and me?”
Noah’s face heated up, dispelling the cold but also worsening the swirling in his brain, almost like a pot heating up to a boil. “But you and I aren’t having sex, so we’re not…polyamorous? That’s why it’s confusing?”
You make everything so difficult for yourself; you always have. You date people way outside of your circle, can’t seem to settle down, and of course, all that gender business. You and your brother just can’t seem to appreciate how easy we’ve made your lives.
Ah, there was his mom. Guess his ex-boyfriend had had enough.
Charlie kept his arms crossed but shrugged one shoulder. “Sure, but I would have sex with you. And it sort of sounded like you were saying you would have sex with me.”
A whole fishing net worth of feelings got stuck in Noah’s throat, but thankfully, Charlie’s thread was still thrumming happily, like it did anytime he was around. “I…have never really thought of you that way, until right this very moment.”
“Oh, really?” Charlie said, uncrossing his arms as Alfie bounded back up to him. He grabbed the ball and tossed it haphazardly into the opposite corner of the enclosure. “I’ve thought you were sexy as hell since the first day we met. You just never made any advances, so I didn’t either.”
Noah wanted to sit down. Possibly with his head between his knees. His mom was right. How had he somehow made his life even more confusing in the span of ten minutes?
He covered his face with his hands, not caring about the distinct doggy smell.
“Noah,” Charlie said, and there was a rumble in his voice Noah had never heard before. Or maybe he’d just never noticed? Was it…a good rumble? Or was Charlie upset with him?
When Noah didn’t respond–because he couldn’t respond–Charlie called to him again. “Peanut, come here.”
That he could do. His legs were working fine; it was just his jaw that wouldn’t unclench, and his throat that felt clogged up tight.
He shoved off the wall, walking on stiff legs over to his best friend.
He tried to remind himself of some of the things his therapist had taught him thus far.
He trusted Charlie wholeheartedly. That meant that if Charlie was mad, Noah trusted they would talk it out, and Charlie wouldn’t hold it over his head, guilt him, or shame him.
Those were tactics his parents used, but not something Charlie had ever done to him.
He would give it to Noah Gordy Simple, and they would get through whatever mess Noah had inadvertently created.
Noah stopped about a foot in front of Charlie, allowing Alfie to slot in between them as he returned with the ball. This time, Charlie grabbed it and threw it over near Gordon. Alfie bounded over to him, overjoyed by the excuse to play with the larger dog.