Chapter 8 #5
Noah buried his face in Aspen’s neck and pressed his hips against their stomach.
He needed to be as close to them as he could be right now.
He wanted to cover himself in them until all he could feel was their warm skin and grounding presence.
If they had a strap on them, or even in the side table, he would have asked them to fuck him.
Unfortunately, they kept everything in his room, which was a crying shame because getting fucked felt like the only thing that could get him out of his head and detangle him from the mess of frustration and pain amassing inside him.
“So, he fucked up, and somehow you have to deal with that at Christmas? Do you…need me to go with you?”
God, no. He didn’t even want to be there himself. There was no way he would drag Aspen along. He was already going to have to drag them to the wedding, even though it was technically after their trial period.
He tried to say as much, but it sort of came out as a grumbled mess of, “wedding…after trial ends…need you.”
“That’s fine, babe. Depending on what we choose to do next, I’d be totally down to go with you as your date, or if we’re not certain yet, we could always…
I don’t know, extend the trial or something.
And even if we do end it, and we’re just friends–because we’ll for sure at least be friends when it’s over–I’ll go with you no matter what. ”
That hadn’t been on Noah’s immediate list of worries, but a single thread of fear seemed to break off from the writhing mass in his chest. Maybe there really was some truth to the 'forever friend' title.
That thought soothed him just enough that his next words came out a little steadier. “I need you.”
“You’ve got me.”
“Aspen,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to press even closer to them. He needed them wrapped around him and inside him. He needed to know that all the bullshit–that just kept getting worse and worse–hadn’t messed him up beyond repair.
“Noah–”
“I need you…now,” he breathed, even though what he wanted to say was forever. “Please, Asp.” Please, be the one person who wanted him for who he was, not who he could or should be.
Aspen’s fingers were hesitant as they reached for his waistband, but they gained more surety as they pulled down his pants.
He shuffled off their lap, reaching for what he did have in the end table.
He kept lube there for the not-so-rare occasion that he liked to jack off to thoughts of Aspen or Rachel or, recently, both.
He also had a little stroker toy he sometimes played with, and he grabbed that too, because why the fuck not.
“For…the toy?” Aspen asked as Noah returned to straddling their lap, completely naked, and handed them the lube bottle.
“And your fingers,” he said, appreciating the way Aspen’s eyes went huge.
They fumbled and nearly dropped the lube as they scrambled to get it open, but they managed to get their fingers lubed up and poured enough on the stroker that Noah could fit it easily over his soft dick.
He didn’t stay soft for long as Aspen pulled him into a kiss and traced their fingers over the tender skin between his holes.
Apparently, it was an erogenous zone he’d never explored himself, and none of his past lovers had paid much attention to it either.
Aspen had discovered it the one time he’d tried to rim Noah.
The rimming had been unsuccessful because it turned out Aspen was best at rimming and eating out when they could be wild and wet with it.
Since Noah’s front hole was completely off limits, Aspen had a difficult time.
Somehow, they’d inadvertently ended up paying a lot of attention to Noah’s taint, and it had felt good enough that he brought it up later.
The next time Aspen gave him a blow job, they stroked the spot, and Noah came harder than he ever had before.
“Fuck, Asp,” he moaned as Aspen pressed and stroked that spot and he grew hard in the toy.
“Is this all you need?”
“No,” Noah groaned, angling his hips up so Aspen’s fingers slid down to his hole. “Need to feel you…now and later.”
Later, when his mom's new dismissals and expectations would fill up his tiny apartment, pressing in and threatening to drown him.
Aspen whined in the back of their throat, teasing the tip of one of their fingers against his pucker. “Do you want me to grab–”
“Just you. I need it to be just you.”
Aspen glanced down at the toy stuck on Noah’s dick, but instead of saying anything about it, they batted his hand away and took it from him, clicking it on before slotting it back onto his dick.
“Asp!” he gasped.
“You gonna ride my fingers, babe?” Their voice dipped into the lower register they sometimes reached when they’d been moaning Noah’s name for a while. “Gonna let me so deep inside you, you feel it all through dinner?”
Noah moaned and bore down so their first finger slid into him in one stroke.
“Yeah, that’s it, babe…let me in.”
He worked himself up and down their finger, but stilled when they started probing with a second.
As that one slid in, his mind started to empty, like it always did.
He lost track of his legs, which were pressed into the two creases in the couch, and could barely feel his fingers where they grasped at Aspen’s bare shoulders.
“Come on, babe. You want a third, I know you do,” Aspen cooed as they teased their third finger at his entrance.
He let out a groan as Aspen’s third finger breached him, taking the pleasant ache up to a burn. He bit into Aspen’s shoulder, loving the sounds they made as they started pumping their fingers into him with abandon.
He wasn’t sure what possessed him, but he grabbed the toy back from them and threaded his hand into their pants, pressing it to their dick, making them buck and thrash against him.
“Fuck!”
“Yeah,” Noah said, because that about summed up everything he was feeling. He clicked the toy up to its highest setting, and Aspen cried out, jerking their hips up in time with the thrusts of their fingers.
Aspen was going to be glorious once they got the hang of the new prosthetic. Noah had helped them order one with a custom rod insert that would fit over their dick so they could thrust into it while thrusting the prosthetic into Noah, Rachel, or anyone else they played with.
“You feel so good,” Aspen whimpered.
“So do you…god, Asp, harder.”
Aspen slammed their fingers into him over and over while they reached for his dick and started jerking him in frantic strokes.
“You’re making me so hard and wet…I love your hole…love that you let me play with it, and make you feel good, and I—I love you so much, Noah,” Aspen babbled.
Aspen’s thread, which nowadays was more like a chord, all the many facets of their history, friendship, and trial relationship braided together, pulsed brightly in Noah’s chest.
“Love you,” Noah grunted as he pressed the toy down harder.
Aspen threw their head back and shouted, and Noah slammed his hips down once, twice, and on the third time, everything inside him unspooled. He came with a wrecked noise that seemed to rip through him, tearing out everything he couldn’t say until he was left sobbing into Aspen’s neck.
“Oh, babe… I’ve got you. I’m here,” Aspen said, withdrawing both of their hands so they could throw their arms around his shaking back.
“It was…never about me. All those calls and texts. It’s not that they want me to find someone to love, who loves me, so I can be settled and happy—or any of the other bullshit they tried to sell me.
They just wanted someone who would smile pretty in photos at—at Braxton’s shotgun wedding,” he sobbed.
His back was screaming, and his knees protested at the position he was in, but he didn’t care.
He tried to make himself as small as he could, curling into Aspen’s arms like it was the last safe space left in the world.
Two smaller but still substantial threads thrummed in his chest, and he knew that that wasn’t entirely true.
“Oh fuck,” Noah said, giving in to the pain and tipping over onto the couch. Aspen followed him down, wrapping themself around him like the best kind of throw blanket. “I need to talk to Charlie.”
“Do you want to call him?” Aspen asked, stroking their fingers softly down his face. “I bet he could make you feel better.”
There wasn’t an ounce of jealousy or hurt in their voice. Just genuine hope that someone Noah loved would love him back.
Noah fumbled around until he could grab Aspen’s face, and he pressed his tear-soaked cheek to theirs. “You make me feel better.”
Aspen wrapped their legs around him, hiding his nakedness with their body. “I’m glad, but I bet if we get Charlie, it will be doubly better. And if you wanted to throw Rachel in, you’d have the trifecta!”
Noah had never had an easy time making friends.
Between his parade of unsuccessful significant others, Aspen, and then Charlie, he’d thought his life was pretty full.
This trial relationship was proving to him there was so much more to life, and he was so grateful…
but sadly, that didn’t detract from the shitty situation he was currently in.
“I have to tell Charlie I can’t help with a fundraiser in December. I mean, I can help set it up, but I probably won’t be here for it.”
“Oh, babe, that’s no problem! I’m sure I can handle it, and if not, I can enlist Blair and Rachel to help, too.”
Noah nodded, the skin of his cheek pulling against Aspen’s. He groaned and tipped his head back against the side of the couch, staring up at the ugly popcorn ceiling. “Maybe there’s something you can do at the salon? That way, you have all the support you need for it.”
Aspen squirmed around, tucking their head under Noah’s chin. “I’ve actually been thinking that might be a really good option.”
Noah ran his hands down the familiar, slightly clammy skin of Aspen’s back. He counted the knobs of their spine and pressed into the left side of their lower back, which always seemed to hold the most tension.
“I promise I’ll do everything I can to help upfront.”
Aspen squeezed him tightly. “I know, babe. You always do the absolute most.”