Chapter 9 #3
“And he’d never hurt me on purpose. If anything, I think the only real risk here is that I hurt myself by having unrealistic expectations—which is why I’m trying to keep my expectations realistic.
I am genuinely very happy right now, and Noah seems happy, too.
If there’s a way for us to keep doing this, to keep loving and supporting each other while we learn and grow together… That’s all I want.”
Dani studied them for a few more moments before nodding. “Okay. That does seem reasonable. At least for you.”
“Hey!” they shouted indignantly.
“I’m just saying. You’re the one who texted me that you were going to marry Ethan, less than six months after meeting him.
If you get through a six-month trial with Noah and you’re not rushing down the aisle, or into some sort of situation that isn’t good for either of you, that seems reasonable enough to me. ”
The rest of the weekend was filled to the brim with spending time with Rachel, Dani’s haircut, and grabbing dinner with Blair.
She tried to flirt with Dani, which Aspen immediately shot down, but they could have sworn that when they went to the bathroom, they caught Dani biting her lip and looking up at Blair through her lashes.
Thankfully, she went home before Aspen had to have the shovel talk with Blair.
It wasn’t that they didn’t trust her; it was just that her brand of polyamory and queer found family acquisition was pretty intense, especially for someone still figuring themself out.
She’d taken a ‘throw them in the deep end and see if they float’ approach with Aspen, which they’d appreciated, and from some of the stories they’d heard from Rachel, Blair had done the same with her.
There was something about learning to use a strap-on with a blowup doll that Aspen definitely needed the full story about but wouldn’t feel right recommending for their sibling.
If they knew anything about Dani it was that she appreciated a softer approach.
Regardless, they all made it out of the weekend unscathed, and Aspen kept themself occupied through Christmas Eve before missing Noah became almost unbearable.
Charlie suggested Aspen go check out the queer bar he used to work at, and that was how Aspen found themself, shoulder to shoulder with the grunge band guy they’d met at the Rainbow Bean bisexual mixer.
He wasn’t exactly giving off talk-to-me vibes, but he’d been nice enough at the mixer, and they were pretty sure Noah would be super proud of them for making a new friend.
And if not, they knew for a fact Rachel and Blair would be. Charlie was a bit of a toss-up.
What a long way they’d come in just a year, having so many people in their life who cared about them and wanted the best for them.
Buoyed by holiday cheer and the ample amount of love in their life, Aspen turned to Leon and asked, “How’s your evening going?”
Leon gave them a slow once-over before inclining his head an inch. “It’s alright. You?”
“Well, I’m much better now that I’m here,” Aspen said, holding up their third very yummy cranberry-spiced cocktail.
“Sorry, I can’t place your name,” he said. He turned ever so slightly in his seat, and Aspen was pretty sure they’d won the first hurdle. They stuck out their hand and grinned widely at him.
“I was wondering if you’d ask or just go on pretending. It’s Aspen, they/them pronouns. You met me and my–” for some reason, the words ‘forever friend’ felt weird on their tongue tonight, so they pivoted. “Noah at a Rainbow Bean event a few months back.”
My Noah. That sure had a ring to it, didn’t it?
When Leon hesitated, Aspen added, “You were with your friend?”
“James, yeah,” Leon said, his spine straightening as he puffed out his chest. “We’re boyfriends now.”
Aspen couldn’t contain their happy squeal. “I’m so happy for you, dear! I love gay love.”
It was like Leon had opened the floodgates, and Aspen couldn’t stop their excitement from pouring out.
They launched into a monologue about all their clients who seemed to be finding love around the holidays.
They didn’t get into their own situation, because it felt like a bit too much, too soon, but Leon nodded along and even added a few anecdotes about his neighbor and her fae friend.
“Is James with his family today?” Aspen asked, after Leon bought them another round of drinks.
“Yeah, and it’s a bit too early for the whole holiday with the family thing.”
“I feel you. Noah’s visiting his family, and even though I offered, I’m pretty glad he didn’t take me up on it. I think this year is going to be chaotic, and that’s coming from someone with ADHD who could probably give the Energizer Bunny a run for its money.”
Aspen expected Leon to brush off the comment or even agree with Aspen that there clearly was no way they’d be able to keep up with anything, but instead, he leaned forward in his seat. “When did you get diagnosed?”
Aspen wasn’t embarrassed or shy about their new diagnosis, but it also wasn’t something they would usually discuss with a virtual stranger.
They glanced at the time at the bottom of the sports game blaring above the bar and was shocked to see it had been over two hours since they first started talking.
That meant Leon wasn’t really a stranger anymore, right? Aspen put their elbow on the bar, settled their chin on their hand, and decided to hell with it. Why not.
They ended up discussing Aspen’s ADHD, which led to Leon admitting he suspected he might have it as well.
Somehow, this led to him haltingly opening up about his relationship with James.
This, of course, opened the door for Aspen to dump all of their thoughts and feelings about Noah on the poor man, and they ended up closing out the bar together.
As they stood outside on the sidewalk, they exchanged numbers and agreed to hang out again the next day.
The butterfly in Aspen’s chest fluttered happily for the next three days as they spent Christmas day with Leon, the following day with Rachel, and the last day before Noah returned with Blair.
Apparently, several of the roommates had left the place a bit of a mess before heading out of town to be with their family, friends, partners, et cetera, and Blair had finally had enough.
She promised to treat Aspen to whatever dinner they wanted if they helped her deep-clean the apartment.
“You know, I never thought I’d say this, but you’re really starting to compete with me for queer found family size,” Blair said as she chucked an empty shampoo bottle into the trash can.
“Am I? I have Noah, Rachel, you–”
“Dani, everyone at the salon, all the random friends you’ve made at the Rainbow Bean, and now Leon, James, and Charlie.”
Aspen scrunched up their face as they attempted to scrub away a very stubborn bit of pink mold on the shower floor. “I’ve said four words to James… Okay, no, probably more than that, but you know what I mean. I’ve only texted with Charlie, and Dani is my sibling—that’s not found family.”
Blair yanked back the shower curtain and scowled down at them.
“First of all, if you have Leon, you have James. Trust me, I know how gay monogasty couples work. Same goes for Charlie, because I’m pretty sure Charlie is another one of Noah’s forever friends, and by the transitive property of queerness, that means he’s your forever friend too, without even having to meet you. ”
“Sweet. Gay. Jesus,” Aspen said, lowering their forehead to the side of the tub.
“Second, your sibling chose to stay by your side after your ass crack of a family abandoned you. That's a found family if I’ve ever seen it.”
“But I didn’t find–”
“Chosen family, then,” Blair said, as she turned away from them and began fighting to close the overstuffed trash bag. “She’s choosing you. Just like you chose Noah all those years ago, and continue to choose him every day. It’s also how you chose Rachel and the rest of us.”
Aspen sat up and looked over at her, in her paint-splattered overalls and black sports bra. “I don’t know if I’ve ever thought of it like that. It sort of seems like all the amazing people in my life just sort of find their way to me, and if I’m lucky enough, I get to keep them.”
Blair let out a huff as she finally managed to knot the trash bag ties together.
“Meeting them might have been by accident, but you’re actively choosing to invest in the relationships–and trust me, you invest a lot.
There’s nothing accidental about the relationships and family you’re building for yourself, hon. That’s what makes it so beautiful.”
She stood up and walked over to ruffle her questionably clean hand through their hair before she headed downstairs to throw out the trash.
Aspen thought about choice and investment the rest of the week between Christmas and New Year's.
They thought about it while having welcome-home sex with Noah the first time and then again the next evening when Rachel came over to welcome him home as well.
When they rang in the new year with Rachel, Blair, and Noah, they were more aware than they usually would have been that the resolution they chose, eating more protein, would allow them to go on more fun foodie dates with Rachel and their other friends, as well as cook more with Noah.
As they began crafting the final guest list for the fundraiser, they thought about what Blair had said once more.
Everyone she had listed as part of their chosen family got an invite.
Each person was like another ring on a tree, building their life bigger and sturdier than ever before.
Being with Noah, even if only as a trial, had allowed them to broaden and grow their life in ways they’d never thought possible.
He encouraged every one of their endeavors, welcomed every new friend, and always wanted what was best for them.
For the first time since getting married, they had full control over their life, not beholden to parents who didn’t understand them or to a spouse who wanted to fit them into a neat box.
They got to choose who they wanted to be, what they wanted to do, and the people they were going to spend the rest of their life with.