Chapter 12 #5
He held up the original article on how to tell if love was romantic or not, and whether allo and aro folks could be happy together. Noah had circled the question and written “I would be.”
Aspen stared at the page before turning to Noah, jiggling their joined hands up and down. “Alright, babe, let me make sure I got this right. You’re polyamorous, reciprosexual, queer, and greyromantic, and you want to be in a romantic-ish relationship with…me? Us?”
“B-both of you,” Noah stammered, that knot of emotions sitting high in his throat.
“I want to be with both of you. Just like we’ve been doing, which for me is spending time with my best friend and my forever friend, having amazing sex, doing fun things together, and…
and I want to keep doing that, for as long as you both want.
But only if you both want to be with me, which includes all my family baggage and my particular kind of aroace-ness. ”
Aspen tipped their head back against Charlie’s chest and stared at Noah. “Do you think this is why your past relationships didn’t work out? And why you wanted to do the trial relationship?”
Noah swallowed around the lump in his throat.
“Yeah, I think so. I think my exes and my parents have always wanted me to be in these cookie-cutter romantic relationships, and I just don’t want that.
I want relationships, but I want them to be platonic, or sexual, or sexual and romantic-ish.
Just…not the typical romantic relationship with all the… ”
Noah waved his free hand in the air.
“Expectations your family and society put on romantic relationships?” Aspen offered.
“Stuff,” Charlie said, pulling from their November conversation, just as Aspen had somehow remembered their talk in August.
Tears burned at the backs of Noah’s eyes. He thought he’d come so far during the past few weeks, and he’d grown exponentially since the fall and the start of their trial relationship. Did the fact that his answers hadn’t changed mean he hadn’t made any progress at all?
“I think that makes total sense, babe. Honestly, it sounds pretty perfect to me, too. I don’t want conventional, or heteronormative, or anything that other people expect from us. I just want to be happy, and both of you, as well as Rachel and all our friends, make me happy.”
Charlie nodded. “There’s not a lot about me or my life that is conventional or what other people expect from me. I can definitely get behind doing whatever makes us happy. Typical expectations and titles be damned.”
A tiny part of Noah wanted to celebrate. He wanted to pump his fist in the air and yell so loud his mom would hear him all the way back home. Maybe he could really do this whole romantic-ish relationship thing, with the two people he loved most in the world.
Too bad the fear and anxiety churning in his chest drowned out that tiny part. “You’re sure I wouldn’t be…neglecting you or anything? You aren’t looking for romance and romantic love?”
Aspen tangled their legs up with Noah’s.
“I am looking for some aspects of romance–like sweet words, loving gestures, and quality time. But I get that and more from you already. If I want any of the other romantic stuff, I can–” They turned to look at Charlie, who nodded.
“I can get it from Charlie. That’s how polyamory works, right?
Getting your needs met by multiple partners, and meeting the needs in different ways for different people? ”
This all seemed way too easy. Maybe it needed more time to sink in, or maybe they just weren’t responding emotionally because they were still parsing through their feelings. He could feel his mom’s skepticism surrounding him like a dark fog, but that tiny voice in his head piped up again.
Charlie was usually pretty up front with his feelings, and he seemed genuinely okay with Noah’s news. Aspen also wasn’t good at hiding or delaying their feelings. If they were having a strong reaction, Noah would be able to tell.
Aspen squeezed his hand again. “You look exhausted, babe. We can talk more in the morning or over the next week. I feel like the trial deadline doesn’t really matter anymore, but we were already planning on having more conversations this week, so why don’t we save any more worrying or discussing for later? ”
Noah wanted to argue he was fine, that it was better to get it all over and done with now, but he really was tired.
He felt like he’d been carrying a heavy backpack up a mountainside for months, and he was only just now able to set it down.
He’d have to pick it back up again soon, because the climb wasn’t over yet, but for tonight, he allowed Aspen and Charlie to take him to bed, undressing him and redressing him in his new pajamas.
He truly wanted to believe everything could be as simple as Charlie always said it could be.
Unfortunately, his phone vibrating on his nightstand the next morning brought that into question. He checked the screen and saw it was 6am, and it was his mom calling, which figured, because she was the only person who ever called that early.
He considered not answering, but she would just keep calling, and he didn’t want it to wake the others. He stumbled out of bed and into the living room, wrapping the baby cupid blanket from the couch around his shoulders.
“Hello?” he answered, sleep still clear in his voice.
“Good morning,” came his mother’s curt voice. “Am I waking you? I assumed you wouldn’t have been out late on Valentine’s Day, so there was no harm in having this conversation first thing.”
Noah ignored the dig at his dating life in favor of more important matters. “What conversation?”
“There’s been a mix-up with the wedding. One of your father’s business partners wanted to bring his wife but didn’t say so on the RSVP. It’s too late to change the seating or the catering arrangements.”
This wasn’t the first time his mother had called him with “a mix-up.” The first had been when she informed Noah that there wouldn’t be room for him and Aspen to stay at the house.
Noah had insisted they only needed one bed, and his queen-sized bed would do, but his mother had scoffed and said she was adding him to the room block.
All the other mix-ups had been something along these lines, her trying to accommodate the other guests at the expense of him, Braxton, his fiancée, and even sometimes Noah’s father.
“Okay. I mean, don’t some people RSVP but not end up coming to weddings? I feel like it’s probably okay to be one person over–”
“That’s not a chance we’re willing to take,” she said, her tone final like she’d already made the decision.
If she didn’t want Noah’s input, why had she called him?
“We’ve decided that you just won’t be able to bring a plus-one anymore.
Plus-ones are meant for partners and spouses, and since Aspen is neither, there’s no need for you to have a plus-one anymore. ”
It was rather impressive how she could avoid using Aspen’s pronouns if she tried hard enough. At least she’d gotten their name right while uninviting them from the wedding. “That seems a bit extreme–”
“It’s already been done. The day-of coordinator is redoing the seating chart, and it should be fine to move your cousin up to our table so you’ll still have a friend,” she said the word with such disdain that Noah couldn’t tell if it was meant for his cousin, who was one of those “California type” as his mother said, or for Aspen.
Noah’s brain was still waking up, and he almost just said it.
Almost told her that Aspen was so much more than just a friend.
He almost said that, actually, he would be needing two seats for his two…
more than friends. But that would involve coming out as polyamorous, and probably greyromantic, and there was just no way he could ever do that.
Aspen, Charlie, and his few other friends accepted him, and that was just going to have to be enough. At least for now.
Besides, Charlie had been very clear he wasn’t interested in going to the wedding, which, after last night’s revelation about his foster family, Noah could understand.
Aspen wasn’t thrilled about it either; they were just going to provide emotional support.
They could do that just as easily before and after the wedding, right?
Maybe it could be a little mini-vacation for Aspen.
“Alright,” Noah said, because that was about as much as he could get past the press of all the things he would never say to her.
“Good. I’ll text you with the final details tonight.”
“Okay,” Noah sighed, and that got him a stern huff from his mother, but he was too tired to care.
He hung up and crawled back into bed. While he may never be able to come out to his parents, or any of his former friends and family back home, he could still enjoy a sleepy morning nestled between Aspen and Charlie.