Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
“Do not raise your voice at me for saving that girl from her own folly, you royal pain in my arse.” Pogwid’s tone matched the anger she felt, but it also masked her fear and guilt toward me.
I struggled to open my eyes. Everything hurt. Especially the back of my head—and I groaned softly.
“She’s awake,” Garron said.
“Good. Get her to drink the tea. All of it.” Something crashed. “Did you have to choose a simpleton with no sense of self-preservation?”
A cup pressed to my lips. At the same time, Garron slipped an arm behind me to help me sit. The move, along with the horrible scent of tea, made my stomach roil.
I gagged.
“Drink, girl!” Pogwid barked.
“Yell at her one more time, and I will forget how much you meant to Henry,” Brandle said lowly.
“Stop yelling,” I rasped as I gripped Garron’s wrist and gulped the vile healing tea.
I felt the spell take hold and breathed a sigh of relief as my stomach settled despite the awful taste. It spread outward, easing the aches in my joints and finally removing the dull throbbing in my head.
Letting out a relieved sigh, I opened my eyes.
“I am not a simpleton. I took a calculated risk, Pogwid. And you shouldn’t yell at Pogwid, Brandle. She now has the ability to turn you into a toad if she wishes. I refuse to kiss you if you’re a toad.”
Brandle fell to his knees beside me and wrapped his hands around mine.
“You promised,” he said. “You swore you wouldn’t cast.”
I blinked at him, at a loss since I had, in fact, made that promise.
“Pogwid asked me to cast. I thought it was okay.” Never mind the countless spells I cast before that while learning. I wasn’t about to bring those to his attention as well.
“She asked you to remove her memory of you. To protect you.”
“Yes, well, casting is casting, isn’t it?”
Brandle released me and rubbed his hands over his face. I could feel him gearing up for a lecture and looked at Pogwid.
“I think I would prefer him as a toad, actually.”
Her angry glare conveyed her unamused stance.
Sighing, I looked at Brandle. “What am I?”
His anger and fear faded a bit as he looked at me.
“You’re ours.”
“And what else?”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m a danger, Brandle. To all of you because of all the things I don’t yet know. My limits. My capacity. My potential. How to stay hidden. How to help. But Pogwid knows all those things about herself. She just lacked the power. I fixed that to protect us all, even myself, despite knowing my efforts could cause everyone’s disapproval and another stern lecture from one of the men who loves me unconditionally.”
With a shaky exhale, he took my hands again and kissed the backs of them. He was thinking dangerous thoughts that would end with both of us angry if he acted upon them.
I looked at Pogwid. “If I allow you to touch my well, do you promise not to look into my thoughts and only check my well for damage to reassure the men who will otherwise try to lock me away for the rest of my life?”
Pogwid stared at me for a moment then nodded. I felt her energy touch me, and I lifted the lid on my well—not all the way, just to the point where I would not yet be detected. Her eyes went wide, and her gaze searched mine for a moment before I felt her withdraw.
“And have I damaged myself?”
“You should have. I don’t understand why you didn’t when I could see your strain. Something other than your own limitations was preventing you from completing the spell.”
“What did you feel?” Garron asked. “How deep is her well?”
She turned away without answering and dug around on one of her shelves for a stone. It was as large as Edmund’s fist and glinted with green and gold veins.
“Do you know what this is?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“A casting stone,” Garron said.
“Yes. One of the largest and oldest stones I know of. It can hold enough power to complete the spell from start to finish that your girl attempted to cast. Her well is equal to a dozen of these. Maybe two dozen. I don’t know. I feared looking deeper and becoming lost.”
I struggled to believe what she’d said as she approached the bed.
“Did you also cast the spell I told you to cast?” she asked.
“Yes. You won’t remember me if you’re taken.”
“Good. Now cast it on them. Each one of them.”
Brandle closed his eyes, and I could feel his despair at the thought of forgetting me forever. While forgetting me would keep me safe, it wouldn’t save them once they were taken. I could feel his certainty in that and tugged my hands from his.
“What good is the secret of my existence if they’re taken from me?” I asked. “I thought removing any memory of me was to protect us all.”
“It is, Kitten,” Brandle said. “If any of us are taken, we cannot reveal the one who broke our curse. The queen would hunt you because, without you, we would return to what we were. But if the queen learns what you truly are, she won’t kill you. She’ll consume your power and use it to do the one thing she isn’t yet strong enough to do.”
“What does she want to do?”
“Live forever,” he said.
“She’s taken so many already,” Pogwid said. “The power she steals extends her life a little. She’s been experimenting. Impregnating?—”
“Enough,” Brandle said.
Pogwid sighed and returned the stone to its shelf. “She’s powerful and corrupt without any sense of wrong. Nothing is beyond her. To protect everyone from that evil, no one can know of your potential. Do you understand?”
With a heavy heart, I nodded.
“Good. Then cast the spell.”
“No,” Brandle said. “You do it, Pogwid. You said she fixed most of your energy source. Test what you can do.”
“Your stubbornness isn’t an attribute to cultivate,” Pogwid grumbled.
“It’s not stubbornness,” I said. “It’s fear. If you lost everything you hold dear and by some small chance find something to hold dear again, wouldn’t you fear losing it above all else? He’s keeping a secret from me and fears I will see it when I search his mind for memories of me.”
Brandle’s guilt swelled, and I cupped his cheek.
“I understand,” I said. “Better than you know. At some point, though, you will need to trust that I will not run from you, Brandle, or it will be your distrust that destroys what you’re desperate to hold onto.”
He closed his eyes and kissed my palm then stood and went to Pogwid.
“Can you make it temporary?” I asked.
“I’m not certain that will work,” Pogwid said. “It’s best to make it permanent.”
I watched her take his hand and cast the spell that would remove me from his mind if he were taken. Then she did the same with Garron.
“Remember to cast the spell of concealment around your home,” Pogwid said as we left her workroom.
“I will. Am I welcome back tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
The three of us left in silence. Both Garron and Brandle were lost in their thoughts as I guided us around patrols. Despite their distraction, they remained close and watchful when I stopped at the busy market to purchase a few more essentials for our home.
By the time we returned, so too had Edmund and Eadric. Dinner simmered in the kitchen, and a fire was lit in the backyard to heat bathwater since they smelled like sheep.
“Didn’t expect to see you with them,” Eadric said when he saw Brandle.
“I went to check on Kellen’s progress and am glad I did.”
“What’s done is done, Brandle,” I said. “Just as you continue to do what you think is best for the people you love, so too will I. As a trusted friend and ally, isn’t Pogwid’s strength your strength?”
“I’m not angry that you healed her. I’m upset that you risked yourself to do so. Without you, all the strength in the kingdom wouldn’t matter.”
“There is no life without risk, Brandle. Don’t let the fear of what might be stop you from enjoying what is right in front of you. Don’t hold back. Live.”
“Does this mean you’ll ignore your promise?” Brandle asked, watching me from the door.
“Yes and no,” I said. “Pogwid showed me how to create a safe place to cast like her home.”
Turning toward the entry, I touched the energy in the ground around our home and that of our neighbors.
“Know my intent and bend to my will, from this home let the energy be still. Regardless of the sounds or spells that may spark from within, from without, let no one detect any cast or din.”
Subtly and slowly, I created the barrier around our house and layered it with false energy a caster would expect to sense in a home.
“Now, any spell cast within this home can’t be detected from outside,” I said.
Eadric whooped loudly, startling me.
“That means hot water without the boiling, right?”
Grinning, I nodded.
“I trust Pogwid and her skills,” Brandle said. “But we’ve been gone a long time and are unsure of the queen’s strength. Cast with caution, Kitten, for all our sakes.”
“I will.”
“Come here, Eadric,” Garron said. “I need to cast a memory spell.”
Eadric backed away from his brother.
“Why? What are you taking?”
Edmund came down the stairs just then.
“All the memories of the one who freed us from our spell should we ever find ourselves being questioned,” Brandle said.
“Oh.” Eadric went to Garron but looked at me. “Even if I forget you, I will recognize you as the woman I will love forever the next time we meet. I promise.”
Garron spoke a simple spell and touched his brother’s forehead. Once it was done, Eadric came to me, and I kissed him sweetly for his promise never to forget.
Edmund went to Garron without a word as Eadric led me upstairs to my room.
“Can you make that bigger?” Eadric asked, pointing at the tub.
I laughed and focused my energy on making the copper tub large enough to comfortably fit Edmund, the largest of them. Then, I filled it with hot water.
“I swear I love your body and mind more than I love your abilities,” Eadric said as he quickly stripped, “But I do like your abilities a lot.”
I watched him sink into the water with a sigh and lean back into the tub. Taking a cloth from the nearby stack, I dipped it in the water and used it to wet his hair.
“Did you earn the coin you’d hoped?” I asked.
“Enough not to raise suspicion if we need to purchase more supplies from the market. This feels so good, Sparrow.”
I saw he’d closed his eyes.
“Was sheep shearing difficult?”
“No. Being away from you was the only difficulty we faced today.” He opened one eye and grinned mischievously. “I often found Edmund staring off into the distance. He’s likely trying to plot how to bed you again before Garron and Liam do.”
“You have no tact,” Garron said from behind me.
Laughing, I handed Eadric the cloth and stood.
“He doesn’t,” I agreed. “But I rather like his blunt honesty. It makes up for Brandle’s secrecy.”
“Does it upset you?” Garron asked.
“Not enough to leave, but it does hurt that he doesn’t trust me to stay. Is whatever he’s holding back truly so terrible? Does he sacrifice small animals while I sleep?”
“No,” Garron said, looking horrified. “No. Nothing of the like.”
“Well then, I see no reason for him to worry.”
“I disagree,” Garron said. “We all still have cause to worry.”
“Why?”
He considered me for a long moment, and I could feel that he was weighing his words.
“If I would take you to market and openly show you non-familial affection, would you allow it?”
I couldn’t help but hesitate, for if Garron showed me that kind of affection publicly, then I would need to take extra care with the others or?—
“That’s what he fears? That I will leave if it becomes known that I am with all of you.”
Garron nodded, and Eadric tugged on my skirt to gain my attention.
“We know you still feel a measure of shame,” he said. “We love you and don’t want to hide our devotion to you from the rest of the world for our entire lives. We want to wed you in grand splendor without shame.”
My hands trembled at the thought. I felt a good deal of terror but also a measure of yearning.
“I want that, too,” I said. “But that is not the world in which we live. I doubt very much that the seven of you would be condemned harshly, but I could find myself beaten and driven from Adele.”
“Never,” Edmund growled from the doorway. “We would never allow it so long as we lived.”
“What exactly are you asking of me?” My gaze met each of theirs. “Right now, what do you want me to do?”
“That’s easy,” Eadric said. “Love us openly within our own home.”
“Haven’t I been?”
“You wouldn’t leave the bed until Daemon and Darian did first; then you made Garron turn around so you could dress this morning,” Edmund said.
“Gossiping fishwives,” I grumbled under my breath before saying, “And what would you have liked me to do? Parade myself naked through the house?”
“Is that an option?” Eadric said. “I would very much like that.”
“Less shame,” Garron said. “We simply wish for you to feel less shame when you’re with us.”
“Modesty isn’t shame,” I said primly.
“Isn’t it?” Edmund asked.
I thought about it and slowly frowned. Perhaps my modesty was rooted in fear of being shamed by others. Yet, hadn’t I allowed them to bed me with another present more than once? That certainly wasn’t modest.
Eadric plucked at my skirt again.
“If you’d like to practice, you can remove your dress and help bathe me.”
I snorted and tugged my skirt free. “You’re incorrigible. I know where bathing you naked will lead.”
“Perhaps you would like to taste me again while Garron takes you from behind as Daemon did,” he said.
My face flushed scarlet.
“Do I smell dinner burning?” I managed to ask. “I should check.”
Edmund stepped aside, allowing me to flee from the room. I couldn’t outpace my imagination, though. The scene Eadric had painted made my heart race and hunger fill me. I wanted to taste him while his brother brought me pleasure.
Was I truly so wanton?
“Kitten? Are you all right?” Brandle asked.
I realized I was standing in the middle of the kitchen without moving and shook myself.
“Eadric is trying to help me feel less shame,” I managed.
“How so?”
“By suggesting things my mind is telling me I should find inappropriate while also finding them intriguing.”
“We are at your beck and call, Sparrow,” Eadric yelled from upstairs, proving how little privacy there was in our home. “Whenever you wish, Garron and I can be ready.”
Brandle saw my tortured expression and hugged me.
“Talk to me, Kitten. What is going through your mind?”
“Last night with Darian and Daemon was lovely. But did I cheapen the experience by sharing it with both of them? Shouldn’t our time together be alone? Private?”
“Your time with us can be whatever you wish it to be,” he said. “If you’re worried that either Darian or Daemon feels slighted, I promise it’s the opposite. By not sending one of them away, they were both able to spend more time with you. Watching you find your pleasure, or even simply hearing it, brings us immense joy.”
I tucked my head against his chest and struggled against the embarrassment and shame I wanted to feel.
“I’m glad Eadric and Garron said something to me,” I said. “Understanding why you fear I’d leave has opened my eyes. However, I still hold firm, Brandle. Even through embarrassment and shame, I will not leave your side as long as you continue to stand with me.”
He kissed the top of my head.
“I love you, Kellen. You’re the bravest woman I ever met, and I refuse to let you go. Ever. If you do run, know that we will follow you and find you. There is no escaping us.”
Tipping my head back, I silently pleaded for his kiss. He gave it tenderly at first, then with growing desire.
“Dinner truly will burn if you continue,” Eadric said, coming down the stairs.
Brandle withdrew and turned me toward Eadric.
“Edmund would like some fresh bathwater,” he said. “I’ll stir dinner.”
I made my way upstairs and found Edmund alone in my bedroom. His shirt was on the floor beside the tub, and the ties of his pants were loose around his waist. Ignoring the indecent outline of his hard length, I focused on purifying and heating the water.
“Done,” I said.
When I would have left, he caught me in his arms.
“Stay,” he breathed, nuzzling my neck. “Eadric was right. I could think of little else today but you. Please stay.”
He stepped back and loosened my lacings. I saw the challenge in his gaze. He expected me to reject him, likely due to our previous discussion. But the truth was that I was hungry for him. For all of them. I simply didn’t know if it was true lust or the need to consume their desire to recover what energy I’d lost from healing Pogwid.
“You were right. I do still fear the judgment of others. But I also still fear my reasons for being with you, Edmund. I need what we do together to only be about loving one another.”
“You doubt us?” he asked. I could feel his growing anger and shook my head.
“No, Edmund. Not any of you. I doubt myself. When I’m with you, I feel your desire. It feeds my own, and I crave it so much that all thoughts of shame vanish completely. What I did with Daemon and Darian? I fear it wasn’t out of love but out of hunger for the desire I consumed from them.”
I could feel his confusion.
“She consumes the energy from the emotions we feel,” Garron said, entering the room. “It’s not the same as life energy. Pogwid tried the same, and she couldn’t do it. It’s something unique to our Snow.”
Edmund shrugged. “I see no problem with how you replenish yourself. In fact, I think I like it more than any other method. It hurts nothing, and we already know you love us. If you’re hungry, isn’t it our obligation to provide for you?”
Garron’s fingers finished loosening my lacings. "Whether you hunger for food or energy, it makes no difference to us. You have a need, and we want to meet it.”
“Please allow us to meet it,” Edmund said.
Growing more breathless by the second, I nodded.
He kissed me soundly then turned me in his arms so I faced Garron.
“Keep her entertained while I bathe quickly,” he said.
Garron’s face flushed. His hesitant, bashful nod soothed my nerves. Taking the lead, I looped my arms around his shoulders and stood on my toes.
“Kiss me, Garron,” I whispered against his lips.
His desire for me exploded a moment before his mouth claimed mine in a ravenous kiss that curled my toes. His hands smoothed down my sides and gripped my backside as he lifted me off my feet. The few steps it took to reach the bed were too many, and I made a sound of protest when he broke away from the kiss to strip me from my gown.
My protests died when he hungrily trailed kisses down my neck to my breasts. I threaded my fingers in his hair and met Edmund’s gaze over his head. Edmund’s desire equaled his brother’s even without touching me, proving Brandle’s words.
He washed unhurriedly as Garron moved to my other breast then trailed lower. I didn’t need any further encouragement to lie back and open myself to Garron’s affection. The first touch of his tongue drew my hips from the bed. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to simply feel.
Pleasure pooled in my middle, growing as it gathered. When Garron’s fingers slipped inside of me, I groaned and gripped his head.
“Show us you love us,” Edmund said. “Scream your joy without shame.”
I did. My cry of pleasure echoed off my bedroom walls. Garron’s mouth and fingers left me as I still spasmed, only to be replaced by his girth a moment later. We both groaned at his slow entry. He filled me completely and stretched me to the brink.
Breathing deeply, I shifted my hips, trying to adjust as he withdrew. His desire wrapped around me, blending with Edmund’s lust. Further away, I felt Eadric and Brandle’s needs too.
Hungry for it all, I called it to me.
Garron’s pace increased, and I felt the pleasure building again. His hand covered one of my breasts, kneading it, adding to the sensations. When he rolled the nipple between his fingers, I broke apart a second time, and he quickly followed.
I consumed their desire as I slowly calmed. The flood of it seemed endless.
Panting, Garron set his forehead to mine then peppered my face with tender kisses.
“Everything I am is yours,” he said. “Without question, I belong to you. Do you understand, Snow? For you, I will be anything you need.”
He kissed me gently and withdrew. A cloth replaced him, cleaning me as his loving gaze held mine. In a moment when I would have felt embarrassed, I disallowed it.
“And I’m yours,” I said softly. “However you need me.”
With one last kiss, he stood. But rather than leave, he gathered me in his arms and settled on the bed with me partially cuddled on his chest. Despite my continued consumption of their collective desire, I felt the love we shared, too.
Edmund’s breath on my backside startled me, and I glanced over my shoulder as he nipped my rounded flesh.
“Up on your knees for me, Trouble,” he said. “It’s my turn to make you scream.”
Despite having found my release twice and feeling tired, my heart skipped a beat at what he was asking of me.