Chapter Five Taryn
Only a coward would bail out on a friend the way I bailed out on Danny on Sunday morning. His casual “see you tomorrow” as he’d left our house after dinner and the run-in with Derek Watson on Saturday night had reminded me that I needed to grow up and leave my schoolgirl fantasies behind.
Once the dust had settled after a round of Derek’s usual nastiness—seriously, when would that guy grow up?—mine and Danny’s interactions had gone back to “normal.” Read: Danny hadn’t talked to me or treated me any differently than he treated my sister. Casual. Friendly. Though I’d caught a few strange expressions crossing his face when he looked at me over the course of the evening, nothing between us had changed from any other time we’d hung out together.
While he lit up my world every time he smiled, the feeling wasn’t mutual.
I’d repacked my overnight bag before I went to bed and powered through Mom’s to-die-for buttermilk pancakes topped with a generous dollop of whipped cream and assorted fresh berries. It truly was a shame not to savor the best breakfast in the world, but I couldn’t trust that Danny wouldn’t show up early, and I couldn’t face seeing him again so soon.
I mean, seriously, why had he grown more handsome since Christmas? His shoulders, biceps, and chest filled his T-shirt to the max. The ratty jeans he preferred showed off his powerful thighs and perfect butt. The short haircut the military demanded accentuated his square jaw with its hint of a dimple in the center of his chin. His wide-set silver-gray eyes beneath the slashes of his dark eyebrows twinkled in delight when he set his gaze on me. That should have made me feel special, like I meant something to him, but that same twinkle danced in his gaze when he set it on Tina too.
Finding out he’d be on campus with me this fall was the real blow. The thought of having to watch him run through coeds and Wildcats football groupies had come super close to ruining my favorite dinner. If he were only attending classes, I could pretty much avoid him. With the school enrolling over sixteen thousand students each semester, the campus was big enough for a person to lose herself in, especially when most of my classes were held in the humanities buildings on the east side, while most of his would be in the engineering and science buildings on the south side. But since he’d be playing for the ’Cats, chances were I’d hear about him often whether I wanted to or not.
As I tied my apron on to start my shift, another terrible thought hit me. Danny had been a coffee addict before he enlisted in the Air Force. No doubt his time in the service only intensified his addiction. Damn . I hoped no one in my family had spilled the beans on which coffee shop I worked in. Having him hanging out in the shop when he wasn’t in class or at practice—probably with a new girl each time—would suck all the fun out of my job.
Sheila, my manager, had been hounding me all of last semester about moving up to assistant manager. I’d resisted because I didn’t think the position came with much of a pay increase for the additional work. But thoughts of seeing Danny enjoying intimate coffee dates with other women made me weak.
“It’s kind of slow today—might be a good time to show you the ropes for assistant manager.” A silly waggle of her brows accompanied Sheila’s grin.
She’d used this salvo a couple of times in the past, but I hadn’t risen to the bait. Today, to my shock, I heard myself say, “Okay. Exactly what does being your assistant entail?”
Her brows shot up in surprise before a gleeful grin broke over her face. “Step back into my office young padawan, and I’ll show you.”
Just like that, I’d gone from being a regular barista to assistant manager of the Coffee Kiosk. My brain was still spinning with all the information Sheila had crammed into it in a couple of hours, but she assured me I’d catch on fast. Mainly, I’d be doing regular inventory and ordering and overseeing the crews on my shifts. Occasionally, I’d be tasked with scheduling. The dollar-and-a-half-per-hour initial pay increase kicked in the second the two of us had stepped into the office. I didn’t expect such a leap in my pay, and I hoped it’d make the additional responsibilities worth it.
My confidence in my ability to take on those extra responsibilities along with my increased senior-year class load rested on shifting ground, but Sheila assured me I could do it. Of course, she only attended school part-time, so her perspective differed from mine. Yet I was weirdly excited about the challenge. Mainly, being the assistant manager meant if Danny and his date of the day ever did show up in the Coffee Kiosk, I could duck into the back room to escape the scene, and no one would question me.
Yep. I was a coward.
After the debacle that had ended my relationship with my first ever boyfriend, I’d made up my mind to concentrate on school, earn my way into a graduate fellowship or some similar scholarship program, and forget about men. But one evening—hell, a few hours—with Danny Chambers, and all I could think about was him.
A terrible thought intruded. Maybe what happened with Aaron happened because he wasn’t Danny. Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me I was with the wrong man.
Oh, wouldn’t that be rich? Danny had never, would never take a romantic interest in me. Clearly, when it came to dating and relationships and all the things I read about in my favorite romance novels, I was doomed, too screwed-up to experience any of it the way other people did. I should probably start practicing how to be the greatest eccentric aunt in the world, beginning now.
Following my shift, I keyed into my cute little studio apartment, tossed my keys on the table beside the door, kicked off my shoes, and headed for the fridge in search of a cheese sandwich. With my mind on comfort food and studying for my quiz, I didn’t stop to look at who was texting when my phone pinged an alert. Instead, I scrolled it open only to discover the hijacker of my thoughts wasn’t in the mood to leave me alone.
Danny: In case you were wondering, your mom’s pork chops were extra awesome tonight.
The sigh that gusted from my lips ruffled my bangs. The gouda-and-mozzarella sandwich I’d been craving for the last two hours of my shift, which I’d toasted to perfection, tasted boring and bland as phantom flavors of my mom’s pork chops swirled over my taste buds.
The man pushed all my buttons, even when he was more than one hundred miles away.
Me: She only spoils you because you haven’t been around in a while.
Danny: Admit it. I’m your mom’s favorite.
Me: Be careful not to say that in front of Tina. She’ll probably sneak salt into your coffee.
Danny: I heard a rumor at dinner that you might not come home for the Fourth. What gives?
Me: Same thing I told you last night. I’m trying to bank all the hours at work I can.
I thought about it for a second, then typed:
Me: Plus, today I got promoted to assistant manager.
Danny: Congratulations?
Me: Yes.
Danny: Not if it means you don’t come home for the Fourth. No one oohs over fireworks the way you do.
He followed up with a laughing emoji, and I rolled my eyes.
Me: You’re not incentivizing me.
Danny: Incentivizing. Nice. You think I’ll learn big words like that when I start my classes this fall?
I sent him an eye-roll emoji.
Danny: You’re right. I don’t need professors to build my vocabulary since I already know all the best words. Like pork chops and fireworks and my best friend should share those with me on the Fourth.
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t hold back the grin tipping up the corner of my mouth as I read his ridiculous texts.
Me: I’ll see what I can do. No promises.
He sent me a fist-pump emoji.
Such a guy thing to do.
Danny: I’m taking it as a promise. No backing out now.
I sent him another eye roll and:
Me: You can stop harassing me now. I have a quiz to study for.
Danny: No promises.
Me: Good night, Danny.
To make sure I wouldn’t succumb to any more of his distractions, I turned off my notifications, walked over to the door to my bedroom, and tossed my phone onto the middle of the bed.
Even before his military discharge and subsequent return home, Danny took up too much space in my head, but after spending time with him last night, he owned ninety-five percent of today’s thoughts. I’d purposely signed up for the summer session of the business administration class to make my life easier in the fall, which wouldn’t happen if I didn’t study right now.
With a firm admonition to get my head back in the game, I dragged my backpack onto the couch beside me. Next I pulled out my textbook and laptop, setting them on the coffee table next to my half-eaten sandwich. Huffing out a breath, I grabbed a soda from the fridge and came back to the couch to fish around in my backpack for my charger. After plugging in my laptop and flipping my textbook open to the relevant chapter, I settled in with my meager dinner to read through my notes and occasionally consult the textbook to be sure I was prepared for the questions I thought the prof was likely to ask.
Once I’d zeroed in on studying, I managed not to think about Danny Chambers for two whole hours. As I scrolled through the last of my notes, I detected a cramp in my lower back, which alerted me to the weird angle of my body—one foot tucked beneath my ass as I hovered over my laptop and my textbook on the table. Also, I had to pee. With a groan, I massaged my back and unfolded myself from the cushions. Pins and needles assaulted my leg, and for an embarrassing second, I thought it might not support me. Shaking my head at my own ridiculousness, I hobbled around the end of the couch and made my way to the bathroom.
Of course the first thing I wondered as I spied my phone in the middle of my bed on my way to my tiny en suite was if Danny had continued to text after I’d ended the conversation? My bladder insisted the answer could wait. My head said absolutely not. I snagged my phone and checked my messages while I did my business. Not classy, but I lived alone, so I didn’t have to worry about impressing anyone.
Sure enough, Danny had to have the last word.
Danny: I could quiz you.
Danny: T? Where’d you go?
Danny: Sorry. I’ll stop bugging you. Good night, T.
“Good night, Danny,” I whispered to my phone screen.
Argh! Wasn’t it enough that I’d spent most of the day thinking about him and part of my precious study time texting with him? Now I was talking out loud to his texts!
Pathetic.
Why, oh why did he have to attend Mountain State? Knowing he was close enough to run into at any time was going to be the kind of distraction that could derail all my carefully built plans. My grad-school goals demanded straight A’s this year after I’d had a couple of hiccups in my GPA during last semester. I had absolutely no business thinking about, let alone spending time with, someone who stole my thoughts as easily as Danny did without even trying.
I had no delusions that I could be cool and not look for him whenever I was on campus. From the second I’d laid eyes on him on the sidelines of a football field a lifetime ago, my lizard brain had warned me he was my kryptonite. With the way my stomach bottomed out and my heart whipped into a sprint at the mere sight of him stepping out of his car in front of my parents’ house last night, I couldn’t lie to myself that I’d changed. Grown up. Moved on from my high-school crush on my best friend.
Though we’d spent most of the past four years apart, I was still tuned in to him as if he were the only available frequency. That was the problem: I couldn’t seem to stop myself from paying attention to him, caring about his latest setback in his relationship with his dad, worrying with him about becoming part of the team, trying to steel my heart against seeing him with women who attracted him in a way I never would.
The true problem was that terrible, awful emotion called hope. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to quench that teeny-tiny flame that one day he’d wake up and see me as more than a friend. Maybe what I needed to do was sign up as one of the test cases for the psychology students—have one of them practice rewiring my brain so I could see Danny the way he saw me: as only ever a friend. With him insisting on enrolling at Mountain State, I needed to figure out something to retain my sanity.