CHAPTER ELEVEN
Graham was in a great mood the following morning as the bus carried them to the practice facility in New Jersey.
It took everything in him not to let his gaze stray to where Thad sat at the front of the bus, talking with some of the other social media people.
Last night had been …
Graham shivered, thinking about the feel of Thad’s body against his and what he’d said. How Graham mattered to him. That he wanted to do this right.
And the text conversation after Thad was back in his room …
Graham smiled at the thought of Thad calling him a problem.
He wanted to be a problem for him. Not in a way that made his life worse. But he wanted Thad to want him so much he couldn’t stand it. He wanted Thad to think about him as much as he thought about Thad.
“You look awfully happy there for a guy who broke up with his girlfriend recently,” Connor said gruffly, shooting him a sidelong glance.
“Oh.” Graham blinked at him, scrambling to come up with an explanation. “Well, I guess it’s a relief to know we’re not holding on to something that isn’t going to work for either of us. I wanted it to work this past summer but I—I think I was just kidding myself about that.”
About a lot, he added silently.
Connor nodded. “I get that. It was fuckin’ rough after Viv and I split but I did feel”—he paused like he was searching for the right word—“well, I guess you’re right.
Relieved is the only way to put it. I didn’t like it but I liked knowing we weren’t in fuckin’ limbo anymore.
We were done and we could both move forward finally. ”
“Was it hard for her after you started dating Jesse?”
Connor looked surprised by the question, but he nodded at that too.
“Yeah, I think it was. It was, well, it was real complicated all around. What with the kids and she had some feelings about what her role had been as a—well, they were WAGs at the time—and I think it was hard for her to feel like she’d been replaced by someone who fit better in the hockey world than she ever had. ”
“Yeah, makes sense.”
“But it got easier. She and Jesse get along well now. I mean, I don’t think they’re ever gonna be best friends and hang out without me or the kids or anything, but they work together for the kids no problem.
Sometimes the two of them take the kids horseback riding together and that seems to go well.
I think Viv’s reluctantly charmed by him. ”
Connor jerked his head toward the back of the bus where Jesse and Tanner were loudly cackling about something. “Jesse’s ma says he could make friends with a lamppost, and I believe it.”
Connor frowned. “Why? What made you ask about Jesse and Viv?”
“Oh.” Graham scrambled to come up with an explanation. “Uh, well, I mean I guess I’m hoping that, um, Madison and I can stay friends, you know?”
“Sure,” Connor said slowly, his forehead wrinkling. “But didn’t you stay friends with your other exes?”
“Well, yeah,” Graham admitted.
“I thought they all had a group chat or something.”
“No!” Graham protested with a laugh. “No, the guys were giving me shit about that, but it wasn’t true. Two of the women I dated in college knew each other and they wound up becoming friends but it wasn’t like that.”
Connor huffed out a laugh. “I dunno. It sounds like something you’d have happen to you.”
Graham rolled his eyes. “Just because I’m a halfway decent guy and manage not to be so shitty to the women I date that they hide dead fish in my car …”
They both laughed, thinking of the time that had happened a few seasons ago with a guy who was no longer on the team. Graham’s rookie season, actually.
Huh. Weird. It hit Graham that Connor had still been with Viv then, though they were definitely on the rocks by that point.
The guy had deserved the dead fish though.
“Anyway,” Graham said. “I hope Madison and I can stay friends. I like her, you know. As a person.”
He liked all his exes as people, but he knew that wasn’t always the case for everyone.
“Should be easier for the two of you though.” Connor said. “Since you’re not dating someone else. You’re not, right?”
Graham cleared his throat. “Right.” Fuck. He hated lying like that.
“Of course, you’ll probably meet the next future Mrs. Graham Pennington next week …” Connor said with a grin, nudging him in the ribs with his elbow. “You always do manage to find a replacement immediately after the breakup.”
“I do not!” Graham protested but the more he thought about it, the more he realized Connor was right. “I …”
His shoulders slumped. “Fuck.”
“Mmm,” Connor said, clearly not impressed. “Sure.”
“I think I should stay single for a while this time,” Graham said. “I think it would be good for me.”
The latter part was probably true.
But that wasn’t happening, not when he could still feel the heat of Thad’s hand against his bare back and his tongue in his mouth. Not when all he wanted was to see what would happen next between them.
“Good.” Connor patted his thigh. “I think so too.”
Graham tried not to wince. He hated that he was going to have to keep this from his captain and friend.
But what other choice did he and Thad have? They couldn’t risk anyone finding out about them.
The team was subdued as they left the New Jersey arena later that night. The air felt heavy as they boarded the bus back to Manhattan and Thad winced at the dejected looks on the guys’ faces as they passed his seat.
“I can’t believe we fucking lost to the fucking New Jersey Hornets on the first game of the season,” Crawford muttered as the bus pulled away from the arena.
“Seriously,” Tanner said. “That was fucking pathetic. And we were on such a high after last season ended.”
Coach Hoyt rose to his feet and cleared his throat, the bus falling silent.
“Guys, I know this loss stung. But you didn’t get blown out.
You lost by one point in overtime. In a shootout.
That took tenacity and grit to even get to that point when you were down three in the second.
I liked the hustle I saw, I liked the refusal to give up.
In the locker room earlier, I said I thought you played well tonight and I still think that. ”
“I know,” Tanner said. “But we … we should’ve done better.”
“So do better next time,” Hoyt said.
Someone snorted, although Thad couldn’t tell who.
Hoyt shot a look in that general direction.
“I’m not saying it’s easy. We’re not playing peewee hockey here.
But what I saw tonight made me think Gavin was right.
That speech he gave at the end of the season about having the right pieces and learning to work together?
That’s what I saw on the ice tonight. I’m not gonna blow smoke up your ass.
This season isn’t going to be an easy one.
We’re going to need to fight for every point.
Every game. But I would rather see us drop a few games at the beginning and pick up steam after than start on a high, crash, and lose morale. ”
He glanced around. “There can’t be any coasting or complacency though.”
“Or plagues from Tanner!” someone called out.
Everyone laughed and Tanner stuck his hand up to show off his middle finger.
“Or plagues from Tanner,” Hoyt agreed with a chuckle. “Or drinking ourselves sick, Erik.”
Another pointed look went in the direction of the rookie who’d gotten so drunk he puked last night. Hoyt hadn’t gone easy on him in warmups this morning and he’d been benched for the game.
The kid slid lower in his seat.
“We need to be smart this season,” Hoyt said.
“Your choices don’t only impact you, they impact this team.
What we need from you is to make every single choice with that in mind.
All season long, I want you to think before you act.
Decide if you’re going to go for what feels good in the short-term or what you want in the long-term. ”
Hoyt said something else, but Thad stopped listening, thinking about what the coach had said.
He wasn’t Thad’s coach and they didn’t have a ton of interactions, but Thad liked the guy. He thought he was solid and a good man. He seemed more interested in teaching his players than merely screaming at them and Thad respected that.
So he wondered if he should listen to Hoyt’s advice about thinking long-term himself.
It wouldn’t impact the team—well, it kinda would since he was dating someone on the team … Thad resisted the urge to glance back at Graham.
Maybe he needed to be smart and think long-term about how his relationship with Graham would impact the team too.
God, he’d been something else tonight.
Watching him on the ice was always mesmerizing but he’d taken it to the next level in this game.
Graham generally wasn’t a flashy player—or a flashy person for that matter—he leaned more toward quiet and subtle. But sometimes he had these moments when he came up so clutch for the team no one could tear their eyes away.
Graham had done that tonight, streaking up the ice and bodying his way through New Jersey’s defense, then tucking a puck in the back of the net to tie the game up at the end of the third with less than fifteen seconds on the clock.
The goal had sent them to overtime, given them a chance at a win, and gotten them the OT point.
Would it have been better if they’d won? Of course. But Graham’s game had been good.
He looked miserable now though, brow furrowed like he was replaying the game in his head and finding his performance wanting.
He’d always been like that, or at least as long as Thad had known him, anyway. He was hard on himself, expecting the best. Thad just had to hope he wasn’t blaming himself for the loss.
Or, worse, blaming the fact that he and Thad were together now.
Thad knew as well as anyone how weird a player’s brain could get when it seemed like every win or loss could be blamed on what happened in the hours prior to it.
Hopefully, Graham wasn’t having second thoughts about them dating.
Because the thought of having a taste of what it could be like between them, then having that snatched away made Thad’s chest ache.
Worry gnawed at his stomach as they made their way over the George Washington Bridge and into Manhattan, the bright lights of the city so familiar.
He’d liked living in New York City, but he didn’t miss it. He didn’t have many happy memories here. Mostly a blur of dead-end jobs and hustling to make rent, interspersed with brief, meaningless sex with people whose names and faces he could barely remember now.
He hadn’t had family or friends to rely on then. Had thought he hadn’t even wanted them.
But now … his life was starting to feel very different, wasn’t it? He was almost feeling … hopeful about the future. It was such an alien thought he turned it over and over in his mind until they reached the hotel.
The team was subdued as they left the bus and trooped into the lobby.
Thad did his best to ignore Graham as they waited for an elevator and on the ride up to their respective floors but when his phone buzzed in his pocket twenty minutes later, the moment he saw it was a message from Graham, his heart rate picked up.
Come to my room in about an hour? It sounds like guys are settling in for the night. The floor should be pretty quiet.
Thad swallowed hard, surprised by the eager excitement that coursed through him. Yeah. I’ll be there.