CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Want to grab dinner with me? I’m not far from your place. We could do the bistro we both like. Graham typed out the text and hit Send as he waited for the elevator.
He’d finished an interview this evening. It had gone well, although he’d gotten a little tense when the interviewer had asked about his personal life.
In the end, he’d thought he’d managed a halfway decent response, though he was grateful it wasn’t for a podcast or being filmed for social media.
At least no one but the interviewer had seen his wide-eyed panic-stricken expression as he froze like a deer with a semi-truck barreling toward it, trying to come up with a response that wouldn’t give away his relationship with Thad.
Graham stepped out of the elevator in the building’s lobby when his phone finally buzzed with a reply.
Uhh, like … as friends, right? Madison replied. Because I can’t do the whole … back and forth again.
Graham flushed, feeling guilty for making her wonder, then hastily typed out, Yeah, just friends. I could use some advice about the guy I’m seeing, if you’re up for talking about that.
Oh yeah, totally! Your advice about Stephan was super helpful. I’d be happy to return the favor.
Graham sighed with relief. Meet you at the bistro in half an hour?
Give me 45?
Sure. No prob.
It was closer to an hour when Madison finally slid through the door and sidled up to where he’d been waiting at the bar, nursing a beer and snacking on olives and Marcona almonds.
He removed his coat from the stool beside him.
“Sorry, sorry,” she said breathlessly as she slid onto it. “Are we eating here at the counter?”
“Yeah, if that works for you.” It had felt a little less date-like than sitting at a table for two.
She draped the strap of her purse on the hook attached to the bar by their knees. “Yep. Perfect. I mean it though, I am sorry. The shoot I was doing ran a little long and the train was behind and—”
“It’s all good,” Graham assured her, because she seemed a little frantic. And honestly, he didn’t have anything else planned. Thad had worked late, then had a therapy appointment. They were getting together tonight but not for a couple of hours. “How was the shoot otherwise?”
“Great!” Madison beamed, smoothing her hair off her forehead and offering him a smile. “I think we’re making great progress on the cookbook.”
“Awesome. I can’t wait to see it when it’s done.”
She smiled. “How’s hockey been?”
They made small talk for a little bit as she ordered a strawberry vanilla bean cocktail, and they decided what to get for appetizers and entrees.
“So, things are going better with Stephan?” Graham asked as he speared a golden beet in his salad, coming away with goat cheese and microgreens drizzled with maple-cumin vinaigrette too.
“Yeah.” She glanced over at him. “You were right. I was freaking out over nothing.”
“I mean, I probably made you a little paranoid about guys and relationships,” he joked. “It was the least I could do.”
“No, don’t say that.” She nudged him with her elbow. “I get it. You were going through a whole … thing.”
Graham chuckled, glancing over. “I guess you can call it that.”
“You said you wanted my advice though?” she asked.
“Ahh, yeah.” Graham admitted, glancing around.
It was a noisy restaurant, with an open kitchen, brick walls, and high ceilings.
Sitting at the bar like this, he could lean in and speak quietly in Madison’s ear without worrying someone would overhear their conversation.
“Is it … is it weird if a guy doesn’t stay over after? ”
She took a sip of her cocktail. “After what?”
“Umm,” Graham said because he wasn’t sure if it was crossing a line to talk about sex with the guy he was dating to his ex-girlfriend.
“Oh, sex?” She laughed. “Seems pretty normal to me. You were the weird one who was like … so down for the relationship stuff right away.”
“Oh.” He grimaced. “Shit. Maybe I’m the problem here then.”
“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “I just think … you’re very all-in up-front.”
“That sounds like a polite way to tell me I come on a little strong.”
She shrugged. “Honestly, at the time, I found it refreshing. That’s why I could tell when you pulled away. It was a big 180.”
Graham swallowed. “That’s what I’m worried about with him. That he’s pulling away.”
“So you’ve had sex and he’s getting weird now?”
“Well, no,” Graham said. “Not exactly. And it kinda depends on what you consider sex. We haven’t like …”
“Oh, don’t be boringly hetero,” she said with a roll of her eyes when he didn’t finish his thought. “Sex is whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be about, I dunno, insertion.”
“Then, yeah, we’ve definitely had sex,” Graham admitted.
“But you feel like he isn’t emotionally there for you?”
“No.” Graham shook his head. “Emotionally he seems all-in. It’s just … we go to sleep together, and I pass out, and he leaves.”
“And you don’t think he’s like … afraid of the emotional closeness or anything?”
“No.” Graham couldn’t quite put it into words. “No, not exactly. He opens up to me about a lot of stuff. Actually, I think he’s always shared more with me than with anyone else. I think maybe I’m the closest friend he’s ever had as an adult, and I don’t really feel like that part has changed.”
“Ahh. Okay,” Madison said. “So the only issue is he doesn’t stay over after sex?”
“It sounds stupid when you put it that way,” he admitted.
She laughed. “No, I mean I get it. And if it bugs you, it bugs you.”
“I guess I feel like an asshole for letting it bug me,” he admitted. “Like … why is it such a big fucking deal? So what if he prefers to sleep at his place?”
“I dunno,” she said. “Why is it a big deal?”
“It feels like … like maybe he has one foot out the door.” Graham swallowed hard, looking down at his plate.
“Hmm. Has he said why he leaves?”
“He said he has insomnia and isn’t used to sharing a bed with anyone.”
“Well, maybe it’ll take him a little time to adjust.” Her tone and shrug were philosophical.
“Maybe.”
“Does he have any reason for why he’s never done that with anyone else before?”
“He, uh, hasn’t had a serious relationship before,” Graham admitted.
She blinked. “Like … ever?”
“No.”
“Aww, you’re dating a fuckboy,” she cooed. “I love that for you.”
Graham snorted. “Thanks. Jerk.” He winced. Was it weird to call his ex a jerk and mean it in a joking way?
But Madison laughed. “No. It’s just funny. You went from wanting a serious relationship with a woman to dating a gay fuckboy.”
“He’s bi like I am,” Graham corrected. “And I don’t see how that’s funny.”
“Bi,” she acknowledged. “And I dunno. It just struck me that way. You’ve always been so … so careful with every choice you make. Always weighing the pros and cons and being sure you’re doing everything ‘correctly’.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Well, c’mon. You’ve never exactly rocked the boat,” she pointed out. “I know there’s some family pressure and stuff, but you’ve never … never seemed to mind toeing the line. It’s kinda nice to see you doing something different. Something unexpected. Have you told your family about him yet?”
“No, not yet. He and I … we’re kinda keeping our relationship quiet. Because he works for the Harriers too.”
He’d thought about telling Cory but, honestly, he was kind of enjoying having this secret. After a lifetime of always playing by the rules, it was almost refreshing.
“Yeah, I get that. That’ll be an interesting conversation when you do tell them, that’s for sure.”
“My family won’t have any issue with me dating a man,” Graham said. “I mean. They won’t, right?”
He glanced over at Madison.
She shrugged. “You tell me. I met them a handful of times and we got along well but it’s not like we were close.”
“I don’t think they will. But I guess until I do it, I won’t really know for sure.” Graham sighed. “Honestly, I’m a lot less worried about coming out to them than what they’ll think of him specifically.”
“Why?”
“Well, he’s older than me,” Graham admitted. “By, uh, kind of a lot. Sixteen years?”
She nodded.
“But I think if he makes me happy, they’d be cool with that. I … There are some things in his past that might not look great. I‘m not really worried about what Cory will think, but there’s always the worry my parents will make a snap judgment about him when they find out.”
“Find out what?”
“Uhh.” Graham took a sip of his beer. Shit, this was where it got complicated.
Madison leaned in and said in a stage whisper, “Dude, can we stop pretending like I don’t know who you’re dating?”
“What?” Graham said hoarsely. “What do you mean?”
Madison laughed. “Oh, babe. I put it together pretty quickly. You’re dating your buddy Thad.”
Graham glanced around. “Yeah, but keep your fucking voice down. No one in the organization knows.”
So much for having a secret …
She winced. “Oh, shit. Yeah. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. We’re worried about what his brother will think though. They have this whole huge, complicated history and Gavin’s the GM. He’s my boss and while he’s not technically Thad’s boss anymore, he’s still why he got hired in the first place and …”
Graham ran out of words to explain any of that whole situation, but Madison nodded. “Sure. I get it.”
Graham rubbed a hand over his face because he wasn’t so sure he understood anything right now. “So anyway, you know Thad went to prison, right?”
“Yeah, I remember you telling me.” Madison winced. “Oh shit, and your mom …”
“Yeah.” Graham made a face. “And like … she’s up for district attorney right now. Elections will be coming up soon.”
“Yikes.”
“So, I don’t know.” Graham toyed with his fork.
“A part of me wants to tell my family. Especially because Cory keeps bugging me about having a date to her wedding. And I want to be like ‘yeah, I’m going to bring my boyfriend’ but uhh …
there’s a lot of reasons why that probably shouldn’t happen at this point. ”