CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Later that evening, as Thad knocked on Graham’s door, he had no idea what he was going to say.
In the end, when the door swung open and he found Graham standing there, dressed in team sweats and holding Murphy—who was barking his head off—all he could say was, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?” Graham asked, stepping back to let Thad inside.
Once the door was shut, he passed over the dog and Thad took him, murmuring a hello to him too, before he lost his damn mind with excitement.
Thad petted Murphy for a moment as he tried to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. He finally settled on, “For making you doubt me.”
“Thad.” Graham said, his forehead wrinkling. “I’ve never doubted you.”
“But you’ve wondered, haven’t you?” Thad said. “If I was going to keep pulling away. If I’d bail on you. On this relationship.”
“Yes. But, honestly, I’ve been more worried about you bailing on yourself,” Graham said.
Thad frowned. “What do you mean?”
Graham smiled but there was sadness in his eyes Thad hated. He wanted to kiss it away, reassure Graham there was nothing to worry about.
But he had no idea if that was true.
“I think you’re very good at protecting yourself,” Graham said quietly. “And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I know you had to be. But I also think maybe you’re so good at it you don’t allow yourself to trust that good things can happen to you.”
“Okay,” Thad said, frowning as he thought about those words. Graham wasn’t wrong. But he didn’t quite know what he meant about bailing on himself.
“I’m worried that maybe because things are getting good between us, you’re—you’re going to do something stupid.”
“Like pick up and run?” Thad asked.
“No. I mean … kind of. But maybe not literally. Not out of Boston, anyway.” Graham pursed his lips. “I’m not explaining this well. I get this sense you—you’ll do something stupid like end this.”
“End our relationship?” he clarified.
“Yeah. With some misguided idea of protecting me or something … I don’t know. I get this gut feeling you don’t quite trust that this is real. That what we have is real.”
Thad swallowed thickly because Graham wasn’t wrong about that either. “Okay,” he said, because he felt like there was more to this. More Graham hasn’t said yet. And he wanted him to keep going.
“I know hiding and lying about our relationship is weighing on you. Way more than it is me.”
Thad nodded.
“And am I wrong that you—that there’s more to it? More you want to tell me but aren’t ready to talk about?”
“No,” Thad said hoarsely. “You’re not wrong.”
“Okay.” Graham stepped forward and took Muphy from Thad’s arms, setting him on the floor.
When he stood, he stepped closer and settled his hands on Thad’s waist, looking him in the eye.
“Then I want you to know I—I care about you, Thad. And if you need more time, that’s fine. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
Thad searched his eyes but there was nothing but openness and honesty and caring in them. “What if it takes me a really long time?” he whispered. “What if what I want to tell you isn’t my secret to tell and I don’t know how to tell you without—without maybe hurting someone else and I—”
His throat tightened, and he had to close his eyes and lean his forehead against Graham’s.
“Then I’ll wait,” Graham promised. “I’ll show you that you can trust me.”
“It’s not you,” Thad choked out. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s …”
It was so much more fucking complicated.
“I’ll still wait.” Graham pressed closer, his arms warm as he tightened his grip on Thad. “I can be patient.”
“Even if I can’t spend the night? Even if I’m not here as much as you want me to be?” Thad whispered.
“Yes. Even then.”
Fuck, I love you, Thad thought again, and he wanted to say it aloud, but he couldn’t. Not yet. “I want to be what you need,” he said instead.
“You are,” Graham said and the confidence in his voice made Thad lift his head.
There was something fierce in his eyes now, that same look he got when he was tearing down the ice, intent on scoring a goal.
When no opponent could stop him.
That breathless, beautiful look of determination made Thad reach out and cup his cheek because it was aimed at him.
But they weren’t opponents. They were in this together. And Thad had to trust Graham’s determination was enough to drag them to the finish line.
“Thad, when I saw you sitting on the floors of HCI that day, I didn’t—I didn’t stop to talk to you because you were handsome and cocky and all of the things you tried to show everyone you were.
I stopped because you looked like you needed a friend.
Let me be your friend,” he whispered. “I don’t want that part to change for us.
No matter what happens in our romantic relationship. ”
Thad drew in a sharp breath, tracing his thumb across Graham’s cheekbone.
The grip on his waist tightened as Graham looked him in the eye.
“I want to be your boyfriend, your partner in the future, but above everything else, let me be your friend. Let me be there when you need it. Whatever this is, however long it takes you to get where you need to be, just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t give up on us. Don’t give up on yourself.”
“Technically that’s two things,” Thad murmured.
Graham laughed softly. “I was trying to be all serious here.”
“Sorry.” Thad forced the smile that had been teasing at the corners of his mouth to go away. “Continue.”
“You deserve good things, Thad. You’re a good person, whatever you say about yourself.” Graham’s tone was earnest.
Thad bit down the urge to argue like he had earlier with Harlan.
“So let yourself be happy. With me.”
“Okay,” he whispered. “Okay. I promise I’ll try.”
The relief on Graham’s face made Thad want to lean in and kiss him, but before he could, Graham took Thad’s hand, tugging him toward the bedroom. “C’mere.”
So Thad followed.
In the bedroom, Graham stripped off his clothing, then got to work on Thad’s.
For a moment, Thad stood there, his head reeling with everything that had happened.
But when Graham stepped close again, settling his warm, solid body against Thad’s, he quickly got on board.
He pressed his lips to Graham’s, sighing at the familiarity of his taste. He liked the small sounds Graham made as they kissed, the way his back felt under Thad’s palms as he ran his hands along the smooth, muscular planes.
He liked the way Graham slipped his tongue between Thad’s lips and kissed him like he never wanted to stop.
And Thad didn’t either.
For a little while, Thad stood there with his nose full of Graham’s scent and his cock hardening against Graham’s stomach as they kissed. And when the urge for more was finally too strong to ignore, he walked them backward toward the bed, tumbling onto it and pulling Graham down over top of him.
He was a heavy weight, an anchor keeping Thad from drifting away.
He kissed Graham more deeply, until he made low, desperate noises and rocked his hips, his cock sliding along the groove of Thad’s hip.
“Fuck that feels good,” Graham whispered.
Thad smoothed his hands down Graham’s back and cupped his ass. “We can get off like this,” he offered because it was no hardship to keep kissing Graham while they rubbed off together. “Or I can fuck you. Whichever you want.”
Graham’s response was immediate.
He rolled away and stretched out, digging through the nightstand drawer and pulling a full bottle of lube out.
“Technically, that doesn’t answer my question,” Thad murmured, draping his body across Graham’s and pressing his lips to his shoulder.
Graham glanced over that same shoulder and shot him a disbelieving look. “Do I really need to answer that?”
“Maybe I want to hear it,” Thad teased, running a hand across Graham’s ass and squeezing.
Graham shifted on the bed, spreading his thighs, arching up into Thad’s touch. “I want you to fuck me.”
“Okay,” Thad said, like he hadn’t spent the time they’d been together anxiously worrying Graham would change his mind about wanting this.
About wanting him.
Thad had spent years blustering his way through situations that scared him shitless, so this was nothing. All he had to do was pretend to feel more confident than he was.
So Thad dipped his head, trailing kisses down Graham’s back.
His body was stunning, the curve of his ass breathtaking as Thad placed wet, open-mouthed pecks along the muscles there.
“Can I open you up with my tongue?” Thad rasped.
Graham widened his thighs and let out a shaky breath.
Thad felt a little shaky too as he settled between Graham’s legs. But he didn’t hesitate to part Graham’s cheeks. “Tell me if you don’t like anything I do.”
Thad heard Graham whisper, “I will,” then dragged his tongue across Graham’s hole.
Graham’s shocked, breathless gasp was gratifying, and so was the way he chased Thad’s tongue when he pulled away.
Thad chuckled and did it again. And again.
For a while, he was content to lick and press kisses to Graham’s hole, teasing along the tightly furled muscle until it softened. He eased the tip of his tongue inside.
Graham let out a low moan, his body trembling. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Fuck, that’s unbelievable.”
So Thad kept going.
He pulled Graham up to his knees and bent him over, gently pressing his upper body down onto the soft sheets, his forehead pressed to the mattress.
Thad buried his face deeper between Graham’s cheeks and licked, probing deeper with his tongue until Graham’s hips rose and fell, seeking more.
Thad poured every ounce of feeling into his actions, letting his body tell Graham everything he wanted to say aloud but couldn’t.
Not yet.
“Fuck, Thad,” Graham whimpered, and Thad reached out, taking Graham’s hand and threading their fingers together.
“I’m getting you ready for my cock, baby,” he whispered.