CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Graham awoke in the wee hours of the morning, his mouth dry, his head pounding, and the bed empty.
He sat up, rubbing his eyes and spotted Thad on the couch a few feet away. He was wearing one of Graham’s hoodies and immersed in something on his phone, the lamp glowing in the corner of the room.
“You okay?” Graham croaked. Damn it, he’d hoped staying at Thad’s place would help with whatever was causing Thad to not be able to sleep.
Apparently, it hadn’t been enough.
Thad immediately turned to look at Graham, a guilty expression crossing his face. “Shit. Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Graham shrugged. “I don’t know that you did. I think I mostly need liquids.”
He’d chugged a bunch of electrolytes and water before bed but apparently it hadn’t been enough.
“There’s some on the floor by the bed,” Thad said.
Grateful, Graham reached for the half-full bottle of electrolyte replacement, draining it in one gulp, then picked up a bottle of plain water.
He swished some of the water around in his mouth then drained the rest of it, starting to feel vaguely human again.
He was a little cold, so he grabbed a blanket and dragged it over his shoulders, then settled his back against the wall and stared at his boyfriend who had returned to doing something on his phone.
Huh. The team knew he had a boyfriend now.
Somehow, it felt like both a big deal and like it had just been another thing going on in his life. Like … the hat trick had been a bigger deal than everyone finding out he was dating a dude.
Then again, he hadn’t had to do a big coming out or anything, had he? That was a major upside to playing for a team like this.
“You want to talk?” Graham asked.
Thad sighed and put his phone on the arm of the loveseat, face down. “We should.”
“I mean, yeah.” Graham shrugged. “At some point for sure. But it doesn’t have to be now. I’m tired but wide-awake right now. Probably not going to fall asleep any time soon. So either we can talk or watch a movie together, or whatever. Up to you.”
Thad shifted on the couch to face him, legs up on the cushions now. “We can talk. I should finish telling you what I was going to say before your ridiculous team interrupted.”
Graham cracked a smile. “They are something,” he agreed.
Thad gave him a faint smile back, then fell silent for a moment.
Graham felt weirdly calm about this. He’d known Thad had secrets. That there were things he wanted or maybe even needed to tell him. But he also felt certain whatever it was, they’d figure it out.
He’d listen and he’d try to understand.
“You can trust me,” Graham reminded Thad softly. “Whatever this is, I want to know you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You don’t have to hide from me.”
Thad gave him another faint smile but there was still a tinge of worry in his eyes.
Graham wanted to get up and go sit next to him, put his arms around him, but he got the feeling Thad needed a little bit of space right now.
“I know.” Thad rubbed the back of his neck. “I know I can trust you. And I didn’t—I didn’t keep it from you because I thought I couldn’t trust you. It was because I didn’t feel like it was my story to tell, exactly. But, uh, Gavin kinda reminded me that isn’t exactly true.”
“Okay.” Graham frowned, a little confused.
“It’s my story too. Mine and Gavin’s.”
Graham nodded.
Thad took a deep breath. “I didn’t go to prison because I robbed an electronics store. I went because Gavin did.”
“What?” Graham sat there on Thad’s shitty mattress, staring open-mouthed as Thad told the story of when the cracks in their relationship first started to form.
When Gavin began to pull away. To change. To act out.
“I had no idea at the time it was because—because he was struggling with his sexuality,” Thad continued, his expression filled with pain. “I had no idea what the GMs had told him. Or how blatantly our parents had—had reinforced that.”
“That’s awful,” Graham said quietly. “I can’t imagine.”
“It was. And Gavin, he was in a bad place then,” Thad said. “And I—I was trying to save him.”
When he got to the part about signing the plea deal, Graham scowled. “You were a kid. Your parents should have been there!”
“I was legally an adult,” Thad said quietly.
“Yeah, but …” Something about it didn’t sit right with Graham. “That feels like … like an overzealous prosecutor to me or something.”
Thad shrugged. “Yeah, probably. I am sure they were eager to get the case wrapped up.”
“You might be able to appeal that. I think there are options for after release,” Graham said with a frown. “Even long after.”
“Baby,” Thad said. He stood and walked over to the mattress, taking a seat at the foot of it. “I appreciate that you’re trying to help but I don’t want that. I know confessing to a crime I didn’t commit seems insane.”
“I think it was a hell of a thing to do for someone,” Graham agreed because his head was spinning with everything Thad had told him.
And at this point, it wasn’t from the drinking.
“That’s what everyone tells me,” Thad said grimly. “But at the time, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I still can’t imagine it, to be honest.”
Graham nodded because he didn’t know what to say.
Thad’s expression was distant as he said, “I remember sitting there in the interrogation room, scared shitless. All I could think about was Gavin and the way he was careening out of control. I thought about the choices he’d made and that if I didn’t do this, he’d keep going.
He’d go to prison, and he’d stay on this self-destructive path and he’d end up dead. ”
The pain in Thad’s voice made Graham’s eyes prick with tears.
“I sat there, staring at the confession I’d given them, and I thought about taking it back.
About ripping it up and blurting out the truth that it was Gavin, not me, who’d done it.
But every time I opened my mouth to say it, I felt like throwing up.
I felt like I’d be condemning my brother to death.
Because he was … he wasn’t himself back then.
He’s always been a ‘go big or go home’ kinda guy his whole fucking life, but this was … ”
Thad wiped at his eyes. “This scared me shitless. He was hell bent on destruction, and I might have been naive in a lot of ways but I was smart enough to know prison wasn’t going to help him.
And I was convinced if I signed the confession, if I gave up my future, I could buy his.
Like everything was being weighed by some cosmic scale.
Like if I gave up years of my life, I could save his. ”
“And you did.”
“Yeah.” Thad gave him a weak smile. “I fucking did. Didn’t turn out the way I planned, but my gamble worked. My hand was shaking so damn hard my signature was pretty much illegible, but my brother is alive and happy now and it still feels like it was the right choice. The only choice.”
“But you sacrificed everything,” Graham whispered, his heart aching for the teenage version of the man he loved. He imagined how terrified but determined Thad must have been. How much he must have loved his brother to do something so life-altering.
Thad nodded. “I did. If this changes how you feel about me or—”
“Changes …” Graham muttered, letting the blanket slip from his shoulders as he shifted closer, cupping Thad’s cheek and looking into his eyes.
“Listen to me, Thad. Before I knew you went to prison for your brother, I thought you were an amazing man. Now that I know, I still do. It gives me a clearer picture of who you are though. Let’s me understand you better. ”
Thad pressed their foreheads together. “Fuck, you’re amazing.”
“How am I the amazing one here?” Graham whispered.
“You’re so …” Thad’s swallow was audible. “Understanding.”
“I love you. How could I not be?”
Thad drew back, tracing his thumb across Graham’s cheek and staring into his eyes. “But you were understanding long before you fell in love with me. You never once judged me for my history.”
“Why would I?”
“Most people do.” Thad dropped his hand.
Graham reached out to capture it, threading their fingers together. “Well, they’re not the right person for you then.”
Thad let out a low chuckle. “No, they aren’t.” He leaned in and kissed Graham, a slow glide of his tongue that made Graham shiver.
“C’mon,” Thad said huskily when he drew back. “Let’s get you warmed up again.”
“And how do you plan to do that?” Graham asked, stretching out on his back with a smile.
Was Thad changing the subject and distracting him with sex? Probably. But that was okay. They could talk about this more in the future.
Thad had told him something he’d been carrying around for decades. Something few people knew. That was enough for now.
Thad settled over him, his body a deliciously heavy weight as he nuzzled against Graham’s ear. “How does a blowjob sound, baby?”
Graham smiled and tilted his head, giving Thad better access. “Like you read my mind.”
A little while later, Thad drew back, the taste of Graham’s cum lingering as he licked his lips.
“Mmm. Trick or treat,” Graham said with a happy, contented sigh as he burrowed into the pillow.
Thad frowned, wondering if he was still a little drunk. He’d seemed perfectly sober when they talked earlier but now he was starting to wonder … “What?”
Graham smiled. “It’s Halloween.”
“I think technically it’s November first. Like … the morning of November first,” Thad said with a yawn, because honestly? He was fucking exhausted. “But that aside, was a blowjob from me a trick or a treat?”
Graham laughed. “A treat of course.”
“Well, that’s good.” Thad pulled the covers up over them both, then slung an arm over Graham’s midsection. He was sprawled on his back, looking content, his cheeks still flushed in a way that always made Thad feel a tender fondness for him.
Or, maybe, that was how he felt about Graham all the time but only truly got to enjoy in moments like this, when it was simply the two of them, their bodies tangled together and their guard down.