CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Following their win, the Harriers milled around the locker room talking to Noah and Simon. The mood was high, and Thad had finished recording.
January was too early to count anything as a guarantee, but they were finally in a solid position as they headed toward the second half of the season.
“So how do you manage all this?” Connor asked, reaching for one of the babies Noah held. Camille, Thad realized, when she turned her head. “Wrangling kids with your schedules.”
“Very carefully,” Simon said with a laugh as Graham took the other little one.
“It’s not the easiest,” Noah agreed with a rueful smile. “We have a nanny who generally travels with us.”
“You always travel together?” Graham asked, sounding surprised.
Simon nodded. “Yeah. We’ve tried a lot of different things until we finally settled on something that works for us.
We’re lucky we can—more or less—set our own schedules.
Noah travels the country doing talks and panels and such on queer hockey topics.
I travel with him and use those stops to scout for artists I am interested in showing at my gallery. The kids come with.”
“What will you do when they’re old enough to be in school?”
Noah and Simon glanced at each other and laughed. “We’re still working on a plan.”
Graham shot Thad a smile across the room, and Thad returned it.
But as he watched Graham hold the little boy, it made Thad wonder. Did Graham want kids? How would he feel if Thad said he was ambivalent at best about the idea?
“I just wanted to say I’ve been enjoying your work,” someone said, and Thad looked over to see Simon smiling.
“I’m sorry. What?” he asked, still caught up in thoughts of Graham.
“Your posts on social media. I follow you.”
“Oh.” Thad blinked and finally focused on him. “You do?”
Thad followed Simon’s art gallery account and his photography account, but he hadn’t noticed a follow back. “I wasn’t aware of that.”
“Yes.” Simon leaned in. “So, I have to confess I have a … less well-known account on Instagram.”
“You have a finsta?” Thad asked, surprised.
Simon laughed. “Yes. But only because I’m looking for artistic talent. I’m not sliding into anyone else’s DMs for any other reason. I decided to do it because I like to see how artists interact with fans when they don’t know they’re being … scouted, so to speak.”
“Huh. Well, I’m flattered my posts caught your attention at all,” Thad admitted. “I am a huge fan of your work. I wish I would have been able to go to your exhibition. The Glory and Pain of a Champion one you did a few years back sounded incredible.”
“Yeah, I’m proud of that work. It’s being turned into a coffee table book soon. If you’d like, I’d love to send you a signed copy as soon as they’re available.”
“That would be amazing,” Thad said.
“But that’s not why I pulled you aside,” Simon added with a twinkle in his eye. “I did it because I’d like to discuss your work more in depth sometime. One on one.”
“Yeah?” Thad asked with a lift of his eyebrow.
“I have no idea if you have any interest in pursuing a career outside of the Harriers, but …”
Thad hesitated. “Well, I have no interest in leaving the Harriers, if that’s what you mean. I’m happy here.”
And, if what Tyson had said earlier was true, his career here was only going to get better with time. Was it crazy to think he could maybe even advance here? Step into a bigger role in the organization someday in the future?
“But you do work on some shoots outside of here, yes?” Simon asked.
“Occasionally,” Thad admitted. “More in the off-season than anything. And I’m usually the one setting up lighting and stuff. Not the principal photographer.”
“Hey, don’t knock that skill! A good lighting person is worth their weight in gold. But I’ve seen the work you do with the Harriers and a few of your other non-hockey shoots.”
Thad nodded. “I do enjoy dabbling in portraiture.”
“Well, from a skills perspective, you’re a hell of a lot more than a dabbler,” Simon said with a smile. “You have real skill. Where did you learn?”
Thad laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Uhh, Pine Grove Correctional Facility.”
Simon frowned. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Well, you’re aware I went to prison?”
Simon nodded. “Yes. A burglary?”
“Robbery,” Thad corrected. “There’s a difference. Legally, anyway.”
“Ahh. Okay. Apologies.”
Thad waved it off. “While I was incarcerated, someone donated a whole lot of old photography books. We had no cameras to practice on, of course. But I learned the basics. And once I got out, I, uh, scraped together enough money to buy an old, shitty camera I could practice on.”
“Wait.” Simon’s jaw dropped. “You’re telling me you’re entirely self-taught?”
“Yes?” Thad said. “I mean, I’ve learned some additional skills since I came to work for the Harriers and there’s a lot of information online. Video tutorials, articles, that sort of thing. But basically, yeah.”
“No, but that’s extraordinary.” Simon looked excited. “I would love to talk more about this.”
“Sure, yeah,” Thad said, still a little bewildered by the whole thing. “Um, I can give you my business card?”
“Yes. Please! That would be fantastic.” Simon’s face lit up. “I know some gallery owners here in Boston. I could put you in contact with them, if you’re interested.”
“I …” Thad said hoarsely. “I don’t even know what to say. That would be … an honor.”
But Simon laughed. “Oh, believe me. I’m not only doing this out of the kindness of my heart. I love nurturing real artistic talent. And trust me, you have that in spades. Some of the angles you use are …” He shook his head. “Truly spectacular. I really would love to discuss them more with you.”
“Yeah, just give me a call, text, email or whatever,” Thad said with a shrug. “Honestly, even if nothing comes of it, it would be nice to have someone to geek out about photography with.”
Simon grinned. “Let me guess, Graham listens patiently but at least half of what you’re yammering about goes right over his head?”
“Pretty much,” Thad agreed with a laugh.
“Same with Noah.” Simon shot a fond look at his husband. “He tries, but it’s never going to be his thing.”
“Does he pose for you?” Thad asked, curious.
“Yes. But we don’t share most of those with the public.” Simon’s expression was mischievous. Not quite a wink, but almost.
Thad laughed, a little surprised but amused by Simon’s subtle joke. “I understand. I’ve thought about photographing Graham that way. But somehow … it feels too … I don’t know. I don’t have the word for it.”
Personal wasn’t quite right. Private wasn’t either. Even intimate wasn’t.
“Vulnerable?” Simon asked.
“Maybe,” Thad mused, staring across the room and watching Graham laugh about something with Noah.
“More vulnerable for you than for him, maybe?”
“Yeah, you may be onto something,” Thad admitted slowly. “Maybe I hesitate because I don’t know if I can ever adequately capture what I see when I look at him.”
“I get that,” Simon said. “As much as I love photography as a medium, as much as I treasure those photos I do take, I sometimes feel like they’re inadequate. They capture a glimpse of the feeling, but they can never quite show the way my heart leaps when I see him, or the depth of the love I feel.”
“Exactly,” Thad said.
“The good news is,” Simon said leaning in. “Trying, even if you fail, can lead to some wonderful results.”
“On the screen or in bed?” Thad asked, because he couldn’t resist.
“Yes,” Simon agreed with another sly smile. “And that’s all I’ll say about that.”
Later that evening, as Thad and Graham stood outside in the snowy courtyard of Graham’s apartment complex and watched Murphy pace around, nosing through the snow to find a place to pee, Thad looked over at Graham.
“Hey, I need to ask you something.”
“Sure, what is it?”
Graham looked happy and content, and Thad hated to disturb him. But this was too important not to bring up.
“Do you want kids?”
Graham blinked, scrunching up his nose. “Where did that come from? Oh … from seeing me with Noah and Simon’s twins?”
“Yeah. I mean. Twins run in my family, obviously, and it got me thinking.” Really, he’d been thinking about it since Christmas Eve. Since his mom had brought it up.
But tonight had been a big reminder he couldn’t ignore it completely.
“I mean …” Graham shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Thad smiled faintly. “Children weren’t part of your five-year plan?”
“No, actually.” Graham tilted his head as if he was thinking hard about it. “No, love was on the list. Winning a Cup. Honestly, I was kinda ambivalent about everything after though.”
“Hmm,” Thad said thoughtfully. “What about marriage?”
“Honestly? Since dealing with Cory and Brody’s wedding shit, it’s not high on my list,” Graham said. “I mean, I had a great time there but it seems a little … much.”
“Sure,” Thad said. “But not everyone invites 300 people and has hand-engraved invitations.”
“I think it was hand-calligraphy actually,” Graham said. “And I know. There are ways to make it a whole lot less … over-the-top. I … I don’t know. I guess, yeah, I probably assumed I would get married, but I don’t think it’s a huge priority of mine. Why? Do you want to get married?”
“Not really,” Thad admitted. “But right now, I’m not sure if that’s what I actually want or because I never thought it was something I’d have.
Same with kids. Like I think I don’t want them but maybe it’s also because my parents are fucking awful and I have all this shit to still unpack with Harlan and—”
“So, we don’t have to decide anything tonight,” Graham said with a shrug. “Or even this year. You do your work with Harlan, and we’ll figure it out as we go.”
“You’re okay with that? Making it up as we go along? Not having a five-year plan?”
Graham shot him a bright grin. “The moment I met you, having a plan went out the window.”
“Did it though?” Thad asked with a laugh. “I mean, you found love. The team is doing well. You could definitely check off that goal of yours if luck is on your side.”
“Let’s hope,” Graham said, reaching to rap his knuckles against a nearby tree.
He dropped his hand and took Thad’s, his fingers cold as he threaded them together.
“But I guess I’m okay with leaving the rest of my life open to whatever feels right at the time.
Maybe you showed me it’s good for me to …
let life take me by surprise, sometimes. ”
Thad shuddered. “Except for being with you, I can’t say I’m a big fan of the way life’s surprises have worked out for me.”
“Then maybe you need a five-year plan. Like getting a show at one of those galleries Simon mentioned …”
“Maybe,” Thad agreed with a small laugh because he could see Graham already getting excited about the idea.
Whatever he said, he was a planner at heart. But, hey, if he wanted to play some things by ear, Thad was fine with it.
“But I mean it, we don’t have to decide anything today,” Graham pointed out. “Let’s enjoy being together. Let’s focus on the team and us for now and we’ll figure out the rest as we go.”
“I like that,” Thad said, leaning in to kiss Graham’s temple.
Murphy barked sharply and Thad glanced over to see he’d managed to bury himself in a snowdrift.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he said, letting go of Graham’s hand and bending down to dig the dog out.
Murphy came out covered in snow, and when Thad picked him up, he shook, spraying snow all over Thad’s face.
Thad gave Graham an unimpressed look.
Grinning, Graham came over and kissed Thad’s snowy cheek before helping him brush it off. “You love him, and you know it.”
“I know I love you,” Thad shot back. “The rest is debatable.”