7. Thea
7
THEA
My eyes burned as I blinked at the kitchen counter in the early morning light. It was as if my eyelids were made of sandpaper and acid. Not a winning combination.
Moose batted my leg with his paw, letting out a warbled meow.
“You already had breakfast,” I mumbled as I mixed the kittens’ gruel. “This is for the babies.”
Moose hissed in response.
“Such a drama king.”
He was also probably pissed about all the tossing and turning I’d done last night. Between struggling to get to sleep and nightmares where Brendan stood over my bed screaming at me about all my failings, I’d barely cobbled together three hours of shut-eye.
It wouldn’t be the first time. When I first left LA, I’d struggled to sleep at all. I’d braced for Brendan to break down the door of any motel I was at, and once I landed in Sparrow Falls, I’d been sure he’d find me eventually.
Between that and worrying that any person who looked at me for longer than a beat had seen me naked on the internet, I’d been a basket case. The first night I managed a full night’s rest, I’d cried the next morning in sheer relief. And struggling with sleep again sent me catapulting right back to that place.
It didn’t help that I was struggling with a healthy dose of guilt on top of it. I’d seen the hurt in Shep’s eyes when I wouldn’t let him into my house. And his understanding and empathy only made things worse.
Shoving down the image, I carried the two plates to the kitten pen. The four babies were an adorable distraction. They were currently sleeping in a pile, but the moment the scent of food hit their noses, the squeaky meows began.
I lifted them out of the little house two at a time. I put the two tabbies at one plate and set the black with white paws and the gray with a white chest at the other. The little gray girl was smaller, definitely the runt. I stood and watched them for a few minutes, making sure the gray got her share so she’d put on some weight.
Moose put his front paws on the top of the pen to stare down at them, then looked up at me with complete disdain.
My lips twitched. “Don’t worry. I’m taking them with me to work.”
I had one of those little trailers for my bike designed to hold kids, but I hooked a carrier inside. Thankfully, my boss at Bloom was used to having animals of all sorts in his office or behind the counter. Duncan was a good sport and even fed the kittens for Rhodes and me if things got busy.
It didn’t take the babies long to finish their breakfast, and since they were so little, loading them into the carrier was easy. If it had been Moose, I’d be bleeding.
The ride to Bloom was longer than the trip to the bakery, but it was another beautiful day. I loved getting to the nursery before it opened. The sparrows, hummingbirds, and butterflies were out in droves in the quiet.
I heard a door slam as I pulled my bike to a stop near the main building. Rhodes grinned as she walked toward me. “You brought the babies?”
I nodded. “They’re so stinking cute.”
“Gimme!” she demanded.
I laughed as I unhooked the carrier and held it out to Rhodes.
She bent, peeking through the front door and running her finger across the bars. “Hi, babes,” she cooed.
The kittens meowed, and one tried to nip her finger. She chuckled as she pulled her hand back. “The gray one looks underweight.”
“Yeah, I think I might add an extra formula dose for her if she’ll take it.”
“Probably a good idea,” Rhodes agreed, straightening and pulling out her keys. She stilled, taking in my face. “You okay?”
I tried to fight the stiffening in my muscles. “Just didn’t get a great night’s sleep.”
She sent me an empathetic smile. “Kittens keep you up?”
I opened my mouth to agree but couldn’t do it. Lying to Rhodes’ face just felt wrong . I gave my head a little shake. “I’ve got a leak at the house. It’s a shit show.”
“Damn,” she muttered, slipping her key into the lock and then gesturing me inside. “Did you call a plumber yet? Shep could probably help. He’s great with that stuff.”
My stomach twisted as Shep’s face filled my mind. The way those amber eyes had looked at me with such careful gentleness. How the sun caught the auburn undertones in his rich brown hair. The almost pleading tone in his voice for me to let him help.
I swallowed down the guilt. “He was actually there when it exploded. He shut off the main valve for me. I’m gonna head to the library after work to do some research on how to fix it.” I just prayed it was something I could tackle on my own.
Rhodes’ footsteps faltered in the hallway to Duncan’s office. Then she stopped altogether and turned to face me. “You’re going to try to fix it…yourself?”
My spine straightened, a little defensiveness seeping in. “I’ve figured out everything else that needs fixing. ”
“And that’s amazing. But, Thea, this is serious. There was a leak at the Victorian, and it took weeks of restoration to fix.” Rhodes knew all about the ups and downs of renovation since she had Shep and his crew bringing her family’s historic home back to life. But having people in her space wasn’t a trigger for Rhodes.
When I didn’t say anything, she kept pushing. “If mold starts to grow because it wasn’t properly dealt with, you could make yourself really sick. Moose, too.”
She’d gone for the kill shot. I might be willing to risk myself, but not my cat. That overwhelmed feeling settled back over me, a panicky, trapped sensation.
Rhodes’ gaze roamed over my face. “Shep’ll help. I promise.”
I shook my head quickly. “No.” The last thing I wanted was for him to do me any more favors. And being in close proximity to him wasn’t something I could risk. “He’s done enough. I’ll look up some other local companies.”
Rhodes frowned at me. “There’s really only one other construction and restoration company in town, and their work isn’t as good as Shep’s. Plus, the owners are jerks of epic proportions.”
No one’s work was as good as Shep’s. I’d seen the Colson Construction sign in front of new builds and restoration projects alike. They all had one thing in common: They were absolutely gorgeous.
The styles were endless. Everything from modern to Craftsman, but always blending the old with the new flawlessly and effortlessly in a way that made it one cohesive vision. But I’d looked up the price tags of his creations, and they’d never even be in the ballpark of possibility for me.
“I don’t need fancy, Rho. I just need functional.”
Her lips pressed together. “Thea?—”
“I’ll be fine. I promise.”
Pulling to a stop in front of the brick building at the north end of town, I swung a leg over my bike and climbed off. It was one of the places in town with a quaint storefront below and a couple of offices above. The shop on the ground level was one I’d ogled countless times as it housed shabby-chic furniture with a rustic edge.
But I wasn’t there to browse. Today, I needed my lunch hour to see what Castle Rock Construction would charge to look at my leak. I’d spent the entire ride over, convincing myself it would be okay. I could watch whoever they sent like a hawk. If I employed a company instead of accepting a favor from a friend’s brother, things would go faster.
And, most importantly, I wouldn’t have to be so close to Shep. I wouldn’t have to see the gentle pity on his face. Feel the pull of attraction. I wouldn’t have to worry that he saw far too much.
For all those reasons, I could do this. My heart hammered as I looked down at myself and winced. I quickly tried to brush off the dirt streaked across my Bloom & Berry tee. I also had some on my khaki shorts, but at least that blended.
When I got most of it off, I looked up at the glass-fronted doors. A list of companies was painted in a delicate serif font on the front. My gaze zeroed in on the construction company, and I swallowed hard.
I could do this.
I repeated that to myself over and over as I opened the door and headed inside. Logically, I knew the chances of some other douchebag trying to plant cameras in my house were slim to none, but my brain just couldn’t convince my body of that.
Whenever I thought about having someone over—even someone I trusted like Sutton or Rhodes—my hands got clammy, and my heart raced. Then everything came flooding back. The intimate images of me strewn across the internet. How a photo of me had been listed on an escort site with my phone number alongside it for booking . And I just couldn’t do it.
But now, I didn’t have a choice. I reminded myself of that as I climbed the stairs to a landing. There were four different doors and a few couches set up in case people needed to wait. I walked past an accountant’s office, then a law firm, before reaching Castle Rock Construction.
My hand hovered just over the door handle. In one swift move, I pushed down before I could talk myself out of it.
As I stepped inside, a woman behind the desk looked up, a hint of surprise in her eyes—an emotion I was sure was echoed in mine.
“Raina.”
She gave me a tentative smile. “Hi, Thea.”
“I didn’t know you worked here.”
She nodded. “Yeah, it’s my?—”
“Hey, sweetcheeks, can you get me—?” The man’s voice cut off as he stepped out of an office, gaze roaming over me. “You didn’t say we had a client.”
I didn’t miss the reproach in his tone. It wasn’t loud—most people would’ve missed it—but I was used to watching for the warnings of what was to come. I was familiar with walking on eggshells and constantly looking for any signs of unhappiness from my partner. So, I heard it loud and clear.
Raina did, too. Her face paled. “I’m sorry, Russ. She just walked through the door.”
I forced a smile, even though my skin felt too tight, and the urge to bolt was strong. “I was just saying hi to Raina since I know her from the bakery.”
Russ seemed to mull that over. “Never understood why my wife needs to go there when we got hot water here.”
His wife. I struggled not to look at Raina, especially the bruise I knew hid beneath her concealer. Instead, I pushed my smile wider. “Guess you’ve never had one of our pastries, then.”
His gaze lowered from my face to my chest. “Might just have to remedy that.”
Gross.
“So,” he continued, “what can we do for you today?”
The idea of having this man in my house turned my stomach, but if he was in the office, chances were, he wasn’t one of the laborers. Sucking in a breath, I forced myself to push on. “I discovered a leak at my house. I’m not sure where it’s coming from, but the floor in the guest bathroom is affected. And the main pipe leading to the house. I wanted to see what you guys would charge to take a look.”
Russ let out a low whistle. “Leaks do a lot of damage. Won’t know what we’re dealing with till we get out there. Typically, a consult is two fifty, but…” His gaze roamed over me. “Might be willing to give you a discount, seeing as you’re a friend of Raina’s.”
The man didn’t hide the way his eyes lingered on my bare legs. The urge to cross them or find a piece of furniture to stand behind was strong. This time, I couldn’t help but glance at Raina. It was only for a split second, but I saw that her eyes were downcast, her cheeks burning.
“And since you’re a friend, I’ll come out and do the consult myself.” His barrel chest puffed up. “Not many get one of the owners coming out.”
My gaze snapped back to him. That would be a hell-freaking-no for me. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth, suddenly thick as if I were having an allergic reaction. I swallowed, trying to get my words out while keeping my voice steady. “Thank you so much. I have a couple of other people to talk to, but I’ll let you know.”
Russ’s eyes narrowed. “Who else you talkin’ to?”
What was this, the gang warfare of construction?
“Clear Choice Plumbing and, um, Colson Construction.” I wasn’t sure why I stumbled over Shep’s company’s name or why I’d shared it at all. I guessed I was desperate for a backup.
The lines of strain deepened around Russ’s mouth. “Clear Choice does good work, but they’d only be able to help with the leak, not the restoration.”
I made a humming noise, not agreeing or disagreeing.
“And you should only use Colson if you want to get taken for a ride. They’ll upcharge you on every little thing. It’s a miracle they haven’t been taken to court for fraud. Plus, the owner’s a prick.”
I stiffened at that. Shep was a lot of things. Pushy. Interfering. Too charming for his own good. But the last thing I could see him doing was taking advantage of anyone. Rhodes had told me that he donated his and his crew’s time to the local Habitat for Humanity organization each month. Meaning he ate his crew’s salaries for those days just to help other people.
“I don’t happen to share your opinion on that, but I appreciate you letting me know your thoughts. I’ll be in touch if I think we’re a fit for the job. Thanks for the information.” I turned to Raina and waited until she met my eyes. “Hope to see you tomorrow.”
She nodded quickly but did it glancing at her husband as if for approval. “You have a good day.”
I dashed for the door before good ole Russ could stop me. And I kept right on going, getting on my bike and taking off back to Bloom. I made the trek in record time, a mixture of anxiety, anger, and annoyance fueling my muscles.
I was more certain than ever that Raina was in a bad situation. At best, her husband was an asshole. At worst? She was living a nightmare.
That thought turned my stomach as I swung off my bike.
Rhodes strode across the lot, carrying two massive, purple coneflower plants. “Where’d you go?”
A scowl rose to my lips without me even meaning to make the move. “Castle Rock Construction. You were right. The owner’s a jerk.”
Concern swept over Rhodes’ face. “Which douche canoe did you get, Bob or Russ?”
“Russ,” I grumbled.
“Let me guess. He hit on you while telling you he’d charge a million dollars to fix your problem.”
“I should’ve listened to you.”
Rhodes set the plants in the new display she was clearly in the middle of creating. “Normally, I would relish that sort of admission. But I’m sorry you had to deal with his assholery on an already crappy day.”
I sighed. “What’s his deal? I know Raina from the bakery…” My words trailed off as I saw something pass over Rhodes’ face. “What?” I pressed.
She shook her head. “I don’t know for sure. All I do know is that Trace has been out to their house a few times. Calls from neighbors about yelling.”
The sick feeling in my stomach intensified. Trace was Rhodes’ eldest brother, who also happened to be the sheriff of our county. “She ever report Russ for anything?” I asked.
Rhodes shook her head. “Not once. The only thing Trace has ever been able to get him on is drunk and disorderly.”
“I don’t have a good feeling,” I said quietly.
Rhodes reached out and squeezed my arm, her expression full of empathy. “Me either. But I also know you can’t make someone ask for help.”
God, did I know that. Nikki had gotten a bad feeling about my relationship with Brendan. She’d asked careful, gentle questions. And I’d lied like my life depended on it. It wasn’t until after he’d ruined me that I told her most of it. But even then, I hadn’t been able to tell her everything.
My vision went hazy, a mixture of the past and present colliding. “I wish there was something we could do.”
“You’re a good human, Thea.”
Rhodes came back into focus in front of me, and I shook my head. “I’m a mess.”
She grinned. “All the best people are.”
Maybe she was right.
Rhodes drummed her fingers on her thigh. “So, can I ask Shep to help you?”
My stomach bottomed out at the hope in her eyes. “I don’t know, Rho. It feels like taking advantage, and?—”
Her hand snaked out, taking mine quickly and squeezing my fingers. “I think he needs this.”
I frowned at her in confusion. “Needs to fix my leak?”
“Needs to feel like he’s helping you.” Rhodes dropped my hand and ran hers through her dark locks. “Not you . Someone. Anyone. ”
There was a slight desperation to Rhodes’ words, which put me on edge. “Is everything okay?”
She shook her head and looked out over the nursery, but her eyes weren’t truly focused. “He blames himself for what happened to me.”
Something lit along my sternum, a twitchy sensation that made me want to shift in place. Rhodes had been through hell on Earth at the hands of a serial killer, and while we didn’t talk about it, I knew she carried scars—both physical and emotional.
“Why would he blame himself for something a monster did?” I asked, pitching my voice low.
Rhodes scrubbed a hand over her face as if the fatigue from all that had happened was just now hitting her. “Because he hired Silas. Worked with him for years. Shep thinks it’s his fault Silas had access to me.”
The twitchy feeling inside me twisted into an ache. For Shep. It fit. The way he seemed to take on everything around him…of course, he would take this on, too. I swallowed hard, thinking about my blindness to a different monster. “We can’t always see a person’s capacity for evil. But that doesn’t make us culpable. It just means we see the good in those around us.”
I’d lost some of that along the way. Now, I looked for the darkness and not the light. And I’d hurt Shep by doing so. His face flashed in my mind, his stubbled, angular jaw and wounded, amber eyes.
As I blinked the picture away, I found Rhodes staring at me. There was curiosity in her gaze and a hint of worry, but she didn’t open her mouth to push.
“You can ask him to help me,” I said.
Rhodes’ entire face lit up. “Thank you. Seriously. I really think he needs this.”
“I’ll pay him, though,” I stressed. “I know there’ll be no arguing with him cutting me a deal, but he’s not working for free.”
Rhodes chuckled. “You already know him too well. ”
And how was that? A handful of conversations that were only seconds long. Watching him from afar. Hearing Rhodes’ stories.
Yet I knew the walls I’d built to keep everyone out, the ones that kept me safe, would have to be reinforced three times over with him. Not because Shep would set out to do me harm but because I sensed he had the power to slip right through my barriers.